Is this a 'if you have to ask, you already know the answer' thing?
July 21, 2016 12:32 PM Subscribe
I bought this dress to wear for my wedding, but have since decided on something else. Now I want to wear it to a friend's black tie wedding, but I am concerned that it looks too bridal.
It's a slightly darker pink than it looks in the picture, and wouldn't be mistaken for white. Still, I worry that it's too light and 'bridal' looking. I talked to the bride and she seemed to not care but one of her bridesmaids actually saw the dress and seemed skeptical.
Part of me thinks I'm overthinking it, especially knowing how chill the bride is. The other part of me thinks if I had thought it was appropriate to use as my own wedding dress, then it's probably not appropriate to wear as a wedding guest? Mainly, I don't want to have to buy another dress...
So, what do you think?
It's a slightly darker pink than it looks in the picture, and wouldn't be mistaken for white. Still, I worry that it's too light and 'bridal' looking. I talked to the bride and she seemed to not care but one of her bridesmaids actually saw the dress and seemed skeptical.
Part of me thinks I'm overthinking it, especially knowing how chill the bride is. The other part of me thinks if I had thought it was appropriate to use as my own wedding dress, then it's probably not appropriate to wear as a wedding guest? Mainly, I don't want to have to buy another dress...
So, what do you think?
I think it's lovely and you should wear it. The bride's opinion is the one that matters anyway and if she cleared it then you're okay. Just don't wear flowers in your hair or big sparkly wedding jewelry & you'll be fine. If you want to make it less bridal looking, add something like an interesting scarf, or a shawl, or a light bolero type jacket to break up the bride-ish outline.
posted by cuddles.mcsnuggy at 12:37 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by cuddles.mcsnuggy at 12:37 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If in doubt, don't.
It would actually look more like a bridesmaid dress to me, if I saw a wedding guest wearing it.
It's a gorgeous dress, and even if the bride is okay with it, you may not be comfortable wearing it because you'd be wondering what the other guests are thinking. I'm in a similar position right now as a wedding guest to a black tie wedding - the gown has been blessed by the bride but my friends are pretty expressively saying no. Decided not to, as much as I was in love with the dress.
If there's a way to exchange the dress for something else? Perhaps sell it and get another one?
posted by Everydayville at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2016 [16 favorites]
It would actually look more like a bridesmaid dress to me, if I saw a wedding guest wearing it.
It's a gorgeous dress, and even if the bride is okay with it, you may not be comfortable wearing it because you'd be wondering what the other guests are thinking. I'm in a similar position right now as a wedding guest to a black tie wedding - the gown has been blessed by the bride but my friends are pretty expressively saying no. Decided not to, as much as I was in love with the dress.
If there's a way to exchange the dress for something else? Perhaps sell it and get another one?
posted by Everydayville at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2016 [16 favorites]
I would dress it up with non-bridal accessories like a chunky necklace (cheaper than those, though!) and/or or unusual belt. It doesn't look markedly like a wedding dress to me, though.
posted by beyond_pink at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by beyond_pink at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I wouldn't do it. It's a really pretty dress, but brides totally wear blush pink these days and I think it looks like a wedding dress. I mean, obviously you did too! I know, I know it sucks to buy another dress but you might feel really weird wearing this to a wedding.
posted by pinetree at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by pinetree at 12:38 PM on July 21, 2016 [14 favorites]
It's gorgeous, and the bride is chill. Wear it.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:39 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:39 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Can you accessorize it a bit to make it a little less bridal? I'm thinking a shawl or a midriff piece in a bright color.
posted by xingcat at 12:41 PM on July 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 12:41 PM on July 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Can you dye it an even less bridal colour? A deep purple or green or something? Because yes, to me it does look pretty bridal.
posted by lollusc at 12:44 PM on July 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by lollusc at 12:44 PM on July 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
...If the bride is OK with it, not sure what the problem is. I mean, don't accessorize with anything gauzy and white, and no tiara , but this seems to be a non-issue.
posted by pearshaped at 12:44 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by pearshaped at 12:44 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
My vote is wear it. Nobody is going to confuse you for the bride, especially at a black-tie wedding where I'm going to guess the bride will have a traditional white gown on with a veil, flowers, etc. That dress is pink.
posted by kimberussell at 12:44 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by kimberussell at 12:44 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
My first thought was to wear it with a big black belt. Carry a black purse. If you use a shrug or such, black. Pink and black is not at all bridal.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:46 PM on July 21, 2016 [21 favorites]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:46 PM on July 21, 2016 [21 favorites]
Wear it. See if you can find a pashmina type scarf/shawl with some black and pink similar to the dress and wear it draped around your arms.
posted by cecic at 12:51 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by cecic at 12:51 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Nthing contrasting, strong belt. Maybe brown, wine, gold.
posted by amtho at 12:52 PM on July 21, 2016
posted by amtho at 12:52 PM on July 21, 2016
Here's an example of what it could look like with black accessories.
