Options for safely reducing female libido?

January 14, 2016 8:28 AM

What are the options (besides antidepressants) a woman has to safely reduce her libido?

Please don't derail this into a discussion about depression. I am not depressed. My life is great. I am in a happy monogamous relationship with a partner who is perfect in bed. We have one little boy and the perfect little family together. My startup company is starting to take off.

I am sick of my libido. Just sick of it. I don't want to have such a high sex drive anymore. Its just bothersome to me. I feel disgusted by it, frankly. I don't have sex addiction, but every day I start to get bothered if I do not...go to completion. I feel grossed out just typing that. I'm not interested in changing this attitude or "learning to love" my high libido, at all.

I feel like being sex negative is my sexual orientation and I am proud to be sex-negative me. I hate sex, except for when I have sex with my partner in a loving way once a week or so. I'm not interested in changing it. The best analogy I could use is it feels like having to pee more often than is normal. I'm sick of joylessly masturbating so I focus on the day's tasks.

I want to be one of those people (like my partner) who is satisfied by sex once every week. Short of going on SSRI's, what options do I have?

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (13 answers total)

In the past, my libido has been decreased dramatically by two things: SSRIs and hormonal birth control. You could ask your OB about going on some sort of birth control that's known to have that side effect.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:38 AM on January 14, 2016

Hormonal Birth Control. IME, even the mini-pill
posted by missmagenta at 8:40 AM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Another vote for trying hormonal birth control. People rarely talk about it openly and I've had doctors bald-faced deny it's a thing (seriously), but HBC negatively effects libido in a pretty large proportion of women who take them.
posted by soren_lorensen at 9:00 AM on January 14, 2016 [6 favorites]

If you have energy to burn, you can try burning it off/redirecting it in a way that feels better for you: creative work, cardio exercise, cooking, things that are rewarding and require engagement and energy.
posted by lafemma at 9:07 AM on January 14, 2016

Quit masturbating. You need to go cold turkey and not allow yourself to do it for an extended period of time, like a month. However much your mind is telling you that you hate sex, your body clearly really enjoys it and masturbating every day is fueling the fire of your libido. As with other stimulants (tobacco, coffee, alcohol) you've become habituated to needing that sensation to get through the day. Now, I am of the belief that, if you're going to be hooked on something, masturbation might not be the worst thing in the world to be addicted to, but clearly you do not agree. If you want your libido to go down, you need to stop engaging in a habit of regular masturbation because it is signalling to your body that you really, really enjoy sex and your libido is staying high as a result of that.
posted by scantee at 9:22 AM on January 14, 2016 [10 favorites]

Are you on a hormonal birth control? Talk to your gyn about this and do some research on which ones (anecdotes may be your best bet) have the effect of flattening your libido. You should also consider charting to see what your hormones are doing. You can look at the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" for the definitive guide. I think with a better understanding of your body's cycle, you might be able to key in on something.

Without HBC, I have highs and lows in my cycle. Hormonal highs that increase my libido and lows that make me depressed and miserable. I have the Mirena IUD and it has had the effect of evening me out. I don't get the miserable lows but I also don't get the libido high which is not good for my relationship because he has a libido which sounds similar to yours. I'd try something a little less invasive than an IUD first. You'll need to give your body some time to adjust, though.
posted by amanda at 9:50 AM on January 14, 2016

You're looking for an anaphrodisiac; the Wikipedia round-up offers some possibilities (including the OTC amino acid 5-HTP).
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:24 AM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

The Nexplanon arm implant will probably do what you want! That's why I had mine removed.. However, I also bled most of the time while I was on it.
posted by cp311 at 11:17 AM on January 14, 2016

Things that would probably work but are not great ideas:

If you work out regularly, scale back. Or, if you lift heavy weights, switch to something like steady-state cardio.

I really do not recommend calorie restriction. But hey, there's a reason that fasting is so strongly associated with various groups and people who are striving to remain celibate.
posted by mylittlepoppet at 11:56 AM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

There are two components to sexual relief: emotional and physical. It sounds to me like you do not enjoy the physical part without the emotional part. I think a lot of people are like that and it isn't something I see as sex negative.

I have observed that other people who seem to be similar tend to do things like: get involved in religion, volunteer work, rescue work and other things that can cause an emotional rush without sex or drugs. I have been celibate a long time. Part of how I manage that is I find emotional outlets.

That may not fully resolve it for you, but it may address one piece of it in a constructive fashion and make it less problematic to deal with.

Although I have seen it said before that exercise increases libido, it has also been my experience that working physically hard or exercising a lot so you are exhausted and can sleep without orgasm does help. From what I have read, sexual compulsion (for lack of a better term) is kind of a first world problem. People struggling to survive get laid a lot less than your typical American and do not spend all their time thinking about the lack of sex.

So, one option is also to pour yourself into your new business in a way that physically exhausts you. Another is to start something physically intensive, like training for a marathon.
posted by Michele in California at 12:20 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

You know, this is a kind of bizarre suggestion, all the reddit caveats apply, and I can't go so far as to actually endorse it, but I wonder if you might be interested in reading through some of the material here: www.reddit.com/r/nofap. It's the only place I've ever seen concerns similar to yours discussed at length, though almost entirely from a male perspective.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 1:59 PM on January 14, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nthing hormonal birth control.

All the ones I've tried have significantly lowered my libido (which, in the past, was frustrating for me but now that I'm single I'm relishing it). The ones I found most effective for me in that department is NuvaRing and Nexplanon, the latter being what I have now. Nexplanon has also pretty much stopped my periods, too.

All bodies are different (some HBC also worsened my depression), but if you haven't tried a few different kinds, I'd suggest talking to your gyno about it, like others have suggested.
posted by E3 at 4:39 PM on January 14, 2016

You could try looking at yourbrainrebalanced.com. Although it is focused on pornography addiction, it's really about masturbation addiction too - and there's a woman's section which may provide some answers or have posts from like-minded ladies. I think there are so many men that suffer from the same issues you're having but for ladies there's maybe less support out there. It's just another form of addiction (like drugs, alcohol, food, exercise) in which your brain finds a way to make you produce endorphins. The more you do it, the more you need it. Try rebalancing your brain....
posted by guy72277 at 7:59 AM on January 15, 2016