Family filter: the logistics of moving cross-country!
March 30, 2016 3:39 PM   Subscribe

What factors might I consider and questions need I answer in planning a cross-country move for my family from San Diego to the east coast? Looking primarily for advice on logistics, practical considerations on the most economically feasible ways to do this, and personal anecdotes from those of you that have done a long distance, city to city move successfully with a family.

This wouldn't cause me as much stress if I was making the move on my own. However, my husband and I now have a newborn, so variables like which one of us should move first, if work deems necessary, need to be considered.

Some other factors:

1. I work in biotech and my husband is in hospitality. Neither of these industries are scarce on the east coast, but it's probably unlikely that we'd find jobs around the same time (unless we're lucky)!

2. We're looking to move to either New Jersey or upstate NY (about 30-60 min outside the city, ideally). I have family in NYC but will not be able to stay with them temporarily. Other locations with relatively easy access to the city would also be considered - PA or CT, perhaps. MD in a pinch (I love DC and it'd be super easy for me to find work there, but I'd prefer to be close to family).

3. I will not make the move if my prospective employers do not provide relocation assistance (in the past they always have, so this will likely not be an issue). Not sure if the hospitality industry typically provides such assistance.

4. We don't have a whole lot of furniture, but we'd be bringing the basics - bed, dressers, crib, couch. Other than that it would be clothes, baby paraphernalia (downsized as much as possible) and kitchen goods.

5. We are trying to make this happen in the next two years, which will give us some time to save up for emergencies, and/or living expenses for at least 3 months.

6. Our combined household income is ~$150,000 after taxes, and we have about $10k in savings already. We're looking to maintain our current comfortable (not lavish) lifestyle on the east coast and therefore any advice on cities where the COL is comparable to San Diego would be appreciated.

7. Other than family, one of the main reasons we want to move is in search of a more diverse and progressive culture than San Diego offers. Trade-off here is obviously the weather, but being an east coast Canadian myself and having lived in big cities all my life (LA, NYC, DC and Toronto), I'd love for my son to experience a richer metropolis than San Diego as he grows older. I'd venture to assume that school districts are better on the east coast as well.

Thank you in advance for your help, MeFites! I'm more paranoid about this move because this is the first time I'm attempting something like this with a family in tow, and would like to have all my bases covered. Neither my husband nor I are great planners, so any advice we get would be much much appreciated!
posted by Everydayville to Work & Money (8 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Here are my thoughts:

1. Figure out what cities you'd like to live in. Check out what the rental market is. Rent for at least a year, don't buy right off.

2. Start taking exploratory visits to them to see if the vibe lives up to the hype.

3. Both apply for jobs in the areas targeted.

4. Negotiate salaries, relocation packages etc.

5. Figure out what you're going to move, pack it and move it.

6. If you're doing a road trip, get AAA, have the make you a Trip-Tik, stay in Motel 6 across the country. It's Fun!

7. If you're not doing a road trip, fly to your new destination.

Avoid maintaining two homes simultaneously. Sometimes one spouse quits and secures employment after the move. Save up to cover a couple of months of loss of income. Being apart with a kiddo, for no real reason is NOT the optimal way to do this. Besides, moving is stressful, doing it together makes it bearable.

Remember self-care. Get massages, and spa treatments during the whole transition period. Eat well. Rest.

Adventure Ho!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 3:58 PM on March 30, 2016 [3 favorites]


Generally speaking, the rail commuting range to Manhattan is about 40 miles in all directions, with gaps of course. I think it's easier from CT than NJ because the Hudson is likely to require a change to a PATH train under the river, then a subway. That adds time. Wall St may be easier from NJ, though because the subway from Grand Central downtown is no picnic.

I'm guessing that in NJ you would end up north of Route 80. If getting to Manhattan is the issue because it's generally less urban. Quite pretty country, most of it.

I live in Stamford, CT and have many neighbors who commute to the city. A three bedroom split level of no particular distinction on a half acre lot can be found for $500,000.

There is a huge amount of hospitality industry in the NYC area, of course. I'm not sure where any of the big companies have their HQs. I think NJ is better for bio-tech. My sister worked for Squibb in New Brunswick, and then for another drug company in the Somerville area.J&J had outposts in that area too.

