How to deal with my friend`s weird dating habits?

February 11, 2017 2:22 PM

My friend, let's call her Sarah, moved to my city this year to do her Phd. We`ve become quite a bit closer recently and I consider her as one of the few people in the world who I can talk to about absolutely anything. She's a good person and great to be around and I know deep down she`'s good. But recently I`m finding her behaviour in dating is a bit too much to handle and I don't know what to do.

We`re both cis het women but she likes to think of herself as 'Queer' even though she's only interested in men (which I don't really understand, though Ive considered calling myself queer for a while).

1) She got me really drunk and let me get taken advantage of at a bar. I was having problems with my boyfriend being absent and ignoring me and I was depressed. She knew that I had had feelings for another friend in the past so she tried to get me to be with him, but he wasn`t interested. What ended up happening was I was sad and lonely and had too much wine ( I am on a new medication and I think it interacted with the wine because i only had 3 glasses within about 4 hours) and this random person (genderqueer) made out with me and gave me a hicki. The person had been trying to hit on Sarah, but sarah was with one of her boy toys and was not available at the time. So I guess it was clear I was drunk and vulnerable and the next best thing??

2) After this, Sarah keeps saying she feels guilty for getting me so drunk and not protecting me from predators at the bar. So when we go out to a bar and a drunk guy starts talking to me, she starts yelling at him like she`s my bodyguard or something.

3) My boyfriend and I decide to take a break after I told him what happened, because he is finishing his master`s anyway and has no time to see me in the next 3 months. But both of us are a bit heartbroken about that and I feel terrible for hurting him by getting a hicki from someone else.

4) Sarah meets a guy at a bar on new years eve and is now sleeping with him.

5) Sarah slept with our friend back home who is kind of shy, and keeps telling me I should sleep with him but I`m not interested in casual sex. She also keeps going on and on about how his dick is tiny, which I never wanted to know in the first place.

6) Sarah was dating another guy at the same time as her other boy toy, but she got drunk and told me I should date him becuase he`s the male version of me. I actually do like him. But like, she`s sleeping with him right now so I`m like WTF? Also, she makes fun of his interests because they're too 'white' even though she's white herself.

7)I see recently on facebook that Sarah is friends with the genderqueer person that came after me at the bar when I was falling down drunk. She lets that person follow her posts and everything. She likes the attention from someone of a `'special' gender I guess?? So I asked her about it and she denies being interested in that person at all, even though clearly she likes the attention and thinks it makes her more 'alternative' or something. This really irks me, since she pretends to feel all guilty about letting me down and being a bad friend.

8) The other day she starts telling me how she thinks she`s fat. This is what triggered me to lose my patience with everything because I'm much heavier than her and she`s like a twig woman so I reallly really do not give a fuck if you think you`re fat.

9) But, she also let me stay over a few weeks ago because I was anxious about Trump. And we really bonded about our fucked up family backgrounds and history of anxiety and isolation.

Tl'dr: For a few months, this kind of behaviour was funny and entertaining. But the more I think, the more I see that I`m not interested in that kind of lifetstyle. I don't like casual sex, I'm not interested in anything but straight men, I'm definitely not interested in dating multiple people at the same time. And I dont care to be her 'eskimo sister' by sleeping with the same people as her.

How do I tell her all of this without rejecting her as a friend? She clearly wants something from me that I can't provide. Although, one benefit of being with her is I get out of my comfort zone. But she seems to want to change me to make me more like herself. As if, for some reason, Im missing out because Im not slutting all around town and making a mess of my life like she is. I try not to judge, but some of these things seem unacceptable to me. I know she'll think less of me if I tell her this and I do want to remain friends, but I can't pretend to be someone I'm not anymore.

posted by winterportage to Human Relations (33 answers total)

You need the kind of boundaries that a person creates for herself. Change your behavior to avoid the unwanted behaviors on her side. Don't try to make her change anything.

1. Don't drink with her or be with her when she's drinking. Especially, don't go to any bar with her.

2. When she starts talking about something that you don't want to hear, tell her, "I don't want to talk about this" and change the subject.

