minor coping mechanism for listening to loogies, asap plz
December 24, 2015 3:38 AM Subscribe
My partner has had this cold for a month and their frequent snorting of snot and hocking of loogies into their mouth is driving me batty; I think it's really gross. Every time they make that noise or a see them holding a loogie in their mouth I have a moment of being squicked out. Due to circumstances, we're spending a lot of time together right now. Please please please teach me a mental hack for dealing with this. It's distracting!
We've been together for years and he's aware that this bothers me but it's just a physical thing their body does and it is not the hill I'm going to die on. Please don't make this about our relationship or suggest ways to change my partner. Yes, I take good care of them when they're sick. It's not the last time they have had a cold like this and it's not the last time they''ll have one, so I would really like to learn coping mechanisms for how to get over it.
Many thanks!
We've been together for years and he's aware that this bothers me but it's just a physical thing their body does and it is not the hill I'm going to die on. Please don't make this about our relationship or suggest ways to change my partner. Yes, I take good care of them when they're sick. It's not the last time they have had a cold like this and it's not the last time they''ll have one, so I would really like to learn coping mechanisms for how to get over it.
Many thanks!
There are several physical things that the body "just does" that we don't do in front of others because: MANNERS.
He should treat these nasty phlegm-moving/storing moments as something to be taken care of by himself in the bathroom (and maybe with the fan running for white noise).
If he's been doing this for a month, it sounds like it's liable to become a habit even after the cold goes away.
posted by blueberry at 5:02 AM on December 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
He should treat these nasty phlegm-moving/storing moments as something to be taken care of by himself in the bathroom (and maybe with the fan running for white noise).
If he's been doing this for a month, it sounds like it's liable to become a habit even after the cold goes away.
posted by blueberry at 5:02 AM on December 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
He needs to take that grossness into another room and be respectful of others. My god.
My partner used to leave loogies in the bathtub after a shower, or in the sink (shudder) when he had a cold. I told him on no uncertain terms that it HAD TO STOP. It's not okay. It's disgusting. Phlegm, vomit, snot, poop and pee: it's your job as an adult to manage these things.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:22 AM on December 24, 2015 [17 favorites]
My partner used to leave loogies in the bathtub after a shower, or in the sink (shudder) when he had a cold. I told him on no uncertain terms that it HAD TO STOP. It's not okay. It's disgusting. Phlegm, vomit, snot, poop and pee: it's your job as an adult to manage these things.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 5:22 AM on December 24, 2015 [17 favorites]
(just a side note: sometimes when I get a cold, I go from "breathing fine, everything's great" to "oh my god my head is full of snot and I am having trouble drawing breath" in mere seconds, and then - wherever I am - there is gross hacking and snorting, because I feel like I'm drowning and my body reacts automatically. It's the damnedest thing, but I really can't help it - although that's generally the worst six or eight hours of the cold, not a whole month.
I guess my questions would be:
1. How often is this happening? If it's some terrible respiratory thing where he can't breathe without snorking horribly every few minutes, it seems like he can't be asked to leave the room every time. (Are you stuck in only one room together? If not, maybe spending more time in different rooms would help.) If that's the case, though, I wonder if a doctor's visit is in order?
2. If it's not constant, and it's not an automatic "head feels full of drowning" response, he should go into another room.
Has he considered taking cold medicine? I know it cures the symptom and not the cold, but during my Worst Cold Ever While I Was Teaching, I kept myself coked to the gills on cold meds, and it really did keep me from being full of snot.
Also, has he considered experimenting with head position? Not to, again, be really gross, but if you sit with your head tipped back, or lie down with your head propped up/tipped back, it minimizes the need to snort in a disgusting manner.
In the longer term, if this is a chronic problem, an ENT visit might be a good idea. I know I have a quirk of anatomy that makes me a bit snortier than most people, and while just knowing doesn't help, it has proved useful to be able to say to people "I'm doing my best, but sometimes I just literally can't help suddenly not being able to breathe".
posted by Frowner at 6:33 AM on December 24, 2015
I guess my questions would be:
1. How often is this happening? If it's some terrible respiratory thing where he can't breathe without snorking horribly every few minutes, it seems like he can't be asked to leave the room every time. (Are you stuck in only one room together? If not, maybe spending more time in different rooms would help.) If that's the case, though, I wonder if a doctor's visit is in order?
