Posttraumatic growth?
March 27, 2017 5:28 AM Subscribe
Hi there, I'm still cry on a weekly basis over some traumatic events that happened two years ago. Does anyone know how traumatic emotional damage ends?
Hi there!
I have a history of depression/anxiety, and I have a few very sensitive emotional hot spots (e.g. I get SUPER freaked out if someone breaches my trust).
About three years ago, my trust got breached, quite a few times in a row, and then I had to do exams (and kept getting flashbacks of another traumatic event in my life). Some of this was self-inflicted, I think. I didn't communicate how I felt (because I was ashamed of how messy and overreacting I was back then) and there were red flags but I just tried to look past them, partly because of low self-esteem and feeling unworthy of better treatment, and partly because of that naivete / delusional hopeful thing that young people do. I cried most of every day that year, and since then things have gotten better and worse, but I still cry a lot, sometimes at inconvenient times, sometimes in public. Sometimes I still get mental images and I hear internal screaming and I start crying... This is such a crappy way to live, but I don't know how to deal with these symptoms.
I feel that I am overreacting by most people's standards, and I do what I can to feel better - I exercise, take medication and speak to a therapist. I've given life a lot thought and have clear defined goals, and I have read a million articles on the internet trying to understand my emotions. I have analyzed everything from a number of different angles looking for the truth. But nothing has helped permanently. I'm exhausted, and I don't know what to do now. I want to move on and be free!! But my brain just will not let me. What do I do now? Do I just live my life while I wait for the waves of anxiety/pain to just wash over me the next 500 times and hope that one day it stops?
Does anyone have stories about recovering from trauma/post-traumatic growth, or how to interpret these intense emotions? I would really appreciate your help! Thank you!
Hi there!
I have a history of depression/anxiety, and I have a few very sensitive emotional hot spots (e.g. I get SUPER freaked out if someone breaches my trust).
About three years ago, my trust got breached, quite a few times in a row, and then I had to do exams (and kept getting flashbacks of another traumatic event in my life). Some of this was self-inflicted, I think. I didn't communicate how I felt (because I was ashamed of how messy and overreacting I was back then) and there were red flags but I just tried to look past them, partly because of low self-esteem and feeling unworthy of better treatment, and partly because of that naivete / delusional hopeful thing that young people do. I cried most of every day that year, and since then things have gotten better and worse, but I still cry a lot, sometimes at inconvenient times, sometimes in public. Sometimes I still get mental images and I hear internal screaming and I start crying... This is such a crappy way to live, but I don't know how to deal with these symptoms.
I feel that I am overreacting by most people's standards, and I do what I can to feel better - I exercise, take medication and speak to a therapist. I've given life a lot thought and have clear defined goals, and I have read a million articles on the internet trying to understand my emotions. I have analyzed everything from a number of different angles looking for the truth. But nothing has helped permanently. I'm exhausted, and I don't know what to do now. I want to move on and be free!! But my brain just will not let me. What do I do now? Do I just live my life while I wait for the waves of anxiety/pain to just wash over me the next 500 times and hope that one day it stops?
Does anyone have stories about recovering from trauma/post-traumatic growth, or how to interpret these intense emotions? I would really appreciate your help! Thank you!
I agree that it sounds like the type of therapy is not working for you. I wouldn't characterize what is happening to you as "overreacting" but I personally and people I know have been able to address traumatic incidents more effectively than it sounds like you have been able to yet.
The internal screaming sounds like it could be dissociative, which is a whole kettle of fish but would lead me to ask if you think that you might have trauma in your childhood. On the other hand, it also suggests OCD or anxiety to me, which you might need pharmacological help with. I think you need a therapist &/or psychiatrist or doctor who are committed to helping you change this by exploring a range of possibility rather than re-analyzing your emotions over and over.
As a PTSD sufferer, I have found there are a lot of different stages of recovery and part of the trick is finding the right help for each stage. There's a stage to understand what's happening (if the voices are really full-fledged internal voices, that might be where you're at), a stage to gain tools to get through the day, a stage to learn to respond to the present in the present and not to be triggered all the time, and a stage to discover how to thrive. For me those stages were basically:
a) medical help
b) talk therapy + growing a toolkit similar to DBT
c) putting myself out there in the world to have new experiences good and bad and learning that feelings are just that, they are not facts (which was weirdly at odds with learning that my feelings about the _past_ were credible)
d) really get into my body and start to deal with all the results of the hormonal stew I had lived in for decades.
