When and how to tell my school that I'm leaving?

October 1, 2016 1:32 PM

I am a high school science teacher. Next summer, I am leaving my current school so my family can move back to my childhood home town. I was planning to inform my current school's administration in January-ish, but it's getting harder to avoid telling them without lying, or causing them to waste resources, which I'd rather not do. On Monday, I'm in on a meeting specifically about plans for next year that will probably involve me and require my input. Help! What should I do and when should I do it?

I've had a mostly pleasant 3 years working at my current school, but myself, my wife, and my 3 year old son have decided that at the end of this school year, we'd like to move out of the city, and back to my childhood town where my parents still live. We have decided that we are committed to doing this.

I like my school and most of my coworkers and superiors, and I do not at all want to impede their ability to find a suitable replacement for me, however I don't think they would make any progress with hiring until the spring anyways, so I figured it would make sense to wait until January to give my notice. That way I would avoid having to deal with other people reacting to my leaving for the entire year. I also don't want my departure to be distracting to my students (I'm not confident it would be kept secret), especially to those in two-year course sequences for whom I normally would be their teacher next year as well, but won't be in this circumstance.

However, my administrative superior and my department head have already started excitedly planning new initiatives and course offerings with me in mind and departmental shifts in priorities, and including me in the process. This normally would be a good thing - I'm valued, they want my input, etc. Under these circumstances, it's pretty awkward for me to try to be helpful without letting on that I'm leaving, and without lying. I know that later, when I let on that I'm leaving, I could just pretend that I hadn't decided until January, and it would be legit, but I really would prefer to not lie at all.

I finally decided to ask this question now, since I just received a calendar invitation from my principal for me, my department head, and my principal to meet this Monday to discuss a new course offering for next year. Since my other science colleagues weren't invited, I'm guessing they're going to ask me if I want to teach the new course. Sadly, the answer is no (it sounds like an awesome course that I'd love to teach, which makes this even harder). I think I'm going to either have to tell them I'm leaving on Monday, or lie pretty significantly, which could lead to them applying for grants and expending resources that might be wasted if I'm not there next year. I could theoretically say I'm just not interested in taking on the course, but it would be a bit strange, since the course will probably be waaay up my alley, and them asking me is really just a courtesy - it's not actually my decision.

So, my questions are:
1. When should I inform my administration that I'm leaving at the end of the year?
2. If the answer to (1) is not "now", how should I deal with people discussing plans for next year that involve me?
3. Specifically, what should I do on Monday in this meeting, if they ask me if I want to teach this new course, because they want to start applying for grants and making other preparations.

*Extra information, if you want even more of a window into my psyche regarding this issue:

I should note that in my previous teaching job, I naively informed my previous principal that I was leaving, and, when she asked, where I was applying (all schools within the same large school district). I have fairly good evidence that she subsequently intentionally sabotaged my job prospects elsewhere in the district purely out of spite (yes, she really was that kind of person - I wasn't the only one who had issues like this). I had to leave the district. So, I still feel pretty burned about that, and therefore hesitant about revealing too much too early. I recognize that, realistically, it's unlikely that my current administration would retaliate against me for leaving - they're pretty nice, normal people, unlike the last horror show.

I'm also feeling some guilt about leaving my current job at all (which I know I should try to ignore) because in the three years I've been there, the science course offerings for upperclassmen have been significantly reshaped with my skill set in mind. It's possible that they'll find someone who can carry on what I've started, but I'm not confident about it, which will probably be a bummer for students and my colleagues.

posted by Salvor Hardin to Work & Money (15 answers total)

I'm assuming you have a contract that employs you through the next semester, so there's no danger of you getting asked to leave at the end of this one? Then I'd go ahead and tell them now, maximizing the time they have to find your replacement.
posted by MsMolly at 1:46 PM on October 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

I'm betting that if you hadn't had that awful experience before, you wouldn't be thinking twice about this now. You're shell-shocked from what was really a pretty awful betrayal. But this sounds like a very different circumstance.

Definitely tell them now. Aside from everything else, it'll be a huge weight off your shoulders.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:47 PM on October 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Tell them now. If they're the kind of people who would try to sabotage you, they will do that regardless of when you tell them. And if they aren't currently the kind of people who would try to sabotage you, they may get closer to being that kind of people the less warning you give them.
posted by Etrigan at 2:56 PM on October 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I think your reasons for leaving are unlikely to cause resentment, compared with, say, leaving because you don't like the school. However, I agree that you should limit the number of people who know as long as possible. I would tell the minimum people required who make decisions about hiring/staffing and phrase it as- it's likely that we'll leave, not 100% confirmed yet but I'd hate to have everything planned on the assumption that I'm staying when in reality I'm probably not. This makes it sound as though you are doing them a favour (which you are) by telling them early and also makes it pretty incumbent upon them not to spread the word. You could say that you will give formal notice asap, and then wait until jan.
posted by jojobobo at 2:58 PM on October 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Also-in some ways it doesn't matter if people are intentionally sabotaging you- once people know that you are leaving they'll start readying for your replacement and that's going to affect things, ime. They are no longer invested in you at least, and you've really got quite a long time left to be in that situation.
posted by jojobobo at 3:01 PM on October 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

How possible is it that you won't move? Does your moving depend on first finding a job, or your wife finding a job, or your wife getting/not getting pregnant, or anything else that come January, you will have changed your mind? If there is a reasonable chance you might stay, it's okay to work as if you are going to stay.
posted by jeather at 3:09 PM on October 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

I wouldn't tell them, but I would lay the groundwork for telling them. When you go to this meeting, participate fully and excitedly (if that is what your reaction is). I would go home that day and then the next day come in and repeat how excited you are about this, but tell them then that in order to be nearer your mother/parents that you may have to consider moving back home after the school year. Nothing is definite, but you want to tell them it is under consideration to be fair to them.