3. Think about whether you really like her, because it sounds like you find her irritating. If you don't feel, on balance, that she adds to your life, distance yourself from her.
posted by wryly at 2:34 PM on February 11, 2017 [29 favorites]

You don't need to be friends with this person. You don't like who she is and aren't willing to accept her she is, and she's terrible for you.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:34 PM on February 11, 2017 [25 favorites]

eskimo sister

Please never use this term again.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:38 PM on February 11, 2017 [170 favorites]

You are responsible for your behavior when you drink. Full stop.

"Sarah, it makes me uncomfortable when you suggest that I sleep with someone you've slept with. Please stop making suggestions about who I should date or hook up with."

The other stuff... I'm failing to see exactly where the problems are? You can use your words and tell your friend you're not interested in hearing about her sex life, or just gently change the subject when she brings it up. It's up to you to set some boundaries in terms of topics you prefer or absolutely won't engage with.

In short, I think you should figure out polite ways to enforce your boundaries if you want to keep this friendship. It sounds like she's doing a bunch of stuff that's on your nerves because you don't say "no" or enforce your personality or preferences. Try working on those skills yourself before you dump her, because this won't be the last time you'll be in this position in life. Also, everybody dial back on the drinking. Pretty much every complaint you have involves a situation featuring alcohol, that's something to look out for moving forward.
posted by jbenben at 2:50 PM on February 11, 2017 [24 favorites]

I guess that it doesn't sound to me like you like or respect Sarah very much, and I'm wondering why you want to be friends with her. If I were her, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who talked about me the way you talk about her.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 2:52 PM on February 11, 2017 [55 favorites]

What is the point of all of this? Do yourself a favor and move on to something that is more constructive.
posted by strelitzia at 3:02 PM on February 11, 2017 [6 favorites]

There's a lot going on here. Why do you need protecting? That's not a friend's job. The breakup with your boyfriend has nothing to do with Sarah. Why do you care how many guys she is sleeping with and who she is attracted to?

I don't want to hear details of my friends' sex lives so I just hold up a hand and say "whoa! TMI!" in a friendly voice. I don't want to be pushed to date/sleep with someone so I'd just repeat that I am not interested in that person. I have friends who smoke pot and they know I'm not into it so they don't do it around me or go on and on about it. You should be able to communicate with your friends.

Anyway, it doesn't sound like you're a good match, at least in the lifestyle aspect. If she can't respect your boundaries around discussing it (which you haven't set yet; do that first) then it may be time to cut her loose.
posted by AFABulous at 3:08 PM on February 11, 2017 [3 favorites]

It sounds like this friendship isn't working out for you and like it's a factor in you putting yourself in risky situations. If it's difficult to figure out where your want your boundaries to be and/or stick with them, it might be a good idea to end your relationship with her completely.

You can just say that you have different interests, that some of the things she likes make you very uncomfortable, and you won't be in touch or respond to contact. That's a boundary too, but it should probably be easier to stick with because it's unambiguous and you can do things like block her on your phone and social media to help you stick with it.

If you aren't spending time with her then you will have more time to work on yourself and look for friends who are a better fit for you.
posted by Verba Volant at 3:16 PM on February 11, 2017

Sarah is a bad influence. If you were 8 years old you would not be allowed to play with her anymore.,
posted by BoscosMom at 3:35 PM on February 11, 2017 [16 favorites]

You sound a bit too entangled with her right now. Like you don't know in 1) that she didn't "get you drunk;" unless she forced liquor down your throat, you got yourself drunk. You don't seem to know where she ends and you begin. You're ascribing motives to her friending that person online as though you're in her head, but in truth you really don't know her motives.

I find that when I start listing all the horrible things someone does/are, it's time to take a break or pull back.

To me it sounds like you're not comfortable with the heavy drinking/hookup culture and you're pinning it all on her. Why not just tell her hearing about other people's sex lives makes you uncomfortable and you're cutting down on partying for a while? You can tell her what your boundaries are, but if you want to hold on to some of the friendship, you don't get to tell her her habits are "weird" or she's not really queer.

Any chance one of you has a buried crush on the other?
posted by kapers at 3:40 PM on February 11, 2017 [29 favorites]

Why do you want to be friends with her? She sounds like an asshole and it sure doesn't seem like you like her at all.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:44 PM on February 11, 2017 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: What is the point of all of this?

