Hook me back up
March 21, 2016 5:56 PM Subscribe
I'm feeling disconnected from my own body. I'd like to fix it but I'm not sure where to start. Physical, spiritual, or mental? It's like a bad game of 20 questions.
The last couple years have been rough on my body. A lot of time being sick and not knowing why, then a cancer diagnosis, surgery, and chemo. The combo of not understanding what was wrong followed by effectively handing over some control of my body to doctors has left me feeling like I don't know what's going on inside myself very well. I'm healthy now, and want to regain a better sense of myself.
For example, I'm happy to eat, but I rarely realize I'm hungry, or recognize when I'm full. Or, last weekend I got a massage, and didn't know that anything was tense or loose until the therapist touched it. It's like I too thoroughly ceded ownership, and now need some external input to tell me what my internal state is.
So, where do I start to fix it? Is this something for a therapist or yoga or acupuncture or what? I'm not really even sure if this is a physical, spiritual, or mental problem. I'm happy to hear about both woo and non-woo, things to do myself or things to get someone to help me with.
The last couple years have been rough on my body. A lot of time being sick and not knowing why, then a cancer diagnosis, surgery, and chemo. The combo of not understanding what was wrong followed by effectively handing over some control of my body to doctors has left me feeling like I don't know what's going on inside myself very well. I'm healthy now, and want to regain a better sense of myself.
For example, I'm happy to eat, but I rarely realize I'm hungry, or recognize when I'm full. Or, last weekend I got a massage, and didn't know that anything was tense or loose until the therapist touched it. It's like I too thoroughly ceded ownership, and now need some external input to tell me what my internal state is.
So, where do I start to fix it? Is this something for a therapist or yoga or acupuncture or what? I'm not really even sure if this is a physical, spiritual, or mental problem. I'm happy to hear about both woo and non-woo, things to do myself or things to get someone to help me with.
You might Google the term "chemo brain." Chemo is known to have long term neurological effects. That can impact how you experience your body.
I have not been through chemo, but I did have a medical crisis involving taking a lot of medication. I did a cleansing diet for three or four months after I got off the worst of the drugs. That helped me function better and feel more normal.
Also, some drugs are known to cause specific nutrient deficiencies. I was on Advil for about 6 years. It is a common therapy for my condition. I later learned that Advil (ibuprofen) is known to deplete a specific B vitamin. After I got off the Advil, my need for B vitamin supplements went way down.
So, try to Google the names of specific dugs you took and see if they are known to deplete specific nutrients. If so, supplementing for those specific nutrients may do you a world of good.
(Hugs) if you want them and welcome back to "normal" life!
posted by Michele in California at 6:24 PM on March 21, 2016
I have not been through chemo, but I did have a medical crisis involving taking a lot of medication. I did a cleansing diet for three or four months after I got off the worst of the drugs. That helped me function better and feel more normal.
Also, some drugs are known to cause specific nutrient deficiencies. I was on Advil for about 6 years. It is a common therapy for my condition. I later learned that Advil (ibuprofen) is known to deplete a specific B vitamin. After I got off the Advil, my need for B vitamin supplements went way down.
So, try to Google the names of specific dugs you took and see if they are known to deplete specific nutrients. If so, supplementing for those specific nutrients may do you a world of good.
(Hugs) if you want them and welcome back to "normal" life!
posted by Michele in California at 6:24 PM on March 21, 2016
This is exactly what yoga is for!
You can begin gently and progress however you like. The point of yoga is to learn to pay attention to your body and only do what feels right. It has helped me like no other form of exercise, and it's not just stretching! Especially at the beginning level you will find yourself building strength and balance.
Walking is also a great exercise for cardio. Again, you can do as little or as much as you like, and you don't really have to invest in much besides a good pair of shoes.
Good luck and be well!
posted by maggiemaggie at 6:24 PM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
You can begin gently and progress however you like. The point of yoga is to learn to pay attention to your body and only do what feels right. It has helped me like no other form of exercise, and it's not just stretching! Especially at the beginning level you will find yourself building strength and balance.
Walking is also a great exercise for cardio. Again, you can do as little or as much as you like, and you don't really have to invest in much besides a good pair of shoes.
