How do we handle an org member who can't enforce event rules?
August 22, 2016 4:43 PM   Subscribe

Bob was banned from all our events by the organization I founded and help run, but then recently showed up at one of our events. When confronted by myself, another org member (Jenny), and the event space host, Bob immediately tried arguing with us and appealing to Jenny because "we're friends" and "I emailed [Jenny] about it." Jenny said she didn't like drama, told him it was a misunderstanding and that he wasn't really banned. How do we as an org handle the fallout from this? Full story inside, names changed to preserve anonymity.

Bob told us that he knew he had been banned, from the email he received from us outlining why. As far as I'm concerned, the organization was as aligned as we could be on the decision -- Jenny and the other organizers who were present agreed that banning was a reasonable response to what happened. So it all feels pretty clear-cut to me about what is expected of him (stop showing up, you aren't allowed to be here).

We as a group are very concerned with safe spaces and publicly identify ourselves as the group in our tech niche who is focused on that, it's very important to us that we maintain boundaries and enforce them. This isn't the first time Jenny hasn't been able to stand up and put her foot down about rules, especially with Bob. Bob is widely known as a boundary pusher and will get intense when upset. The first big example was the first incident that caused the ban in the first place.

Original incident: Bob, who is not a member of our group, followed Jenny into a private invite-only event for a minority he doesn't belong to, and proceeded to make a lot of the attendees there uncomfortable. Bob lied when confronted about why he was there and said he was invited by Jenny. I asked Jenny, and she immediately said he hadn't been invited, he followed her there without saying anything after she gave him a ride elsewhere, and that she wasn't comfortable with him being there. When I asked her why she hadn't told him to leave as soon as she saw what was happening, she said she also felt uncomfortable asking him to leave, and that she thought it might also be ok for him to be there for reasons she couldn't articulate. By the time this was sorted out, the event was winding down and Bob had left.

I don't think the original incident was handled in the best way for a variety of reasons. As a team we didn't have any rules or code of conduct in place to back any of the decision process that was made. We are in the process of drafting a code of conduct as a direct response to what has happened. The organizers also had a team discussion about how the organization as a whole makes decisions like banning people, or enforcing specific rules, because then individual organizers can appeal to whatever rules the org made when we each have to confront people and deflect personal criticism or arguments when we enforce the rules. Jenny was part of this conversation and agreed that that would help her handle future incidents, but that doesn't seem like it actually happened.

What I'm concerned about now is Jenny, how difficult it's been for her to handle confrontation, and her lack of confidence enforcing basic rules like RSVP-only events or individual bans. She is really young, much younger than the rest of the organizers, and her outside relationship with Bob (which she didn't really disclose the details of) seems to have gotten in the way of her ability to enforce rules we outlined as a group for our events. She seems to want to include everyone moreso than she wants to maintain boundaries and member safety.

How should we proceed talking to her about this? How should I proceed with setting rules and expectations for our organizers in general? When does it become an appropriate response to reprimand or "fire" an organizer?

As a side note, this entire situation has been ridiculously exhausting to me and I don't know if I have the energy in me to keep going. I'm personally really put off by Jenny's behavior and don't like to have people who act like she has around me. I will take any advice I can get from people who runs others orgs on how to handle the emotional drainage and stress that comes with handling these events & working with people you don't necessarily agree or get along with.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (30 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
Jenny needs to be let go as an org member. She has demonstrated that she can't fulfill the requirements of the role.

This is not only because she failed to keep someone out who not only was banned, but knew he was banned -- but also because her relationship with the banned member has created a conflict of interest such that she cannot act impartially.

This is not a judgement against Jenny as a person. But if she can't do the job, she shouldn't have the job.
posted by Mchelly at 4:51 PM on August 22, 2016 [35 favorites]


You really must set out a code of conduct or other policy before you proceed. It sounds like your definition of appropriate and other's don't necessarily mesh and that's normal and to be expected. If you want the organization to move forward as its own entity as opposed to your baby, you have to start getting consensus and buy-in to document community norms.