Then let them dictate how to proceed.
posted by AugustWest at 3:24 PM on October 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm assuming you have a contract that employs you through the next semester, so there's no danger of you getting asked to leave at the end of this one

Tread carefully here. I am not a teacher and generally have no idea how teacher contracts are written. However, every employment contract I have been part of (both as an employer and employee, all outside teaching) can be mutually terminated by either party. In other words, a contract neither obligates you to work for an employer you don't want to work for or obligates an employer to continue to employ you indefinitely. In general, courts frown upon involuntary servitude (in either direction), so it is generally difficult to make an employment contract that actually binds either side of the contract to non-mutually beneficial employment.

Your union agreement and/or tenure agreement, if either is applicable, are more likely to keep you employed rather than your actual employment contract.
posted by saeculorum at 4:57 PM on October 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

In my experience, "moving out of the area" goes over a lot better with people than just looking for a new job in your current city because you don't like your current job. Especially in this case, you're moving to be near family -- it's nothing personal you don't like about your current city/school.

That said, I would really think about whether you guys are 100% certain you will be resigning at the end of the year. There's no reason to jump the gun on this if there are various scenarios in which you could see your family choosing to stay for another year (failure to sell your house, failure to secure employment in the new city, etc.).

Depending on how much you trust your administration, I think it would be fine to say something along the lines of "I want you to know that my wife and I have been discussing a move back to [hometown] to be near family. I really love it here and nothing is certain, but I also want you to be aware that this is a possibility so that you can make an informed decision about resources in case we do decide to move." It could be you're not as irreplaceable as you think, and the grant money could be used by a different teacher/new teacher. Or it could be they really don't want to risk it if you might not be there.
posted by rainbowbrite at 5:09 PM on October 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

You have no idea what might happen in your life between now and the end of the school year. Go to the meeting and conduct yourself as though you are staying and you want to teach the new course. When the new year gets here, if you are still planning on moving, then tell them. You're not lying, you're being prudent.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 8:16 PM on October 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

I get the desire to make sure things go well after you leave. But you can certainly lay groundwork in a way where these plans and initiatives could be handed off, rather than announcing your (not yet signed, sealed, or delivered) plans to move well before you are legally obligated to do so. Rather than announcing your plan to move, focus your energy on (a) executing that plan (do you have a job in this new place yet?) and (b) documenting everything you do for the initiatives at work so that they can be handed off as easily as possible. This kind of thing happens all the time in teaching and they will find someone else who can take up where you are leaving off.
posted by sockermom at 11:21 PM on October 1, 2016

You are right to be hesitant!

I know of *numerous* instances where someone gave their employer a ton of notice, and the employer instead cut them off much sooner than the employee had expected or budgeted for. Your experience with the previous principal is NOT unusual.

Employers are self-interested entities. While you may like some of the people you work with, business decisions *will* be made that benefit the business entity (the school, in this case). Employers do NOT hesitate to make a decision that is unfavorable to even the most long-term and well-liked employee. "It's just business".

Therefore, it always pains me when I see or hear people wanting to treat their employer "fairly". You treat people in your personal life fairly. You treat business like business. In this case, that entails not telling them your plans until they are 100% firm AND you would be ok with immediately being let go instead of allowed to work until the end of your notice period.

If you tell now, you'll be treated differently. You may be let go at any moment (barring a VERY rock solid legal contract). And if you change plans, you may be looking for another job in the same area.

As for how you act in the meeting, just act the way you would if you were not thinking about moving.

Last thing, I don't know how to say this without sounding mean, but you really aren't as indispensable as you think. They will find a replacement for you.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 11:34 PM on October 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

It really doesn't matter what plans they are currently making that assume your participation at a point beyond your notice period.

The risk of people leaving is one of the risks you sign up for when you hire people. And everybody is replaceable. If you got run over by a bus tomorrow the school would manage. If you give notice they will manage. Such is life.

I don't know why you'd have to lie. If they pitch that class to you on Monday you say you'd be excited to teach that class. That's true from what you said. The fact that you may or may not not be around to teach it is irrelevant.
posted by koahiatamadl at 3:37 AM on October 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

If there any chance at all that you change your mind due to circumstances, or that they let you go early if you give this much notice, then I would just keep at it like you're going to be there next year. They can deal with the transition later. Someone else, such as their new hire, can teach the new class, or something. They'll figure it out, just like they would if you got hit by a bus.

But if you're 100% positive about those things, then, sure, you can tell them now.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:58 AM on October 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Does your district require signed intent forms in the spring semester? Mine does, and that's when I would personally disclose that information. Until everything is lined up and ready to go, you can't be certain you're leaving. Conduct yourself as you would normally and offer that information no sooner than is absolutely necessary. Principals can get mean and schools run on gossip, so I always err on the side of keeping my head down.
posted by Pardon Our Dust at 12:38 PM on October 2, 2016 [2 favorites]