What's the most profesh way to ask my job to relocate me?
January 24, 2016 1:51 AM   Subscribe

I got my dream job in a nightmare town -- stuck it out for 2.5 years and I gotta get out of here, but I want to keep my job. Help me persuade them to transfer me to our satellite office which is in a major city a few hours away.

So a few years ago I was given a great opportunity to take a job that had everything I was looking for. I promptly agreed to leave friends, family, and fun behind to move to a place I knew nothing about except that it was popularly understood to be very unpleasant to live in.

The job was -- and still is -- awesome. It's intellectually challenging, I think it's important work, and the people are wonderful. It's hard to even imagine where there might be room for improvement.

Then there's the town. Imagine a subarctic penal colony, increase the cost of living, and throw in a Starbucks. The climate is like something out of a folk song about an old fisherman's last stand against a squall. Downtown on a Friday night resembles an infinitely receding Cartesian plane with procedurally generated gray lumps. The streets are empty except for an occasional spectral figure with tiny withered hands weeping openly in public (always the same figure). Oh and get this -- according to public records, no one has been born here since 2001!

OK, I exaggerate, but the point is, I gotta get out of here. I've been here well over 2 years, tried to make it work, "paid my dues," and this place is absolutely horrendous for my mental health. There's a major metropolis a few hours away where we have a satellite office. A fraction, though not a big one, of the people on my team are based there. While this is considered sub-optimal, as our office is the "main" one, we have time & again accommodated new hires who didn't want to move here or let current staff move away & keep their job. (On the other hand, my position used to be there and it was deemed necessary to move it here for nebulous reasons -- but that was years ago).

I want to keep my job but have them transfer me to Big City. My reasons are: 1. This place is terrible; 2. My wife cannot find salaried work here; 3. Both my wife and I have family in City; 4. Big City presents valuable professional development opportunities (OK, I mean meetups) not affiliated with our organization but having to do with my skillset; 5. Did I mention my town is kinda bad?

How do I professionally bring up this topic with my superiors at my next review? Can you guys help me frame this with a script or some nice turns of phase? It would be sub-optimal for them to move me, but probably workable, and it means they wouldn't lose me. I would be a pain to replace and am quite good at what I do, but I'm far from irreplaceable. On the other hand, I'm not sure how far I can go toward framing this as an ultimatum.

I want to avoid:
1. Creating the impression that I secretly resent or dislike their town or way of life (almost everyone else is from here)

2. Creating the impression that I value living in a fun, hip city over maintaining good rapport & efficient working relationships with my colleagues

3. Making it too explicit that if they don't agree to do this for me, I will need to look for another job immediately (or maybe I SHOULD make this explicit?)

4. Seeming flippant about asking the company to engage in a bunch of complicated logistics (esp. since my job comes w/ fancy computers & stuff) because of personal reasons on my end. There may also be policy that obliges them to raise my salary commensurate with the higher cost of living in Big City, I'm not sure -- I don't care if they don't.

Halp!
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (18 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Reason #2 (your wife can't find work) seems like by far the most compelling, as far as your bosses go. I'd probably focus on that.
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:57 AM on January 24, 2016 [30 favorites]


My father was once moved to be the local copper of an idyllic West Wales town which on the face of it seemed wonderful. The enormous grounds included a forest where we suspected unicorns lived.

It was so peaceful.

Anyway, after about three months a total of about 6 cars had driven past the house so my mother turned to my father and said she was moving back and he was welcome to join her. My father went to the Chief Constable and explained he was moving home because his career was less important than his wife.

His response was "Well! we can't have the little lady (early 70s) upset can we; I'll make the arrangements for your transfer back"

Sometimes you just have to choose the things which are most important and hope others understand.

So yeah, I'd blame the wife too.
posted by fullerine at 2:20 AM on January 24, 2016 [12 favorites]


Making it too explicit that if they don't agree to do this for me, I will need to look for another job immediately (or maybe I SHOULD make this explicit?)

The person who can walk away had the upper hand in a negotiation. Walk away in this case means quitting your job. Don't lead with "or I'll quit" but do lay out your frustrations with your current situation. They'll understand what that means.

