Suggestions for better understanding my sexuality.
November 3, 2016 12:18 PM   Subscribe

Are there any suggestions of books like She Comes First by Ian Kerner or works that were instrumental in bettering your understanding of your sexuality?

Twenty-four year old female. I know therapy is the standard answer on the green. I'm hoping to explore my other options first. Sex doesn't hurt, but there's some shame from past trauma, and it's never felt good enough for me to deeply desire it.
posted by city_park to Human Relations (7 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

I have a pelvic pain condition, and the book Come As You Are was critical in helping me become more comfortable with my body and my sexuality. It's written by Emily Nagoski, who also writes TheDirtyNormal. Highly recommended.
posted by so much modern time at 12:25 PM on November 3, 2016 [10 favorites]

Healing Sex by Staci Haines
posted by thetortoise at 12:30 PM on November 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Seconding Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It gave me a lot of new ways to think about sexual desire that have been useful in figuring out how I work.
posted by Law of Demeter at 12:31 PM on November 3, 2016 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I am in almost exactly the same situation: I'm a woman in her mid-20s and sometimes feel very uncomfortable and ambivalent about sex due to a combination of past trauma and a physical pelvic pain condition that I suspect is related to it. I strongly recommend Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski's website and her e-books (I like the one on orgasm) and I also enjoy this website on female sexuality.

Reading Emily Nagoski's writing has been so great for me because she is extremely sex-positive without promoting this cultural ideal that has caused me enormous pain and self-loathing in the past that basically says that women who don't want sex all the time or are not always super excited or enthused about it are broken or failing in being liberated in some way.
posted by armadillo1224 at 12:34 PM on November 3, 2016 [7 favorites]

She Comes First by Ian Kerner

I would recommend being cautious of books written by men about "pleasuring" women.

Emily Nagoski's book is great, Taking Charge of Your Fertility is important to understanding the landscape of hormones and your reproductive organs. Heather Corinna (founder of Scareleteen, itself a great resource) has two books out targeted at teens and twentysomethings (which, if you didn't get good supportive info in your teens and twenties, is a way to back up and catch up), and the website has excellent suggestions for additional reading on whatever topic.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:54 PM on November 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Another fan of Come as you Are by Nagoski.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 1:31 PM on November 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

nthing the suggestion to read books written by women for this purpose.

emily nagoski is really good, but if you aren't ready to start a whole book just yet, look at this to get an idea of her style: a transcript of a TED talk she gave which i found to be pretty illuminating (video also there if you want to watch it).
posted by zdravo at 3:01 PM on November 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

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