Practical advice for turning 30
February 25, 2016 1:50 PM Subscribe
I'm turning 30 in about two weeks. I feel pretty accomplished, but at the same time I feel like I've missed out on a lot of things. Any thoughts you can share that you wish you knew/had learned by the time you reached this age?
Additional snowflake details:
On work and success. I have started my own graphic design studio when I was 22. There have been some rough years, but I think I'm doing well these days. I landed a major client last year which has sustained me for the past few months, but I feel like I need to step up, though I haven't figured out quite just yet how to do that. I worry that I should be doing something big, that I should be earning more than I am earning now; at the same time I also think that life is still ahead of me and I don't give myself enough credit for things I've accomplished.
On creativity. As much as my studio gives me a sense of purpose, I also want to work on getting published. Writing has always been the path for me, and is my life's work, but I don't have the support system for it. It is also, obviously, not something that would bring me financial security. So this is one of those nurture my body vs nurture my soul things that I am struggling with, which constantly makes me question if I have done the right things or if I've fucked up my life and I just don't know it yet.
On relationships. A lot of my friends who are in the same age are freaking out about turning 30, and I don't know if I should. At least, I don't feel it at the moment - but who knows, this might just be a delayed reaction. I might end up hyperventilating on the day of, or it might also just pass me by. Nevertheless some things I'm thinking about: how some of them have families now and long-term relationships. I'm still single and I've more or less decided that I don't want to get married or have children. They all have the corporate life trimmings: executive positions, cars, houses, etc. I am always the designated "homebased job" person who is still living with her parents.
On self care. I am an introvert and an INFJ, and I am bipolar. Currently in a manic phase but I could feel the pull of depression lately, which makes me afraid I'll slide back and regress and undo all the things I've achieved since last year and I'll become a sad self-sabotaging person when I turn 30.
What do I do? Is turning 30 really a major milestone? Should I do something drastic/big/life-changing?
TL;DR I think, for the most part, I am looking for advice that doesn't necessarily cater to the Western ideal of 'going out to see the world' or doing some Eat, Pray, Love bullshit. I am not American so off the bat it doesn't apply to me. I guess I just want advice that is genuine and real to you, too. Thanks in advance.
Additional snowflake details:
On work and success. I have started my own graphic design studio when I was 22. There have been some rough years, but I think I'm doing well these days. I landed a major client last year which has sustained me for the past few months, but I feel like I need to step up, though I haven't figured out quite just yet how to do that. I worry that I should be doing something big, that I should be earning more than I am earning now; at the same time I also think that life is still ahead of me and I don't give myself enough credit for things I've accomplished.
On creativity. As much as my studio gives me a sense of purpose, I also want to work on getting published. Writing has always been the path for me, and is my life's work, but I don't have the support system for it. It is also, obviously, not something that would bring me financial security. So this is one of those nurture my body vs nurture my soul things that I am struggling with, which constantly makes me question if I have done the right things or if I've fucked up my life and I just don't know it yet.
On relationships. A lot of my friends who are in the same age are freaking out about turning 30, and I don't know if I should. At least, I don't feel it at the moment - but who knows, this might just be a delayed reaction. I might end up hyperventilating on the day of, or it might also just pass me by. Nevertheless some things I'm thinking about: how some of them have families now and long-term relationships. I'm still single and I've more or less decided that I don't want to get married or have children. They all have the corporate life trimmings: executive positions, cars, houses, etc. I am always the designated "homebased job" person who is still living with her parents.
On self care. I am an introvert and an INFJ, and I am bipolar. Currently in a manic phase but I could feel the pull of depression lately, which makes me afraid I'll slide back and regress and undo all the things I've achieved since last year and I'll become a sad self-sabotaging person when I turn 30.
What do I do? Is turning 30 really a major milestone? Should I do something drastic/big/life-changing?
TL;DR I think, for the most part, I am looking for advice that doesn't necessarily cater to the Western ideal of 'going out to see the world' or doing some Eat, Pray, Love bullshit. I am not American so off the bat it doesn't apply to me. I guess I just want advice that is genuine and real to you, too. Thanks in advance.
There are a lot of "shoulds" in this question. My one piece of advice is that happiness flows from peace inside, and peace comes when you kick out all the "shoulds" and live in a way that is uniquely and authentically you.
posted by PercussivePaul at 2:19 PM on February 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by PercussivePaul at 2:19 PM on February 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
I know you said you're not American, but, therapy. It can help you sort out the 'should' concerns you mention in your post, and will help you determine what you do want, and learn how to be okay with it not being like what everyone else wants. It sounds like you've accomplished a lot but feelings like "if I have done the right things or if I've fucked up my life and I just don't know it yet" will probably keep cropping up and it's nice to have an ally in sorting them out.
