The road to hell is paved with good intentions
March 25, 2017 5:23 PM   Subscribe

I am sick to my stomach about this and so stressed out. How to get rid of someone that was supposed to stay temporarily? I thought I was helping a friend out and it seems that no matter how well-intentioned, this situation has turned into something crappy. I am done feeling used and I need to know what is the best route to extricate myself from this mess I got myself into

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. This is a huge mess and I don't plan on living with anyone ever again unless I get married. I thought this would be a temporary situation helping L get on their feet as they were starting a new job with the plan to get their own place. I thought I could save some money but I obviously wasn't thinking and let an old crush take the better of me. This situation has taken a turn for the worse. I let L move in and so far they owe me $2000 in unpaid rent. I have done the best I can to be a good roommate and a good friend, but a few weeks after L moved in, their car was having issues. At the time I thought I could give L a ride until they are able to get their car fixed. But after a while it was too stressful to keep giving L rides so I let them use my old car that I kept at my parent's garage. It was supposed to be for a few weeks until they could pay to get their car fixed. Unfortunately, it's been months and I have been paying insurance on my old car while L keeps telling me they can't give me the full monthly rent because they are saving up to get their car fixed. To this day it's still not fixed. Again, my mistake for letting it go on this long, but it was a lose/lose situation. Either they didn't pay the rent or they wouldn't have enough to get the car fixed.

How did I get myself into this mess. Not only does L barely pay rent, but when L has a stressful day at work, the go-to in relieving that stress has now become yelling and screaming at me. At the drop of a hat L will argue and yell at me about literally anything. I have asked L for months to take their cat and dog to the vet as they both have fleas and if I mention it, L blows up at me. If I mention that the next paycheck I'm going to need a certain amount to pay a specific bill, they scream that they are giving me as much as they can. If I ask L to clean up a bit, they fight with me saying that they are stressed out with their job and too tired to clean up. Saying they will when they can but have to unwind and get out of work mode first. This usually means going on facebook, playing phone games or holing up in the bathroom for hours at a time.

I don't even care about the money anymore. I am so stressed I don't even want to be around L or be at my apartment. I find myself coming up with excuses to avoid being there for fear that L will try to have a conversation with me like everything is fine and normal or scream at me. The eggshells! I am thinking about breaking the lease and asking L to move out. I don't know how much notice I should give or am legally required to because technically L is not on the lease. Seeing as they were supposed to get their own place and this was supposed to be temporary. They have mentioned going back to live with their parents before and that the parents can pay for a moving van if need be. I am trying to be as understanding as possible but I am miserable and it seems like they are free-loading off of me. All I can think about is that I am being taken advantage of instead of helping like I tried to do initially.

I live in Florida and I'm not sure about the tenant laws here, but if they are not on the lease (but do get mail here), can I ask them to leave and if they don't want to, just turn the keys in to the office and vacate the apartment? Can I pack up their stuff and take them to a family member's house and ask them to go there instead? I don't want to call the cops or anything or have to take the pets to an animal shelter but if L refuses to leave, what recourse do I have other than stew and suffer my own bad choices? I can afford to break the lease and let bygones be bygones but I can't afford to move out and keep paying the rent for months until they can leave. My lease doesn't end until September. Hope me please: nolightbrightblueeyes@gmail.com
posted by Zeratul to Human Relations (23 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
First of all, cut as many of your losses as possible. Ask L to move out (in writing? with a friend in the apartment?). They will probably tell you no, but at least it will be there. Can you just take away the keys to the car you loaned L? (Most apartments are on the bus line. Public transit sucks. Many people have suffered through it.)

Don't try to be understanding here. Call the police if you have to. Can you ask in advance if a family member could take the pets if L were to move out?
posted by steady-state strawberry at 5:35 PM on March 25, 2017 [7 favorites]


Why are you thinking about moving out of the apartment that you signed a lease on? You're essentially letting your "friend" have an extended sleepover. Why would they end up driving you out of your home? That makes no sense.

I don't know the specifics around the legality of this situation, but if L truly refuses to leave, I see no reason to get the police involved. L has no legal rights here--again, it's basically an extended sleepover at YOUR place.

