Weird, Gross Gift Ideas For My Seven Year Old Niece
December 15, 2015 6:24 PM   Subscribe

I want to get my weirdo niece something for Christmas that will make her snort-giggle.

She's actually my cousin's daughter, and I don't usually get her presents (I only see her about once a year) but we have a lot of fun when we're together. She's adorable and kind of bossy but she also has a weird, slightly morbid streak that I get a huge kick out of. I'd like to get her something on the edge of a gag gift - my ideal reaction would be for her to shout "WHAT IS THIS? WHY DID YOU GET IT FOR ME?" and then fall on the floor laughing.

I'm thinking something slimy or gooey or gross, but I think slime and putty toys are a little too familiar; so are the usual prank gifts like whoopie cushions and fake vomit. And nothing TOO nasty because I don't want her mom to get mad.

I feel like the right present is lurking on the edge of my brain, but I can't figure out what it is! Any ideas?
posted by pretentious illiterate to Shopping (38 answers total) 21 users marked this as a favorite
posted by wintersweet at 6:26 PM on December 15, 2015 [4 favorites]

Owl pellet dissection kit: partly gross, partly learning tool. Lots of different ones found online.
posted by dayintoday at 6:31 PM on December 15, 2015 [16 favorites]

inflatable tongue
posted by xo at 6:32 PM on December 15, 2015

She might be a bit young, but Twerking Einstein?
posted by tafetta, darling! at 6:34 PM on December 15, 2015

I got my 8 year old niece a fart machine (Not exactly this one, but similar) that was a huge success.
posted by Rock Steady at 6:36 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Knitted dissected frog?

Eyeball gloves?

Poo dough?

Not slimy, but I love it: Useless Box
posted by Mchelly at 6:40 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

posted by Confess, Fletch at 6:41 PM on December 15, 2015

Direct from Japan: DIY butt pudding.
posted by phunniemee at 6:42 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Giant Microbes?

ThinkGeek's bound to have something...
posted by zadcat at 6:42 PM on December 15, 2015

The Grossology series of books are pretty awesome.
posted by jamaro at 6:43 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Addams Family-related stuff? She might be a budding Wednesday.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:47 PM on December 15, 2015

If she has an iPhone, this nose picking case might be appreciated.
posted by bendy at 6:48 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

You cannot go wrong with infectious disease balls at

Another win is Pie Face, but you have to be willing to play that with her.
posted by myselfasme at 6:49 PM on December 15, 2015

my weirdo nephew got a big kick out of the emergency inflatable rubber chicken. Neither of us could figure out why it was so funny, but we agreed that it was.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:55 PM on December 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

Does she like to read? This book with a small collection of some of the things he's eaten might be good.Maybe toss in a few chocolate covered crickets and eat them with her?
posted by jessamyn at 7:00 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is still in "slime/ooze" territory, but maybe a sodium alginate / calcium lactate kit? She can make her own flavored spheres and goos with it. For a "opening wow factor" you can open them beforehand and make some spheres/worms yourself and immerse them in a fun flavor.

Here's an explanation of how it works: Modernist Cooking Made Easy

and a step by step recipe.
posted by permiechickie at 7:16 PM on December 15, 2015

I got "BeanBoozled" for my cousins who are around the same age. They absolutely loved it, and I loved watching them "play." The premise: There are bunches of different colored jelly beans, but each color has two different flavors, one "yummy" and one utterly revolting. Light green ... mmm ... juicy pear? Or BOOGER? You don't know until you pop 'em in your mouth and chew. The reactions are priceless.

The best was when my little cousin decided she preferred "baby wipes" to coconut.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 7:52 PM on December 15, 2015 [16 favorites]

Bug vacuum.
posted by town of cats at 8:09 PM on December 15, 2015

I have a quirky young relative about the same age -- she thought Instant Underwear was hilarious. Also chattering teeth (which may be kind of a standard gag gift). And gummy teeth (candy).
posted by Mallenroh at 8:14 PM on December 15, 2015

Maybe a mushroom growing kit? They are pretty weird/gross looking when you first get them, and they slightly improve in appearance as they mature. Check with her parents first, though, because it does take up some space (and the space needs to be chosen carefully). She might need a spray bottle to keep it moist, too.