And exercise. Seriously, start exercising, now, and if you've ever had any sort of old injury, or mobility issues, get a personal trainer or someone with experience in kinesiology and figure out how your particular body works and how to keep it flexible and mobile long-term. It's never too late to start but it will get harder as you get older.
posted by stellaluna at 2:29 PM on February 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
And exercise. Seriously, start exercising, now, and if you've ever had any sort of old injury, or mobility issues, get a personal trainer or someone with experience in kinesiology and figure out how your particular body works and how to keep it flexible and mobile long-term. It's never too late to start but it will get harder as you get older.
posted by stellaluna at 2:29 PM on February 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
I'm getting closer to my 40's but had a similar itch to get my creative outlet out there when I was your age and I'm glad I got it done, even though it seemed like it could all fall apart throughout. The most important thing I can tell you is that there aren't any short cuts, but making a plan to publish should be exactly that: A plan. Treat your goals as a project with specific deadlines. Although chaotic itself, the universe is kinder to those with a plan.
posted by analogue at 3:12 PM on February 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by analogue at 3:12 PM on February 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
I wish I'd started floating a long, long time ago. Meditation never worked for me, but floating has gotten me what meditation is advertised to do -- a sense of peace and contentment and acceptance.
So, if I could do it all again, I'd give myself 3 floats in a month to celebrate being 30.
You are fine, by the way. Listen to yourself about your own really wished for goals, then spaciously and generously, without riding or criticizing or being impatient with yourself, work toward them.
posted by bearwife at 3:44 PM on February 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
So, if I could do it all again, I'd give myself 3 floats in a month to celebrate being 30.
You are fine, by the way. Listen to yourself about your own really wished for goals, then spaciously and generously, without riding or criticizing or being impatient with yourself, work toward them.
posted by bearwife at 3:44 PM on February 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
My major milestone for 30 was realizing that milestones are useless. The road isn't going anywhere so who cares about some arbitrary measurement of distance along the way?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:54 PM on February 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:54 PM on February 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
It's just a number. Frankly, I was kind of relieved to turn 30 and am really enjoying it.
posted by jrobin276 at 4:00 PM on February 25, 2016
posted by jrobin276 at 4:00 PM on February 25, 2016
Frankly, I wished I had become more financially literate by the time I was 30. I'm learning now and it feels way too late. Do you have a retirement plan? That's step one.
posted by Toddles at 8:07 PM on February 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Toddles at 8:07 PM on February 25, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yep: current me can't remember 30 year old me particularly well, but current me *loves* 30 year old me for starting a retirement plan. It may not seem like it now, but if you haven't got one already, it's the biggest life-changing move you can/ should make.
posted by forallmankind at 1:32 AM on February 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by forallmankind at 1:32 AM on February 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
Around milestone birthdays, people can get really focused on making Big Dramatic Life Changes, but I think it is actually a lot wiser to make small ones that will pay off down the road.
I always think about these things as presents for myself on a specific future birthday. You know how if you try to buy somebody a Christmas present on December 23, it's much more stressful and expensive, but if you keep an eye out starting months in advance, you can probably find something great at a much lower price? It's the same with presents to future selves. Start now, and you can get some amazing presents for 40-year-old you with minimal effort.
Write a specific, manageable amount each day, measured either in time or in words. Twenty minutes a day isn't much, but by the time you're 40, it will be roughly 1,000 hours of writing. Or if you measure in words, 100 words a day isn't much, but by the time you're 40, it's about 300,000 words, which is roughly three novels (or three drafts of one novel.)
If you aren't exercising, start walking 20 to 30 minutes a day. That's not much, but between now and your 40th birthday, it will burn about 180,000 calories.
And don't neglect 65-year-old you, either. Put aside a little money each month into a retirement account. If you can put aside $100 each month into a general stock-market index fund, you'll end up giving 65-year-old you around $150,000.
posted by yankeefog at 2:44 AM on February 26, 2016 [6 favorites]
I always think about these things as presents for myself on a specific future birthday. You know how if you try to buy somebody a Christmas present on December 23, it's much more stressful and expensive, but if you keep an eye out starting months in advance, you can probably find something great at a much lower price? It's the same with presents to future selves. Start now, and you can get some amazing presents for 40-year-old you with minimal effort.
Write a specific, manageable amount each day, measured either in time or in words. Twenty minutes a day isn't much, but by the time you're 40, it will be roughly 1,000 hours of writing. Or if you measure in words, 100 words a day isn't much, but by the time you're 40, it's about 300,000 words, which is roughly three novels (or three drafts of one novel.)
If you aren't exercising, start walking 20 to 30 minutes a day. That's not much, but between now and your 40th birthday, it will burn about 180,000 calories.
And don't neglect 65-year-old you, either. Put aside a little money each month into a retirement account. If you can put aside $100 each month into a general stock-market index fund, you'll end up giving 65-year-old you around $150,000.
posted by yankeefog at 2:44 AM on February 26, 2016 [6 favorites]
(Just wanted to add: I picked $100 as a convenient round number for calculation purposes, but I recognize that putting aside $100/month is not necessarily easy, depending on your financial status. The principle is the same, though, for whatever amount of money you do feel you can round up.)
posted by yankeefog at 3:12 AM on February 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by yankeefog at 3:12 AM on February 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
For someone single and with no kids - turning 30 was awesome. It was like being eighteen again only this time knowing who you are and what you really want from life.
That said - its just another year, man. No different from the rest .
Relax.
posted by hoodrich at 1:53 PM on February 28, 2016
That said - its just another year, man. No different from the rest .
Relax.
posted by hoodrich at 1:53 PM on February 28, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
Cool, me too! The best thing I've done so far in my 30s is actually start exercising every day and getting in shape. It really is never too late to start this. I don't even recognize myself from Thanksgiving or know why I spent so long just loafing.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 2:02 PM on February 25, 2016 [6 favorites]