My daughter has twins, and they just moved from Boston to DC. One spouse moved the household, the other moved the kids. That worked well.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:07 PM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Ruthless Bunny's advice to rent for a year before buying a home is really, really good advice. I have regretted it when my family didn't do that. We moved cross-country twice. My best suggestions are to fly with the baby rather than trying to drive with baby cross country. And if employer is paying for relocation, hire movers to pack your belongings too! This is the most amazing service. It's expensive, but if you can afford it with your relocation package it is so, so worth it. Just remember to pack valuables and any .... Unmentionables ... yourself because otherwise it is a bit embarrassing. I wouldn't worry too much about downsizing belongings until you know the details of your relocation package and the size of the apartment you'll be renting. My guess is the apartment size will affect your downsizing more than shipping costs.
Do you have cars or pets you want to move? Here's how we handled that: It cost about $1,000 extra to have the movers ship one of our cars. Fortunately this cost was covered for us. We also had a dog and it worked best to have one spouse drive one car with dog, ship one car, other spouse fly with baby. Actually, this worked best the time we also paid for a friend to fly and meet my husband. Then they shared the driving, had a fun road trip, dog didn't have to fly, baby didn't have to endure long car ride. This is my "best case scenario" relocation advice. I've done plenty of cheap moves too. If you have to rent a u-haul and move everything yourself, then you do need to downsize most furniture and budget $500 or so to craigslist new stuff later. Oh, one thing you could do is start packing old clothing, books and extraneous stuff now. Then, if you do move, first donate anything you've already packed & forgotten about. Good luck! Living near (nice) family can make parenting so much easier. We have not regretted moving closer to home.
posted by areaperson at 5:06 PM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Can't speak to moving with a newborn, but in terms of biotech employment, the Philadelphia area is a very good place for biotech manufacturing, and the cost of living is much lower than either SD or NYC. Even if you live in the city itself, the cost of living is probably lower than wherever you are in San Diego right now, provided you can deal with apartment living.

As far as big companies go, GSK has a site in the Philadelphia Naval Yard (there is also a great company there called WuXi Apptec that does virological testing, if you have any virology background) and Merck is in PA within 45 minutes (to the Northwest) of Philadelphia, and BMS has a huge site (Hopewell NJ, near Princeton) that is mid-way between NYC and Philadelphia. The big companies will definitely pay for relocation if they want to hire you. There are tons of other smaller companies as well, doing both biotechnology and medical device work. Philadelphia has good regional rail, so you can live in the city and do a reverse commute to a further out biotech site, if that floats your boat. I knew a lot of kids that grew up in the city of Philadelphia (did a lot of sleepovers when I was a kid) and it seemed like a great place to be a kid, provided you lived in a safe neighborhood. It's very easy to get to NYC via car or rail, we used to visit monthly when my grandmother was alive.
posted by permiechickie at 5:13 PM on March 30, 2016 [2 favorites]


I've moved with a 10 week old and a 14mo old. It's...not great. The best way, if it all possible, is to get removalists to do it all for you! Get a quote now and save up. One of us (me) was always baby wrangling and my husband spent ALL his free time for weeks packing. It sucked, and it was super frustrating having someone else packing my stuff (my husband was trying to be nice and kept asking me questions), not having help with the baby, we both were sort of lonely etc. Moving is a ton of extra work.

Start downsizing and saving now, and just have the removalists do it all for you (packing and loading). We had removalists do the packing when we moved overseas and it was amaaaaazing!

Pack a "first night" box - baby essentials, toilet paper, wine, etc...

Our one year lease is up just after kiddo's 2nd birthday - ugh. He's getting increasingly "helpful" as in, following me around the house undoing whatever I've just cleaned up; he's terribly underfoot, quick, and clumsy. He'd have a brilliant time "packing" lol. One of us will have to be at the park with him the whole time!

(FWIW, my kid didn't notice the first move at all, and barely noticed the second. He sort of looked around and went... Mom and Dad are here? Hm. All our stuff too? OK!)

