Should I attend boss's farewell party?
June 22, 2016 4:16 PM   Subscribe

Our account head is leaving our firm for greener pastures. Should I attend his farewell party?

The head of our account got tired of dealing with our client and is moving to a better job at another company. He is not being replaced, rather his duties are being distributed amongst the remaining team. He's a nice guy and easily the best manager I've worked for.

That being said, I have absolutely no desire to go to his farewell party. He's getting a salary bump and a less stressful job. We're left with the extra work. I'm not sure a few complimentary beers helps my end of the equation.

We are a rather large team and it's entirely possible he won't notice that I'm not there. But, other people would notice that I'm not there.

Do I keep all my feels tucked away for a couple of hours and pretend to make merry, or do I make up an excuse to sit it out? Help me, hive mind!
posted by mrbeebz to Work & Money (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
It's your new manager's fault his work is getting dumped on you. Don't be mad at the old manager for making his life less shitty. You said "He's a nice guy and easily the best manager I've worked for". Of course you should go, but you should take that chip off your shoulder first.
posted by so fucking future at 4:19 PM on June 22, 2016 [60 favorites]

You're experiencing the Crab Mentality, which is a good sign it's time to start your own job search and follow your ex-manager out the door.

Go to the party. Later on, tap him as a reference.
posted by jamaro at 4:25 PM on June 22, 2016 [43 favorites]

Of course go! You want this guy to remember you should he have any openings for you at the better company!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:27 PM on June 22, 2016 [26 favorites]

Do I keep all my feels tucked away for a couple of hours and pretend to make merry

I'm a big fan of not doing things you don't want to do. However it seems like you may be letting your own "woe is me!" feelings get in the way of the fact that a person you genuinely like and care about is leaving and there's a nice send-off to wish him well. I get it, it sucks for you. But the party isn't for you, to cheer you up or something.

So unless you literally spend all of your time at work just mad about this, I don't think you tuck away your feels, I think you just go, tag in, tell him you're jealous that he's escaped, have a free beer and go home and start working on your resume.
posted by jessamyn at 4:29 PM on June 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

Someone you like and respect is leaving the company. You should go and wish him well, at least briefly. The fact that your company cannot be bothered to replace him is not his fault.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 4:41 PM on June 22, 2016 [11 favorites]

Go! The purpose of the party isn't to reimburse the rest of the office for the redistributed work-- it's to have a space to exchange well wishes towards your manager, who, as you've already said, is a fantastic guy. Don't let the two ideas get mixed up, and certainly don't let it get in the way of the chance to have a few relaxed and friendly exchanges with your colleagues.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 4:42 PM on June 22, 2016 [5 favorites]

I've never been one for work parties. Thankfully they only come up once a year for me where I go to a holiday party with people I "work" with...not "for" as I'm self employed. That being said I have to drag myself to the party every year as I hate every second of it. I'm somewhat socially awkward with people I'm not very close to. And it makes going to these things really tough for me. In some ways that energy probably comes off as negative and people may interpret it the wrong way. So I often ask myself if perhaps it's better to just not go. Next year I'm actually thinking of skipping my holiday party. The point I'm trying to make is that at the end of the day, if your feelings of resentment are going to shine through at this party maybe you shouldn't go. Of course there's always the chance you could offend others at the company. But I dunno...I used to think "sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to". But I may be changing that tune. Do what you feel comfortable with.
posted by ljs30 at 5:15 PM on June 22, 2016

Thanks all. I will go to wish the guy well.
posted by mrbeebz at 5:51 PM on June 22, 2016 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I have a retirement party to go to next week. They're not replacing her. I am going to be the only one left in my group At All come next week, drowning. She has been mentioning retirement 15 times a day (yes, I counted), rubbing it in. I'm still going because that's what you do to be nice to nice people. Yeah, I've got crab mentality myself, and I'm jealous of anyone who can voluntarily leave when I cannot.'s still not nice to not go, you know? I'd only say to skip it if he was a total bastard.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:57 PM on June 22, 2016 [1 favorite]

You go and wish him well. You never know when you might need his help in finding a different job.
posted by mmascolino at 12:43 PM on June 23, 2016

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