For example, my organization would never enforce RSVP only events, mostly because our community is super diverse (especially technologically) and thus lots of folks would never send in an electronic RSVP. Your group is different, what's important is that you document and define those policies so there is no guess work and no putting an undue burden on folks to interpret and enforce rules they may not understand.
posted by stormygrey at 4:54 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


Jenny needs to not be put in the position of enforcing your code of conduct. It's not a job for everyone, some people just aren't suited for it. Jenny would be relieved to have the responsibility removed from her so that any future strongarming attempts can be met with "it's out of my control, Bob."
posted by Lyn Never at 4:57 PM on August 22, 2016 [52 favorites]


Someone(s) in the organization needs to be designated as the Code of Conduct Policy Enforcer, and empowered through the organization's by-laws/regs to kick any one out of any event space at their discretion.

One of those enforcers should be present at every event. The owners of the event space should know who that person is.

Jenny should never be that person. (I mean, maybe if she grows up some and gets some gonads and is able to enforce the rules that she agreed to, but not for the foreseeable future. )

I am sure that Jenny has skills and talents that can allow her to make valuable contributions to the organization. But she can't stand up to her toxic friend, so the organization needs to make sure that she doesn't have to.
posted by sparklemotion at 5:10 PM on August 22, 2016 [9 favorites]


It sounds like Jenny needs a lot of confidence building and hand holding, especially if she is so much younger than others in the group. If Bob is such a well-known boundary pusher, a liar, liable (and known) to get "intense" when upset and Jenny knows him from outside the org, it sounds like quite a bit for a young and maybe not so experienced person to handle. Especially if she is, as she sounds, a people pleaser. Maybe Bob had pushed her based on their previous relationship and she knew how he'd react if thwarted and was too nervous to say no to him.

If she is naive and prone to wilting, it's really up to the org whether they want to give her the support she needs to develop a more assertive style that would both make her a more effective team member / organiser and also let her experience some valuable personal growth. I can understand being irritated by someone like Jenny and also feeling a bit sorry for her.
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 5:10 PM on August 22, 2016 [9 favorites]


What I'm concerned about now is Jenny, how difficult it's been for her to handle confrontation, and her lack of confidence enforcing basic rules like RSVP-only events or individual bans.

These may be basic rules but they are not "basic" things to actually do. Kicking someone (especially someone you are friends with!) out of an event can be a very emotionally and sometimes physically scary thing to do.

This responsibility should be handed to more confident, experienced members of your organization, and if possible folks should not be asked to confront people with whom they have outside relationships.
posted by lalex at 5:20 PM on August 22, 2016 [29 favorites]


This stands out for me: "I'm personally really put off by Jenny's behavior and don't like to have people who act like she has around me."

You're not excited about having to have this level of conflict within the space you've built, and it doesn't sound like your group is ready to be able to designate a 'bouncer'.
I'd say 'no, we're not available to have you continue as an organizer/org member given how we've experienced your interactions with Bob'.

What's the possible fallout? Extended drama for three days, versus an indefinite amount of time? Why put the organization through another problem?
posted by msamye at 5:33 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


I just realized on re-reading that you have framed this entire thing as being Jenny's problem and Jenny's fault and you don't even like Jenny because of it and I am going to suggest you reconsider whether you have a sexism problem in your organization, if not an actual harassment problem by some of your hangers-on. This is a shockingly unsympathetic portrayal of the situation if this is not an organization specifically for nightclub bouncers.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:39 PM on August 22, 2016 [62 favorites]


Either you banned Bob for something Jenny doesn't think is serious, or Jenny does not respect the organization's goals.

If the former, maybe you should reconsider the ban? There's a point at which doing stuff like this creates a lot more drama in your organization than whatever it is Bob is doing wrong (short of crime or seriously jeopardizing the organization).

If the latter, Jenny either should leave the group or should no longer be put into a position where she has say over who can attend your events. Because she clearly doesn't respect your decisions and has no intention of enforcing them.

I personally don't buy the "Maybe Jenny is just too nice" angle, because either Bob deserved banning or he didn't. If he did, Jenny is being a jerk by not enforcing it. If he didn't, he should be unbanned. You don't ban people for issues so minor that your average "nice" people-pleaser isn't going to enforce them.
posted by Sara C. at 5:44 PM on August 22, 2016


Either you banned Bob for something Jenny doesn't think is serious, or Jenny does not respect the organization's goals...I personally don't buy the "Maybe Jenny is just too nice" angle, because either Bob deserved banning or he didn't.

