My manager is leaving. How do I ask her to be my future job reference?
March 27, 2017 4:05 PM Subscribe
My current direct supervisor is retiring. I don't know her socially at all, though I've liked her a lot as a manager. How can I politely express / request something like this: "Bye, I'll miss you as a boss, please be my reference for future hypothetical job searching, also I need your contact info because I don't know anything about you and you're not on social media." Help?
It would not be an unusual request and she should take it in stride. You might ask for a generalized letter of reference now, if she has the time. She might ask you to prepare a first draft so she won't have to look up all your employment details.
posted by JimN2TAW at 4:20 PM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by JimN2TAW at 4:20 PM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
Nobody in my industry (west coast tech) would want to see a letter of recommendation. What you need is her phone number and/or e-mail address. This is not a weird request. Just come by her office and say "Phyllis, I'll miss you so much, you've been such a wonderful (mentor/manager/whatever) to me. Would you be willing to share your personal email address with me so I can get in touch with you when it's time to ask for a reference on my work here?"
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:33 PM on March 27, 2017 [21 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:33 PM on March 27, 2017 [21 favorites]
Best answer: Having a great letter of recommendation from my former boss has DEFINITELY helped me in job searches (I'm a librarian) so without knowing your field, I would not dismiss that option.
Asking for both contact info and a letter is great, but if you feel like you can't ask too much of her, it really is no big deal to ask her for contact info for future job searches. Just say, "I'm thinking I may want to look around in the future, would it be OK if I used you as a reference?" and when she says yes, just say, "Great, thank you! Just email me your contact info when you get a chance. I really appreciate it."
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:41 PM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Asking for both contact info and a letter is great, but if you feel like you can't ask too much of her, it really is no big deal to ask her for contact info for future job searches. Just say, "I'm thinking I may want to look around in the future, would it be OK if I used you as a reference?" and when she says yes, just say, "Great, thank you! Just email me your contact info when you get a chance. I really appreciate it."
posted by rabbitrabbit at 4:41 PM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Just a procedural tip: if someone emails their personal info to your work address, immediately reply back from your personal address so that you don't have to worry about losing contact information if your company account goes away unexpectedly (eg a layoff). It also takes any potential conflict of interest out of your company correspondence. Also, stuff like this is what LinkedIn is made for, although personal responsiveness to LinkedIn might vary, especially for a retiree. Still, not a bad overture to make that this time - very appropriate, actually.
posted by handful of rain at 5:20 PM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by handful of rain at 5:20 PM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]
A Linkedin letter of rec is more impactful in my industry than a written private one. It's standard to be asked to write one when transitioning - wouldn't sweat the request too much. If she says yes, I would also highlight key accomplishments and things to mention - makes her job easier!
posted by pando11 at 5:45 PM on March 27, 2017
posted by pando11 at 5:45 PM on March 27, 2017
I wouldn't ask this in writing. I'd ask, if possible, in person or over the phone, using more or less the script you wrote. You don't have to be anxious about this request--it's a common, expected one, and potentially even a bit of a compliment (it is in my field).
Seconding others who've said a letter of recommendation now might not be helpful. In my industry (scientific research and regulatory policy), references are called as a last step in the hiring process. I've never so much as looked at a letter of recommendation that was given in advance.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 5:49 PM on March 27, 2017
Seconding others who've said a letter of recommendation now might not be helpful. In my industry (scientific research and regulatory policy), references are called as a last step in the hiring process. I've never so much as looked at a letter of recommendation that was given in advance.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 5:49 PM on March 27, 2017
I got _fired_ from a job, thanks to my own self-sabotage, and soon after the event asked my to-be-former boss if I could use him as a reference and for a letter. Since he had always liked and respected me, and I had done a really good job until the rough patch that led to me getting shitcanned, he gladly agreed, and wrote me a pretty nice letter. Don't be afraid to ask; your supervisor will at least agree and at best be very flattered by your request.
posted by old_growler at 8:02 PM on March 27, 2017
posted by old_growler at 8:02 PM on March 27, 2017
Response by poster: This manager is not on ANY social media, including LinkedIn. She's been here a long time, hence the retirement.