Im trying to figure out how to enforce the boundaries without hurting her.
If anyone can help with scripts I can use that would be much appreciated
posted by winterportage at 4:13 PM on February 11, 2017

I'm not quite sure that scripts are going to help you here. You shouldn't need to be "coached" to talk to your friend about your concerns. Just try to give yourself time and the right situation to figure out what you like and don't like (and want and don't want) about the situations that you and your friend get into. Form some opinions here about what's healthy and not, and then say honestly what you're thinking to your friend. If your friend gets offended or doesn't like what you say, at least you'll know that you're saying things that have conviction behind them and you know are right. It may very well be best that you stop hanging out with this person.

As others have said, you are responsible for what you do. If hanging around her is causing you to do bad things, you can stop, but don't act as if she's the cause/source of everything - you're a human being in control of yourself too.
posted by destructive cactus at 4:21 PM on February 11, 2017 [1 favorite]

Mod note: winterportage, AskMe is not a discussion space, don't argue back and forth with other posters.
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 4:24 PM on February 11, 2017

Im trying to figure out how to enforce the boundaries without hurting her.

You can't simultaneously enforce a boundary and take care of someone else's feelings. If you're just stating what is and isn't acceptable to you and what the consequences will be in a respectful way, her reactions are her own.
posted by alphanerd at 4:33 PM on February 11, 2017 [13 favorites]

Best answer: She does sound like a challenging person to be around. It's okay to distance yourself or to not be her friend. That said, here are some possible scripts. I dislike confrontation but I've learned to use light, gentle remarks to let people know where I stand and how I feel. People I want to be friends with do not need me to set boundaries with a sledgehammer.

(Randomly before it comes up) By the way, I'm taking a break from drinking. Or, By the way, I've decided to limit myself to x drinks per night.

(At the bar) I don't want a/another drink, thanks. I'll stick with my soda.

(If she suggests you hook up with someone else) I'm not into casual sex. I've tried it and it's just not my thing.

(If she talks about intimate details of her love life) Honey, whoa, TMI!! (If you want to be funny about it, cover your ears with your hands and start singing).

(If she suggests you hook up with someone she's been involved with): Thanks for the suggestion, but I'd be uncomfortable getting involved with someone you slept with.

(If she talks about being fat) You may not realize this but if you're calling yourself fat, and you know that I'm larger than you, it can come across as an insult. (This will likely result in defensiveness. Just let her be defensive and know that she's unlikely to do it again. If she does do it again, say Hey, we talked about this before! )

Another way to approach this is to set your own agenda for your life. It sounds like you're going out drinking and to pick up guys because that's what she wants to do. What do you want to do? Look for friends who also want to do those things.

About this:
I see recently on facebook that Sarah is friends with the genderqueer person that came after me at the bar when I was falling down drunk. She lets that person follow her posts and everything. She likes the attention from someone of a `'special' gender I guess??

I don't really understand this part. Lots of people follow and are followed by other people on facebook and it very often has nothing to do with wanting any kind of unusual attention.
posted by bunderful at 5:15 PM on February 11, 2017 [17 favorites]

The DBT Skill of DEARMAN might be helpful as you think about how to approach this with your friend. One explanation, but you may want to Google for others, some of which have more explicit scripts.
posted by lazuli at 6:03 PM on February 11, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: This is textbook alcoholic behavior. As long as you keep hanging out with her and - especially - drinking with her, you're going to be the friend she "likes" because the rest of her friends have realized that she's a disaster and have set boundaries and distanced themselves from her. It's harsh but I'd put money on the fact that that's what's happening.

The night you bonded over your similar family backgrounds was there alcohol involved?

If you stop drinking with her, I'm guessing you'll see a lot less of her.

I say this as a person who has treated many people like this and has also had many friends treat me like this.

Others in this thread have great advice about how to deal with this - this is just my take on what's happening. I hope it helps you think about this. It has nothing to do with you.
posted by bendy at 6:07 PM on February 11, 2017 [19 favorites]

If my friend described me as "slutting around town" and "making a mess of my life" I'd make them an ex-friend. The way you describe her is insulting. (Even if she is behaving badly, there are respectful ways to say that and there are unkind ways to say it.) You need to have a base level of respect for people to be your friend. Do her and yourself a favor and find yourself some other friends.