2. If it's not constant, and it's not an automatic "head feels full of drowning" response, he should go into another room.
Has he considered taking cold medicine? I know it cures the symptom and not the cold, but during my Worst Cold Ever While I Was Teaching, I kept myself coked to the gills on cold meds, and it really did keep me from being full of snot.
Also, has he considered experimenting with head position? Not to, again, be really gross, but if you sit with your head tipped back, or lie down with your head propped up/tipped back, it minimizes the need to snort in a disgusting manner.
In the longer term, if this is a chronic problem, an ENT visit might be a good idea. I know I have a quirk of anatomy that makes me a bit snortier than most people, and while just knowing doesn't help, it has proved useful to be able to say to people "I'm doing my best, but sometimes I just literally can't help suddenly not being able to breathe".
posted by Frowner at 6:33 AM on December 24, 2015
MyGuy has a throat-clearing tic as well as the snorting loogies.
I asked myself, what if he had no control over it? (I don't have control over fainting. I've learned to minimize but it still happens.) Then I understood that he's not making these noises AT me, and the sounds became much less annoying. Like gurgling stomach or fans/pipes from the central heating.
posted by Jesse the K at 6:43 AM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
I asked myself, what if he had no control over it? (I don't have control over fainting. I've learned to minimize but it still happens.) Then I understood that he's not making these noises AT me, and the sounds became much less annoying. Like gurgling stomach or fans/pipes from the central heating.
posted by Jesse the K at 6:43 AM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Your mantra could be "The offending substance is in his mouth, not my mouth. I am happy/relieved that it is not physically present in my mouth. His mouth, not my mouth."
posted by puddledork at 8:09 AM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by puddledork at 8:09 AM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe guaifenisin or something like that to thin the mucus?
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:53 AM on December 24, 2015
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:53 AM on December 24, 2015
This thread may expose the divide between people who consider phlegm a gross substance to be excreted immediately; and the more phlegmatic among us, who know it's no big deal, that the body needs mucous, a vital lubricant. Bad news for the former group - in a book by Gabrielle Glaser called The Nose she says your sinuses generate a quart of the stuff every day and most of it's going down your throat inadvertently, the back way.
I sympathize with the OP, the sound of snorking is very gross and should not be done in public, but I also agree with the Japanese who feel the same way about blowing your nose. I cannot take the brash American-male custom of blowing your nose in public -- all of you, take it into the mens' room, please, or go outside! Unfortunately, it's too late - these habits become ingrained in kids from families where it's acceptable and considered normal.
The only solution: earplugs.
posted by Rash at 10:23 AM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
I sympathize with the OP, the sound of snorking is very gross and should not be done in public, but I also agree with the Japanese who feel the same way about blowing your nose. I cannot take the brash American-male custom of blowing your nose in public -- all of you, take it into the mens' room, please, or go outside! Unfortunately, it's too late - these habits become ingrained in kids from families where it's acceptable and considered normal.
The only solution: earplugs.
posted by Rash at 10:23 AM on December 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
I just pretend they are engines. Yes, engines. I do not become nauseous if an engine back-fires or if some of its oil drips on floor. So, I just pretend sick people are broken engines that are back firing or dripping oil on to the floor...
Crazy, but it really does work... for me anyway.
posted by bkeene12 at 10:32 AM on December 24, 2015 [5 favorites]
Crazy, but it really does work... for me anyway.
posted by bkeene12 at 10:32 AM on December 24, 2015 [5 favorites]
Ask him to go into the other room when possible but keep in mind that it's not always possible. Sometimes snot will start choking you out of the blue and it's either hock or not breathe.
posted by Jacqueline at 8:17 AM on December 25, 2015
posted by Jacqueline at 8:17 AM on December 25, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by sweetie_darling at 4:19 AM on December 24, 2015 [4 favorites]