I'm addicted to "Buts" - I need help writing better sentences

January 19, 2016 11:02 AM

I constantly overuse this type of sentence: "X, but Y." Here's an example: "I liked the new Star Wars film, but I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks." My writing is littered with these types of sentences. I need help mixing it up. How can I reduce these types of sentences? Is it just an issue of restructuring the sentence?
posted by Bushmiller to Writing & Language (19 answers total)

Read your stuff aloud. That's the quickest way to spot if you're writing too many sentences with the same rhythm.
posted by zadcat at 11:09 AM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Many people have a tic where they use "but" to link two independent clauses, in a situation where "and" would be more appropriate. The word "but" signals some sort of contradiction between the first clause and the second clause. Sometimes people have a conversational tic where they link everything with "but" even where there is no contradiction.

So consider substituting "and," or even dropping the unnecessary conjunction and rewriting as two separate sentences.

This doesn't apply to your Star Wars example, which sounds fine.
posted by JimN2TAW at 11:23 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Is it only buts or also ands?

if only buts, maybe it mirrors the way you think?
What I mean is, are you constantly at pains to present both sides of an issue, either to avoid seeming too negative ("i did like this, but...") or by wanting to be a balanced critic?

If so, you might want to try taking a firmer stand on your opinion. "This aspect of the movie sucked."

Stylistically you have plenty of alternatives to dress up a but sentence.
Add a full stop in between. Replace but with and.
"Although I think x, y is also true."
"With the caveat that actually x, I think y."

Etc.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:25 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

Semicolons are your friend. "I liked the new Star Wars film; I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks."
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:25 AM on January 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

You can restructure.

"While I thoroughly enjoyed the new Star Wars film, I found the lack of Jar Jar Binks disturbing."

"The new Star Wars film was thoroughly enjoyable despite the absence of Jar Jar Binks."

However, the use of common words like "but" aren't usually too intrusive if writing for clear meaning. If I have a bugaboo word or habit I use my word processing software to highlight it. I once challenged myself to write an entire semester's worth of essays for a class without using the word "because" for this very reason, and I used MS Word to highlight that word during revision. In another class I set a requirement to excise passive voice from all of my written work.
posted by xyzzy at 11:26 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

Check out the book "They Say, I say". If you google the title and "sentence templates and transitions", you will find a lot of ideas on how to modify your writing.
posted by momochan at 11:27 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

You could always use "although" instead of "but", but (heh) is the wording the real issue? Are you overusing independent clauses in your sentences? Perhaps these can be broken out into their own sentence or even separated out further. Rather than saying that you liked Star Wars and immediately give an example of something you didn't like, say that you liked it and expand on that thought, then dedicate another paragraph to the problems you had with it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 11:28 AM on January 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

If you're able to spot that you're doing this then yes, it's basically just an issue of restructuring the sentence. I dislike overusing constructs in my writing and restructuring is my method to avoid overuse. In your example I might rephrase it as one of the following:

Although I liked the new Star Wars film I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks.
Despite the absence of Jar Jar Binks I still liked the new Star Wars film.
I liked the new Star Wars film, except I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks.
While I liked the new Star Wars film I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks.
I liked the new Star Wars film... disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks though.
My disappointment at the absence of Jar Jar Binks was not enough to make me dislike the new Star Wars film.
Jar Jar Binks absence from the new Star Wars was disappointing; I still liked it though.
posted by Green With You at 11:28 AM on January 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

One issue I have with that construction is that it weakens both parts of the sentence. You liked the film (not all that well though) and were disappointed by the lack of Jar-Jar (obviously not *too* much.) Sometimes that's appropriate, but if it's all you use, you have a problem.

One way to fix it is to interrogate both halves and see if you can split them up and make them more specific. Ex: "I like the new Star Wars film. It was decently-written, had excellent special effects, and the lightsaber battles were as good as ever. It was not without flaw, however. I found the lack of Jar-Jar to lower the intellectual tone to the point where I felt condescended to."

Succinctness is only valuable when it doesn't sacrifice clarity. Make sure your sentences are doing what you want!
posted by restless_nomad at 11:43 AM on January 19, 2016 [4 favorites]

I liked the new Star Wars film. I was disappointed by its Binkslessness.

(i.e., just make it two sentences. I love transition words, but you don't always need to be so gentle.)
posted by amtho at 11:58 AM on January 19, 2016

IMO this is the result of U.S. public school curricula that encourage "compare and contrast" style writing instead of boldly stating an opinion. It's like we've been conditioned to always agree with our widest audience first before saying something someone may disagree with (gee, I wonder what purpose inculcating that instinct in the population could possibly serve). I say just skip the first clause or put it in its own sentence. "I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks. The movie was otherwise good." If you need to do a compare and contrast, do it in longer blocks. Conjunctions can be tiring if they are over-used at the sentence level. It starts to sound like you're doubting yourself constantly. They work better as a way of transitioning to your next point, say as the first line of the second paragraph of a longer piece. That better models how they actually function in speech.
posted by deathpanels at 12:31 PM on January 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Although X, Y as well
Even though X, still Y
Y despite X
X and at the same time Y
While X, Y
As X, Y also
Since X, I was surprised that Y
posted by soelo at 12:49 PM on January 19, 2016

Think about why the two clauses are connected in your brain, and rewrite the sentence to emphasize that connection. "But" is one way of connecting two thoughts, but it's unlikely that it's the only way your brain works. Lots of narrower, more specific observations could be hiding behind "I liked the new Star Wars film, but I was disappointed by the absence of Jar Jar Binks."

