90th birthday party activities?

January 20, 2016 7:32 AM

My grandmother is turning 90 this June! I'd love some ideas for her "party". Snowflakes inside.

My grandmother is in assisted living, although she has her own apartment on a personal care floor. She doesn't get around very well - has a walker for everyday use and a wheelchair for appointments.

She is turning 90 in June! She doesn't want to go anywhere for her party, so we will likely do it in her small-ish apartment. I asked her if there was anything she would like - a tiara, special food we bring to her, etc, and she didn't have any requests. (Other than not any silly hats. :) )

She likes shrimp cocktail, so I am potentially going to try and get that together for her.

Are there any other lovely things we could do for her that don't involve her going out of her comfort zone? She has some memory issues, although not full on dementia, so new things are not very fun for her. I am trying to come up with ways to make her comfortable but also fully celebrate her 90th birthday.

I thought of maybe a photo album, or videos - some of that might be good, but she is also missing chunks of her memory, so I am hesitant to trigger something unhappy for her.

posted by needlegrrl to Grab Bag (17 answers total)

It may just be my family, but sentimentality seems to have lessened once my grandmother reached her nineties as it requires a lot more presence and energy than she may be able to commit. At this point, a really well made, functional thing that will keep her comfortable is really appreciated. The best received gift I've given her in my memory was a really nice wool blanket. Simple, functional, and reminded her a bit of the quality goods that were more common in her time.
posted by Think_Long at 7:47 AM on January 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

If your grandmother is a person who likes flowers, send her the most glorious possible bouquet a few days prior to the celebration.

When my grandmother turned 90 there was a big to-do about it, and I was pretty much the only person (living 1000+ miles away) who wasn't able to get down there to celebrate with her. So I sent flowers (like, totally fabulous ones, see below) a few days before I knew folks were going to be there, so she not only got to have flowers to enjoy for herself, but also flowers to show off (an activity she greatly enjoys) to everybody who came to visit. The bouquet also made her feel like her home was more welcoming and prettier to all the people coming in and out.

I've written here before about how to send the best flowers.
posted by phunniemee at 7:47 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]

For my parents fiftieth wedding anniversary, I asked relatives and old friends to send photos of them from all eras of there life, with a comment, and bound it in a book.
It was really great and was the source of many stories wed never heard about their days before the kids!
posted by chapps at 7:55 AM on January 20, 2016

Well she may not like silly hats, but would she like silly socks? We got my grandmother several pairs of silly crazy socks. It was practical and fun/funny. I think one pair had Betty Boop on it so she appreciated one of her younger days comics.

We also had all the grandkids, some as young as 5, write a paragraph or two on what makes Grandma so special. She loved the pictures the younger ones drew.
posted by AugustWest at 7:57 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

If you are limited by her apartment space, does the facility have a party room or large gathering room you could book?
posted by Hypatia at 8:13 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'd do a simple luncheon for her, with somewhat old fashioned foods:

Pinwheel Sandwiches (egg salad, tuna salad, or chicken salad) Cream Cheese on raisin bread. The trick is to order bread from the bakery and have it sliced lengthwise to make long slices. Trim the crusts. Spread the filling, roll. Then slice into sandwiches (about 3 per roll.) Looks fancy, dead easy.

Here's how I do shrimp cocktail.

1. Boil the larges shrimp you can get. Jumbo. Buy them frozen, peeled and deveined. Or, if you're really feeling rich and lazy, pick these up from the supermarket. Most fish counters will steam shrimp for you.
2. Toss with a bit of olive oil, lemon juice and fresh dill. Chill.
3. Make a sauce from Ketchup, Tabasco, horseradish, lemon juice and a dash of Worcestershire sauce.
4. Serve in bibb lettuce cups with lemon wedges, sauce served on the side.

Fruit salad

Tomato Salad

Cherry tomatoes, small fresh mozzarella balls (or chunks) tossed with olive oil, fancy white wine vinegar and fresh basil. OR Cherry tomatoes, cucumber chunks, feta cheese, dill, olive oil, lemon, fancy white wine vinegar.

Birthday cake.

Her favorite music from her younger days. Perhaps swing music from the thirties, so get together a mix that can play while you're visiting.

Happy Birthday to your Grandma!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:23 AM on January 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

My grandmother was thrilled to bits to see her birthday mentioned in the newspaper and on the local news. We also did a bit of a lunch and asked everyone to bring a picture or story involving her and we collected them into a book.
posted by peppermind at 8:29 AM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

My uncle got one of those hanging banners from a print shop with "Happy 90th Grandma" and a few family pics printed up big around it. It made a big impact on her (and kept reminding her what we were all there for). Plus it was a nice backdrop for photos.
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:35 AM on January 20, 2016

Yes to everything so far.