Check out this video - I haven't watched the whole thing yet, but you can see the product within the first few seconds of the clip and you'll get what I mean. Looks mummified or something.

Here's one on Fungi Perfecti's site for just $26. Their photo shows what it looks like when grown.

Note: some kits expect you to supply your own log, but I've used a Fungi Perfecti kit that basically came with a weird sack of sawdust. It did work, but following the instructions and keeping an eye on it is important.
posted by amtho at 8:17 PM on December 15, 2015

I love American Science & Surplus for this
Tabletop melting zombie, $10
Make your own bouncing eyeballs kit, $10
Owl pellets (2) with rodent skeleton inside, comes with accessories and info, $13
Owl pellets (2) with skeleton but no picking-apart tools & stuff, $7.50
Nervous alligator electric game kit, $2

Put it in a Build-it-yourself meat house kit from Archie McPhee

Nose flute
Nose pencil sharpener

And if you have time, the two of you could get together and make the standard gross-food-fakeout kitty litter cake.
posted by stefanie at 8:18 PM on December 15, 2015 [3 favorites]

Bean Boozled was originally marketed as Bertie Botts' Every Flavour (Harry Potter tie-in).
posted by brujita at 8:27 PM on December 15, 2015 [2 favorites]

I came to recommend the beanboozled jelly beans and see I've been beaten to the punch. The novelty wears off quickly, as the nasty flavors really are horrible (except the "grass" one, that wasn't so bad) but it is an experience.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:45 PM on December 15, 2015

Upon reading this question I immediately thought "jar full of candy spiders" and was gratified to discover such a thing exists.
posted by ejs at 8:59 PM on December 15, 2015

Whoopie cushion was a huge hit in my family. Took a long time for that to get old.
posted by antiquated at 9:00 PM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]

Doggie Doo tabletop game. Exactly what it sounds like.
posted by CrunchyFrog at 9:33 PM on December 15, 2015

Poop Soap!
posted by cyndigo at 9:47 PM on December 15, 2015

Chicken Poop Lip Balm!
posted by dancinglamb at 11:50 PM on December 15, 2015

Organ Transplant Lunch Cooler. Both practical and gross, and I can't wait until my kids unwrap theirs on Christmas Day.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 12:56 AM on December 16, 2015

Once I gave my husband's stepsister (she was 6 or 7) a little wooden box (empty inside) and told her it was a lucky mouse fart. She couldn't open the box because 1) the fart would escape and 2) the fart would smell SO BAD.

The idea of the mouse fart is better than the actual gift, haha. She loved showing it off.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 7:21 AM on December 16, 2015 [16 favorites]

Bean Boozled Jelly Bellies.
posted by Brittanie at 10:24 AM on December 16, 2015

Remote-controlled tarantula! (With light-up eyes!)
posted by tully_monster at 12:51 PM on December 16, 2015

There are rubber animals that poop jelly beans when you squeeze them. Porky Pooper is one, but they must have a generic name.
posted by soelo at 7:53 AM on December 17, 2015

Something creepy in lucite!
posted by VioletU at 12:19 PM on December 19, 2015

You could get her a hand-shaped mould and bond over making a severed meat hand, including slices of onion for the fingernails and wrist bones.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 7:39 AM on December 22, 2015

Venus fly trap.
posted by freezer cake at 10:35 AM on December 22, 2015

A Bogey Man Egg Separator.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 2:38 PM on December 22, 2015

I am too late for this year but maybe next year: a caganer, the traditional pooping Christmas figurine.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:21 PM on January 7, 2016 [1 favorite]

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