posted by beyond_pink at 12:57 PM on July 21, 2016 [16 favorites]
posted by beyond_pink at 12:57 PM on July 21, 2016 [16 favorites]
It doesn't look bridal to me. As long as it's not going to be fancier than everyone else at the wedding, I think it's fine.
posted by stoneandstar at 12:59 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by stoneandstar at 12:59 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Best answer: No, don't. I don't believe accessories fix this problem. I love it and it would look great at a different black tie event, but you do want to be careful at weddings about what you wear no matter how chill the bride. It isn't that she'll be upset, but that bad dress choices suggest to everyone else there that you are competing.
posted by bearwife at 1:05 PM on July 21, 2016 [17 favorites]
posted by bearwife at 1:05 PM on July 21, 2016 [17 favorites]
I wouldn't do it. It looks like a wedding dress. If you add a chunky belt etc it'll just look like you're trying to make a wedding dress look like something else.
posted by zutalors! at 1:06 PM on July 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by zutalors! at 1:06 PM on July 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
I think it is going to be too close to the edge, no matter what the bride says she thinks, and if I were wearing it I'd be uncomfortable all evening wondering what the other guests were thinking. It's beautiful- find another, non-wedding reason to wear it.
posted by charmedimsure at 1:08 PM on July 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by charmedimsure at 1:08 PM on July 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
Another vote for no, too bridal, regardless of the bride's level of chill.
posted by purple_bird at 1:10 PM on July 21, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by purple_bird at 1:10 PM on July 21, 2016 [8 favorites]
Agree, accessories will make or break it. Also, if you want to wear this and have it be LESS bridal then you can also have it hemmed to a shorter length, or do a high-low hem, or something else to make it more versatile. I mean, if it's too bridal to wear to a wedding, it will probably be too bridal to wear anywhere, so making a big alteration to it like the hemline can only help the situation.
posted by Medieval Maven at 1:16 PM on July 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Medieval Maven at 1:16 PM on July 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Sorry but no, this is way too bridal and I can't see it being played down. Even if the bride doesn't seem to care now, she might care once the focus of some of her less chill guests' attention becomes your dress and not the ceremony/her/her partner. I'd err on the side of caution here.
posted by sonmi at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by sonmi at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
A rental like this would be gorgeous and not bridal.
posted by bearwife at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bearwife at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
It looks bridesmaidy to me and with the jacket just looks like a bridesmaid got cold and borrowed a jacket. I wouldn't wear it.
posted by KateViolet at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by KateViolet at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
The wedding is black tie? Calls for a fancy dress. This dress will fit the bill if you glam it up with non-bridal accessories - try gold and/or black. Would be different if this was a regular wedding and you'd look overdressed. But it's black tie.
posted by lizbunny at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by lizbunny at 1:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
No, don't do this. Tacky, even if the bride is super chill.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:24 PM on July 21, 2016
posted by schroedingersgirl at 1:24 PM on July 21, 2016
I don't think you should wear it-- it looks too bridal.
It might look less bridal if you were able to hem it up to mid-calf. You could go cocktail-length if it's an evening wedding. If you dyed it a deep color, I think that would also significantly help.
posted by blnkfrnk at 1:26 PM on July 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
It might look less bridal if you were able to hem it up to mid-calf. You could go cocktail-length if it's an evening wedding. If you dyed it a deep color, I think that would also significantly help.
posted by blnkfrnk at 1:26 PM on July 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
Shorten the hem so it shows off your shoes. Wear funky black shoes and chunky accessories.
posted by erst at 1:27 PM on July 21, 2016
posted by erst at 1:27 PM on July 21, 2016
Response by poster: Thanks everyone for confirming my suspicions here. Even if my friend didn't care, and even if none of her guests cared, I would spend the entire night worrying that they did. I want to support her on her big day and have a great time and that won't happen in this dress.
posted by CookieNose at 1:34 PM on July 21, 2016 [18 favorites]
posted by CookieNose at 1:34 PM on July 21, 2016 [18 favorites]
As is, I'd have to say no: pretty, but way too close to a wedding dress, or at least a bridesmaid's. With bold/dark colored accessories it might pass: black or burgundy shrug, shoes and purse.
It's great the bride is chill with it, but this is one of those 'better safe than sorry' deals. Accessorize it, dye it, or replace it entirely with something with more color.
posted by easily confused at 1:37 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
It's great the bride is chill with it, but this is one of those 'better safe than sorry' deals. Accessorize it, dye it, or replace it entirely with something with more color.
posted by easily confused at 1:37 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Just as a suggestion for procuring an alternate formal dress, the summertime is an excellent time to scope out bridal/prom dress stores for heavily discounted dresses. This is why my sisters and I have a number of formal dresses (including a black ballgown) all within the $10-20 range. And we're all different sizes too - 6, 10, and 18.
posted by lizbunny at 1:45 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by lizbunny at 1:45 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Agree with the commenters who said it would be less bridal if it were shorter, but that at this length it looks too bridal to me. But more importantly (since the bride doesn't seem to mind), if you're worried about it now, you're going to be worrying about it at the event. So go with a dress you're not worried about and have a good time!
