How to support a spouse undergoing breast reduction?
December 14, 2015 6:38 AM   Subscribe

My wife will be undergoing breast reduction surgery this week. I'd like to be a good husband and do what I can to be supportive.

Aside from just being "there", is there anything I can do to make this easier on her? For those of you who've had this surgery, is there anything you really appreciated or wish you'd had from your S/O? What would make her life easier?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
While my wife has had different surgery, this probably still applies: don't make jokes. Laughing is an involuntary response that pulls on all different parts of your body.
posted by plinth at 7:11 AM on December 14, 2015 [11 favorites]


I believe lifting heavy objects is restricted for up to six weeks after this surgery, so making it easy for her to get around the house and do things while she's under that restriction. Putting things she works with into smaller containers, for instance, or making sure there's someone there to take things from the car to the house, etc.
posted by xingcat at 7:21 AM on December 14, 2015


If she has drains in, she will want something soft like small tennis socks to cover the bulbs, as they are itchy and sweaty and uncomfortable resting on bare skin, especially if she will be going back to work within a week or so of the surgery. I ended up having drains in for almost a month and it was godawful but tiny tennis socks made a huge difference in day to day comfort.

If she isn't able to shower right away definitely offer to help her wash her hair, especially if you have a spray hose thing attachment at the kitchen sink.

Make sure you have plenty of gauze and non-latex tape to replace dressings.

Anything she uses on a daily basis should be placed on a shelf no higher than shoulder height, she shouldn't have to reach up for anything, it will feel awful.

If either of you is a restless sleeper you should build a pillow barrier between you at night, under the fitted sheet, so you don't flail around and whack her on the boob.

Also find out if the doctor's office will be providing a surgical bra for her afterwards or if she needs to bring her own. If they're not giving her one she should get a few right now from Amazon and then just return the ones she doesn't use next week.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:57 AM on December 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Things that I needed:
Something fun to watch when lying in bed half-delirious.
Big shirts that button in the front.
A vomit receptacle near the bed/couch.
Help with getting dressed and changing bandages - extra large sanitary pads worked better than any of the medical bandages I was given.
A handheld shower hose that I could reach. (Help with washing my hair would have been awesome)
And, I can't believe I'm posting this online, but I had a really difficult time wiping after a, erm, movement. My arms couldn't go that way. So she may be too embarrassed to ask, but see if she needs help with that.

Also, just brace yourself for how bad it will look the first few weeks. It's going to be a big, bruised, gross mess that will upset her and you. Try not to wince the first time you see her without the bandages. I was pretty bummed at the time and really could have used some positive encouragement. Now, ten years later, I know it was one of the best decisions of my life.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 8:13 AM on December 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


Reaching will also be an issue for a while, afflicting her with t-rex arms, so put frequently needed items on counters, make sure there's plenty of toilet paper out and reachable in the bathroom, easy snacks on the middle shelves in the fridge and pantry.

Make her a baggie of lip balm, a little tube of hand cream, her phone, a bell or something else to make an emergency noise, plus other stuff she'll generally want on hand, and she can carry the baggie with her from bed* to couch etc.

*Everyone I know who's had a reduction or upper body lift or similar surgery with torso drains has been happiest living in a recliner for the first week, including for sleeping. It's easier to get in and out of than a couch or bed, laying flat is generally uncomfortable anyway, and it helps prevent pneumonia to stay upright. If you have one, or maybe could borrow one from somebody, that may be an option you want to offer.

Put phone chargers with long cords near wherever she'll be nesting.

I think one of the things that gets everyone after surgery/anesthesia is a wildly over-optimistic assessment of their physical resources. Healing is hard physical work, and yes it seems dumb that getting dressed can be so exhausting you need a nap after, but stuff like that happens. Don't let her overplan and get herself in trouble, like stuck out somewhere too exhausted to finish her task and get home. You might come to an agreement beforehand about how she would prefer you intervene if you see a potential problem like that.

If you're not already, you should take a calendar to her remaining appointments and post-surgical discussions and note what you're told about timelines. Mark what day she can shower, what day she should be able to reach over her head, note how long they tell you the swelling and bruising should last. Take notes or ask if you can record on your phone when you get all the post-op instructions (even if they gave it to you on paper, there's almost always more information given verbally), and ask questions if you don't understand. She is unlikely to clearly remember anything told to her in the 12 hours before and after surgery.