Present a strong case for the move, including your value to the company, your commitment and appreciation of the company and its work. Even better, find ways you can make the move beneficial to them: strengthening the remote team via better communication or stronger cohesion or or or.

You make it clear you love the job, but do they love you? If you don't know, this is where you'll find out.
posted by wemayfreeze at 2:24 AM on January 24, 2016 [3 favorites]


If you're moving whether you get the transfer or not, I see no downside to letting them know that. Tell them the family reasons for why you need to leave, explain how you can effectively do your job from there, offer to visit once a month, and hope for the best.
posted by metasarah at 2:42 AM on January 24, 2016 [2 favorites]


Family reasons, i.e your wife can't get work, is a good one. I've done recruitment of international staff and we focussed on the families as we knew the employee would be fine and a happy family would keep employee in our employ.
posted by kitten magic at 3:21 AM on January 24, 2016


Is it possible to hold out until you have an annual review and bring it up then?
posted by listen, lady at 3:26 AM on January 24, 2016


Be a little careful if you blame it on your wife's job. They might take it upon themselves to find her one. Could you live with that outcome, or do you really want to move?
posted by frumiousb at 4:17 AM on January 24, 2016 [3 favorites]


One way to do this would be to apply for and get a job in Big City, then say: I got a job offer in Big City and it would help my wife out if we moved there, but I'd prefer to stay with the company. Don't we have an office in Big City? But this is with the difficulty set to very hard, since you'd have to make out to Big City for interviews on the sly. But it's the best way I can think of to go in there with the leverage needed to push your case confidently, and the security to be able to insult their tiny town a little, even if only by implication.
posted by dis_integration at 5:52 AM on January 24, 2016 [2 favorites]


Could part of the reason your position was moved there related to anchoring the team and preventing mass defection to Big City? Emphasizing working with team-members to support contining sucess will smooth some concerns when you are asking. Also, blame the economy, not the wife.
posted by childofTethys at 6:06 AM on January 24, 2016


The absolute most important thing is to not go negative. The second most important thing is to realize how high value you are. Your company wants to keep you happy, and they want to keep you employed, because they have already invested significant resources in you.

I think you can say something like "I'd really like to be closer to family, I find myself traveling to Big City all of the time, is there anyway we can make a transfer work?" People tend to be pretty understanding of the importance of family.

However, how attached are you to exactly doing your current role? Something even more ideal is to transfer internally to a position in Big City(assuming one is available). Then instead of saying "I really hate this podunk small town, and if I don't move I'm going to snap and probably do something awful to myself," you can say something like, "I'm really grateful for having had this experience, especially working on project X. While working on project X, I realized I'd like to drive my career and growth opportunities more in the X direction."

Because this is about your career, and your growth, of course they will concede. They will be happy you came and contributed, and also happy to see you grow as an employee in the direction you've chosen.

There is always the risk they could end up moving the position back to Small Town and you'd end up back at square one though.
posted by getting_back_on_track at 6:42 AM on January 24, 2016 [2 favorites]


Start working on plan B, finding a similar dream job in the target location. Get the wheels turning on that. Ditto your wife. Get her working on finding employment in the city you're targeting.

Once you see that you have options, THEN approach your current manager. "Wife has been offered a fantastic position in X. I'd love to stay with the firm and I understand we have a satellite office there. We're going to relocate and I can work with the other members of the team in office X."

Naturally, if they cavil at that, no problem, you have irons in the fire, your wife has irons in the fire. Move on.

Life is too short to live in a place that sucks.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:42 AM on January 24, 2016 [9 favorites]


This sounds like a reasonable request and it's quite possible they would be open to it, since they have accommodated other people in this way, you've been with them for 2 years in this location already, and they know how valuable you are. I would think of it less as, "I hate it here and I'm giving you an almost-ultimatum," and more as, "Even though my wife and I want to move back to City, I love this job and want to make an effort to keep it." (And I would totally imply that this is mainly your wife's idea -- it won't matter to her, and it'll avoid the impression that you hate their beloved hometown).