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 2:03 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 2:03 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
It doesn't look like a wedding dress at all to me. Wear it.
posted by arnicae at 2:57 PM on July 21, 2016
posted by arnicae at 2:57 PM on July 21, 2016
At a wedding I once attended, one of my co-workers wore an extremely formal, touqouise blue gown. It was a day time wedding, not casual, but not formal either, so this woman and her dress really stood out. Even though the color and style of her dress weren't paticularly bridal, I can't tell you how many times I heard little comments being made behind this woman's back, "Oh look at So an So in that dress, there's nothing like showing up the bride on her big day is there?"
I guess what I'm saying is, haters are going to hate no mater what you wear. Its up to you if you want to open yourself up to misinterpretation. My advice would be wear, whatever it is that is going to make you feel comfortable and confident.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 3:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I guess what I'm saying is, haters are going to hate no mater what you wear. Its up to you if you want to open yourself up to misinterpretation. My advice would be wear, whatever it is that is going to make you feel comfortable and confident.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 3:17 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I was going to say you might think of having it dyed a darker color, but even so I think it would end up looking like a bridesmaid's dress. I think you've made a good decision to go a different direction. You should sell this dress. It's too pretty to live in the back of your closet. It wants to shine!
posted by vignettist at 3:23 PM on July 21, 2016
posted by vignettist at 3:23 PM on July 21, 2016
I think you made the right call.
posted by Jubey at 4:56 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 4:56 PM on July 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Wow! Gorgeous dress. The bride might have said it's fine but could have felt like she was being put on the spot. I'd find something else for the wedding and plan a special occasion for wearing this dress.
I'd love to see what you went with for your wedding that beat the pink dress!
posted by mulcahy at 5:30 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'd love to see what you went with for your wedding that beat the pink dress!
posted by mulcahy at 5:30 PM on July 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Tailor it to make a shorter skirt! Make it cocktail length and then you could totally do it
posted by greta simone at 8:43 PM on July 21, 2016
posted by greta simone at 8:43 PM on July 21, 2016
I am not advocating this as a strategy to solve every apparel need.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 4:44 AM on July 22, 2016
I agree that the wedding being black tie makes it appropriate to wear this dress; it would definitely not work at an even slightly less formal wedding.
That said, you have to be comfortable and self assured that nobody thinks you're trying to outshine the bride. So don't. Wear it to your own wedding instead! There is no WAY you found a prettier dress than that!
On preview: don't tailor it and don't return it! It's a treasure and you'll have another black tie non wedding event where you will KILL IT by wearing this dress!
(Can you tell I like the dress?)
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2016
That said, you have to be comfortable and self assured that nobody thinks you're trying to outshine the bride. So don't. Wear it to your own wedding instead! There is no WAY you found a prettier dress than that!
On preview: don't tailor it and don't return it! It's a treasure and you'll have another black tie non wedding event where you will KILL IT by wearing this dress!
(Can you tell I like the dress?)
posted by The Noble Goofy Elk at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2016
I agree that you could wear this dress given that you have the bride's permission, but reasonably don't want to because it feels wrong and third party opinion affirms that the dress is on the borderline.
Do save it for another occasion where it won't be mistaken for a bridal gown. If you can't find an occasion, contrive one. Getting a great dress is an excellent reason to celebrate.
As for finding a replacement to wear to the wedding, how do you usually get along with thrift stores? IME they're always heaving with black tie compatible dresses. You could get a wedding appropriate one and dry clean it for no money whatsoever. Heck, get ten. I always do.
posted by tel3path at 11:22 AM on July 22, 2016
Do save it for another occasion where it won't be mistaken for a bridal gown. If you can't find an occasion, contrive one. Getting a great dress is an excellent reason to celebrate.
As for finding a replacement to wear to the wedding, how do you usually get along with thrift stores? IME they're always heaving with black tie compatible dresses. You could get a wedding appropriate one and dry clean it for no money whatsoever. Heck, get ten. I always do.
posted by tel3path at 11:22 AM on July 22, 2016
I think a lot of black-tie appropriate dresses end up looking bridesmaid-y regardless, so I think it would be OK to wear dyed and with non-flower accessories. More so than to a less formal wedding.
BUT it looks synthetic aka super difficult to dye. What is the fiber content and how crafty are you, and how willing are you to risk ruining it entirely? I think it would look great (and more wearable) if it was two-tone (dark or jewel-tone colors).
posted by anaelith at 2:43 PM on July 24, 2016
BUT it looks synthetic aka super difficult to dye. What is the fiber content and how crafty are you, and how willing are you to risk ruining it entirely? I think it would look great (and more wearable) if it was two-tone (dark or jewel-tone colors).
posted by anaelith at 2:43 PM on July 24, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by 4ster at 12:36 PM on July 21, 2016