(For instance: "I couldn't stop thinking about the absence of Jar Jar Binks, no matter how much I enjoyed the rest of the film," or "Much as I felt the absence of Jar Jar Binks in this film, I enjoyed it for what it was.")
posted by Polycarp at 1:11 PM on January 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

If you're using Word, you can set it up to flag all instances of this sort of grammar. It's in the advanced spell-check settings. In Word 2007, its under Options/Proofing/When Correcting Spelling in Word/Settings.
posted by postel's law at 1:42 PM on January 19, 2016

I was just noticing recently that this is something a lot of amateur writers do—use "but" as their most common conjunction. It limits the complexity and length of their of their sentences, and also limits them to a very narrow range of the way ideas can be connected. "And" connects things that are similar; "but" contrasts them. Sticking to these kinds of contractions can lead to writing that feels very choppy. However, there is a wide range of other conjunctions that can both express other relationships between ideas and allow you to write sentences that flow better.

1. However is a slightly fancier way to say but. And it can be used in various places within sentences so that your writing is varied. For instance, while but tends to limit you to "I liked the new Star Wars film but was sorry Jar-Jar Binks wasn't in it," with however you can do these things, as well as others:

I liked the new Star Wars film. However, I was sorry Jar-Jar Binks wasn't in it.
I liked the new Star Wars film. I was sorry, however, that Jar-Jar Binks wasn't in it.

2. Other conjunctions do what is called subordinating—they turn an independent clause (what we might, in a very simplified way, call a sentence) into a dependent one. This means that they turn it into a modifier—like an adjective or adverb, a subordinated clause is demoted to telling you more about the independent clause in your sentence. If you have two independent clauses that are connected by a but or an and, you have lots of tools to subordinate either of them. So you can ask yourself: which is the most important piece of information in this sentence? Is it that you liked the new Star Wars movie? Or that you missed Jar-Jar? If the most important thing is that you liked the movie, you can say:

Although I missed Jar-Jar, I liked the new Star Wars movie.
I liked the new Star Wars movie despite the lack of my favorite character, Jar-Jar Binks.
While I was sorry that Jar-Jar Binks didn't make an appearance, overall I enjoyed the new Star Wars movie.

If the most important thing is that you missed Jar-Jar, you can say:

Although I liked the new SW movie, I was sorry not to see Jar-Jar Binks.
Despite its other many strengths, the new SW movie suffered from a lack of Jar-Jar.
While I was glad to see so many familiar characters in the new SW movie, I was sorry not to see Jar-Jar.

You might enjoy a book which is an oldie but a goodie, The Deluxe Transitive Vampire. It has a good chapter on clauses that may help you understand what is going on in various sentences, and what some of your options are. There are other resources of this kind. I'm just fond of this one because I liked it when I was young, and there are used copies around very cheap.
posted by not that girl at 2:51 PM on January 19, 2016

Separate the two clauses at the but, and insert something else.
I.e

I like A but not B. I lkev C bit not D.

Into

I like A and B but not C and D.

But be more graceful.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:53 PM on January 19, 2016

Response by poster: Thank you for all the great answers. I'm going to print out this page and post it above my monitor. Lots of helpful advice!
posted by Bushmiller at 5:28 PM on January 19, 2016

In some cases "and yet" works as a less combative alternative to "but".
posted by VTX at 5:58 PM on January 19, 2016

In general, negations and negative contrasts impose a cognitive burden on the reader, so they're best used as sparingly as possible.

Do you find you're expressing thoughts as negation-of-a-negative?
Example: "I was not unimpressed"

Or do you find that you're "switchbacking" too much -- drawing one contrast, then drawing another contrast to that, then another, and so on?
Example: "I liked the new Star Wars, but missed Jar-Jar. However, even without Jar-Jar, the movie had great effects. On the other hand, the effects couldn't disguise the fact that some of the dialogue was weak. Even so, I was happy to see the old characters again."

These kind of things are natural in a first draft, but each switchback or negation makes it harder for the reader to absorb your point. Revise them away when possible. Any time you're using multiple negations, try to translate to positive terms - "I was impressed". Group like points together - in the example above, group all the things you liked together, and then all the things you disliked, so the reader only has to make one switchback. "I liked the new Star Wars. It had great effects, and I was glad to see the old characters again. Even so, I missed Jar-Jar, and some of the dialogue was weak."
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:15 PM on January 20, 2016