I say this as someone who behaved badly once in college and had the weird opportunity to read two accounts of myself from two friends. One was sympathetic and the other was mean and clinical. I never considered that second person to be my friend again, because she wasn't. That's the difference between friend and not-friend.

I found some things uncomfortable about your question. Your friend is entitled to describe herself as queer or whatever she wants. No one needs to justify or prove their identity to you.
Some people are not monogamous, and that is not good or bad.
You seem to be trying to link your "bad" friend to the hicky incident, but it doesn't sound like it's her fault. It sounds like it's the persons fault for taking advantage of you.
I think that's another reason why you should cut this friend loose, though, so you can stop projecting stuff that makes you uncomfortable onto her, and start trying to own it.
posted by sacchan at 6:41 PM on February 11, 2017 [42 favorites]

I read the title of your question and didn't understand so I read the rest of your question and I still don't understand. How do you deal with your friend's weird dating habits? You take about ten steps back because you are way too involved with her. Her dating habits don't really affect you unless she is making you spend time with her partner or talking to you about them. Otherwise, they don't so if you there no they do, you need to back off.

That said, it doesn't sound like you like Sarah. You sound pretty judgmental towards her - you mention her "boy toys," you dispute her self description as "queer" (how does that affect you?), you blame her for getting you drunk, and you describe her as "slutting all around town." I don't think that's how friends behave. I think you should take a break from this relationship.
posted by kat518 at 7:16 PM on February 11, 2017 [11 favorites]

Best answer: She isn't behaving badly, just differently. "Slutting" around town isn't indicative of being a mess and promiscuity is her right as an adult woman. It's quite poor to shame someone else for their (consensual) sexual habits.

You want different things and that's okay.

Perhaps you've bonded over certain things and that has created an intimacy in your life in ways you've never experienced with anyone else, hence your desire to keep the friendship.

However it seems very much as though you want to blame your friend for her influence over you and not take responsibility for your own behaviour.

It's strange to me that you'd go out drinking with her because you appear quite frankly to not like fundamental parts of her personality.

To be brutal: she might be a shit friend, she might be all over the place, she might do things you don't like. But she can, because that is her right, to live her life how she wants. Either learn to communicate better with her and take ownership of how you behave around her, or just stop putting yourself in situations where you're forced to be around behaviour that you don't like.
posted by TheGarden at 7:22 PM on February 11, 2017 [14 favorites]

2) After this, Sarah keeps saying she feels guilty for getting me so drunk and not protecting me from predators at the bar. So when we go out to a bar and a drunk guy starts talking to me, she starts yelling at him like she`s my bodyguard or something.

wait how is this a problem, isn't this what you're mad that she didn't do the other time? If it's her fault somebody assaulted you before, of course she's trying to guard you now. Either she takes charge of you and warns guys away from you even when you're not obviously incapacitated, or she doesn't. is the problem that yelling is too dramatic and embarrassing? because if a guy's looking to assault somebody, yelling is the bare minimum he deserves.

But also I don't understand your expectations, because in general I think people do have a loose obligation to look out for their drunk friends, but it's a reciprocal thing. When you guys go out drinking, do you keep count of how many drinks she's had and pull her away from guys if you think she might have had too many to be making good choices? because if that's what you think a friend should do, it has to go both ways or not at all. (I prefer not at all, but you set your own friend standards.)
posted by queenofbithynia at 7:27 PM on February 11, 2017 [7 favorites]

Like the other folks have said, I think you need to decide whether you're going to set clear boundaries in this relationship, or step back from it. I don't think a script is going to help you in this case. This pretty clearly is the price of admission with this person. She's not going to change. It's up to you to either continue, set very clear boundaries or disengage.

That being said, I see a number of people blaming, questioning or criticizing you or your feelings, and I think that's highly inappropriate and not generally reflective of the community here.
posted by cnc at 7:50 PM on February 11, 2017

You and Sarah have different preferences when it comes to dating/relationships/sex. That does not mean that her preferences are bad. (Although encouraging you to cheat on your boyfriend was not great). She has certain sexual behaviors that she is comfortable with, and as an adult, she is entitled to make those choices, as long as her partners are consenting and cool with the arrangements.

