Dealing with Anxiety
October 10, 2016 8:57 PM Subscribe
Techniques to help when getting caught up in feelings of doom?
My dad died almost a year ago from a very sudden heart attack--he was just 66, and while he was overweight and didn't have the healthiest diet he was a fairly active person, didn't drink and didn't smoke.
This whole experience, aside from being utterly devastating emotionally, has really shaken me and made me think about mortality when it had never crossed my mind before. I'll have random bouts of anxiety where I go down the mental rabbit hole of fearing that I'm doomed. Most of my dad's side have died fairly young, and it frightens me to think that I could just drop dead before I even retire. In particular, tonight I'm caught up with fears of eventually suffering a heart attack, even though logically I know I should be fine as I'm in my late-20s, not overweight, and have been exercising regularly/eating healthier. But it's hard to break out of this thought pattern, and I'm sure the stress of it is not good for me either.
I am absolutely looking into therapy, but in the meantime what can I do to reassure/comfort myself when I fall into these anxious moments? Any tips to help calm these thoughts and break out of the mental spiral would be greatly appreciated.
My dad died almost a year ago from a very sudden heart attack--he was just 66, and while he was overweight and didn't have the healthiest diet he was a fairly active person, didn't drink and didn't smoke.
This whole experience, aside from being utterly devastating emotionally, has really shaken me and made me think about mortality when it had never crossed my mind before. I'll have random bouts of anxiety where I go down the mental rabbit hole of fearing that I'm doomed. Most of my dad's side have died fairly young, and it frightens me to think that I could just drop dead before I even retire. In particular, tonight I'm caught up with fears of eventually suffering a heart attack, even though logically I know I should be fine as I'm in my late-20s, not overweight, and have been exercising regularly/eating healthier. But it's hard to break out of this thought pattern, and I'm sure the stress of it is not good for me either.
I am absolutely looking into therapy, but in the meantime what can I do to reassure/comfort myself when I fall into these anxious moments? Any tips to help calm these thoughts and break out of the mental spiral would be greatly appreciated.
After suffering two very intense periods of anxiety in my life, all I can say is seek help ASAP. Therapy is absolutely part of it, but you should also see your GP and talk to them about how you are feeling, as they will be able to prescribe something like an SSRI (if appropriate).
I have experienced the exact same thoughts you are experiencing - it can be very debilitating and can spiral out of control.
To be honest, there wasn't much I did that really ameliorated it other than talking to someone and seeking medical help.
One important thing - if you have a partner you need to tell them what you are going through, so they can understand any mood swings, behaviours etc.
The good news is this - it is temporary, you will get through it, it won't ruin your life.
posted by awfurby at 9:58 PM on October 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have experienced the exact same thoughts you are experiencing - it can be very debilitating and can spiral out of control.
To be honest, there wasn't much I did that really ameliorated it other than talking to someone and seeking medical help.
One important thing - if you have a partner you need to tell them what you are going through, so they can understand any mood swings, behaviours etc.
The good news is this - it is temporary, you will get through it, it won't ruin your life.
posted by awfurby at 9:58 PM on October 10, 2016 [1 favorite]
Oh! I forgot - exercise is a good thing to do.
A good workout (a walk, a run, play some sport) will create endorphins and help you to feel better.
posted by awfurby at 10:00 PM on October 10, 2016
A good workout (a walk, a run, play some sport) will create endorphins and help you to feel better.
posted by awfurby at 10:00 PM on October 10, 2016
Yoga! I can tell you that it has helped my anxiety immensely. The best thing about it is that it works both in the short term, as well as having a cumulative calming effect. Try a couple of different classes and see if it will work for you too. The other thing that I'll do is take a bath, complete with Epsom salts and bubble bath. I've found that the key to breaking out of my anxiety is to go do something that I've always liked to do, so for you it might be going for a walk, reading a book, watching a good tv series, but the important thing is to find something that brings you comfort.
posted by Champagne Supernova at 10:03 PM on October 10, 2016
posted by Champagne Supernova at 10:03 PM on October 10, 2016
You can find both audio and video and even animated GIF guided breathing exercises. Try out a few and see if anything feels good to you. There's also a song called "Weightless" by Marconi Union that was apparently composed to help with relaxation and I thought that sounded silly, but I think it helps.
I lost my dad almost two years ago now and I'm prone to anxiety myself, so let me say, it definitely sucks, but it does improve over time. I was still not doing too hot last year at this time. Comparatively, this fall has been much better.
posted by Sequence at 10:14 PM on October 10, 2016
I lost my dad almost two years ago now and I'm prone to anxiety myself, so let me say, it definitely sucks, but it does improve over time. I was still not doing too hot last year at this time. Comparatively, this fall has been much better.
posted by Sequence at 10:14 PM on October 10, 2016
Last year I started having chest pains. At 30 with a family history of every type of heart disease and having not been to a doctor in a very long time I was rightfully freaking out, in addition to my now-diagnosed anxiety and depression. Guess what the chest pains actually were? My crappy Ikea desk chair that promoted horrendous posture, and my job and lifestyle leading to me spending many hours in said chair.