Get everything in writing if possible--you'll likely need to take L to small claims court to get the money. And talk to your landlord. But for the love of God, please don't just move out. This is your place and you're paying for it. Unless I'm misunderstanding something, why on Earth would you need to break the lease? Just make them leave.
posted by Amy93 at 5:43 PM on March 25, 2017 [3 favorites]


What happened with the drug situation in the question you linked? I'd tell them you're going to call the police and report them if they don't leave.
posted by AFABulous at 5:48 PM on March 25, 2017 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I'd tell L I want him/her to move out by April 1st and insist on getting the car keys back immediately. If s/he refuses to move out, I'd take a day off from work, have the locks changed, pack up his/her stuff, take it and the pets to L's family's member's place, and then call L and tell him/her she doesn't live with you anymore. L isn't really a roommate who would have legal rights but a friend who's been staying with you temporarily and not chipping in as agreed. If s/he tries to take legal action against you (which may not even be possible), you can take counter measures to recover the $2000 s/he owes you and also argue that there was verbal abuse, so L probably won't bother.
posted by orange swan at 5:49 PM on March 25, 2017 [19 favorites]


I don't know about FL landlord/tenant law but if you do decide to quit your apartment and leave L for your landlord to deal with, talk to a lawyer first. In some jurisdictions, L would have squatter's rights after 30 days and I'm willing to bet that your landlord would come after you for the fees and costs of evicting L. If you can't intimidate L into leaving by yourself or with friends, a call to a lawyer could shed light on your rights.
posted by janey47 at 5:58 PM on March 25, 2017 [14 favorites]


Just a warning about something I've learned from hanging out with lawyers: even if this person hasn't been paying rent steadily, she has been living with you for long enough that she may have legal rights when it comes to staying with you. So it's possible that packing up her stuff, taking her key, throwing her out, and changing the locks (as has been suggested in this thread) would count as an illegal eviction. She might not know the laws, but if she does, you could get screwed.

So I would look for legal aid services in your area and talk to them or a tenant's rights organization before making any other decisions. I don't think you have to break your lease to get rid of this person, but it might take you at least 30 more days to get her officially and legally out of there. That is definitely a hassle, but in the grand scheme of things, it might be easier to do that than to try and break your lease and move.
posted by colfax at 6:13 PM on March 25, 2017 [26 favorites]


It is really important to check into L's (potential) legal rights as a tenant/occupant. I would suggest consulting a lawyer whether or not you intend to move out, as in some jurisdictions they may have tenant rights and there may be a specific procedure you need to follow.

A lawyer knowledgeable about tenancy situations in your location is likely the best person to answer your questions.
posted by Verba Volant at 6:21 PM on March 25, 2017 [6 favorites]


I worked as a rent collector for a while and everything is governed by the terms of your lease. Read it closely to see how you vacate and the terms of vacating and requirements. Because 99 times out of 100, the only way to get out of a lease and not owe anything is if it's a threat to human safety or something. I talked to people daily that did the "oh I just gave them the keys and moved out so it should be fine??" thing and, nope, it wasn't.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 6:23 PM on March 25, 2017 [1 favorite]


Best answer: A couple of thoughts...

I think a consultation with an attorney versed in Florida landlord tenant relations will be worth your while to ensure that you do this legally. You can also have the attorney write the eviction letter.

Consider stowing anything you care about elsewhere beforehand, especially small valuable stuff like jewelry, before the SHTF.

Secure the car before you announce that L must be gone by 4/1/17 or whatever the earliest date is that's legal. Concoct a reason why you need the car and get the keys from L. If that fails and you have another set of keys, just take it and stash it somewhere safe where L can't find it, whether that's your parents' garage, a parking ramp or a storage unit. Otherwise L will storm out after your confrontation with the car, possibly intending to live in it.

If you're really worried about what L will do, ask the attorney if it might be worthwhile to hire an off-duty police officer to be your witness. If that's overkill, consider using your sister as the witness when you tell L that he/she is no longer welcome after 3/31/17 since they seem to have a good relationship.

If L lets the eviction date pass without leaving, don't get embroiled in the family; hire somebody else to deliver the boxes. Ask the attorney if you need to make an inventory or take photographs of what you pack in case L accuses you of theft later.

The $2000 is likely uncollectable without going to small claims court. That said, you can use that threat as a bargaining chip to get L to leave quickly and quietly.

Regarding the pets, I'm afraid you're going to have to take them to a shelter if L's family won't take them. Don't decide to be nice and keep them for awhile--that just maintains ties with L. Ask your sister to take the pets to the family.