Your job is to communicate your own preferences so she does not continually suggest things that you are not interested in. If you are uncomfortable doing that, or if she does not respect the boundaries you have articulated, then it's time to cut back on the amount of time you spend together. In the meantime, I think it could only help to make alcohol less central to your friendship while you sort these things out.
posted by delight at 7:53 PM on February 11, 2017 [1 favorite]

There's a heck of a lot of drama in all this. Dial it down.

Don't be a drama llama. Stay away from drama llamas.

Make friends with people who are good for you. This girl isn't.
posted by BlueHorse at 8:19 PM on February 11, 2017 [11 favorites]

Best answer: No offense, but I think it sounds like you both need to grow the fuck up, and start adulting. It would solve a lot of this drama. Walk away from this friendship. Its easier to do than you think.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 9:59 PM on February 11, 2017 [14 favorites]

Best answer: It sounds like there are a lot of great opportunities in this relationship to practice being true to yourself - you don't say so directly, but you allude to the fact that you've been pretending to be a different person when you're around this woman, and you don't want to be disingenuous anymore.

Perhaps the reason you're asking for scripts is that you're really out of practice, or maybe never had much practice to begin with at asserting yourself or talking about what you believe in. I get that. I think many people struggle with these issues in their youth and young adulthood. You are going to find life much more satisfying once you start practicing these skills and getting a lot more comfortable in your own skin. It's one of the fun things about getting older...

So just to give you some examples, it's a lot simpler than you would think when you're used to being roundabout or trying not to reveal your true feelings. Basically, all you have to do is say what you've written to us here, except obviously remove the parts where you're saying or implying rude things about Sarah.... A good general guide is to start sentences with "I" - I feel, I believe, I would prefer, I think, etc. Try to avoid starting with "you", especially in a situation like this, it could get ugly if you start out by putting her on the defensive. When you are talking about her behavior, try "when you do X, it makes me feel Y."

1) Before you go out, start by changing the venue where you hang out. Sarah: "Want to go to the bar tonight?" You: "What about going to the movies instead?" "I'd love to go out and get some Mexican food at this awesome new place." Sarah: "Let's go to a bar afterwards!" You: "No, thanks. After my last experience I decided hanging out in bars is probably not a healthy thing for me."

If for some reason you end up at a bar, just say you're going to take it easy on the alcohol. I usually use "I'm a lightweight, and I need to be able to get home from here" as my explanation - it's simply the truth.

2) So when we go out to a bar and a drunk guy starts talking to me, she starts yelling at him like she`s my bodyguard or something. "It's OK, Sarah - I'm not drunk, I can protect myself!" (say it with a smile) If she still doesn't stop - "hey, I appreciate that you're feeling guilty about what happened with [genderqueer friend], but I don't need you to be my bodyguard. Let's just agree that in the future if we're out drinking, we'll stick together and make sure we each get home safely."

3) Sarah meets a guy at a bar on new years eve and is now sleeping with him. To be fair, New Year's Eve was 6 weeks ago. I don't think sleeping with someone you've been dating for 6 weeks counts as "slutting it up" in most people's books, and even if they just met yesterday, that's none of your business. If you are actually concerned that she's having too much casual sex, you could express concerns if she seems to be doing it as a mechanism of coping with other problems (more on this below), or if she tells you that it's bothering her, but otherwise, keep your feelings to yourself.

4) Sarah slept with our friend back home who is kind of shy, and keeps telling me I should sleep with him but I`m not interested in casual sex. She also keeps going on and on about how his dick is tiny, which I never wanted to know in the first place. If you haven't said it already, "I'm not interested in casual sex" sounds pretty much perfect to me. However, I do think you need to be careful in discussing this situation, because although you are internally judging her for having casual sex, it would not be polite or kind to reveal your feelings about that to her. When I've been in conversations like this I have used "I'm afraid I can't do that. I'm a serial monogamist. It's something I just know about myself." and "I'm not interested in a relationship with him. He's not my type." As regards the friend, I would suggest "please don't tell me intimate details about our friend. I can't get rid of the mental image if you do, and as a shy person I think he would be mortified that you're telling people those sorts of things about him." [this is a little more seriously worded, because quite honestly, what kind of friend says things like that?]

5) Sarah was dating another guy at the same time as her other boy toy, but she got drunk and told me I should date him becuase he`s the male version of me. I actually do like him. But like, she`s sleeping with him right now so I`m like WTF?
"Maybe someday. I do like him. But you're sleeping with him right now, so I'm obviously not going to go there. Monogamy is a thing for me, remember?"

