How to quickly, but nicely, shutdown all diet/weight discussions?

January 2, 2016 5:09 PM

I'm about to start up work again on Monday (after a relaxing break) and I am starting to dread having non-work discussions with my co-workers. Most of my co-workers seem to have no problem discussing dieting, weight, all sorts of health ailments, etc., but I *hate* discussing those topics with people. How can I shut down these discussions with my coworkers, without seeming uncaring or rude??

I'm really, really private about my health. I'm reasonably healthy, but I find conversations about health issues that go beyond a cavity or a scrape to be completely uncomfortable to discuss during lunch. I also hate discussing weight and diets (which, make me really self-conscious about my own body, I've never had an eating disorder, though). I'll talk about these things with family members or actual close friends, but I have no interest in sharing these things with my coworkers. However, so many of my co-workers use these things as go-to conversation starters and it drives me nuts! How can I avoid these discussions again, without seeming like I'm uncaring or rude. It's not that I don't care about my coworkers, I want them all to be healthy, but I find these discussions to be sooo uncomfortable.

posted by modesty.blaise to Human Relations (18 answers total)

Best answer: I find it works to change the subject quickly (start another conversation topic), or failing that, walk way/start typing on the computer and act like you have work to do. Nobody is really going to argue with you going to do work,while at work. I do this gently when I don't feel like talking to coworkers because after all, while I want to be friendly and kind, I'm not really there to socialize or get close to people.

If you don't want to seem unfriendly,you can proactively start conversations with people at other times, and not make them about weight, or just be friendly and helpful in other ways.
posted by bearette at 5:15 PM on January 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Tell them it's your New Year's resolution not to participate in "organ recitals". Because it reminds you of your (elderly relative).
posted by WesterbergHigh at 5:21 PM on January 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

Best answer: I have lots of allergies and almost always diet stuff that people want to judge. I've also never hated a single thing about my body, despite weight changes and not being everyone's ideal. Because it's a waste of time, it's my body, and it does everything I need it to do. I just stare pretty level at everyone and say, "that's cool," whatever their opinion is on my diet or lack of one, end of.
posted by sweetkid at 5:24 PM on January 2, 2016 [6 favorites]

Best answer: I hate discussing this sort of thing too, mainly because it can go from zero-to-shitty so fast (body shaming, people getting up in MY business, people talking about clothes other people shouldn't wear) and also because I don't like listening to other people's health stories. I have found, however, that for some people if you talk about fitness/exercise stuff (like just talking about being outside or about going for a walk or about a hike you took last summer) they feel that you are still on the topic of diet/exercise and so they don't feel shut down but, for whatever reason, I don't mind talking about that stuff as much, being outside, a neat thing I saw in the woods. I'm sure other people can give you good advice for extracting yourself from these discussions because I'm with you, they are horrible, but sometimes just a subtle shift can make them tolerable and non-obnoxious, potentially.
posted by jessamyn at 5:34 PM on January 2, 2016 [17 favorites]

"Oh! That reminds me! I need to get my eight glasses of water in!"

And then leave if you can. Or just drink a lot of water while awkwardly maintaining eye contact if you can't.
posted by betsybetsy at 5:41 PM on January 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

If you want an actual thing to say, you can do something like, "Oh, I never discuss religion, politics, or diets at work!"
posted by Lyn Never at 5:42 PM on January 2, 2016 [10 favorites]

You can participate in the conversation without sharing anything private about yourself. People only want to talk about themselves anyway. Then segue the subject.
posted by bleep at 5:48 PM on January 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

"My New Year's resolution is to accept my body the way it is, so I'm banning myself from discussing it. Thanks for helping me keep my resolution. So, what did you do over Christmas?"
posted by Jubey at 6:01 PM on January 2, 2016 [5 favorites]

nth the advice to move it sideways into a related discussion-- fitness, outdoor activities, cooking or even fashion.

"I stopped eating carbs and now only eat blablabla" -- "oh, I have a great recipe for blablabla soup! It's delicious! I made it for my last family reunion. Are you good at cooking for 15? Because I'm terrible. Maybe you can share your recipes for blablabla with me."
posted by frumiousb at 6:02 PM on January 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Some people really like to talk about that stuff, usually because they’re really self conscious about it. Often they’re not trying to judge other people as much as they’re trying to let everyone know that they are thinking about those things (because they think they’re being judged). Whatever the reason I find it really uninteresting, so I respond just like I do to any uninteresting conversation, which is not much at all.
posted by bongo_x at 6:11 PM on January 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

At my old workplace, we would shut down such conversations by saying "No diet talk at lunch!" Try that and say let's not while we enjoy our lunch.
posted by Coffeetyme at 6:43 PM on January 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I used to just get up and walk away or simply stop talking whenever people started talking about things that made me uncomfortable and/or were overly personal at work. There's always work to be done at work so it's not really that rude if you excuse yourself politely. You're under no obligation to sit and listen to them prattle on about the latest and greatest diet and/or health craze that's going around. Just excuse yourself and wander off. Why sit there and be uncomfortable?
posted by patheral at 6:59 PM on January 2, 2016

Best answer: My co-workers just love talking about tragedies in the news. Drives me nuts in a similar way that you describe.