We do both work for a library, which may or may not be in my future career plans. (I like books, social justice, history, and the arts! I like gainful employment with a living wage and/or employee benefits! I am open to career suggestions because I have no idea! But that's probably another AskMe question.)
posted by nicebookrack at 8:33 PM on March 27, 2017
We do both work for a library, which may or may not be in my future career plans. (I like books, social justice, history, and the arts! I like gainful employment with a living wage and/or employee benefits! I am open to career suggestions because I have no idea! But that's probably another AskMe question.)
posted by nicebookrack at 8:33 PM on March 27, 2017
This is secondary to the question (and you might already know this), but if you do ask for her contact information and she provides it for you, down the line when you need to use her as a reference, I would contact her before you list her as a reference as a reminder and a double-check.
posted by czytm at 5:45 AM on March 28, 2017
posted by czytm at 5:45 AM on March 28, 2017
You seem to be worried that it will be awkward to ask for her contact info given that she's not on social media. The thing is, since she's not on social media, she probably has no interest in talking about social media, and there's no reason to bring up something she doesn't do. Simply ask for her contact info. That would be appropriate even if she were on social media (since you never know when someone will delete their account), so it's even more appropriate since you know she isn't on social media. Just don't explain any of that to her!
posted by John Cohen at 12:10 PM on March 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by John Cohen at 12:10 PM on March 28, 2017 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Good news: Today I asked Manager in person about being a future reference, using a modified version of rabbitrabbit's script.
Bad news, maybe: Manager reacted...kinda awkwardly, with a pause and uncertain laughter, as if caught off-guard. I don't know: was she just not expecting the question? was she frantically thinking up a polite deflection for why she'd never recommend me ever because I'm actually terrible? does she hate getting reference request calls? did she think I meant I wanted her to serve as a reference immediately? is there a company policy forbidding giving recommendations that I don't know about? I don't know.
Anyway, I gave her a paper with my contact info and said something like she could contact me if she felt comfortable, but I totally understood if she didn't, and either way I appreciate her considering it. Then I walked away before I cracked. And now I'm sitting through the rest of work trying not to cry.
I had a bad experience at my first job years ago, when a former manager who I thought valued me refused point-blank to provide me with a reference. Since then for me asking for references has been one of the most anxiety-inducing parts of the already-stressful job search process. This stuff makes me paranoid that I'm poorly assessing my own work performance, or that I mistakenly assume bosses that I like as professionals also like me.
Manager technically didn't say no yet, and I'm still glad I asked, because I would've kicked myself if never worked up the nerve to ask while Manager is still readily available at work. But in the meantime, this is an awful feeling.
posted by nicebookrack at 5:20 PM on March 29, 2017
Bad news, maybe: Manager reacted...kinda awkwardly, with a pause and uncertain laughter, as if caught off-guard. I don't know: was she just not expecting the question? was she frantically thinking up a polite deflection for why she'd never recommend me ever because I'm actually terrible? does she hate getting reference request calls? did she think I meant I wanted her to serve as a reference immediately? is there a company policy forbidding giving recommendations that I don't know about? I don't know.
Anyway, I gave her a paper with my contact info and said something like she could contact me if she felt comfortable, but I totally understood if she didn't, and either way I appreciate her considering it. Then I walked away before I cracked. And now I'm sitting through the rest of work trying not to cry.
I had a bad experience at my first job years ago, when a former manager who I thought valued me refused point-blank to provide me with a reference. Since then for me asking for references has been one of the most anxiety-inducing parts of the already-stressful job search process. This stuff makes me paranoid that I'm poorly assessing my own work performance, or that I mistakenly assume bosses that I like as professionals also like me.
Manager technically didn't say no yet, and I'm still glad I asked, because I would've kicked myself if never worked up the nerve to ask while Manager is still readily available at work. But in the meantime, this is an awful feeling.
posted by nicebookrack at 5:20 PM on March 29, 2017
Best answer: Oh crap, I'm so sorry you got burned a second time :/ Yeah, I wouldn't count on her for a reference, unfortunately.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:06 PM on March 29, 2017
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:06 PM on March 29, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:07 PM on March 27, 2017 [17 favorites]