Also, she makes fun of his interests because they're too 'white' even though she's white herself.
"I personally don't see anything wrong with being interested in those things." [Hard to know how to address this without the details on what the interests are - 'your interests are too white' is clearly just a foolish thing to say, but I don't know how serious she is or if she's just joking around]

7) I see recently on facebook that Sarah is friends with the genderqueer person that came after me at the bar when I was falling down drunk.... This really irks me, since she pretends to feel all guilty about letting me down and being a bad friend.
Put your analysis of what their friendship means aside and simply say what I think you mean by this: "Sarah, that person took advantage of me at a low moment in my life, when I was too drunk to give any meaningful consent to what they were doing. I'm angry at that person for what they did, and it hurts me when I see that they are your Facebook friend, even despite what you know about their predatory behavior."

8) The other day she starts telling me how she thinks she`s fat. This is what triggered me to lose my patience with everything because I'm much heavier than her and she`s like a twig woman so I reallly really do not give a fuck if you think you`re fat.
"When you say you think you're fat, it makes me frustrated and upset. I'm much heavier than you are. I feel self conscious enough as it is."

I might be just stating the obvious here, but telling your friends that you are fat and/or ugly is a typical tactic used by people with low self esteem when they are looking for reassurance. Having a lot of casual sex can also be something that people do when their self esteem is low (although this certainly isn't always true). Insulting other people based on their appearance or their interests, i.e. bullying, according to psychologists is something that people engage in who are particularly 'shame-prone' - meaning, trying to distract attention from things they don't like about themselves. Just putting all that out there for a little side dish of armchair psychoanalysis. In my experience, people who act the way your friend is acting do so because they are deeply unhappy with themselves (you mention anxiety, isolation) and having trouble coping in a healthy way. Hopefully you can either move on, or get a new relationship dynamic that is not so stressful.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:14 PM on February 11, 2017 [11 favorites]

Best answer: It seems you already have an idea of where you want to be in your friendship with Sarah. You still want to be friends, but don't want her to try to change you to be more like her. Just be brave and honest and tell her that you like her as a friend, but don't feel like her lifestyle is suited for you. If she doesn't respect that, then she doesn't deserve to be your friend.
posted by jeenmal112 at 10:39 PM on February 11, 2017

She enjoys casual sex with other people who enjoy casual sex, don't judge. You don't want to live like that and, if you say as much and she still pushes and ramps up the drama, you need to find someone else to hang with. You and you alone are responsible for your alcohol consumption, don't ever expect someone to stand guard over you while you get shitfaced.
posted by Foam Pants at 1:47 AM on February 12, 2017

Best answer: How do I tell her all of this without rejecting her as a friend?

"Hey Sarah, I really love just talking with you about our families and backgrounds. But I don't like hearing about your sexual conquests and I'd prefer you to not discuss my dating lifestyle. I do what works for me, you do what works for you, and it's better if we don't talk about that because I feel you're too critical and I also do not want to have the sexual lifestyle you want for me. I would love to be friends but I won't engage in any more dating/hooking up talk."

Next time she talks about how fat she is, tell her yes, she really is huge and you're worried about her health.

And stop going to bars with her, for heaven's sake.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 6:07 AM on February 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Whoa. Please don't tell someone who believes she's fat that she is fat, even in a joking way. That is terribly unkind.

It's not about you. She may have body dysmorphia. You can tell her you don't like when she talks about herself that way and that you feel self-conscious when weight is discussed, but seriously, don't take this one personally and lash out. How she feels about herself has nothing to do with your weight.

Again, your self-image seems incredibly entwined with her.
posted by kapers at 9:17 AM on February 12, 2017 [6 favorites]

Best answer: I agree with kapers, definitely do not encourage her to think of herself as fat. That's not helpful or healthy for either of you. It's unhealthy no matter what size either of you are. I want to emphasize this because it sounds like you want to make things better, not worse.
posted by Verba Volant at 10:19 AM on February 12, 2017 [1 favorite]

Next time she talks about how fat she is, tell her yes, she really is huge and you're worried about her health.

Retracted and yeah, sorry -- don't do this.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:45 AM on March 11, 2017