Good luck, and don't beat yourself up about this; you're a kind and generous person and L is a sponge at best.
posted by carmicha at 6:28 PM on March 25, 2017 [29 favorites]


"I have asked L for months to take their cat and dog to the vet as they both have fleas and if I mention it, L blows up at me." Not a solution to your problem but it's probably awful for them to live that way and if you can afford a few bucks and a little time it would make a world of difference. I've done the whole drive to the store and buy flea products for animals that weren't mine before.

More to your question, you really have to take a stand. "It's time for you to leave." Have you actually said that yet? IANAL but I imagine that regardless of how this turns out someone is going to ask when you said that. The sooner the better. And probably not a "if you don't pay this you have to leave" but more a "you have to leave" kind of deal. On preview, step three from kevinbelt. Absolutely step three.
posted by one4themoment at 6:32 PM on March 25, 2017 [2 favorites]


Whatever e-mails, texts, or other communications you have with L agreeing to either pay rent or move out by a certain time, get those backed up and/or compiled together.

When you contact legal aid, you can include that in your case. Any kind of agreement you and L made is a kind of contract, and could make it clearer how much money L owes you or what kind of case you have for cleanly getting L to leave.
posted by amtho at 6:33 PM on March 25, 2017 [3 favorites]


Definitely tell them you need the car keys back immediately. (I wouldn't cancel insurance, in case they decide to wreck the car in retribution.) If they refuse to return the keys, talk to the police and/or a lawyer; I believe that in some jurisdictions this would be considered felony theft. (IANAL)
posted by belladonna at 6:38 PM on March 25, 2017 [2 favorites]


note: you're probably in violation of your lease by having a tenant there for that long, so be careful what you say to the landlord. Every lease I've had has specified that if I have a house guest for more than two weeks, the landlord must be notified and the person also has to be on the lease.
posted by AFABulous at 6:47 PM on March 25, 2017 [9 favorites]


Look, in the worst case scenario you will have to deal with eviction notices, and the sheriff, and the landlord and maybe the court and a lawyer. In the best case scenario, L leaves without you having to do any of that. So I would prepare for the worst but try for the best.

Before doing anything, I'd quietly get my valuables out of there and arrange to be able to stay with a friend as a fallback plan in case things get ugly and you don't want to be in your apartment.

My first step would be to talk to L's parents. If they come and move L & the pets out, problem solved! They might rather do that then have the police get involved.

If the parents don't get L out, I would start the clock ticking on eviction. This info from the Florida Bar, and this from Nolo, both say that for a month-to-month lease, eviction notice required in FL is 15 days. If L is supposed to pay you every month, then it's month-to-month. Or maybe L doesn't even have tenant rights, IANAL. But if they do, then 15 days is the max and you might as well get that clock ticking. In writing.

Then ask for the keys to your car back. Ideally, L will turn over house keys and car keys and go. If not, are you prepared to call the police? You don't need to wait 15 days to call the police to get your car keys back. L doesn't have tenant's rights on your car.

At this point, the police show up, and maybe that is enough to get L to leave. If so, problem solved! If not, I'd try the parents again. Maybe the fact that the police were involved will motivate them to help get L out.

If you get to this point and still haven't dislodged L, you are probably going to have to call the police or sheriff and find out how to get them to evict L. Hopefully it won't get to that point but if it does you can handle it.

Don't get freaked out. Remember, L might be difficult but literally EVERYONE else in this scenario would rather resolve it in the way that is easiest for you. Even your landlord. They have nothing to gain from giving you a hard time about having a roommate, and everything to gain from having this just get resolved. I own a rental property, and all I want from it is for there to be no problems.

The fact that L owes you $2000 also gives you some leverage. You are probably not going to get it, but you can say that you are prepared to take L to small claims court. If you agree to not file a claim if L is out by X date, that might motivate L to get out by that date.