This is not actually a reasonable view of how all human interpersonal relationships do and should work. It is entirely possible for Jenny to agree with the group's position on Bob, recognize that her friend is a flawed person, and still feel uncomfortable and want to minimize or avoid public conflict with someone who is described as a "boundary pusher" and "intense when upset".
posted by lalex at 6:00 PM on August 22, 2016 [33 favorites]


Original incident: Bob, who is not a member of our group, followed Jenny into a private invite-only event for a minority he doesn't belong to, and proceeded to make a lot of the attendees there uncomfortable. Bob lied when confronted about why he was there and said he was invited by Jenny. I asked Jenny, and she immediately said he hadn't been invited, he followed her there without saying anything after she gave him a ride elsewhere, and that she wasn't comfortable with him being there. When I asked her why she hadn't told him to leave as soon as she saw what was happening, she said she also felt uncomfortable asking him to leave, and that she thought it might also be ok for him to be there for reasons she couldn't articulate. By the time this was sorted out, the event was winding down and Bob had left.
...

What I'm concerned about now is Jenny, how difficult it's been for her to handle confrontation, and her lack of confidence enforcing basic rules like RSVP-only events or individual bans. She is really young, much younger than the rest of the organizers, and her outside relationship with Bob (which she didn't really disclose the details of) seems to have gotten in the way of her ability to enforce rules we outlined as a group for our events. She seems to want to include everyone moreso than she wants to maintain boundaries and member safety.

If your desire is to be shut of Jenny and Bob and get on with it I sympathize, but this makes it sound as if Jenny could be in over her head in a romantic relationship with someone who is so jealous and controlling he's reluctant to let her out of his sight if she's meeting people he doesn't know, and I think you might feel better about things in the long run if you could create a space for her to say that and encourage her to get some kind of counseling help, and yet at the same time make it completely clear that Bob is not to attend any further events.

Because I think she might be at a point where she needs all the relationships which could give her space from Bob that she can get.
posted by jamjam at 6:22 PM on August 22, 2016 [8 favorites]


Jenny may have been abused or sexually assaulted at some point in the past. "Rape culture" is not just about men behaving badly. It is also about socialing women to be professional victims.

Bob may have an abusive relationship with her, so she may be genuinely afraid of standing up to him and would be unlikely to tell you, or he just recognizes her as a weak link and is leveraging that.

You either need to remove her entirely or take the bouncer role out of her hands entirely. You need to make it clear to both Jenny and Bob that Jenny does not have the authority to override the ban. He is banned and other people will enforce that.

If her role is such that Bob's access to her will remain a de facto security problem because, for example, she cannot fulfill her role without having the keys or whatever, then she must be removed from the role.

Ideally, it would be nice to let her remain in the role and help her grow as a person and learn to more effectively stand up to the Bob's of the world. But, in practical terms, that simply may not be possible. Bob may be her rapist, her stalker or her drug dealer or have some other nefarious role in her life where he pulls the strings and she just cannot stop him and you will likely never be told. She won't tell because she can't trust you, because it always comes back to bite her, because no one believes her anyway or, if they do, they won't help her. Or because she is afraid of the consequences if he learns she talked.

Regardless of the unknown details of their relationship, you must assume henceforth that Jenny is incapable of enforcing anything with Bob. Do not blame her. Think of it like he is holding her kids hostage. But, one way or another, this responsibility must be removed from Jenny. If you can insert a bouncer and that works, nice! If not, just remove her.

Yes, removing her may leave her in a pickle. If he is her stalker or psycho controlling boyfriend, she needs to flee and go into hiding, not let her problems endanger the safety of others for whom she is supposed to be responsible. There may be nothing you can do about that piece.
posted by Michele in California at 6:27 PM on August 22, 2016 [6 favorites]


I think enforcing event bans is a really challenging task and that a lot of people would struggle with this. Surely there are other responsibilities that don't involve acting as a bouncer that Jenny would be better at? I think you're inordinately annoyed at her for being intimidated by someone who sounds very intimidating. If she has other skills, keep her. One of the ways a good organization functions is utilizing people effectively, putting them in positions to succeed by knowing what their talents are. Just because Jenny isn't a good bouncer doesn't mean she's a bad event organizer.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:43 PM on August 22, 2016 [12 favorites]


I read this question a couple times and somehow still missed that he followed her to the event? Of course she's uncomfortable kicking him out and making him mad!

