How to Give a Client a Respectful Brush-Off
January 26, 2016 6:58 AM Subscribe
I’ve been running my own business as a consultant for a few years now and have a category of situation that keeps cropping up that leads me to ask myself, “Is it ok to tell not tell the whole truth in business when the full truth might be awkward or complicated?”
General background: My business typically provides one-off services with no presumption of ongoing support or work. A client gets in touch, I provide the product, they are happy. Sometimes they get back in touch with new projects, which I love when I love the client. Sometimes I never hear from a client again.
The following questions are about these sorts of one-off clients with no explicit obligation for an ongoing relationship.
An example situation: A client gets in touch after a project is completed with a new project. I no longer think that client is right for me - or that I’m not the right solution for the client. If the reason is something concrete like I’m not an expert in that area and wouldn’t be comfortable providing support in that area, I say that.
But sometimes the real reason has to do more with the relationship. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. For example: mismatched communication style, their turnaround times are too fast, they have an expectation of my being on call and responsive on weekends or during the night, their project would be especially onerous or risky or honestly kinda uninteresting. Instead of saying these sorts of reasons, I usually say something like, “I wish I could work on this, but I’m totally booked up right now. Let me know if I could recommend anyone to help…”
Pros of this strategy:
- Eliminates bargaining - I don’t want the client to be able to say, “I understand, I’ll no longer require fast turnarounds or will only expect responses during business hours. Can we work together then?” In these situations, I have a sense that our mismatch is systemic or deeper than just these specific sticking points - it’s just a mismatched style.
- Allows us to work together in the future - If in the future my schedule opens up, I may be more keen on taking on these more challenging clients. If I do this soft brush off, I can see reinstating the relationship in the future. If I do something more like “I don’t think our styles are the right match,” that would eliminate the option of working together in the future
Cons of this strategy:
- It gets awkward when a client that I’ve tried to give the gentle brush-off continues to get in touch with new projects every couple months. I feel like a broken record just saying I’m too busy the fifth time. And I feel guilty for wasting their time in getting in touch with me.
- It’s not straightforward or 100% honest
- A couple times, a client has even requested more info like, “I don’t understand why your schedule could accommodate the earlier project but not this one. Is this one too boring? Is there some other reason?” which is a very awkward email to get.
My goal is to be professional, kind, and respectful to my clients, current and former. I also value honesty and straightforwardness and I feel guilty with these small lies. Finally, I want to make sure I’m not wasting their or my time. What is the best thing to do in these sorts of scenarios?
General background: My business typically provides one-off services with no presumption of ongoing support or work. A client gets in touch, I provide the product, they are happy. Sometimes they get back in touch with new projects, which I love when I love the client. Sometimes I never hear from a client again.
The following questions are about these sorts of one-off clients with no explicit obligation for an ongoing relationship.
An example situation: A client gets in touch after a project is completed with a new project. I no longer think that client is right for me - or that I’m not the right solution for the client. If the reason is something concrete like I’m not an expert in that area and wouldn’t be comfortable providing support in that area, I say that.
But sometimes the real reason has to do more with the relationship. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. For example: mismatched communication style, their turnaround times are too fast, they have an expectation of my being on call and responsive on weekends or during the night, their project would be especially onerous or risky or honestly kinda uninteresting. Instead of saying these sorts of reasons, I usually say something like, “I wish I could work on this, but I’m totally booked up right now. Let me know if I could recommend anyone to help…”
Pros of this strategy:
- Eliminates bargaining - I don’t want the client to be able to say, “I understand, I’ll no longer require fast turnarounds or will only expect responses during business hours. Can we work together then?” In these situations, I have a sense that our mismatch is systemic or deeper than just these specific sticking points - it’s just a mismatched style.
- Allows us to work together in the future - If in the future my schedule opens up, I may be more keen on taking on these more challenging clients. If I do this soft brush off, I can see reinstating the relationship in the future. If I do something more like “I don’t think our styles are the right match,” that would eliminate the option of working together in the future
Cons of this strategy:
- It gets awkward when a client that I’ve tried to give the gentle brush-off continues to get in touch with new projects every couple months. I feel like a broken record just saying I’m too busy the fifth time. And I feel guilty for wasting their time in getting in touch with me.
- It’s not straightforward or 100% honest
- A couple times, a client has even requested more info like, “I don’t understand why your schedule could accommodate the earlier project but not this one. Is this one too boring? Is there some other reason?” which is a very awkward email to get.
My goal is to be professional, kind, and respectful to my clients, current and former. I also value honesty and straightforwardness and I feel guilty with these small lies. Finally, I want to make sure I’m not wasting their or my time. What is the best thing to do in these sorts of scenarios?