Everyone's journey is different but it sounds to me you're somewhere either in a), you don't have the right orientation towards the kind of care you need, or b) you're not getting the tools you need.
I do suggest living your life all the time regardless. :)
posted by warriorqueen at 7:19 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
The internal screaming sounds like it could be dissociative, which is a whole kettle of fish but would lead me to ask if you think that you might have trauma in your childhood. On the other hand, it also suggests OCD or anxiety to me, which you might need pharmacological help with. I think you need a therapist &/or psychiatrist or doctor who are committed to helping you change this by exploring a range of possibility rather than re-analyzing your emotions over and over.
As a PTSD sufferer, I have found there are a lot of different stages of recovery and part of the trick is finding the right help for each stage. There's a stage to understand what's happening (if the voices are really full-fledged internal voices, that might be where you're at), a stage to gain tools to get through the day, a stage to learn to respond to the present in the present and not to be triggered all the time, and a stage to discover how to thrive. For me those stages were basically:
a) medical help
b) talk therapy + growing a toolkit similar to DBT
c) putting myself out there in the world to have new experiences good and bad and learning that feelings are just that, they are not facts (which was weirdly at odds with learning that my feelings about the _past_ were credible)
d) really get into my body and start to deal with all the results of the hormonal stew I had lived in for decades.
Everyone's journey is different but it sounds to me you're somewhere either in a), you don't have the right orientation towards the kind of care you need, or b) you're not getting the tools you need.
I do suggest living your life all the time regardless. :)
posted by warriorqueen at 7:19 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'd suggest seeing if there's a somatic experiencing practitioner in your area. This is a type of body-based psychotherapy that focuses on trauma. You can look for a practitioner here.
posted by FencingGal at 9:42 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by FencingGal at 9:42 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
A few years ago, I had to create a letting go ritual, a one time thing, for a specific mindset. I encouraged a friend to do the same, because I could not go walking with her anymore and listen to her disappointment over her husband losing some of their money, that went on way too long, and was ruining what ever recoupment the walking was doing.
So she had a funeral for her money, she got a small wooden box, lined it with fluff, like a little coffin, cut up a dollar, and put George Washington's head on a little pillow. We had the funeral, buried the tiny coffin, and I never heard about the money again, out walking.
I found a phallic rock, and put it in a location where I could see it out walking if I wanted to, but resolved to ignore it forever more. A year later I looked and had a laugh, seeing it was still there, but my sentiment was no longer acute. In that same time, I got a little piece of wood, and put another rock on it, bound it on, and set the wood afloat on the stream where I walked, and I also never thought about that worry again. It took resolve. I also read Candace Pert's, "The Molecules of Emotion." Some things in her style were irritating to me, but having a clinical description of the chemistry of emotion and pattern building, and pattern deconstructing, helped me to understand the addictive nature of feeling, and the negative effect it can have if allowed to run with out some self awareness, or sweet self management.
posted by Oyéah at 11:10 AM on March 27, 2017
So she had a funeral for her money, she got a small wooden box, lined it with fluff, like a little coffin, cut up a dollar, and put George Washington's head on a little pillow. We had the funeral, buried the tiny coffin, and I never heard about the money again, out walking.
I found a phallic rock, and put it in a location where I could see it out walking if I wanted to, but resolved to ignore it forever more. A year later I looked and had a laugh, seeing it was still there, but my sentiment was no longer acute. In that same time, I got a little piece of wood, and put another rock on it, bound it on, and set the wood afloat on the stream where I walked, and I also never thought about that worry again. It took resolve. I also read Candace Pert's, "The Molecules of Emotion." Some things in her style were irritating to me, but having a clinical description of the chemistry of emotion and pattern building, and pattern deconstructing, helped me to understand the addictive nature of feeling, and the negative effect it can have if allowed to run with out some self awareness, or sweet self management.
posted by Oyéah at 11:10 AM on March 27, 2017
EMDR from a well-liked/reviewed psychologist is a good option. It's time consuming and sometimes you get a dud therapist, but when it works it can help a lot.
I've done EMDR twice now(each for different events)and while one time it was a total disaster, the other time made it seem all worth it as I noticed a great reduction in physical symptoms and nightmares after treatment.
It's something to consider at the very least.
posted by InkDrinker at 12:13 PM on March 27, 2017
I've done EMDR twice now(each for different events)and while one time it was a total disaster, the other time made it seem all worth it as I noticed a great reduction in physical symptoms and nightmares after treatment.
It's something to consider at the very least.
posted by InkDrinker at 12:13 PM on March 27, 2017
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posted by Sequence at 5:43 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]