Good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you. It truly sucks, especially since it sounds like you were just trying to help someone get back on their feet. You're a good person for trying but it's time to take care of yourself now... long past time, actually!!
posted by selfmedicating at 7:42 PM on March 25, 2017 [14 favorites]


Best answer: Honestly, I'd start with that car. You own it, you're insuring it, if they cause an accident you've got liability. Lie, if you have to -- they've certainly been lying to you. You described the car as your old one, and it was in storage? Your current car is in the shop, you need that car back. Or, better: your mom/another relative needs to borrow it instead. (So you aren't roped into some weird car-sharing situation where now you're driving them to work.) Whatever, just regain possession of the car and the keys as you're checking your eviction options with a tenant organization in your area.
posted by furtive_jackanapes at 9:46 PM on March 25, 2017 [9 favorites]


For a reason to get the car like Carmicha suggested, tell L that you have to take the car for an emissions test in order to renew the tabs or that your insurance company requires an emissions test because it went from "in storage" to "active" for more than X months. Then take the car and hide it somewhere - a distant relative's house.
posted by k8t at 9:50 PM on March 25, 2017 [11 favorites]


Spend some money on a lawyer, and serve up a stone-cold eviction.
posted by metaseeker at 10:43 PM on March 25, 2017 [7 favorites]


Best answer: I would definitely consult a lawyer who specializes in evictions in your area.
posted by Melsky at 5:06 AM on March 26, 2017 [2 favorites]


On the bright side, evictions in Florida for nonpayment of rent are easy. Unfortunately, if they do come up with the money, it's too late to get them out before May 1st.

The clerk at the courthouse should have the forms you need. The first step is to deliver a 3 day notice of nonpayment, preferably both hand delivery and certified mail. Once the three days are up and they haven't paid you in full or raised a defense in court (and deposited the amount in dispute with the clerk), you go to court and an order of eviction is automatically entered. The only way they can stop it is to pay you or the clerk, even if they do have a valid reason for not paying.

If they do pay, deliver a notice of termination prior to 15 days (~April 14th) before the end of the rental period stating that they must be out by May 1st. If they fail to leave, file papers with the court and again you can have them out in a week. And for that one, you can get triple rent for the holdover period. Well, you can be awarded it. Good luck collecting.

All that said, I suspect if you make clear to them that eviction is in the cards if they don't GTFO they may be bright enough to leave on their own, since they will find it difficult to rent a place with an eviction on their record. Still send that 15 day notice so that you can get them out if they don't leave.

Also, either engage a lawyer or read the legal notice requirements very carefully. Any mistake constitutes a defective notice, which in Florida means there was no notice, so you have to start all over from the beginning. People have lost eviction proceedings for sending their 15 day notice one day late. Since you have to include a specific date on which they have to be out, you don't just get to do the eviction a day later.
posted by wierdo at 5:13 AM on March 26, 2017 [8 favorites]


Best answer: i am a lawyer with some experience with evictions. there is a lot of ... misinformation in this thread from people who don't quite know what they're talking about. please contact a lawyer who is licensed in your jurisdiction.
posted by anthropomorphic at 1:03 PM on March 27, 2017 [5 favorites]


Other people have good suggestions about talking to a lawyer and protecting your belongings, so I'm going to focus more on you.

Having someone like this in your space can be extraordinarily draining. It sounds as though your emotional capital is extremely low (which makes perfect sense). Is there someone you can talk to about this? Friends, family, maybe a counselor? A clergyperson? Someone who can help you get yourself back and can provide emotional support as you navigate through it?

It also sounds as if you're blaming yourself, which is also understandable, but, honestly, you tried to do a nice and caring thing for someone who you thought was a friend. That was lovely and kind of you, and you didn't and don't deserve to be abused and exploited for it. I would not be at all surprised to learn that this person has done this sort of thing before, and taken advantage of others' generosity. That's not your fault, either.

I hope you'll let us know how it goes.
posted by dancing_angel at 1:18 PM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Thank you for the advice so far. I will try to reach out to a lawyer if it goes sideways. I did ask L to move out and they said OK, but so far I haven't seen any action. They said they will start packing once they get back but we'll see. As for the pets, I have bought shampoo, collars, combs and called vets office to set up an appointment, but L asked me to cancel it saying they will take care of it. Seems like a recurring theme with L. I guess I want to be done with this and move on and stop feeling like a doormat.

I did move my stuff out and am staying with my parents for now until I can get my bearings. Ideally, L will leave and I can break the lease and put this all behind me. I'll be wary the next time I offer help such as this.
posted by Zeratul at 3:39 PM on March 27, 2017


Response by poster: Thank you all. I would mark each response as best answer as everyone was helpful in a way I had not yet considered. L did finally move out. When the parents showed up it was awkward and kind of sad? I thought it would turn out differently but I definitely learned a lesson here.
posted by Zeratul at 5:37 PM on April 27, 2017


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