So for my 31st birthday, I found a nearby secondhand office furniture place and got a fancy ergonomic chair, and made doctor's appointments, finally. Just making the appointment and seeing the chair in my space was enough to notch my anxiety down by about half, and by the next week when I was speaking with my new GP I was already doing better. Having an affirming experience with a psychiatrist who said my problems were very real and also very treatable helped enormously as well, even before my new meds kicked in. I haven't had a chest pain since.
Therefor, make your environment ergonomically comfortable and more conducive to activities that bring you calm. Now that I'm on an SSRI (and some stuff to combat my anemia) it's a lot easier for me to keep my floor space open so I have no barriers to doing yoga or aerobic exercises. My new chair is great. I've got plants in my house whereas before I was always worried about killing them and then feeling epic guilt about killing them - now I can smell fresh rosemary whenever I want and there are plants by my desk that lift and fall with the passage of the day. I've taken steps to set up the lighting in my most used rooms to be really flexible so I can adjust it to my needs that day or activity. I'm waiting for a good sale on a nice speaker setup so I can listen to music in a way that will envelop me when I need a really solid distraction. Whatever kinds of things will help you be in a healthier environment in your own home, prioritize them. An idea - do you like food? Learning to cook for yourself can be soothing and something you can do to actively be healthy and then your kitchen is a calming place instead of a guiltbomb.
And doctors. This can be really thorny. It's unclear in your question if you currently have a primary care doctor or not. Your late twenties is a good time to develop a relationship with a specific doctor or practice. If you're not totally happy with your current doctor, or your dad's unfortunate situation has brought up some uncomfortable stuff for you around medical things, shop around and find someone who works well with you. Getting the thumbs up and regular check-up reminders from someone you trust can be greatly affirming.
Mostly though your situation appears quite normal - this is your first big brush with mortality on a personal scale. You won't feel like this forever, and therapy can definitely give you tools to help with that. But also, only a year after the surprise death of a parent is a completely okay timeframe to still be working through a lot of grief. You're doing okay, and you'll be okay.
posted by Mizu at 10:49 PM on October 10, 2016 [3 favorites]
So for my 31st birthday, I found a nearby secondhand office furniture place and got a fancy ergonomic chair, and made doctor's appointments, finally. Just making the appointment and seeing the chair in my space was enough to notch my anxiety down by about half, and by the next week when I was speaking with my new GP I was already doing better. Having an affirming experience with a psychiatrist who said my problems were very real and also very treatable helped enormously as well, even before my new meds kicked in. I haven't had a chest pain since.
Therefor, make your environment ergonomically comfortable and more conducive to activities that bring you calm. Now that I'm on an SSRI (and some stuff to combat my anemia) it's a lot easier for me to keep my floor space open so I have no barriers to doing yoga or aerobic exercises. My new chair is great. I've got plants in my house whereas before I was always worried about killing them and then feeling epic guilt about killing them - now I can smell fresh rosemary whenever I want and there are plants by my desk that lift and fall with the passage of the day. I've taken steps to set up the lighting in my most used rooms to be really flexible so I can adjust it to my needs that day or activity. I'm waiting for a good sale on a nice speaker setup so I can listen to music in a way that will envelop me when I need a really solid distraction. Whatever kinds of things will help you be in a healthier environment in your own home, prioritize them. An idea - do you like food? Learning to cook for yourself can be soothing and something you can do to actively be healthy and then your kitchen is a calming place instead of a guiltbomb.
And doctors. This can be really thorny. It's unclear in your question if you currently have a primary care doctor or not. Your late twenties is a good time to develop a relationship with a specific doctor or practice. If you're not totally happy with your current doctor, or your dad's unfortunate situation has brought up some uncomfortable stuff for you around medical things, shop around and find someone who works well with you. Getting the thumbs up and regular check-up reminders from someone you trust can be greatly affirming.
Mostly though your situation appears quite normal - this is your first big brush with mortality on a personal scale. You won't feel like this forever, and therapy can definitely give you tools to help with that. But also, only a year after the surprise death of a parent is a completely okay timeframe to still be working through a lot of grief. You're doing okay, and you'll be okay.
posted by Mizu at 10:49 PM on October 10, 2016 [3 favorites]
I'm on an ssri for some specific, acute anxiety. One pleasant side effect is that it has eliminated the periodic, transient panic attacks about my own mortality that I used to just think were part of being a human.
posted by Ragged Richard at 9:42 AM on October 11, 2016
posted by Ragged Richard at 9:42 AM on October 11, 2016
One of the things that I do (also have a sometimes paralyzing fear/anxiety about mortality) is read/research different aspects of it. I do this for a lot of things that I'm afraid of, and it may not work for you as sometimes it might serve to feed the beast.
However, in the off chance that you are also into research of the philosophical kind (or if anyone else is), here is my reading list about this topic. If you're feeling too close to your father's passing (and so sorry for your loss!) then you may want to just dip a toe in rather than off into the deep end with you.
