Easiest way to spoof a wedding invitation?
January 21, 2017 2:44 PM   Subscribe

Long story short, I just received an invitation to a friend's wedding that is addressed to myself "and guest" and was sent to my work address. This is because at the time this couple was putting together their mailing list, my fiancee and I were going through a rough time and I thought we were on the verge of separating. Now we are reconciled and I would really like this invitation to be addressed to both of us at our home address. It is too late for the couple to do anything about it; what is the easiest way for me to get a new envelope, professionally addressed, without ordering 150 envelopes online? Are there any stores (like a Hallmark) with machines that address individual envelopes?
posted by anonymous to Shopping (31 answers total)
Why not just print an address label with any printer you may have access to and stick it on an envelope that the invite fits in?
posted by Amanda B at 2:49 PM on January 21, 2017 [6 favorites]

I'm trying to make sense of this; don't you just recycle or shred the envelope anyway?

But I'll answer your question. Buy an envelope that fits the invitation. Hand address it, or type up a label and print from your computer. Stick a love stamp or two on it, and drop it in the mail (to yourself).

This might be a fake question due to its absurdity.
posted by hydra77 at 2:50 PM on January 21, 2017 [40 favorites]

Paper Source comes to mind for individual envelopes in any shape and size imaginable, but the professionally addressed part has me stumped. If by that you mean that you just want the envelope written out, you could try a calligraphy stencil from a craft store or design a label on your computer and buy the paper with labels on it so you can print one yourself.

It's not really that odd for the friend of the person getting married to get something addressed to "and guest" even if their significant other is well known to them. So if I could gently talk you out of thinking this is going to cause your fiancée great pain, please consider that this is totally normal and doesn't reflect on anyone's judgement of your relationship. It just saves the person addressing the envelopes the trouble of knowing everyone's SO's last names and relationship status. It's a sweet gesture, what you're doing, but it might make you go to so much trouble that it makes a big deal out of something that normally wouldn't upset your fiancée!
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 2:53 PM on January 21, 2017 [5 favorites]

This is a crazy lot of work, but you could take the invitation to a local stationer (or a store like Paper Source, if you have one in your city) and ask them if they could spare an envelope (they undoubtedly have boxes of overruns and spares in the back room and could sell or give you a single, if you're nice about it). Then, ask for a referral to a calligrapher and have her/him make you an envelope.

But seriously, why not just toss the envelope and bring home the invitation by itself?
posted by Sweetie Darling at 2:55 PM on January 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

So it's just the envelope that says "and guest" on and needs spoofing, right? Not the actual invite? If that's correct, then you are way over thinking this. Why does your other half need to see the envelope?? Just be like "hey this invite arrived" and hand it to her, already out of the envelope.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:58 PM on January 21, 2017 [5 favorites]

Just RSVP for the wedding without showing your SO the original invite.

"We were invited to this wedding, I already RSVP'd, awesome!"
posted by furnace.heart at 2:58 PM on January 21, 2017 [7 favorites]

Are you afraid your fiance will be angry that his name isn't on this? It seems pretty standard to address it to someone and guest. I would just pop the info card on the fridge and send the rsvp in with his name on it.

If you're worried about him being angry, I think you may want to rethink that reconciliation.
posted by sockermom at 2:59 PM on January 21, 2017 [75 favorites]

Your fiancée has no way of knowing how the original was addressed, right? Would she compare the writing on the envelopes to that on the card?

Is a starting point. You can buy a few sheets of nice(-enough) paper at a stationery store, right? And print them at the office in a nice font?

The marrying couple's hypothetical Ask in this situation isn't the point here, I know.
posted by wonton endangerment at 3:11 PM on January 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

I think the poster wants the invite to arrive at their home with both names.

Easiest answer seems to be to walk-in at a Paper Source, Hallmark, or other specialty shop.
Yes, you would be able to buy one envelope.
Then i'd also ask the staff there if they'd be able to address it by hand to you.

Are you ok with a postmark at this late date?
posted by calgirl at 3:14 PM on January 21, 2017

Why can't you just open the invite and discard the envelope? I'm puzzled--are you sure you're thinking clearly here?Anyway. You can buy an envelope or a small box of them from a stationery store or from the stationery section of most department or big box stores. By "machine that addresses" envelopes do you mean...a printer? Printers can print on envelopes or clear labels to stick on any color envelope.
posted by kapers at 3:20 PM on January 21, 2017

I thought we were on the verge of separating

I'm going to assume that your fiancee did NOT know that you were on the verge of separating, and now you don't want them to realize that you were thinking that way.

The easiest thing would be to throw the envelope away and magnet the invite to the fridge. That's what I do immediately anyway, so it's pretty natural. Otherwise, you could pass it off as a wedding planner error - "Oh, they addressed it to me and guest, looks like someone made a mistake."

