My therapist has died. What now?
December 23, 2015 10:36 PM Subscribe
I spent a sizable portion of my adult life, a good 25 years, searching for a therapist who would truly understand me. In 2005, I did. After a a few years of not going, I went to see her again. As usual, she made me feel so much better that months passed before I called for another appointment. Then I learned she passed away suddenly. I honestly don't know what to do now. She had a private practice, so no colleagues, though I did reach out to a former associate of hers from a while back. I'm not sure if he's taking new clients, though. What are your suggestions? Any ideas would be much appreciated.
The good thing is she left you with an excellent idea of what you need and want from a therapist.
posted by cecic at 1:22 AM on December 24
I came in to write what cecic already did. Good call.
Remember that you're interviewing them, take that approach. I'd be more comfortable if I knew that the therapist was interviewing me, also. Look around the waiting area, if there is one, look around the room you'll potentially be spending time in, looking for clues. On a job interview once, I (pretty much rudely, looking back) walked right past the woman who I was interviewing with, walked up to this really gorgeous painting on her wall, asked her about it -- I was hired before I sat down. She told me she could tell from my resume that I could program but that not every programmer will notice and/or talk about anything not related to a zero or a one; she was right on both counts.
So look for that painting. Or a book you love. Or a book you hate. One guy I know didn't stay with a woman therapist who had the chops but was so pretty he knew he'd not get past wanting her, especially as the intimacy in that room grew. He fired another therapist because it annoyed him no end that the guy walked around in his socks.
It's your money, and it's your time. It's their time also but it's your life you want to facilitate growth in -- get what you want.
I've been extraordinarily lucky. I've drawn some bad cards but way more good than bad, both in therapists and in shrinks. I owe two of these people everything, they saved my life when I went nuts in 2002 and stayed nuts in 2003, both of these women -- one a therapist, one a shrink -- both of these women were absolutely capable but also they had these huge hearts and they loved my lame ass and neither would allow me to quit when I was so dispirited and lost and beaten.
You know, we're paying these people, but just because there's money involved does not mean that love isn't there. I don't think that it really needs to be -- if a therapist or shrink has the chops they sure can help. But when love is there also, it's the best. I still pretty much can't believe how that all came down. They just kept coming, insisting that we'd find the right medications, that the right meds were available but it can take time -- god, can it ever take time... These wonderful people had my back. Case could be made that they carried me. I truly have been extraordinarily lucky.
My hope for you is that you'll find people such as I've found in The Therapist Store. As you know, they are out there; it's a matter of patience, time, and luck til you find the right one.
posted by dancestoblue at 1:15 AM on December 24, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by cecic at 1:22 AM on December 24
I came in to write what cecic already did. Good call.
Remember that you're interviewing them, take that approach. I'd be more comfortable if I knew that the therapist was interviewing me, also. Look around the waiting area, if there is one, look around the room you'll potentially be spending time in, looking for clues. On a job interview once, I (pretty much rudely, looking back) walked right past the woman who I was interviewing with, walked up to this really gorgeous painting on her wall, asked her about it -- I was hired before I sat down. She told me she could tell from my resume that I could program but that not every programmer will notice and/or talk about anything not related to a zero or a one; she was right on both counts.
So look for that painting. Or a book you love. Or a book you hate. One guy I know didn't stay with a woman therapist who had the chops but was so pretty he knew he'd not get past wanting her, especially as the intimacy in that room grew. He fired another therapist because it annoyed him no end that the guy walked around in his socks.
It's your money, and it's your time. It's their time also but it's your life you want to facilitate growth in -- get what you want.
I've been extraordinarily lucky. I've drawn some bad cards but way more good than bad, both in therapists and in shrinks. I owe two of these people everything, they saved my life when I went nuts in 2002 and stayed nuts in 2003, both of these women -- one a therapist, one a shrink -- both of these women were absolutely capable but also they had these huge hearts and they loved my lame ass and neither would allow me to quit when I was so dispirited and lost and beaten.
You know, we're paying these people, but just because there's money involved does not mean that love isn't there. I don't think that it really needs to be -- if a therapist or shrink has the chops they sure can help. But when love is there also, it's the best. I still pretty much can't believe how that all came down. They just kept coming, insisting that we'd find the right medications, that the right meds were available but it can take time -- god, can it ever take time... These wonderful people had my back. Case could be made that they carried me. I truly have been extraordinarily lucky.
My hope for you is that you'll find people such as I've found in The Therapist Store. As you know, they are out there; it's a matter of patience, time, and luck til you find the right one.
posted by dancestoblue at 1:15 AM on December 24, 2015 [5 favorites]
If the former associate is not taking new clients, perhaps he can recommend someone who has a similar style to your therapist?
posted by callmejay at 7:46 AM on December 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by callmejay at 7:46 AM on December 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you for this, truly. I have an appointment with the associate tomorrow. Hopefully it will go well.
posted by Lillitatiana at 1:01 PM on December 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Lillitatiana at 1:01 PM on December 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
The good thing is she left you with an excellent idea of what you need and want from a therapist. Make a list of what made her so right for you and use that when you interview new therapists. Starting with her former associate is good, but now that you can articulate exactly what you are looking for, hopefully your search won't take so long this time. Best of luck.
posted by cecic at 11:22 PM on December 23, 2015 [5 favorites]