If your nice family is willing to fly out for one last beach visit as you finish up the move that would be *great*. You might also rent an AirBNB for, say, the night before the removalists come to maybe a night or two after while you wrap things up (and rest and eat tacos). Then you have your essentials with you and a quiet place to retreat that's not all crazy.

It sounds like you should get a job (and relocation assistance) first and your husband should quit, come with you, and then find employment. Stick together! It's really important for the kid (and your own moral support!).
posted by jrobin276 at 5:43 PM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


Reserving a u-haul doesn't mean they'll have a truck for you when you show up; it means they'll have warm feelings towards you when you show up.
posted by sebastienbailard at 6:29 PM on March 30, 2016 [4 favorites]


Under NO circumstances should you do the actual move yourself.

ABF U-Pack is the way to go on the cheap.

If someone is paying, use a nationally known mover like Beakins or Mayflower. I've had good experiences with both. Either way, buy replacement value insurance for your stuff.

Before packing divest EVERYTHING you don't want to move. Clear it all out. Buh-bye. Sell it, donate it, have a yard sale. Then when you're down to what's left, you can start packing.

Moving companies can source dudes to pack for you. I'm 'meh' about that actually. It's great if you don't mind unpacking your carefully wrapped bathroom wastebasket, full of trash. I'd rather have a packing party. Get someone to mind the baby, off premises. Invite some friends in, provide beer, pizza and chicken. Go to Home Depot and buy boxes, tape dispensers with lots of tape and plain newsprint. Then set people loose to pack. Assign rooms. People will show up for this because it's infinitely preferable to the typical moving young people do.

When you get to the new location, have a family member down to help unpack, mind the baby and do the helping you'll need.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:34 PM on March 30, 2016 [1 favorite]


A native of Los Angeles, ten years ago we moved from Solana Beach (and work in biotech as well) with a then-3-year old in tow.

The relocation package was modest (changing positions within the same company rather than starting new), and the SAHM and toddler went abroad a few weeks to her parents while the moving van was in transit and I stayed at a friends place until the rental opened up and the stuff arrived.

With two years to prepare that is early, we had about two months.

Lots of good advice already: rent for a year before purchasing a house; lighten the load as much as you can possibly bear; save up as much as you can as it makes the stress much lower when the unexpected crops up; everybody flies, this is not the time to take an epic road trip; don't maintain two households, that's what the savings are for.

By renting you will need to move twice, but the time spent renting you'll develop a keen sense for what's desirable, and what factors you have the luxury of time to consider. I had two 'house hunting' trips as part of the relo package, and what stress that is to buy a house in a short timeframe. We took our time, thoroughly researched schools, neighborhoods, geography and local culture, and found a great place.

We made the mistake of renting our place out in SD for WAYYY too long, and when we did decide to sell it was in the middle of a Major Housing downturn (2008-2009). So while you may think of moving back to the SD area in 15 or 20 years and you own a house there now, do be very deliberate in your thinking and tolerance for being an out-of-town, remote landlord. It is certainly not for everyone, and everyone's situation is unique.

Now with multiple children in school in the DC area, we won't be moving for at least 10 years, no question it has been enlarging for everyone to move out of the narrow confines of SD. (For all thoses insanely jealous of anyone living in SD, yes the weather is awesome and it does have a lot to offer, but as the OP mentions the desire for more diversity is a motivation to seek other locales. One friend who we followed from our time in LA to the DC area once told me, 'In California the taxes were high but (in terms of education) you don't know where all that money goes; here the taxes are high but you see a lot of where it gets spent.'

There are top primary and secondary schools in many places, and you have a lot of research to do to optimize what location would be best, although the NY / NJ pharma may make the most sense to be close to family. My sister is flying out from California, and that only happens every few years, having family close by was a sacrifice we made...

But no regrets from this East Coast transplant, appreciative of all that the Northeast corridor has offer. (Working in biotech my eyes have been opened, from the resources of the National Institutes of Health to Hopkins to UPenn / CHOP to Weill-Cornelll to MSKCC to Harvard/Partners to Dana-Farber, and that's just the academic segment.)
posted by scooterdog at 6:14 AM on March 31, 2016 [1 favorite]


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