The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion
Love's Executioner, Irvin Yalom
Wild, Cheryl Strayed
When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner
Wit, Margaret Edson
Play, Samuel Beckett (or...almost anything by Beckett)
Other random media that were a part of this exploration for me:
The Body (episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
"Long Ride Home" (song, Patty Griffin)
"Enough to Be On Your Way" (song, James Taylor)
"Bastard" (song, Ben Folds)
"Tolland Man" (song, the Mountain Goats)
"Matthew 25:21" (song, the Mountain Goats)
"Pale Green Things" (song, the Mountain Goats. I'm sure you're sensing a theme)
And this poem.
YES -- even after my death
you shall not escape me
I'll follow you
in the eyes of every hawk,
every falcon, vulture, eagle
that soars in whatever sky
you walk beneath,
all the earth over,
everywhere.
Yes -- and when you die too,
and follow me into that deep
dark burning delicious blue
and become like me --
a kind of bird, a feathered thing --
why, then I'll seek you out
ten thousand feet above the sea;
and far beyond the world's rim
we'll meet and clasp and couple
close to the flaming sun
and scream the joy of our love
into the blaze of death
and burn like angels
down through the stars
past all the suns
to the world's beginning again.
Edward Abbey
posted by fairlynearlyready at 12:16 PM on October 11, 2016 [5 favorites]
However, in the off chance that you are also into research of the philosophical kind (or if anyone else is), here is my reading list about this topic. If you're feeling too close to your father's passing (and so sorry for your loss!) then you may want to just dip a toe in rather than off into the deep end with you.
The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion
Love's Executioner, Irvin Yalom
Wild, Cheryl Strayed
When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner
Wit, Margaret Edson
Play, Samuel Beckett (or...almost anything by Beckett)
Other random media that were a part of this exploration for me:
The Body (episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
"Long Ride Home" (song, Patty Griffin)
"Enough to Be On Your Way" (song, James Taylor)
"Bastard" (song, Ben Folds)
"Tolland Man" (song, the Mountain Goats)
"Matthew 25:21" (song, the Mountain Goats)
"Pale Green Things" (song, the Mountain Goats. I'm sure you're sensing a theme)
And this poem.
YES -- even after my death
you shall not escape me
I'll follow you
in the eyes of every hawk,
every falcon, vulture, eagle
that soars in whatever sky
you walk beneath,
all the earth over,
everywhere.
Yes -- and when you die too,
and follow me into that deep
dark burning delicious blue
and become like me --
a kind of bird, a feathered thing --
why, then I'll seek you out
ten thousand feet above the sea;
and far beyond the world's rim
we'll meet and clasp and couple
close to the flaming sun
and scream the joy of our love
into the blaze of death
and burn like angels
down through the stars
past all the suns
to the world's beginning again.
Edward Abbey
posted by fairlynearlyready at 12:16 PM on October 11, 2016 [5 favorites]
Go to the doctor, ask them for a checkup, specifically your heart's health, explain why. 66 is so young; I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad had a massive heart attack at 65 and died immediately. I was paranoid about my blood pressure for years. I didn't inherit his family's heart issues, thankfully. I do have a mild heart condition that occasionally requires attention. I have a heart rate app on my phone that I can use to check my heart rate, and it almost acts like biofeedback as I watch my rate, breathe consciously, and try to reduce it. I eat healthy, check my blood pressure a couple times a year, and stopped worrying about my heart most of the time.
posted by theora55 at 1:20 PM on October 11, 2016
posted by theora55 at 1:20 PM on October 11, 2016
I wrote this answer a few weeks ago.
1. Acknowledge the feeling.
2. Immediately set a timer for 5 minutes and then force your brain to start counting something (like leaves on trees) or naming playing cards. The idea is this forces your brain out of emotional thinking and into rational thinking and your brain really can't do both at the same time. The more you focus on logic, the less your brain can dwell on those unpleasant feelings.
Anxiety LOVES to take over your brain and try to convince you it's hugely important, when it really isn't. It's just a feeling and you can learn to quiet it down.
It's an excellent reminder that you have the tools to get through a bad moment. Therapy, meds, etc., but this is a very good stopgap that really and truly helps.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:35 PM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]
1. Acknowledge the feeling.
2. Immediately set a timer for 5 minutes and then force your brain to start counting something (like leaves on trees) or naming playing cards. The idea is this forces your brain out of emotional thinking and into rational thinking and your brain really can't do both at the same time. The more you focus on logic, the less your brain can dwell on those unpleasant feelings.
Anxiety LOVES to take over your brain and try to convince you it's hugely important, when it really isn't. It's just a feeling and you can learn to quiet it down.
It's an excellent reminder that you have the tools to get through a bad moment. Therapy, meds, etc., but this is a very good stopgap that really and truly helps.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:35 PM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by humboldt32 at 9:57 PM on October 10, 2016 [2 favorites]