Looking for a Burma Shave homage to beach season rules
May 11, 2016 8:36 PM   Subscribe

I'm a resident of a small beach community. Help me publicize the beach rules with amusing (or at least cringe-worthy witty) prose. This will be vigilante signage to reinforce the municipal small-print ordinance signs and hyper-local informational a.m. radio cast. Humor, irony, and mild to medium innuendo is suitable. Assume unobtrusive roadside signage along the causeway approaching the island is tolerated.

Traffic backs up along this causeway regularly during the summer. Perfectly nice folks end up getting citations for perfectly avoidable infractions, and also some jerks are jerks and leave trash all over the place among other things. La Guapa and I are inveterate rule followers who want to preach conformance educate visitors while they sit in traffic. There is room for at least two sets of signs at a time, and we can have multiple deployments over the summer, changing the messages from time to time.

The Rules (abridged):

Leave only footprints, take only memories
Cigarette butts are litter too!
Dogs not allowed on the beach between 10am and 6pm, leashed all other times
Fill holes you dig / don't leave debris - sea turtles nesting!
No alcohol (wink wink)
No glass containers!
Park facing same direction of traffic, all tires off the road, or you'll get a ticket
Use both lanes all the way to the bridge when congested
posted by ElGuapo to Society & Culture (9 answers total)
If using multiple signs, have the first one read: "The sea turtles say:"

This will get the attention of kids.

Have the condensed message explain the "dont's" from the turtles POV (like turtle holding up a bottle to the trash)
Turtle parking the car correctly would be funny.
posted by clavdivs at 10:00 PM on May 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Footprints leave
Memories take
But nothing else:
Our beach at stake
Beach bums and gals
Who flick their butts:
Make no mistake
We hate your guts
Check your watch
Can Fido come?
Off peak: on leash
Peak times: stay home
Fill holes you dig
Don't leave debris
We share our beach
With turtles, see
We keep our beach
Free of booze
Still lots of drinks
For you to choose
To our beach
Please don't
bring glass
If you do
We'll kick
you out
Park on the right
And off the road
All tires please
Or you'll be towed
Use both lanes
Avoid the urge
To cut folks off:
zipper merge
posted by brentajones at 10:23 PM on May 11, 2016 [42 favorites]

seconding clavdivs, get the kids attention. School children are also inveterate rules followers, especially on environmental issues (cue poor parent who throws a recyclable item in the regular rubbish)

If the sea turtles want it and the kids see it the parents will have those slogans drummed in.
posted by kitten magic at 12:58 AM on May 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think after brentajones' last sign you really should have one that says "Burma Shave"
posted by pointystick at 5:17 AM on May 12, 2016 [3 favorites]

If you like sharp things
In your ass
Make sure your bottle's
Made of glass

Okay, you probably can't use that one. But maybe:

Glass can break
Glass can cut
Protect your feet
Protect your butt
No glass bottles please!
posted by Redstart at 6:17 AM on May 12, 2016

Following with the turtle theme the last sign can be "turtle says"
posted by mightshould at 6:27 AM on May 12, 2016

Your butt looks awesome
When it's wet
Unless it's from
A cigarette
Cigarette butts are litter!
posted by Redstart at 6:40 AM on May 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

brentajones for the win! Even included 'zipper merge' for timeliness!
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 8:36 AM on May 12, 2016

Holes are turtle traps!
Oh no! [maybe include sad turtle pic]
Fill them in
Before you go


Don't leave debris
Or holes behind
Who minds?
The little turtles mind!
posted by Redstart at 9:11 AM on May 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

« Older Michel Thomas-like French course taught by native...   |   Looking for a Korean online encyclopaedia Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.