Match Vs OkC... which for long term relationship IN NYC specifically!
May 20, 2016 2:03 PM   Subscribe

The age old question of which online dating site is better often has differing answers based on location.. So what about in NYC specifically?

I'm a straight woman in her mid 30's; Interested in finding "the one".. Not really looking to have kids. Never done online dating before because I can't post my photo online due to my office position. But recently I found out there is an incognito mode that you can pay for where only the people you pick get to see your photo. Now that I can do. I'm nervous about the whole meeting a person I never met before thing, but I've always had trouble running into or meeting new people even when I was in my 20's so this seems to be my best chance. When I look this up online, people have differing opinions depending on where they live so wondering what the best site according to people in NYC who are looking for long term or marriage? I know Match and OKC are owned by the same company, but that doesn't necessarily mean they have the same results.
posted by manderin to Human Relations (11 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Why dont you try both?
posted by rhythm_queen at 2:16 PM on May 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

In my experience, OkC is more widely used among NYCers (but most of my data points are in their mid-to-late 20s). Its members are looking for all sorts of relationships, but profiles are usually clear about which.

I used to work (disclaimer!) as an engineer at OkCupid (they're based in NYC), and almost everyone I mentioned my job to either had an account or knew someone who met their SO there. I'm in a long term OkCupid relationship myself.
posted by Sidnicious at 2:24 PM on May 20, 2016

Unfortunately, according to my female friends in ny the answer is probably Tinder at this point. You could also try Bumble--not sure how populated it is though.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:54 PM on May 20, 2016

I know that incognito mode sounds good, but you may find it to be a hindrance in finding matches; many potential matches may think you have something to hide. But if you do go with it, you should probably expect that you may have to be the one to initiate contact with potential matches due to your photo not being public.
Of my friends in relationships who met online, I hear Match more than anything.
Good luck!
posted by NoraCharles at 3:17 PM on May 20, 2016

Why dont you try both?

Because I don't want to pay for both and to go incognito on okc you have to pay.
posted by manderin at 5:30 PM on May 20, 2016

ok, I know you asked for Match vs. OkC, but this startup featured on the startup podcast profiled Dating Ring which could be worth checking out. It is based in NYC and they are limited to only a few cities, most notably NYC. I have not tried it but it seemed like an interesting approach.
posted by z11s at 11:16 PM on May 20, 2016

Tinder skews toward hookups and quick dates in the 16-34 range, OKC is 20-34 and a mix of serious and casual dating, Match goes 25-44 and has more conservatives and professional folk. Try them all, you never know who you'll find!

Part of the charm of OKC is that you can see who's looking at your profile. People see you've "visited" and they visit you back, then send you a message! You get notifications for mutual "likes." Your rankings and site exposure will be much lower if you opt out of this feature.

I say, don't pay for incognito, just post a cute photo with no face or that's obscured in some way, and explain your work situation in the first paragraph. Make a free throwaway number (Sideline, Flyp, Hush) and email account for your sign-up, you can also trade numbers and send pictures anonymously.

As for meeting strangers... coffee in public. If it's bad beg off after the first drink.
posted by fritillary at 11:46 PM on May 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

Oh, and regardless of your strategy, as a woman on the internet dating scene you will have *much* better dates if you message men first. Invest some time in learning the profile filters to find good matches... your inbox will be onslaught in the first week, it's VITAL you do the choosing.
posted by fritillary at 12:01 AM on May 21, 2016 [2 favorites]

I would vote for Bumble. Can't speak for NYC in particular, but as someone who is a veteran of the on-line dating scene in DC and Honolulu, I can tell you that in general as a female your problem will be meeting quality rather than quantity. Bumble only allows men who you have contacted first to write you back, thus eliminating the "U R hot," one-liner intros.

On the full-fledged sites like Match and OKC (as opposed to the apps like Tinder and Bumble) you can get caught up in the mind-numbing narcissistic pain/pleasure of tinkering with your profile for hours instead of just going out and meeting people!

Also, read Modern Romance: link.
posted by eglenner at 8:07 AM on May 21, 2016

If the choice is OKC or Match, I say OKC. The clientele seems to be more hipstery, less conservative and younger than Match, which as others have said skews older and more established/professional. This could translate to OKC feeling like less of a place to find a long-term mate, but in my experience Match always seemed like a ghost town since you could never quite tell if certain members were active or not.

I dated a few guys from Match and lots of guys off OKC, two of whom turned into serious boyfriends (including my current - and most likely forever - love).

Tinder is also alright, and I dated a couple guys from there, but I definitely saw the same pool of dudes active there and on OKC so it didn't add much value to my dating experience.

I also tried Coffee Meets Bagel but if you're worried about anonymity and are friends with coworkers, be forewarned that's it's predicated on matching you with mutual Facebook friends. (Actually, Tinder also tells you if you and a potential match have mutual friends, which might not be ideal if you are worried about discretion.)

I've been off the market for a little bit but one of my coworkers also likes Hinge, which I believe is a free app.

Ultimatelty, I'd do OKC (paid) + every and any free app you're comfortable with.
posted by chestnut-haired-sunfish at 8:32 AM on May 21, 2016

I don't know anyone in NYC who uses Match. OkCupid all the way. (My friends here also use Tinder but I never have because I'm the "look obsessively for reasons not to meet the person before making a date" type, not the "get off the app ASAP and see if there's a spark in person" type.)
posted by babelfish at 10:05 AM on May 21, 2016 [2 favorites]

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