Cards Against Humanity, but for eight-year-olds
December 30, 2016 7:40 PM   Subscribe

My 7-year-old joined in a slightly-edited but rollicking family game of Papercuts (Cards Against Humanity, but for literature) over Christmas and wants to do NOTHING ELSE. So now we are making a homemade version for our 7- and 5-year-olds. Create for me little-kid CAH answers and questions!

Example questions:
Having lost his Purple Crayon, Harold now goes on adventures with ____________.
This year’s best-selling children’s book is _____________ eats a _____________.
Disney’s next hit movie: Inside ___________.
The sun is a mass of __________.

Example answers:
Uber, but for moonwalks
Buddy the Dinosaur eats his pteranodon family
James’s Giant Peach
Heffalumps and Woozles
Land shark!

It can be anything that's kid-friendly -- media, science, whatever. My kids are particularly exposed to PBS Kids, Disney movies, science in general, literally everything related to trains, space, classic picture books, Minecraft, and Toca Boca. But include anything kid-friendly (farts) and/or hilarious and/or that YOUR kids are obsessed with!

Bonus points for things that go over kids' heads but are amusing to parents.
posted by Eyebrows McGee to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (30 answers total) 27 users marked this as a favorite

The Princess and the ____
Scientists have discovered a new planet, called ____
Instead of gold, this dragon sits on a pile of ____
Instead of fire, this dragon breathes ____

Everlasting Gobstoppers
T Rex's tiny arms
A unicorn that poops rainbows

This is fun, I may come back with more later!
posted by ActionPopulated at 7:54 PM on December 30, 2016

"This is fun, I may come back with more later!"

It's SO fun (we cannot stop! But also we need a couple hundred!), come back with many more!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:55 PM on December 30, 2016

Have you looked into Apples to Apples? It's basically Cards Against Humanity (PG13) and the kids version is G-rated.
posted by fshgrl at 7:57 PM on December 30, 2016 [9 favorites]

"Have you looked into Apples to Apples?"

Yep, got it, but making our own!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:01 PM on December 30, 2016 [3 favorites]

The Lion, the Witch, and the _____
The terrible secret of "dark matter": _____
Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad _____


Really angry tiny little dog
The worst game of Monopoly ever
Every pope who ever lived
Hungry, Hungry Hippos
posted by duffell at 8:23 PM on December 30, 2016

Check out this very question but answered on board game geek .

Apparently someone made a print and play version and there are other ones too.
posted by ellerhodes at 8:29 PM on December 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


The heaviest known element is ___
A Hydrogen Atom has One ___ and One ___
Albert Einstein won the Nobel Prize for____
Why is the sky blue?
Alchemists were trying to transmute ____ into ____
The Large ___ Collider is searching for ___
NASA: National Aeronautics and ___ Administration
SpaceX's new automated barge ship will be called: _____ _____
Boston Dynamics new Robot is designed to replace _____
Why did Dinosaurs go extinct? _____ !
The Moon is abundant in only one resource: _______
Disney's Next Princess:


Colossal Squid
Swiss Cheese
A witch that loves bears
Elon Musk
The Higgs Boson
Rhubarb Jam
The photoelectric effect
Buzz Aldrin
A comet shaped liked a duck.
Swiss Cheese
A witch that loves bears
Elon Musk
Neverending Supernovas
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 8:30 PM on December 30, 2016

Firstly - CAH is by no stretch of the imagination PG-13... maybe a very strong R that the director had to argue down from an X.

The king keeps his _____ in his ______.
I looked down the drain for my tennis ball but instead found a/n _____!
My _____ live/s under my bed.
I got a helicopter tour of ______ last weekend, and I learned to never trust a __.

Truffla trees
Bouncy balls
Curly hair
A purple unicorns favorite outfit
French fries with extra chili
Monopoly money
Santas elves
A boot
Palm Springs
Dopey the dwarf
Old people
posted by jitterbug perfume at 8:34 PM on December 30, 2016

Circle of Life
Eating boogers
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Stinky cheese
Pool floatie
Sheet Fort
Invisible burrito
posted by bunderful at 8:57 PM on December 30, 2016 [1 favorite]

Long division
Anyone older than 12
Number two pencil
Time out
Food web
Show your work
Perpetual motion machine
posted by deludingmyself at 9:09 PM on December 30, 2016 [2 favorites]

Some of these might only work if your kids watch certain cartoons:

The newest member of the Crystal Gems is ______
Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and _______
The author of the journals: _______
This episode was brought to you by the letter _______ and the number ______
What's brown and sticky?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
She sells _______ by the __________
posted by divabat at 12:12 AM on December 31, 2016

Answers off the top of my head:
A flaming smore
Jumping in rain puddles
Jake the Dog's bendy arms
Rainbow Dash
Burping the alphabet
Cats, cats, cats
French fry food fight
Double trouble
The song that never ends
An endless list of chores
A bearded dragon
Eeyore's voice

