How to cope with retirement?

December 19, 2015 6:05 AM

My workaholic father retired recently. He was completely and passionately devoted to his profession (Medicine) for over 42 years. In all the time that he worked, 12 to 14 hours a day, he developed practically no hobbies or interests apart from his work. I hardly remember him watching a movie or reading a book (outside of work) or socialising (and on the occasion that he HAD to, it was a chore). In fact, it was hard to keep him away from the Hospital where he worked, even on Sundays. As one can imagine, retirement has been a hard transition for him, although, of course, he had been anticipating this change for a very long time.

Post retirement, there are a couple of things that he has expressed interest in pursuing and this is where I need help! I am looking for resources- online courses, books, blogs or any other suggestions that would help a beginner cultivate the following interests. (I am specifically looking for online courses and/or tutorials).
1) Painting (I am excited about this one, because long before he went to Medical school, 50 years ago, he used to paint- and very well, too- although he received no formal training. He has expressed an interest in painting landscapes – acrylic or oil.)
2) Gardening, especially growing vegetables.
3) Bird watching (he owns a good pair of binoculars-never used of course!)
4) Photography (he does not own a very good camera, but would be happy to hear recommendations)
For what it’s worth, he’s in his mid 60s, lives in India and as you’ve probably guessed, is a deep seated introvert. He is a perfectionist, and I expect that if he likes something, he will apply himself wholeheartedly to pursue it.
Thank you for your help!

posted by synapse2512 to Human Relations (14 answers total)

Me, too!

I'm about 3/4 retired, and spend too !much time on the couch doing not much. One thing I've realized is that I need to get some new friends. I've mostly relied on co-workets for friendship for several decades. I am thinking of volunteering with a local environmental group. Bird watching is also a potential source of friends.

If he were in the US, I would suggest looking to a local community college or the like for programs in painting. Actually, here in the US there is a fairly elaborate infrastructure for amusing the retired class, including elder hostels, etc. Don't know about India.

I don't really care much for gardening, but I've been growing herbs in pots on my front steps. It does not take much time, but it adds some fun to cooking dinner.
posted by SemiSalt at 6:34 AM on December 19, 2015

We just went through this with my dad; also a physician, also workaholic. He was dreading retirement, my mom was dreading having him around, everyone was worried (and this may explain why he was the absolute last of his cohort to retire). What has worked for him has been to "keep his hand in" at some medicine, while not having to carry call and long hours and the things that make medicine kind of miserable sometimes. He volunteers at some low cost/no cost clinics around the area and that I think was huge to him. He still feels useful, it's opened his eyes to a population of really great people whose circumstances have limited their access to care (and maybe softened his heart and politics a bit?), and gives him somewhere to be with a regular schedule, but one he can plan other activities around. He's also become more active in some of the service aspects of medicine, sitting on an ethics board for a local hospital and a few other similar activities. With that as a foundation, he's definitely become more relaxed and has started to get kind of excited about other activities. He's cooking a ton for the first time in his life. He and my mom are traveling. They do yard work together (something that was strictly "her job" before). Overall it's been great.
posted by goggie at 7:00 AM on December 19, 2015 [23 favorites]

A retired medical professional can be of great service to the community on a volunteer basis - troubleshooting difficult cases, helping people research their conditions, acting as a patient advocate. He'll have many advantages in not being tied to "the system." For one, he can spend as much time with people as he sees fit. He can also research and recommend treatments that aren't widely available.

Lots of people would love to have someone with your father's experience help guide their care.
posted by 4midori at 7:08 AM on December 19, 2015 [5 favorites]

One doc I know listens to books while walking/running, combines two important things.
posted by sammyo at 7:21 AM on December 19, 2015

At the teaching hospital I work at, they run a "Mini Medical School" about three times a year that is open to the public to sign up for (it usually fills up in 3 hours). It's about 8 to 10 sessions that explains medicine a little more in-depth to the layperson who is interested in this kind of thing.

Don't know if your dad is around a Medical School/teaching hospital, but maybe something like this would give him the feeling of being around a hospital and still having to prepare/teach/doctor, but at greatly-reduced hours.
posted by kuanes at 7:41 AM on December 19, 2015

There are so many birdwatching apps out there! If he's truely never used his binoculars I'd have to recommend Merlin Bird ID, it's the best way for a rank beginner to see a bird and work out what it is. This is by Cornell which also has online birding courses, sadly I haven't taken them but I do hear good things. If he's a little more experienced iBird Pro is basically a bird book in an app, also the search function lets you limit by state/month which is useful. If he's like to bird by ear Master Birder by Larklink is a game app to help you learn, it has a beginner level. This might be a little advanced but I meet so many birders who want to pick this skill up it's worth knowing about.

