It's an egocentric question, I guess?
January 21, 2016 10:02 AM Subscribe
What does being egocentric means and when is it a good thing / a bad thing to be egocentric? Is there a judgement to be applied to the idea of egocentrism at all?
During a conversation with a friend he said "being afraid of judgement of others is an egocentric way of thinking". It struck a me a chord. Would that mean that saying "I'm a failure, I'll fail anyway, I'm unlovable if I fail" is as egocentric as thinking of oneself as awesome / superior than someone else ?
On the opposite, therapy, for example, is a process in which we focus on oneself, how we feel, how we relate to the others, to the world, etc. it's an egocentric act and yet a very helpful act! (If well done).
Does that mean there is a healthy egocentrism? Sometimes looking at problems, facing them can be helpful and even life saving, right?
I haven't specifically been told I'm egocentric but I'm a bit more than I like to realize afraid of being judged - which is what prompted my question! I guess it's egocentric thinking? :)
Thank you in advance for your input. Any articles or book recommendation is welcome too.
...and pardon my English
During a conversation with a friend he said "being afraid of judgement of others is an egocentric way of thinking". It struck a me a chord. Would that mean that saying "I'm a failure, I'll fail anyway, I'm unlovable if I fail" is as egocentric as thinking of oneself as awesome / superior than someone else ?
On the opposite, therapy, for example, is a process in which we focus on oneself, how we feel, how we relate to the others, to the world, etc. it's an egocentric act and yet a very helpful act! (If well done).
Does that mean there is a healthy egocentrism? Sometimes looking at problems, facing them can be helpful and even life saving, right?
I haven't specifically been told I'm egocentric but I'm a bit more than I like to realize afraid of being judged - which is what prompted my question! I guess it's egocentric thinking? :)
Thank you in advance for your input. Any articles or book recommendation is welcome too.
...and pardon my English
I agree with RB. Just want to add, in my experience what happens in (good) therapy is not egocentrism, but learning and practicing self awareness: Am I trying to place myself in the center of other people's lives? Am I expecting other people to be the center of MY life? How can I take appropriate responsibility for MY OWN thoughts, feelings, and actions? Am I leaving the people around me free to experience their own thoughts, feelings, and actions or am I trying to make them do and be what *I* want? THAT would be egocentrism.
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 10:28 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 10:28 AM on January 21, 2016
"being afraid of judgement of others is an egocentric way of thinking"
I don't really think that's the correct term for being afraid of the judgement of others. The way RB differentiates is makes more sense. And egocentric person thinks everyone is thinking about him. A self-conscious person is afraid of what everyone is thinking about him.
A "healthy version" of egocentric behavior is just being self-confident. Confident in your knowledge and skills and value and not afraid to examine those things for ways to improve. You see value in other people and their knowledge and skills and don't fear that they will diminish you in any way.
posted by Beti at 10:30 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
I don't really think that's the correct term for being afraid of the judgement of others. The way RB differentiates is makes more sense. And egocentric person thinks everyone is thinking about him. A self-conscious person is afraid of what everyone is thinking about him.
A "healthy version" of egocentric behavior is just being self-confident. Confident in your knowledge and skills and value and not afraid to examine those things for ways to improve. You see value in other people and their knowledge and skills and don't fear that they will diminish you in any way.
posted by Beti at 10:30 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Just saying what others have said in a slightly different way: we use the word 'egocentric' to describe someone who has a problem. You are egocentric if you focus on yourself more than you should. You're not egocentric if you focus on yourself a reasonable, or acceptable amount.
So, going to therapy isn't egocentric, because it's reasonable to spend some money on self-reflection for the sake of happiness. However, expecting everyone to be willing to play the role of therapist for you, listening to your problems regularly (without being paid!), is egocentric, because that's an unreasonable expectation.
posted by meese at 10:53 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
So, going to therapy isn't egocentric, because it's reasonable to spend some money on self-reflection for the sake of happiness. However, expecting everyone to be willing to play the role of therapist for you, listening to your problems regularly (without being paid!), is egocentric, because that's an unreasonable expectation.
posted by meese at 10:53 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
I think what your friend is trying to say, is that there is a useful distinction between being egotistical (self-aware, self-centered, and have a high opinion of oneself) and being ego-centric (self-aware, self-centered, and have a neutral to low opinion of oneself.) Your friend is saying that people who dislike or even hate themselves are still ego-centric, because whether you love or hate yourself, you have to be very focused on yourself, all the time. Think broody Hamlet, ignoring poor Ophelia, wrapped up in his own drama, thinking he's the main character in a play. :)
When I was younger, like most people, I was more ego-centric. Teenagers especially, because they are establishing a sense of identity, are constantly preoccupied with questions like, "What is my status? Where do I fit on the totem pole? Who am I? What is my personality really like? How am I different?" Etc. It's why I spent so much time when I was 15 on LiveJournal taking "personality quizzes."
As one grows older, one realizes one is not very different, not very special, not very alone. Even if you feel much deeper or much weirder than everyone around you, you're not. You're pretty much normal. You can stop judging and obsessing over yourself and just let go. Just be. Because it doesn't matter. You don't matter that much. There is a concrete external world that exists without you and goes on existing and you really don't affect it as much as you think. That's what age and wisdom does.
posted by quincunx at 2:53 PM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
When I was younger, like most people, I was more ego-centric. Teenagers especially, because they are establishing a sense of identity, are constantly preoccupied with questions like, "What is my status? Where do I fit on the totem pole? Who am I? What is my personality really like? How am I different?" Etc. It's why I spent so much time when I was 15 on LiveJournal taking "personality quizzes."
As one grows older, one realizes one is not very different, not very special, not very alone. Even if you feel much deeper or much weirder than everyone around you, you're not. You're pretty much normal. You can stop judging and obsessing over yourself and just let go. Just be. Because it doesn't matter. You don't matter that much. There is a concrete external world that exists without you and goes on existing and you really don't affect it as much as you think. That's what age and wisdom does.
posted by quincunx at 2:53 PM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
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I just think it's sad actually. Egocentrics inflate the importance of their presence in most things. For example, do you worry that people are paying so much attention to your clothing that they're thinking, "Gee, OrangeCat wore that same shirt LAST Thursday?" And then, do you kind of panic a bit about that?
Another way people are egocentric is when someone overhears a discussion and they think, "Gee, it's appropriate for me to pop up over the cube and offer MY take on the situation."
As you get older you become less self-conscious. And that's good.
Frankly, I'm still waiting for that to kick in.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]