Here's what I would say: "Boss Person, I'd like to talk with you about something. This job has been great for me -- it's challenging, important work, and the people are wonderful. My wife and I have been talking a lot about moving back to City, where we could be closer to our families and there would be more job opportunities for her. I know that in the past, we've allowed people to transfer to our office in City. I'd like to request a transfer. I know it's logistically difficult, but I'd be happy to work with you on a timeline and a plan to make sure it goes smoothly. I'd also be willing to travel back here once in a while to be with the rest of the team in person. Can we talk about whether that would be possible?"
posted by chickenmagazine at 7:28 AM on January 24, 2016 [12 favorites]


Seconding that the easiest way to do this is to have the wife land a job in Big City first. Then you have leverage to convince your employer to let you transfer, and a really good excuse. For what it's worth, several people at my work have successfully pulled the "I have to move to Colorado for family" trick and it seemed to work for them.

But! You should also prepare for the possibility that they might say "No, we don't need your position in Big City, you must stay here or resign." What would you do then? Could you reasonably find another job in Big City without too much trouble? It's just something to keep in mind as a worst case scenario. This is another good reason to have the wife get a job first, so if you take a step into Big City you at least have her income while you suss things out with your employer.
posted by deathpanels at 7:54 AM on January 24, 2016 [5 favorites]


It seems to me that any leverage you may have is purely a function of how easy and costly it would be to replace you in small town. Looking at it from the employers point fo view, what would they do if they said no and you left? Would anyone want to move there or is there someone alreay there they could hire or promote?
posted by AugustWest at 8:39 AM on January 24, 2016 [4 favorites]


The climate is like something out of a folk song about an old fisherman's last stand against a squall. Downtown on a Friday night resembles an infinitely receding Cartesian plane with procedurally generated gray lumps. The streets are empty except for an occasional spectral figure with tiny withered hands weeping openly in public (always the same figure).

Answer to your question: everyone's advice about using your wife's job status as the conversation-starter is spot-on.

Important but unrelated request: I beg of you to please use your experiences in this town to write a novel or memoir, because I would love to read it.
posted by ourobouros at 8:56 AM on January 24, 2016 [17 favorites]


Wife's job is the winner.

Here is the other thing. If you want to advance your career you will very likely need to leave this firm. Based on the way you've described the company, there's probably a limited amount of advancement you can do away from the home office. That means the stakes are lower since this isn't the place you are going to build your career.

Ask to move locations.
posted by 26.2 at 5:15 PM on January 24, 2016 [1 favorite]


Agree with the above posters - wife's lack of job opportunities is a very good reason to request this. So you know your reasons for wanting to move - now you need to think about how you can (a) point out the benefits to them of you moving, and (b) address any concerns they might have. Put a plan together and present it to them.

How the company could benefit from having you working from satellite city? Are there things that your team needs that you're not getting traction on? Are there people that it would be good for you to be able to meet face to face on a regular basis?

Also think about how the company benefits from having you working from small town currently, and how you can still deliver those benefits even from satellite city - could you commit to visit small town for a couple of days twice a month, say for the monthly team meeting, or for monthly one-to-one meetings with your team members?

Good luck!
posted by finding.perdita at 7:55 PM on January 24, 2016


almost everyone else is from here

Then they probably have family there, and want to stay near them. It's very likely this is something that would keep many of them from leaving the area to work elsewhere themselves.

Many of them are likely to have very different values than the sorts of people who would move away from their family to take a long term job. Really think about that and try to understand what their values are. Pay attention to how people talk about their families and think about if the following would work.

Tell them you and wife both really miss your families in City. You've really enjoyed living in small town, but you had no idea how very much you would miss your family when you moved there. With elderly relatives getting older, you could never forgive yourself if you don't return to City to be with family while you can. And wife misses her family so much, it just breaks your heart to see how sad wife is over missing them.

If you and wife are planning on having kids at some point, you could even talk about how important it is for kids to grow up near family.
posted by yohko at 2:22 AM on January 25, 2016 [1 favorite]


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