I'd also recommend going on birding hikes. The nearest nature center will probably have some, googling for your local Audubon society might also help. There's a lot of open space preserves near me and almost all of them do a birdwatching trip once a month, it's a great way to learn the local species. Try to start out with these general walks and not running out to see rare species, these hikes will be a lot less stressful then when 30 birders get together to see one rare migrant.

And of course the easiest way to pick up birding: get a backyard bird feeder!
posted by lepus at 7:51 AM on December 19, 2015 [5 favorites]

Maybe too late for it this year but at least where I live today is the Christmas Bird Count which is a citizen science sort of project where you go tromping around and checking basic birds off of a list and help the Audubon Society track bird patterns. I use the iBird Pro app (not cheap but worth it, I'm sure other apps are likewise pretty great). I also agree with the hiking thing. Going out with a trained birder (and a bunch of novices who like nature) is a great way to get a new appreciation for the outdoors. And birding is sort of great for people who are a little obasessional as Jonathan Franzen talks about. Photography + birdwatching (with feeders and lots of GEAR if you are so inclined) is a great combo.
posted by jessamyn at 8:14 AM on December 19, 2015

You can contact your local hospitals, clinics, etc and see if there are any short term projects they have ready for someone with his skills and expertise. You don't want him to sign on as a general volunteer because his skills are so valuable and you don't want anything long term or open ended because he may decide be wants to do something else.

If he has any basic computer savvy you could also try setting him up with a medicine centric blog or you could do a diary with stories that can be passed down to grandkids and greatgrandkids when they're old enough to find that interesting. I bet he's got lots of stories about starting out in medicine and how things have changed. What was it like being a doctor in India 40 years ago?

I wonder if he'd be into word/math puzzles, stuff that can engage him intellectually. There's probably some groups you can find on the internet for him to engage with. He's an introvert but he's probably also used to having to talk to people in controlled situations so it would be good to force social interaction that isn't just chitchat.
posted by betsybetsy at 9:24 AM on December 19, 2015

Get your father involved in the local societies related to his interests. Maybe look on Meetup.com or something similar.

Hobbies are so much more fun when you find other people with similar interests. Also it is the social aspects of the hobbies that will keep your father mentally lively and happy. The actual specifics of the hobby are mostly just filler.
posted by srboisvert at 11:07 AM on December 19, 2015

I live in California and have noticed that gardening information tends to be fairly climate and location specific. That is, most plants that die in the winter in the Eastern US, don't die here, so there are many gardening books published in English that are inappropriate and off base for me. I can grow oranges where I am, though they might be nipped by frost. So most gardening books that I have seen would be wrong for the soil and climate where your dad is planting. I do enjoy seeing other people's garden ideas on Pinterest. People do all kinds of creative stuff in terms of building scaffolding out of weird stuff and planting things upside down. I find fun ideas that I might want to try some day. But it's maybe not the best resource if he wants to start at the beginning and work forward step by step.
posted by puddledork at 1:01 PM on December 19, 2015

TIL that there are Meetup groups (some for seniors) in India.
posted by bentley at 1:48 PM on December 19, 2015

My father in law, an ENT surgeon, has also recently retired. He has been assisting as an examiner at the local university's medical school and also doing light volunteer work at medical clinics. (He has MS so there is a limit to his physical capabilities with regard to medical work.) But as has been suggested already, your father's skills would be highly, highly sought after in all sorts of associated areas if he still chose to contribute in a medical way.

We were concerned as well with my FILs transition out of work as it consumed so much of his time and identity having said that, even though it's early days, he seems to be happy and enjoying retirement.
posted by Jubey at 3:04 PM on December 19, 2015

Someone I know who's an active-mind person like this has gone on to do public service type jobs, being on town council, boards of local organizations, that kind of thing.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:57 PM on December 19, 2015

My father is a soon-to-be retired, sort of workaholic physician and I have begun encouraging him to take up a hobby already. He needs something other than work, anyways. He has also talked about working on public health activities that need physician oversight but do not involve actual medical care. I know he has been in touch with researchers from a local university because they were studying patient outcomes for his area and his hospital has some of the best rates in the region. Public health is another field where medical expertise can be really useful but it doesn't require the same hours or physical involvement as medicine.

It was great to see all of these ideas and options for when my father does actually retire!
posted by arachnidette at 6:36 PM on December 20, 2015