I'll think of some prompts and pop back in. I'm pretty interested in perhaps getting a list of these, I work with little people and I'd love to have this!
posted by fairlynearlyready at 3:42 AM on December 31, 2016

Cloudy with a Chance of ______________*
Goodnight, ____________________
The Very Hungry ________________
What's the next thing Charlotte wrote in her web?
Rumpelstiltskin can spin straw into ______________________
Alice in ___________________land
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
Make Way for _____________________

*Mostly posting because I think this particular idea is dynamite and will make for some hilarious answers.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:36 AM on December 31, 2016

Thomas the ____ engine
What keeps helicopters up?
What makes Mom the happiest?
What makes Dad the happiest?
If cats could talk, they wold say ____
When aliens land, they will ask for ______
The moon is made of __________

- Monkey poop
- The Wild Kratts
- The vacuum of space
- Bad breath
- Bears
- Mosquito bites
- A plague of frogs
- Tardigrades
- a wombat
- The purple people eater
- Mom
- Dad
- Drawing on your cat
- I know you are, but what am I?
- Really messy sneezes
- Wiggling your butt
posted by ChuraChura at 6:22 AM on December 31, 2016

At the end of Minecraft, you meet the ______ dragon.
Alice in _______ land
Charlie and the _________ factory
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:32 AM on December 31, 2016

Stinky feet
Peanut butter
Pork rind
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:33 AM on December 31, 2016

James and the giant _________
The Lion, the Witch and the ________
The _______of Oz
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 6:35 AM on December 31, 2016

I'm feeling ...., how about you?
Pluto's not a planet, it's a ...
When I grow up, I will be ....
Let's make a snowman, but use ... instead of snow
School's cancelled because of ...
What have you got in your pockets
Eat your green ...
.... Crossing

Road construction
The Death Star
Hook and ladder truck
Space station
A ten car pileup
Nocturnal animals
posted by ChuraChura at 7:13 AM on December 31, 2016

NASA scientists have just announced the discovery of ____ on ____.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:56 AM on December 31, 2016

Bathroom joke for the kids, with bonus mefi reference for mom: poop milkshake.
posted by ActionPopulated at 10:45 AM on December 31, 2016

Go, _____, Go!
Harry Potter and the _____ _____
Where the _____ Things Are
Sleeping _____
The Once and Future _____
_____ Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and _____
Green _____ and Ham (include all 3)
The Little _____ That Could
Charlie and the _____ Factory
The Velveteen _____
If You Give a Mouse a _____
_____ in Wonderland
_____ in _____land
The Lord of the _____
Harriet the _____
_____ and _____ are Friends
The Wind in the _____
The _____ in the Hat
Curious _____

I tested all of the with Brussel Sprouts, and am immensely cheered.
posted by theora55 at 11:54 AM on December 31, 2016 [2 favorites]

Swiper no ___________!
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:03 PM on December 31, 2016

Do you want to build __________?
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:16 PM on December 31, 2016

My kids are a few years older than yours, so the pop culture references might already be out of date.

The wheels on ________ go 'round and 'round
Rudolph the red-nosed ___________
Don't let the pigeon drive __________
Head, shoulders, knees, and ____________

Twilight Sparkle
Stinky Crocks
Painting a continent
Adam and Jamie
The old lady whispering "hush"
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:30 PM on December 31, 2016

Firstly - CAH is by no stretch of the imagination PG-13... maybe a very strong R that the director had to argue down from an X.

The claim made above was that Apples to Apples was the PG-13 version of CAH, which seems about right.

"Christmas won't be Christmas without any ______," grumbled Jo.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of ______, must be in want of ______.
In an old house in Paris that was covered with ______ lived twelve ______ in two straight lines.
Once upon a time there were four little Rabbits, and their names were—Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and ______.
In a hole in the ground there lived ______.

Birthday party
The end of the world
posted by Shmuel510 at 10:16 AM on January 1, 2017

If you want to give it a different name, how about Cards Supporting Humanity?
posted by BiggerJ at 1:36 AM on January 2, 2017

You guys are the best! I'm up to about 120 prompts and 200 answers ... It's surprisingly difficult to come up with silly answers out of context after the first 100 or so. I think I'm going to print them on Avery labels and stick them on half index cards next week to test run them. I will keep you updated!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:53 AM on January 12, 2017

Okay I got them on card stock last night and we played a couple rounds this morning before school and my five year old laughed so hard he couldn't speak and the game consisted mostly of two very overexcited children shrieking. We're going to have some friends over so we can play with outsiders who maybe don't just laugh hysterically the whole time!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:07 AM on January 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

Is there a way we can see what you went with?
Or.... even print our own copies?
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 6:04 AM on January 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yeah, let me work out a few kinks -- some of the questions aren't grammatically right and so don't work, some things seemed funny but aren't -- and clean up the formatting (which is god-awful) and I'll sort something out to post on projects.

I guess I'll also remove the ones that are inside family jokes and therefore total non-sequitors. :)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:45 PM on January 13, 2017 [3 favorites]

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