As a practical matter, consider hiring an security professional for your events. It's not expensive and would be much more fair to your organizers.
posted by lalex at 6:47 PM on August 22, 2016 [16 favorites]


it's a little hard to reconcile your concern for creating a safe space with your apparent unconcern for this woman's safety. She sounds bad at her job but more importantly, people who are afraid and feel unsafe are easy to push around; Bob has pinpointed her as the weak link among you and his access route in. You can't make her be brave and assertive, but you could back her up and give her a cover and an out the next time he tries to bully his way in somewhere by appealing to her -- you and a couple other people get right up in his face and tell him it doesn't matter what Jenny thinks, he's leaving. that way, in the mind of this man who can get to her outside of these events, it's not her fault.

in my fantasy world, you would be doing this to rally around her and help her out because you're worried for her even if you don't like her. but if you want to do it to undermine her and take away the authority she can't handle, it'll work just as well.
posted by queenofbithynia at 6:55 PM on August 22, 2016 [34 favorites]


Jenny has to be removed from this role. She isn't able to do it, and she is putting herself and other members at risk. Your leadership team takes her aside and explains the issue, then asks if she'd like to resign from her current leadership role and remain a member in another capacity. It's a courtesy, if she doesn't step down, then you'll need to remove her from the role in whatever method is stated in your by-laws.

Bob is a jerk of the highest order. Jenny either doesn't agree with the group's decision (and didn't stand up to you) or isn't capable of standing up to him. She's not ready for a leadership role in a group that has this level of controversy.

And yes, people like Jenny are exhausting, because her actions are inconsistent with her promises, and she's leaving a much bigger mess for you to clean up. Trying to force her to do what she is incapable or unwilling to do will only lead to further issues. Release her from this job and breathe a sigh of relief.
posted by 26.2 at 7:11 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


Removing someone from a leadership role because they are unable to escalate confrontation with an "intense", "boundary pushing" person who followed them to an event is not a good look for an organization emphasizing that they are sympathetic to the needs of marginalized groups and the need for safe spaces.
posted by lalex at 7:19 PM on August 22, 2016 [46 favorites]


As a side note, this entire situation has been ridiculously exhausting to me and I don't know if I have the energy in me to keep going.

yeah, well, mentoring a much younger and less experienced person, for the greater good of the org and the upcoming generation, is a hard thing to do. much like kicking a creepy guy out of an event when you're afraid to and he might keep harassing you. How exhausting do you think the Bob situation is for Jenny? I bet she just doesn't have the energy in her to do what needs doing.

leadership isn't for everyone.
posted by queenofbithynia at 7:23 PM on August 22, 2016 [8 favorites]


Jenny is not equipped to make Bob listen to her and stop. I would bet a lot of money that if Jenny screamed in Bob's face to go home he'd still ignore her and keep on coming. Why? Because pushy assholes don't listen to people who tell them no unless you can find someone that can scare or intimidate them. I don't know what relationship they have outside of your org, but it's probably not good and I strongly suspect she's rather scared of him and for good reason. He sounds like a pushy stalker who's not gonna listen to her and will definitely make her life worse if she tries to stop him.

I hate to be stereotypical here, but do you have any large, authoritative people around that you can put in charge of dealing with Bob? Someone that might actually make him worry a bit?
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:32 PM on August 22, 2016 [3 favorites]


I'm kind of stuck on the part where your organization is focused around safe space but you don't have clear policies and procedures...and then after one discussion you expect a person who sounds like a pretty junior member of the team to enforce the new undocumented rules in a pretty confrontational way.

More help and support and professional thinking, less blame and shame.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:29 PM on August 22, 2016 [27 favorites]


Jenny: As you know Bob, Code of Conduct issues require a recommendation from an organizer, and then two concurrences from other organizers. I'll sure put in a word for you, but I can't guarantee anything by myself.

Other organizers: lol no

Jenny [relieved]: I tried, Bob. *shrug*
posted by ctmf at 8:53 PM on August 22, 2016 [1 favorite]


Where I live, the owners or leaseholders of private spaces can issue "stay away" orders that put someone on notice that if they enter the premises, they are subject to being arrested for trespassing. If Bob is this much of a problem that he is harassing your leadership staff, you need him formally banned, with some way to back it up. Your local police department can tell you whether this is an option for you.