I just stand up and walk away. I don't huff and puff over it, or refuse to respond when I need to in order to be polite. I just ... go. I come back with a glass of water or something and move on.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:37 PM on January 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Do you want to not talk about certain topics or do you want people to think you're actively unfriendly? Getting up and walking away abruptly in the middle of someone talking to you could easily be seen as some seriously odd and rude behavior. Your coworkers don't have to be your best friends but you do have to treat them like human beings.
posted by bleep at 8:31 PM on January 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

I've used: Didn't we talk about that last time? Starting a side conversation with whomever is next to works if they're not keen on the subject you'd rather avoid. If I'm in the minority of one I try to disrupt with humor.
posted by Homer42 at 11:07 PM on January 2, 2016

Just switch the conversation to the other seasonal cliche: "Going anywhere nice this year?"
posted by rongorongo at 12:44 AM on January 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I used to work in a small school where the staff had time to cook their lunches in the kitchen. It was like walking into the most food snob episode of Iron Chef-Throwdown-Master Chef ever. Sample conversations:

(while making a grilled cheese on whole wheat bread): "I feel so much better now that I know I have a gluten allergy."
"You're using purple kale? I'm always scared to eat that because if it's not local and organic the pesticides can give you cancer."
"Your mac and cheese looks good! I wish I could eat that but I feel so disgusting after I eat that because I'm allergic to wheat and lactose and nightshade and tomatoes and butter and potatoes..."

My work-husband and I used to sit at a lunch table and eat our sad kale salads and ask everyone about their pets. Mostly everyone really wanted to talk about their food choices and self-imposed dietary restrictions but sometimes people would share their cat's Instagram account.

Then I moved to a new school where we only have a few minutes for lunch so there's no competitive cooking. And the conversations at this school are like:

"Did you hear Bob wasn't invited to this meeting? They're trying to get him to quit."
"You know that Suzanne lied on her resume, right?"
"Perry is supposed to work with the kids twice weekly but I never see him. He's the worst."

I don't have a work-husband here, but I still ask about pets. Most people really want to do the backstabbing thing but sometimes I get to see pictures of the bulldog who has a collection of football sweaters.

Yes, I'm getting to the point. Sometimes, your coworkers create a culture where they get validation or decompress by talking about certain things. You can try to change the subject but sometimes the culture is what it is and you can just kind of half-listen and try to change the subject to something less obnoxious.

My point: there is always at least ONE coworker who wants to show you pictures of their dog or cat. Sit next to them.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 5:36 AM on January 3, 2016 [3 favorites]

Best answer: I get this a lot, because I'm a dietitian and many people want to talk socially about their eating habits with me. And obviously the subject matter interests me in general, hence my degree in nutrition, but! It's socially a minefield, because every other person is following some funny diet I disagree with, and I don't want that awkwardness unless I'm getting paid for it.

Segueing is the most polite way out. Topics I may sneakily segue into from diet talk:
- what we grew up eating (or hating) as kids -> followed by other childhood hijinx stories
- restaurant experiences, good and bad -> talking about going out and free time
- foods eaten while travelling -> vacation talk
- regional foods -> other regional cultural differences ("Where did you grow up? How was that?")
- sports -> outdoors and nature, or dancing and music, or traffic and infrastructure, or...
- cooking programmes -> TV and movies

You called diet talk their "go-to conversation starter" yourself, so just take the conversation elsewhere. And every time you get more information about the person, it gets easier to find other topics that may interest them.

If someone is very stubborn about staying on topic, they often want some sort of acknowledgement of the effort they put into their diet and health. Or maybe they feel like they're "failing" somehow and then it's all about them trying to cope with their own internalized critic. (Even when people are being toxic about other people's diets and health, their true motivation is mostly wanting to feel better about themselves.) Giving them that can help them let go of it for a while. It's a bit of a paradox, but sometimes you have to wade into the diet talk just a little, but with the intention of making the other person feel better about themselves. Like saying you know how hard it is to diet or live healthily, or how confusing when recommendations differ so much, and how it looks like they're doing the best they can at the moment.
posted by sively at 10:49 AM on January 3, 2016 [6 favorites]