Otherwise, as others have said, just go to Hallmark and hand-write the address (or have a friend do it).
posted by christinetheslp at 3:33 PM on January 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Huh? Bring home the invite without an envelope. This isn't even a problem, is it?
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 4:04 PM on January 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

If you're worried about being asked why it went to your work address, this is time for an acceptable deflection like "I know, right? Weird. But you know how stressful wedding planning is."

Chuck the envelope.
posted by MandaSayGrr at 4:52 PM on January 21, 2017 [2 favorites]

Where I come from, wedding invites are addressed to "Ms. punchtothehead and guest" until people get married. My brother received a wedding invite for the weekend before his addressed that way (and the groom and bride for that wedding were *in his wedding* so I think they knew.) So this isn't unusual - I don't think you have much, if anything, to cover for. I agree with the slap it on the fridge with a magnet approach.
posted by punchtothehead at 5:48 PM on January 21, 2017 [3 favorites]

Nth-ing that receiving wedding invites addressed to "___ and guest" is pretty normal for unmarried couples.

Also, disagree with the thorn bushes have roses that this is a sweet thing to do. This is an insane thing to do. If I found out my fiance went to such great lengths to deceive me about such a tiny thing, I would wonder what the fuck else s/he was fabricating in this relationship.
posted by leeloo minai at 6:13 PM on January 21, 2017 [66 favorites]

Oh, to be clear, I think it's bizarre and I would be upset if my ladyfriend did this instead of just communicating with me. What I meant was that it's a sweet gesture to avoid hurting your significant other but that going to this length to obfuscate is likely to do the opposite.
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 7:13 PM on January 21, 2017 [3 favorites]

This is incredible overkill and you are seriously overthinking this. The invitation is fine, your fiance will never notice. Seriously.
posted by Slinga at 8:33 PM on January 21, 2017 [1 favorite]

Setting aside the WTF factor, I'd just ask the couple if they have an extra envelope. I've got a pack of extra envelopes from my wedding. If someone asked, I'd happily give them one. Hell, I'd give you one of mine but it wouldn't work because the return address would be wrong.

If that doesn't work, and it's Crane, I'd go to the store and ask to buy an envelope for this invitation. They are pretty accommodating. They are likely to have some paper stock in the closet from misprints.
posted by 26.2 at 8:48 PM on January 21, 2017

The couple getting married probably have a lot of stuff to deal with at the moment - whichever way you go, I'd suggest not getting them involved.
posted by twirlypen at 9:48 PM on January 21, 2017 [12 favorites]

Ask the marrying couple to send you an empty envelope to your home adress, labeled 'you and SO', then put the actual invitation card in it and show it to your fiancée.

Otherwise, just tell the truth
posted by Kwadeng at 11:21 PM on January 21, 2017

Once you have a spare envelope that fits, you can print the address on your work computer. Or you could print the address on another sheet of paper in some calligraphy font and then hand trace it. But I agree this is all unnecessary.
posted by salvia at 1:02 AM on January 22, 2017

Chuck the envelope out, bring the invite home. Say nonchalantly one evening at dinner, "Oh! Guess what arrived!" Fish out invite. Gush together about how nice the wedding will be.

If questioned - say the truth "I opened the invite and chucked the envelope!"

If pressed... why are you with this person? I cannot in a million years imagine it being weird that my fiance opened an envelope with a wedding invitation in it, and I just saw the invite sitting on the kitchen counter later. If it is weird... then there are trust issues that are far more issue-laden than this invite.
posted by shazzam! at 1:37 AM on January 22, 2017 [8 favorites]

I'm going to go slightly off-piste here, because I think that the real issue is that the address on a wedding envelope should not be causing you this degree of anxiety, and perhaps the reason so many answerers here don't 'get it' is because we don't understand the context of your relationship. If your fiancé is forensically checking the addresses on your envelopes, and is likely to explode if the simple explanation, "It was sent during our rough patch" is given, then it may be time to focus on whether this relationship is sustainable in the long term; or whether it is good for your mental health. I'm not usually an advocate of instant 'DTMFA', but this question has got me very, very worried. Please talk to someone.
posted by matthew.alexander at 3:06 AM on January 22, 2017 [27 favorites]

Agreed that this is a strange question which only makes sense if you want to tamper with the forensic evidence that you were once going through a rough patch, so that your partner doesn't find out.

If that interpretation is correct, this level of paranoia is not healthy and I agree with commenters who say you need to rethink your reconciliation.

But to answer your question as asked: handwriting is not a substitute for printing, printing is a substitute for handwriting. Also, your names would not normally be added to the return address except on a package. Not on ordinary letter post. So there's nothing really there for you to change, but nevertheless you could still get an envelope in the same size and write the return address and the addressee details on it, by hand, in black or blue-black ink.