In terms of Jenny, I think you're being appallingly unfair to her. You say you're committed to a safe space, and yet you've let this space become profoundly unsafe for Jenny and then are blaming her for not unilaterally fixing the problem with not institutional support (and in fact, while the institution is blaming her for being harassed by a known harasser.) And make no mistake--regardless of whether you like how Jenny handled it, Bob harassed her, and no one else from your organization backed her up when it was happening and told Bob that his behavior towards Jenny was unacceptable. Jenny is young and vulnerable and clearly felt uncomfortable, and your response is to victim-blame.

Frankly, if I were Jenny, I'd probably leave your group, because you have not actually been willing to live based on your professed values. In fact, if I were Jenny and read this question about myself, I'd identify you as part of the problem. Perhaps your group should have a discussion about the appropriate way to react when a member of your group is being harassed by someone your group has already identified as a volatile person who cannot be trusted in the group. Because you failed Jenny in this situation, and it's going to keep happening to other Jennys until your group actually lives up to its stated values.
posted by decathecting at 9:08 PM on August 22, 2016 [18 favorites]


Nthing that hired security should be responsible for gatekeeping, not Jenny.

I also think that the group needs to look at the Geek Social Fallacies .
posted by brujita at 9:14 PM on August 22, 2016 [10 favorites]


I would have had difficulty enforcing a rule like that with someone like Bob as just an average socialized-to-be-nice twenty something woman without any history of abuse or trauma. (Which I'm not saying Jenny has, but she or others might.) Which is why no place I ever worked put young women in those roles. The bookstore I worked in at age 19 didn't ask me to be the one to kick a problem customer out of the erotica section even if I was the one who noticed it. You're getting mad at Jenny for not being able to do something that might actually put her in physical danger, which doesn't sound like creating a very safe space to me. And you were actually AT the second incident? Why didn't you enforce the rules on Bob? Because it was scary and difficult? Then cut Jenny some slack. It's not always possible to tell who's a boundary pushing creep but technically harmless and who is an actual danger. Don't put your employees (volunteers?) in the position of having to make that judgement call alone. There should have been a "what next" plan in place for Bob and people like him. Getting the actual bouncer if you're meeting at a bar, calling the police, whatever. Put some more thought into this so no one person has to take the brunt of this.
posted by MsMolly at 11:08 PM on August 22, 2016 [10 favorites]


The more I think about my answer above, I think I was making a gender connection where there doesn't need to be one. The jobs I've worked didn't make young men be the store enforcers either. It was management's job, because management had training to deal with it and they knew it was part of the gig when they signed up for the job.

I think you also made the fundamental error of thinking that someone who broke the social contract so thoroughly could be informed of their infraction and would "go forth and sin no more," so to speak. But the problem with that is that if Bob had normal levels of compliance with the social contract he wouldn't have gotten to the point where he was a problem in the first place. Almost anyone that is ban-worthy is also not going to change because of explanations about why what they did was wrong. You always need to assume they'll push that boundary until there are real consequences for not complying.
posted by MsMolly at 12:48 AM on August 23, 2016 [9 favorites]


When confronted by myself, another org member (Jenny), and the event space host, Bob immediately tried arguing with us and appealing to Jenny because "we're friends" and "I emailed [Jenny] about it." Jenny said she didn't like drama, told him it was a misunderstanding and that he wasn't really banned.

and then...the other two of you did what, just caved and didn't kick him out? Or you said 'actually yes, you are banned' and escorted him off the premises before coming back to say to Jenny 'please don't disagree with us in public' or something like that? Because if (a) then uh Jenny is not the problem, everyone in your entire organisation is the problem. And if (b)...what is the 'fallout' you're dealing with exactly?
posted by the agents of KAOS at 1:15 AM on August 23, 2016 [20 favorites]


Part of my job is to handle RSVP events and also the occasional undesireable person. Quite a lot of social skill and seniority (less of age but also, but mostly life and work experience) is required to manage entry to events with restricted access, or handle someone your organisations does not want to have on the premises.

I agree with everyone above that blaming Jenny as you describe her (young, timid, non-confrontational) is simply not right. People like Bob the way you describe him are very difficult to handle. Period. Even without the added "bonus" that she knows him outside your organisation.
Don't expect a junior team member to handle him. Back her up, tell her: if Bob shows, get one of the senior members (assuming you have those?) and then actively support her. If as you describe above, she backs down under the pressure and you are actually present it is up to you to intervene and let her know afterwards how this made it more akward. But in the one scenario you describe, with two others of you present, why, as poster above asks, did you not intervene?