Saying your schedule is full is the best way to do this, if you genuinely think you may want to work with the person ever again. Don't worry about wasting their time or it not being 100 percent true. When they follow up, say "My schedule changes based on other clients and projects. I'm sorry I can't fit you in at this time. Can I recommend my colleague X?"
posted by Etrigan at 7:04 AM on January 26, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 7:04 AM on January 26, 2016 [9 favorites]
Seconding Etrigan - especially the referral. If you don't want to do business with them because they're terrible that's one thing. If it's just not the best idea to work with them again by all means send them to someone else - two birds. And it saves face for everyone.
posted by mce at 7:08 AM on January 26, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by mce at 7:08 AM on January 26, 2016 [2 favorites]
A couple of thoughts:
It gets awkward when a client that I’ve tried to give the gentle brush-off continues to get in touch with new projects every couple months. I feel like a broken record just saying I’m too busy the fifth time. And I feel guilty for wasting their time in getting in touch with me.
When you say "I don't currently have time for this project right now," would it be possible for you to add in, "If you'd like, I can reach out to you when my schedule opens up more"? I've had beauty professionals (hairdressers, facialists, even my tattoo artist) say that. A few of them even set up an email notification system so that clients could be notified via email when their schedules lightened.
Also, sometimes being kind and respectful and being 100% straightforward are mutually exclusive. If you feel that you are lying, consider that "I don't have time right now" IS actually truthful when you calculate actual clock time with mental energy expended dealing with these mismatched clients.
Finally, and I say this from the banks of experience — you're just going to have to get comfortable with telling people no somethimes.
posted by Brittanie at 7:09 AM on January 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
It gets awkward when a client that I’ve tried to give the gentle brush-off continues to get in touch with new projects every couple months. I feel like a broken record just saying I’m too busy the fifth time. And I feel guilty for wasting their time in getting in touch with me.
When you say "I don't currently have time for this project right now," would it be possible for you to add in, "If you'd like, I can reach out to you when my schedule opens up more"? I've had beauty professionals (hairdressers, facialists, even my tattoo artist) say that. A few of them even set up an email notification system so that clients could be notified via email when their schedules lightened.
Also, sometimes being kind and respectful and being 100% straightforward are mutually exclusive. If you feel that you are lying, consider that "I don't have time right now" IS actually truthful when you calculate actual clock time with mental energy expended dealing with these mismatched clients.
Finally, and I say this from the banks of experience — you're just going to have to get comfortable with telling people no somethimes.
posted by Brittanie at 7:09 AM on January 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I generally agree with the above. If you like, you might consider changing your standard phrase from "I wish I could work on this, but I’m totally booked up right now" to "I'm sorry, but there isn't room on my schedule right now." Which is true! There really isn't room for them, because your priorities are to do whatever it is you would do rather that work for that client at that time. (You also aren't implying that you wish you could work for them if you don't, really.)
If the client is generally good but just not a good fit, recommending a colleague can benefit everybody.
If they follow up, Etrigan's script is good. If they tend to get in touch repeatedly, you could demur by saying that your schedule looks busy for the foreseeable future, but you could get back to them if anything opens up. If they continue to pester you after the second try, I'd go the Miss Manners route and say "I'm sorry, but it just isn't possible right now." In none of these cases are you lying.
posted by Gelatin at 7:42 AM on January 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
If the client is generally good but just not a good fit, recommending a colleague can benefit everybody.
If they follow up, Etrigan's script is good. If they tend to get in touch repeatedly, you could demur by saying that your schedule looks busy for the foreseeable future, but you could get back to them if anything opens up. If they continue to pester you after the second try, I'd go the Miss Manners route and say "I'm sorry, but it just isn't possible right now." In none of these cases are you lying.
posted by Gelatin at 7:42 AM on January 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I've been self-employed for several years now, and in the first several years, I used your approach and close to those same rationalizations.
I've changed how I do this and view it, although caveat/open disclosure, I'm likely to shift out of the next year or two (so I'm at my lower tolerance now.).
But here is the intermediate approach that I took that worked for me, at least for another few years.
Reread your list and look at your "pro": ...Allows us to work together in the future...
If those things on your list are your limits, it wasn't pleasant, this is highly unlikely; it really is not a pro unless something significantly changes. Plus, the potential client will likely come back a few times, but not forever.
So the new approach that I adopted was this: Each time you have a client that breaches those limits and things that you don't want to do in the future (ie, you mention emergency work, night and weekend work), make note of it. Think about what would make it doable in the future without those factors: Is it specifying what you want up front? Is it eliminating a particular service or type of service?