Good luck and be well!
posted by maggiemaggie at 6:24 PM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Mindfulness meditation seems uniquely suited to this. It's all about building up awareness of your body. My health insurance offered a course in it, but if you can't find one in your area, the course was based on the book Full Catastrophe Living, which fully describes the exercises and meditations (including a lot of gentle yoga).
posted by Gravel at 6:53 PM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Gravel at 6:53 PM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I actually came in to recommend yoga and mindfulness/meditation, which have already been recommended.
I'd also suggest a therapist, maybe one trained in mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR); or better yet, somatic therapy which is all about getting yourself back "in your body." I'm biased, but I think art therapy is great for this. It's experiential and doesn't require words to have an impact, so if emotion comes up you just work with that rather than trying to translate into words. All of the experiential therapies are great for this - music therapy or even dance therapy if you feel so inclined.
and now need some external input to tell me what my internal state is.
You know, reading your question a second time, I may be way off the mark but a therapist who specializes in PTSD might be a good fit. Maybe? I say this because PTSD isn't just for veterans - it's for any traumatic experience in which you feel like you've lost a part of yourself in the experience, which seems to be what you're describing.
posted by onecircleaday at 7:21 PM on March 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
I'd also suggest a therapist, maybe one trained in mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR); or better yet, somatic therapy which is all about getting yourself back "in your body." I'm biased, but I think art therapy is great for this. It's experiential and doesn't require words to have an impact, so if emotion comes up you just work with that rather than trying to translate into words. All of the experiential therapies are great for this - music therapy or even dance therapy if you feel so inclined.
and now need some external input to tell me what my internal state is.
You know, reading your question a second time, I may be way off the mark but a therapist who specializes in PTSD might be a good fit. Maybe? I say this because PTSD isn't just for veterans - it's for any traumatic experience in which you feel like you've lost a part of yourself in the experience, which seems to be what you're describing.
posted by onecircleaday at 7:21 PM on March 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Nthing yoga.
In particular, if you're in a place where you're able to work out somewhat, I'd suggest Yoga with Adriene's Yoga Camp. It's a thirty-day series of yoga videos, each of which has a mantra to go with it, which I suppose is sort of woo but it's not presented in a very woo way. More like CBT for your mind and stretching/strengthening for your body at the same time, at least from my perspective. (Day 1 is "I Accept".) I think this actually ticks all your physical, mental, and spiritual boxes.
If you're not quite ready for a physical workout at this point, she has some more gentle/restorative videos you can start with like Yoga for Healing and Meditation and Gentle Yoga and Yoga for Bedtime, or even just some good old cat/cow. (I'm not affiliated with Yoga with Adriene in any way - I just love her style and approach and the fact that it's free on YouTube for me to do at home.) You don't need a fancy mat to get started - just grab a bath towel, or you can even do the gentler videos on your bed.
Her motto is "Find What Feels Good," which sounds pretty much like what you might be looking for, and was definitely what I needed after years of back/neck pain and headaches. The single best thing I've gotten out of yoga (though I love the workout and the strength and the flexibility and the breathing, etc. etc., too!) is just mindful awareness of my body - what hurts, what feels good, what I can do to relax tight places, how I can stretch and soothe sore places, etc. I'm not sure I ever knew what "relax your shoulders" meant before I started doing yoga - now I do, and it's pretty fantastic. I hope it helps you too!
posted by bananacabana at 8:02 PM on March 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
In particular, if you're in a place where you're able to work out somewhat, I'd suggest Yoga with Adriene's Yoga Camp. It's a thirty-day series of yoga videos, each of which has a mantra to go with it, which I suppose is sort of woo but it's not presented in a very woo way. More like CBT for your mind and stretching/strengthening for your body at the same time, at least from my perspective. (Day 1 is "I Accept".) I think this actually ticks all your physical, mental, and spiritual boxes.
If you're not quite ready for a physical workout at this point, she has some more gentle/restorative videos you can start with like Yoga for Healing and Meditation and Gentle Yoga and Yoga for Bedtime, or even just some good old cat/cow. (I'm not affiliated with Yoga with Adriene in any way - I just love her style and approach and the fact that it's free on YouTube for me to do at home.) You don't need a fancy mat to get started - just grab a bath towel, or you can even do the gentler videos on your bed.