If for some reason none of us have guessed yet, you feel you absolutely have to print the envelope, you can just do that with a printer. It is however less correct than addressing the envelope by hand.
posted by tel3path at 6:03 AM on January 22, 2017

You could try calling a wedding planner and asking them if they have a calligrapher they could recommend for a small calligraphy job, if the difficulty with the envelope is getting fine handwriting.

It seems to me that very small calligraphy jobs would not be unusual when people want only one fancy birthday card or certificate, or memorial tribute.

The wedding planner might also have some sample stationery and could spare you an envelope, in return for a tip.

You could get the entire card and envelope re-done.

Also check out Michael's. DIY weddings often buy their stationery there. They usually sell in boxes of fifty with matching RSVP cards, which would make this pricy, but if you go with invitation cards rather than wedding invitation cards you might be able to get a smaller quantity.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:36 AM on January 22, 2017

I think this hasn't been mentioned because it seems like the least important aspect to most people so maybe I am just weird about this but isn't it a concern that this would be a lie? the couple included a guest on your invitation so they are happy to have you bring them, or anyone, but they did not invite them by name. Even if you're sure they would have, they didn't. so you can't pretend they did. I mean, you can in the sense that you can tell your partner that "we" were invited to the wedding, that's fine, but you can't actually falsify someone else's guest list.

is the issue less that the partner never knew you were having couple issues, and more that they don't know the couple isn't equally friends with both of you, and you don't want them to find out that in the event of a breakup the couple would choose you and ditch them? because that could be genuinely upsetting if they somehow don't know the friends are yours and not equal couple friends.
posted by queenofbithynia at 7:25 AM on January 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

Rough patches are a normal part of healthy and loving relationships. Congratulations for surviving yours, because true intimacy comes from working through discord and disharmony, accepting your partner for who they are and still saying to yourself, "Yes, I want this."

Your feelings of anxiety are completely justified. You are hurt because the way this invitation was addressed and the location to which it was sent reminds you of a time when your relationship was on life support.

But the patient survived, and that's all that matters. You can have your envelope re-addressed, soothe your own hurt feelings, and possibly avoid upsetting your partner, but I strongly urge you not to. Instead, why don't you take the invitation as it was presented, sit down with your fiance, and tell your fiance how deeply hurt you were to be reminded of a time when your romantic future was uncertain.

Your question isn't evidence of your inability to react the way a normal person would, nor is it evidence that your fiance is a terrible person who you need to distance yourself from. All I see here is evidence that you are human, complete with the full range of human emotions.

You are asking how to lie, probably to cover up the hurt you feel. I am telling you to tell the truth, because covering up the pain will only delay it. You have an opportunity to talk about the connection you feel to your partner, to be vulnerable in the truest sense. Please don't pass it up.
posted by Mr. Fig at 7:30 AM on January 22, 2017 [2 favorites]

A few data points:

- (Unmarried) spouse and I have been together for almost seven years, we still get invites addressed to "and guest" and it is no big deal

- The last few wedding invites I received were either computer printed or handwritten but not in calligraphy, so either of those is a plausible appearance for a wedding invitation envelope

- This is seriously messed up, though.
posted by AV at 7:53 AM on January 22, 2017 [4 favorites]

A reasonable fiancée would be pleased to be invited, not upset that they weren't invited by name.
posted by samthemander at 10:51 AM on January 22, 2017 [1 favorite]

Open it, toss the envelope, show the invitation itself to your fiance(e) and say "Hey, my friends sent this to my work address cause they didn't have my home address. Wanna go?" Why does it have to be such a sneaky, huge production?
posted by jhope71 at 12:26 PM on January 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Oh wow, I just remembered I was once in what I think (it's hard to know for sure) was a very similar situation. Boyfriend was incredibly hurt and offended that he was not invited with me by name to a friend's wedding. Saw it as a lack of respect for him, a lack of respect for us as a couple, my lack of respect for him, my unwillingness to stand up for him, my lack of faith in us as a couple...

Here is my prediction and then my advice. If the prediction comes true I hope you will please seriously consider the advice.

This relationship will continue to go in cycles. He'll continue to get hurt and angry and distant from you over any number of things, you'll increasingly believe that he's right and you've been thoughtless/selfish/whatever, or excuse him for it even if you dont agree. You'll understand about his difficult and troubled past. You'll make resolutions to try harder to see things from his perspective. You'll be dishonest to try to keep him from becoming upset about things you've come to be able to anticipate will upset him. Eventually you'll get fed up, become distant yourself, he'll get worried and become open and affectionate and loving again, things will be good for awhile and then whole cycle will repeat itself.

If you see that happening, please go to a therapist to work out why you're in the relationship, and please do whatever you need to to get out of it. It's a real mindfuck, and the longer you're in it, the more seriously it will continue to affect you once you're out of it.
posted by pocketfullofrye at 2:55 PM on January 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

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