So I first focused on the "what I want up front" and made the description of deliverables along those lines (ie, to be given project X after XX business days, with 1 revision (by 1 team captain), extra revisions subject to hourly rate.) Take that new descriptor, and when you have a *new* client, tell them the type of project you do and the parameters and see how they respond. So in essence, you get rid of problems among the new clients. Then when the former client or people who had those problems come back, deliver the exact same verbiage. "I hope you are doing well, blah blah blah, project sounds exciting, this is what works for me....verbiage of project." What I have noticed is that either 1) they accept it and/or 2) they throw a lot more money at you (seriously, and I never suggested this). It is still not a long-term solution, but...I'll take some one on that is challenging for more money for a limited time period. The second thing that I did was look really closely and got rid of projects that had the components that could not be controlled (ie, even with verbiage, it would turn into emergency and weekend work for months on end - slash it - tell new clients you only do these services for projects that don't hit those negative parameters.)
There are also some clients that I do ultimately say "too busy", but it is a subset, and the breached beyond I would say is acceptable - I refer those people to general lists with tons of people who offer the same service (oh look, a published free list with people offering the same services) and be polite and professional about it.
I used to refer people ... to me that is applicable if you are in a job, not necessarily a single person business. I can go into it in more detail outside the post, but it is not a real solution IME.
posted by Wolfster at 7:45 AM on January 26, 2016 [2 favorites]
I've changed how I do this and view it, although caveat/open disclosure, I'm likely to shift out of the next year or two (so I'm at my lower tolerance now.).
But here is the intermediate approach that I took that worked for me, at least for another few years.
Reread your list and look at your "pro": ...Allows us to work together in the future...
If those things on your list are your limits, it wasn't pleasant, this is highly unlikely; it really is not a pro unless something significantly changes. Plus, the potential client will likely come back a few times, but not forever.
So the new approach that I adopted was this: Each time you have a client that breaches those limits and things that you don't want to do in the future (ie, you mention emergency work, night and weekend work), make note of it. Think about what would make it doable in the future without those factors: Is it specifying what you want up front? Is it eliminating a particular service or type of service?
So I first focused on the "what I want up front" and made the description of deliverables along those lines (ie, to be given project X after XX business days, with 1 revision (by 1 team captain), extra revisions subject to hourly rate.) Take that new descriptor, and when you have a *new* client, tell them the type of project you do and the parameters and see how they respond. So in essence, you get rid of problems among the new clients. Then when the former client or people who had those problems come back, deliver the exact same verbiage. "I hope you are doing well, blah blah blah, project sounds exciting, this is what works for me....verbiage of project." What I have noticed is that either 1) they accept it and/or 2) they throw a lot more money at you (seriously, and I never suggested this). It is still not a long-term solution, but...I'll take some one on that is challenging for more money for a limited time period. The second thing that I did was look really closely and got rid of projects that had the components that could not be controlled (ie, even with verbiage, it would turn into emergency and weekend work for months on end - slash it - tell new clients you only do these services for projects that don't hit those negative parameters.)
There are also some clients that I do ultimately say "too busy", but it is a subset, and the breached beyond I would say is acceptable - I refer those people to general lists with tons of people who offer the same service (oh look, a published free list with people offering the same services) and be polite and professional about it.
I used to refer people ... to me that is applicable if you are in a job, not necessarily a single person business. I can go into it in more detail outside the post, but it is not a real solution IME.
posted by Wolfster at 7:45 AM on January 26, 2016 [2 favorites]
At the very very small company where I work, "Sorry, my schedule is full right now" PLUS a referral has worked for us pretty well, I think. Of course, the client may decide that whoever you referred them to is now their preferred provider, so you lose the client anyway, but at least they remember that you tried to help them even if you couldn't work with them on that particular project. Many clients that we have turned down this way have come back, or even referred us to other potential clients even if we don't work with the first client again.
I have a sense that our mismatch is systemic or deeper than just these specific sticking points - it’s just a mismatched style. [. . .] But sometimes the real reason has to do more with the relationship. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. For example: mismatched communication style, their turnaround times are too fast, they have an expectation of my being on call and responsive on weekends or during the night, their project would be especially onerous or risky or honestly kinda uninteresting.
But sometimes you just have to say no. Honestly, it seems like a large part of the reason you don't want to close the door permanently on these clients is kinda "pie in the sky" - you might, theoretically, possibly, maybe, if all the stars align, at some unspecified point in the future be able or willing to take these clients on. I think you should sit down and really seriously think about these clients and decide 1) how likely it is that whatever makes you not want to work with them will change, and 2) whether it's really worth your time and energy to keep threading this needle, or whether you'd be better served by trying to find more clients that you can work with. There's no shortage of challenging clients in the world, you don't need to hold these clients in reserve, so to speak.
posted by soundguy99 at 8:03 AM on January 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have a sense that our mismatch is systemic or deeper than just these specific sticking points - it’s just a mismatched style. [. . .] But sometimes the real reason has to do more with the relationship. It’s just not a good match for whatever reason. For example: mismatched communication style, their turnaround times are too fast, they have an expectation of my being on call and responsive on weekends or during the night, their project would be especially onerous or risky or honestly kinda uninteresting.