Her motto is "Find What Feels Good," which sounds pretty much like what you might be looking for, and was definitely what I needed after years of back/neck pain and headaches. The single best thing I've gotten out of yoga (though I love the workout and the strength and the flexibility and the breathing, etc. etc., too!) is just mindful awareness of my body - what hurts, what feels good, what I can do to relax tight places, how I can stretch and soothe sore places, etc. I'm not sure I ever knew what "relax your shoulders" meant before I started doing yoga - now I do, and it's pretty fantastic. I hope it helps you too!
posted by bananacabana at 8:02 PM on March 21, 2016 [5 favorites]
The body scan meditation from Jon Kabat Zinn's MBSR course. He'll guide you through your body starting in the toes of the left foot, and could help you be more body aware. Another is walking meditation. There are variations on how to do it ranging from full meditation on your feet (not recommending this form) to attempting to be fully aware of every movement no matter how minuscule it is. I can't find the one I want though this comes close to it.
posted by squeak at 8:44 PM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by squeak at 8:44 PM on March 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Depending on your disposition some structured daily journaling might be a free and simple way to help start bringing you back to where you want to be.
Like, first spend some time thinking about general physical needs and your specific ones. Thirsty, hungry, are you in pain or itching anywhere, tense stiff posture, general emotional state like worried or angry or excited, anyone you care about that is having trouble that makes you worry, anything that you specifically have trouble paying attention to. Make a list that you can fill in the blanks for every day. You can do a paper journal by keeping a blank list in the front with numbers and then keeping numbered answers for each day so you don't have to copy the list every day. Digitally there are lots of choices; a private tumblr might be easy.
As you take five or ten minutes every day to think about your body, you will get used to doing it and be able to do it more easily. And looking back on your entries can help you track gradual changes and progress. It gives yourself permission to reclaim your physical state as it is, without judgement or goals, just what you actually feel like at the time, no denial.
posted by Mizu at 10:48 PM on March 21, 2016
Like, first spend some time thinking about general physical needs and your specific ones. Thirsty, hungry, are you in pain or itching anywhere, tense stiff posture, general emotional state like worried or angry or excited, anyone you care about that is having trouble that makes you worry, anything that you specifically have trouble paying attention to. Make a list that you can fill in the blanks for every day. You can do a paper journal by keeping a blank list in the front with numbers and then keeping numbered answers for each day so you don't have to copy the list every day. Digitally there are lots of choices; a private tumblr might be easy.
As you take five or ten minutes every day to think about your body, you will get used to doing it and be able to do it more easily. And looking back on your entries can help you track gradual changes and progress. It gives yourself permission to reclaim your physical state as it is, without judgement or goals, just what you actually feel like at the time, no denial.
posted by Mizu at 10:48 PM on March 21, 2016
Getting yoga ruled out as a health risk was a yay for me because everyone jumps straight to yoga as the answer and if you don't like yoga, well.
Hiking and trail running is good for this because you are using your body to scramble up his and over things and have to be physically present in the moment so as not to fall on your ass, and get sweaty and intense then have calm quiet rambling nature moments. It's a reminder that your body enjoys functioning for you, if you can adapt the terrain to what your body's currently capable of.
Another thing that helped me was getting a really big drugstore thing of body lotion and slathering it all over every night after a shower. It took about 5-10 minutes, and I did not like doing that AT ALL at first. I made excuses and rushed through it, but it ended up helping a lot. I also started brushing my hair carefully and braiding it. When I was sick, I could get ready in five minutes flat, and now I prefer to take 30-45 minutes because - I like it. I like futzing with my hair and putting on moisturiser and mascara. It's still really simple, but it's much much kinder to my body. I dyed my hair this week just for fun.
I still forget to eat all the time as a result of disconnect. I have a lunchtime alarm that helps remind me, and I am working on a habit of eating a snack as soon as I wake up. Dinner is hard. A bowl of apples on my desk helps. I think snacks are awesome, trail mix in a container or tiny meals if that's what works. Smoothies are good for meal replacements.
I have reminders all over my bedroom and bathroom to say "take care of yourself" "sleep is good" and pictures of happy things and happy people that remind me of physical self-care. That helps too, and I grabbed most of them from tumblr blogs and google images by searching for phrases like "self care +rest" or "eating healthy at any size" (to avoid diet weirdness - I haven't got weight issues, but food trauma issues).