Some things cannot be delegated, and enforcing bans to undesired guests is definitly a managment task. When I have a team for an event checking guests at the door, I give them clear directions, the list of people who signed up/ they may allow to come in and also instruct them: any problem call me/text me, I am close by and can be with you in a minute.
When I know in advance there may be difficulty I remain with the greeters throughout.

Practically it is also so much easier (relatively speaking) if one can actually tell the uninvited guest: so sorry sir, but our managment (or whover tops your organisation) requested I do not admit people not on the guest list (or people who did not RSVP in time) and unfortunately you are not on the guest list. And then, as the person insists to be admitted this gives the greeter the option to politely offer: would you like to speak to my supervisor? and then I iwll step in, listen to them complain, reiterate our point of view politely. If I do sense that the person is absolutley refusing to leave I might either call in my own supervisor the ED, or call police, depending on situation.

Also practically speaking, removing the person from the door by taking the unwanted guest into a side room or corner and to not hash this conflict out in front of all other invited guests... who I will be ogling altercations curiously makes better PR. So while you talk to the difficult person somewhere else, the ok guests preceed to fill the room, the door is shut, event starts and while a very determined "Bob"-type might still try to enter it is easier to lead someone of the premises and keep someone out, once the door to the event is shut.

Also when I select the greeters/door team, I don't assign staff whom I know cannot handle the stress. It is safe to assume if you continue running events you will have other "Bob's" or simply people who were not invite but want to get in regardless.
Do write down some guidelines by all means, but so much more importantly provide staff (?) like Jenny with back-up and be ready to be that reliable back-up.

What you describe eg. that he followed her into an event he was not invited to, sounds outright creepy. No wonder she did not kick him out, tbh. If your organisation is concerned with providing safe spaces, I think you need to start with making sure the staff is safe first.
posted by 15L06 at 3:47 AM on August 23, 2016 [11 favorites]


  1. Was this event closed to the public? That is, was it the kind of thing where you stationed someone at the door to make sure only people who RSVPd were getting in? If so, it's primarily the responsibility of the person at the door to keep out people on your ban list. If you've rented out a venue, you can call Bob a trespasser and have the cops deal with him, and use that threat as leverage.
  2. What role does Jenny play in the organization? Is she in a leadership role where it's reasonable to expect her to enforce the org's rules, or is she a rank-and-file member? If she's in a leadership role, there needs to be a shared commitment to do what's right for the organization (and a shared understanding of what that means—this is an important issue that gets overlooked a lot), and if she's uncomfortable putting herself into what is admittedly a very uncomfortable position, she needs to recognize that limitation and call on others to help her out. If she's a rank-and-file member, it's not fair to hold her more accountable for Bob's presence than anyone else.

posted by adamrice at 8:00 AM on August 23, 2016


Consider appointing and training event monitors to be enforcers for situations of this nature. Being an organization member, like Jenny, doesn't automatically confer the skills needed to escort an unwanted guest out of the space. Plus everything else everyone else has explained above. You are asking too much of Jenny. Be annoyed as you want but you didn't take charge and escort the guy out either: By the time this was sorted out, the event was winding down and Bob had left. So decide how to proceed in the future and designate someone (who is willing and good at this) to take on this duty at every event or a pair of people who can trade off, etc.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:54 PM on August 23, 2016


What I'm concerned about now is Jenny, how difficult it's been for her to handle confrontation, and her lack of confidence enforcing basic rules like RSVP-only events or individual bans. She is really young, much younger than the rest of the organizers, and her outside relationship with Bob (which she didn't really disclose the details of) seems to have gotten in the way of her ability to enforce rules we outlined as a group for our events.

I can't tell from the question if you're mad at Jenny about this one incident or if this is one example of when she didn't "enforce basic rules like RSVP-only events". Because you only mention this one example. If you're just mad about this one incident, I think that's really unfair. From what you wrote it's not clear that she even knows or likes Bob that much. Maybe she's having a hard time articulating because she's scared for her job now. It's probably obvious to her that you're pissed and blame her for it.

Even if this isn't the first time I agree with the others who said you should have some empathy and back up your employee, help her undo decades of bad social training and learn whatever skills she needs to work on if you want to still call yourself "concerned with safe spaces".
posted by bleep at 11:41 PM on August 23, 2016


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