But sometimes you just have to say no. Honestly, it seems like a large part of the reason you don't want to close the door permanently on these clients is kinda "pie in the sky" - you might, theoretically, possibly, maybe, if all the stars align, at some unspecified point in the future be able or willing to take these clients on. I think you should sit down and really seriously think about these clients and decide 1) how likely it is that whatever makes you not want to work with them will change, and 2) whether it's really worth your time and energy to keep threading this needle, or whether you'd be better served by trying to find more clients that you can work with. There's no shortage of challenging clients in the world, you don't need to hold these clients in reserve, so to speak.
posted by soundguy99 at 8:03 AM on January 26, 2016 [1 favorite]
I work for a small consulting company in a market where our peers/competitors come in single-human up to multi-state/national companies with dozens of employees, and there are customers to whom we just have to say, "We honestly don't have the resources you need and wouldn't be able to provide you with the level of service you're looking for. I'll be happy to recommend a larger shop or provide a reference if you need one, though."
It's the truth - you aren't able to provide what they want/need. It's fine to say that, and certainly preferable to going forward anyway and ending up with everyone unhappy.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:09 AM on January 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
It's the truth - you aren't able to provide what they want/need. It's fine to say that, and certainly preferable to going forward anyway and ending up with everyone unhappy.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:09 AM on January 26, 2016 [3 favorites]
You could blend the blanket "too busy" and the full disclosure "you're really demanding and difficult to work with and I don't want to be working weekends right now" into a half-truth "Given our fairly full project roster right now, I don't think it's the right time to take on an intense-sprint project that would meet your schedule expectations."
posted by aimedwander at 8:15 AM on January 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by aimedwander at 8:15 AM on January 26, 2016 [4 favorites]
The other option is decide just how much of a fee would be worth it to you to work with this client again. Yes, that amount will be significantly higher than what you normally charge. Then the next time the client calls, say, yes, you're available, but unfortunately your prices have increased. Then the pain-in-the-neck client either goes away because you're too expensive, or you end up with a fat enough paycheque to make it worthwhile to deal with that person again.
posted by sardonyx at 8:25 AM on January 26, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by sardonyx at 8:25 AM on January 26, 2016 [9 favorites]
I know Ask MeFi loves the Ms Manners response in all kinds of business and social circumstances but I think it's terrible. It's too cold and brusk for almost every situation other than maybe using at a telemarketer or someone proselytizing on your doorstep. I think you've been given other good advice about indicating that your schedule is too busy to accommodate their needs and/or that your business is not able to accommodate their needs + referral where appropriate.
posted by semacd at 9:09 AM on January 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by semacd at 9:09 AM on January 26, 2016 [7 favorites]
I would look for other people who do similar stuff and see if you can have a group that shares leads. A bad fit for you may not be a bad fit for somebody else. And then you can say, I can't take this project on at this time, but Sam at SomeCompany does that sort of work. You can reach Sam at Sam@somecompany.com. Or, are you ready to have an intern, employee, etc? Huge pain but also potentially huge reward.
posted by theora55 at 11:57 AM on January 26, 2016
posted by theora55 at 11:57 AM on January 26, 2016
for me this isn't even a close call. you don't want to do business with them and business is business. they aren't your friends or lovers. just tell them no, sorry, washing my hair that night and move on.
posted by lescour at 2:14 PM on January 26, 2016
posted by lescour at 2:14 PM on January 26, 2016
I suppose to add to my previous post, you say "Given our fairly full project roster right now, I don't think it's the right time to take on an intense-sprint project that would meet your schedule expectations." And they say, "no really, this isn't a tight schedule or anything, we just need it done by April (some timescale that is genuinely reasonable)" So then you decide if, given your history with these clients, you want to say yes (and charge a bit more). Then they call you on weekends, or at 10pm, and you don't answer. They email you 6 times during the day on Wednesday and you reply once at the end of the day ("It's my new email management technique"). Maybe they won't call you for another project after this one, and maybe they will, but you will have moved the whole conversation so that your job is on terms defined by you.
Harder to give practical examples for projects that are just dull. "Given our fairly full project roster right now, we're only taking on new projects that add impact to our project portfolio. I know my colleague Sam at SomeCompany would be happy to help you with that."
posted by aimedwander at 7:53 AM on January 27, 2016
Harder to give practical examples for projects that are just dull. "Given our fairly full project roster right now, we're only taking on new projects that add impact to our project portfolio. I know my colleague Sam at SomeCompany would be happy to help you with that."
posted by aimedwander at 7:53 AM on January 27, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xingcat at 7:02 AM on January 26, 2016 [3 favorites]