The biggest steps forward have been days when my body did things - hiked places, built furniture, swam - or when I took care of my body in a kind way instead of trying to power through, like really nestled into bed and took proper sick leave and slept and had chicken soup.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 4:33 AM on March 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
Hiking and trail running is good for this because you are using your body to scramble up his and over things and have to be physically present in the moment so as not to fall on your ass, and get sweaty and intense then have calm quiet rambling nature moments. It's a reminder that your body enjoys functioning for you, if you can adapt the terrain to what your body's currently capable of.
Another thing that helped me was getting a really big drugstore thing of body lotion and slathering it all over every night after a shower. It took about 5-10 minutes, and I did not like doing that AT ALL at first. I made excuses and rushed through it, but it ended up helping a lot. I also started brushing my hair carefully and braiding it. When I was sick, I could get ready in five minutes flat, and now I prefer to take 30-45 minutes because - I like it. I like futzing with my hair and putting on moisturiser and mascara. It's still really simple, but it's much much kinder to my body. I dyed my hair this week just for fun.
I still forget to eat all the time as a result of disconnect. I have a lunchtime alarm that helps remind me, and I am working on a habit of eating a snack as soon as I wake up. Dinner is hard. A bowl of apples on my desk helps. I think snacks are awesome, trail mix in a container or tiny meals if that's what works. Smoothies are good for meal replacements.
I have reminders all over my bedroom and bathroom to say "take care of yourself" "sleep is good" and pictures of happy things and happy people that remind me of physical self-care. That helps too, and I grabbed most of them from tumblr blogs and google images by searching for phrases like "self care +rest" or "eating healthy at any size" (to avoid diet weirdness - I haven't got weight issues, but food trauma issues).
The biggest steps forward have been days when my body did things - hiked places, built furniture, swam - or when I took care of my body in a kind way instead of trying to power through, like really nestled into bed and took proper sick leave and slept and had chicken soup.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 4:33 AM on March 22, 2016 [4 favorites]
Yoga and mindfulness, yes, but also have a look at Focusing. It's a way of reconnecting with and developing your interoception by turning your attention to your bodily felt sense of a situation or issue.
posted by stuck on an island at 5:15 AM on March 22, 2016
posted by stuck on an island at 5:15 AM on March 22, 2016
Response by poster: You guys are just the best. I'm excited to start working through your suggestions to find the thing that works for me. Really just hearing that I don't sound completely crazy, and that there are things that seem like reasonable actions to try is enough to get me going. Thank you so much. I'll report back on what was best, for the benefit of anyone finding this later.
posted by donnagirl at 9:14 AM on March 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by donnagirl at 9:14 AM on March 22, 2016 [6 favorites]
Some more off beat suggestions I haven't seen yet. Somatic therapy, head scratcher/massager or using a tennis ball as a pressure point massager, and hanging out with animals.
A good friend started doing somatic therapy and is a huge fan.
A head scratcher thingie will wake up your scalp and a tennis ball will help you identify where you have tension.
And nothing reminds me of the calming effect of breathing than watching a cat breathe.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:25 AM on March 22, 2016
A good friend started doing somatic therapy and is a huge fan.
A head scratcher thingie will wake up your scalp and a tennis ball will help you identify where you have tension.
And nothing reminds me of the calming effect of breathing than watching a cat breathe.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:25 AM on March 22, 2016
I fully agree with the suggestions about yoga and mindfulness meditation, but I can't imagine anyone having gone through cancer, chemo, and surgery recently who couldn't also benefit from therapy.
Most people could benefit from therapy no matter what their life circumstances, I believe.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:47 AM on March 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Most people could benefit from therapy no matter what their life circumstances, I believe.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 10:47 AM on March 22, 2016 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Oh I've been to therapy, for sure. It was massively helpful, and really the best first step to take. This is just an odd itch it didn't quite scratch.
posted by donnagirl at 11:53 AM on March 22, 2016
posted by donnagirl at 11:53 AM on March 22, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
Second: yoga and, if you can find a practitioner/class/DVD near you, tai chi. While both of these *can* have woo components, you do not need the woo to enjoy the benefits.
Be well!
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 6:08 PM on March 21, 2016 [3 favorites]