My mother is not well. For her 90th birthday last summer, we rented a room at the nursing home and had a family gathering. The food was simple, basically wraps and birthday cake. A few relatives travelled some distance and those who could not be there sent flowers. The highlight for her was the visit with two great grandchildren she has rarely seen, delightful little boys who had made her special birthday cards.

My mom was able to enjoy herself for about two hours before she got tired and went back to her room. All in all, it was a successful party and she enjoyed herself.
posted by islandeady at 8:38 AM on January 20, 2016 [3 favorites]

We did this for my aunt's 75th (she had stage 4 cancer and passed shortly after, so she had the same mobility and lack of energy issues):

- asked family members to send video or audio messages which we then played on the day
- grand kids and great grandkids made special cards which we placed all around the room
- started the celebrations early, and did "birthday week" - chocolates were delivered 5 days before, edible arrangement 4 days before, balloons 3 days, mini cupcakes 2 days , then flowers, then the actual party. she was able to share the edibles with others in her hospital ward (so ymmv based on your grandma's living situation) and the daily deliveries gave her something special and festive to look forward to each day of the week

Happy birthday grandma!
posted by darsh at 9:58 AM on January 20, 2016

Seconding sending flowers ahead of time, especially if her assisted living facility is anything like my Grandma's. Getting the call from the front desk that you have a flower delivery, and being walked or wheeled through the halls with a gorgeous arrangement will make her the envy of all of the other residents.

See if you can get some photos or old home videos burned onto a DVD. You can have it playing on her TV in the background while people are eating and chatting. Since it's in the background, it won't put her on the spot to try and remember who's who or give a running narration. But if she looks up and something clicks, it gives her the chance to reminisce.
posted by twoporedomain at 11:31 AM on January 20, 2016

You'd be surprised at how playing her favorite music from the old days in the background during the party will bring old memories to her mind and perk her up a bit - it has a stunning effect on dementia patients.

Music and Memory
posted by DandyRandy at 1:53 PM on January 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

Here's what happened at my husband's grandmother's 101st (!!!!) birthday. She's in assisted living (basically a 1-room studio apartment), and my in-laws schedule a dinner-and-dessert get-together (all the food is prepared by the staff there — it's kinda swanky) for family downstairs in one of the party rooms at the facility.

So, we get an email after the party (we weren't there), with photos of: Grammy with a cake ablaze with candles and later laughing with a couple of young guys in firefighter hats. We said "Aw, how cute, some of the facility staff dressed up as firemen!"

Actually, they did do 101 candles (seriously, how??), and it set off the smoke detector, and the fire department did come by. Actual firefighters. Grammy thought it was a total hoot.

If that sounds like something your grandmother would get a kick out of, maybe a couple of your friends could dress up to deal with the "potential fire hazard?"
posted by mon-ma-tron at 6:14 PM on January 20, 2016

For my grandma's 90th, we reached out to as many of her friends and family we could to send her birthday cards. She loved getting an extra-big pile that year.
posted by gryphonlover at 7:27 PM on January 20, 2016

Some of the fabulous birthday things we've done for my 96-year-old grandmother:

-giant poster collage of photos from different periods in her life
-framed photos of her with her kids, her with her grandkids, her with the great grandkids
-recipe book of special recipes she made; -distributed recipe book to all the kids, grandkids, cousins, etc
-5 years later (we've been doing big bashes since she turned 80) each grandkid made one of those recipes for the party
-pictures or crafts by the great grandkids (because kid's artwork is the best)

Lately, I've been focusing on consumable gifts, since my grandmother also has her own little apartment in an assisted living place and has basically said No More Stuff. So I make her recipes (golumpki, pierogi, split pea soup, babka) that she used to make for us. (She doesn't like the dining hall food but doesn't have the energy to cook for herself.) I've also given her homemade jams and pickled beets. An uncle who lives in Vermont always gives her tiny bottles of maple syrup so she can bring them with her to the dining hall.

I also once gave her a fancy teacup and saucer because she complained about the chunky dining hall mugs--she loved that (plus the aides and other residents gently teased her about putting on airs and she liked the extra attention from that, too!).
posted by carrioncomfort at 7:46 AM on January 21, 2016

Seconding the music suggestion. Pick stuff that was popular from her teens through her 30s. That's when most people form their musical tastes. It would be great to make her a cd she could listen to whenever. Congratulations on having a 90 year old grandma!
posted by irisclara at 10:12 PM on January 21, 2016

Response by poster: These are all great - thanks, everyone. I especially love making a birthday week out of it.
posted by needlegrrl at 8:17 AM on January 25, 2016