If you are familiar with our monster emotional labor thread, a lot of women spoke there about still being expected to do all the mental housework when ill or recovering - knowing what needs to be cleaned, knowing how to obtain and prepare food, knowing where everything in the house is, how to operate cleaning machines, and sometimes even having to get up and feed/tend to the perfectly healthy spouse because heaven forbid she be allowed to focus on herself for a minute. Let her focus on herself for a few weeks. You take care of her and the house and the thinking and the constant anticipation of what needs to be done and let her keep her spoons for herself so she's not wearing herself out or screwing up her recovery by trying to do those things.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:23 AM on December 14, 2015 [8 favorites]


I assume you're on top of meals, including foods that are less likely to cause nausea or constipation. Make sure she stays hydrated. Track what time she's taking pain medication, this is often very hard to do after a significant surgery and it's important not to take too much. If she needs other meds on a schedule, manage that.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:43 AM on December 14, 2015


I was totally incapacitated, mentally and physically, for a full week so be prepared for that. I didn't feel at all like myself until I was able to take my first full shower.

My husband was very helpful with changing my dressings - we used non-stick pads like this inside the bra I was wearing.

The best thing he did was notice how the bra I'd been wearing since the surgery was all grungy and stained, and he went to Target and got me some new ones because he thought I would feel better seeing wearing something clean. So thoughtful!

He also helped me with that first shower and stayed in the bathroom because I was worried I'd slip.

Because I'm usually the meal planner/dinner decider, I made sure the freezer was full of frozen meals we like, and we had stuff for sandwiches. I really wasn't up to doing the usual household management (emotional labor) stuff that I usually do.

I was home for two weeks, and thought I was doing pretty well at that point, but once I went back to work, I became exhausted so quickly. My husband was great about coming to give me a ride home once I hit the wall at work and had to leave after 4 hours.

You and your wife will need to be conscious of this very slow recovery time. Even after I wasn't in much physical pain, I still had very limited energy resources and it took weeks to build up to my state previous to the surgery.
posted by Squeak Attack at 8:44 AM on December 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


For the drains, a couple of lanyard-type ID badge holders with the grippy clips at the end can hold the drains in place and are easier to deal with than safety pins.

Make sure she takes her pain meds on a schedule, whether or not she feels like she needs them. It is much easier to stay on top of pain than to chase it. Whenever she takes a pain pill, have her take a mild laxative and drink as much water as she can tolerate. If the pain meds make her nauseated, talk to the doc and s/he will hook you up with meds for that as well.
posted by kamikazegopher at 9:11 AM on December 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I had this done many years ago. Physically it was no great thing to recover (I went back to work at a desk job after a week and don't recall it being problematic) but what surprised me was the weird mental state I was in for that week. Much later I read about depression after major surgery and realized that was what had happened. So just be aware that that can happen and maybe make sure she has stuff to do to keep her mood uplifted - favorite funny movies, good books, favorite foods, etc. My ex had to work but it would have been better if he'd been around, I think.

And this is for many years down the road: her doc may have talked about this but just in case, scar tissue can eventually form (I think it's called) calcification. It's been 20 odd years and I had a little bit of a scare when I felt little hard lumps around the scar tissue. I got everything thoroughly checked and happily it was fine. Just something to be aware of. Tell her a random internet stranger says get well soon and she's going to be very happy with her decision!
posted by Beti at 10:17 AM on December 14, 2015


I will say, I hated my pain medication - it made my face itch terribly and I couldn't fall sleep, so I tapered off my use by extending the space between each dose by a few hours each time.

You can help your wife remember to take her meds, but please do listen to her first and foremost about her her needs and don't feel you have to "make" her do anything she has a good reason not to do.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:36 AM on December 14, 2015


This is a slightly different surgery but a lot of the same advice will apply. Supporting someone recovering from top surgery.
posted by desjardins at 10:56 AM on December 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


If you think a recliner would be beneficial, look into renting one - we had one for a month when I recovered from my (non-breast reduction) surgery, and it was quite helpful.
posted by sarajane at 12:58 PM on December 14, 2015 [1 favorite]


Good practical advice upthread and I wanted to add something on the emotional side. Even though she is choosing to have this surgery, she may be surprised by how painful and traumatic it is. Be extra kind. Don't tell her "it'll all be worth it" or anything like that -- that's her own calculus and she'll be making it as she recovers. Just tell her you love her and really let her rely on you in the days (and possibly weeks) afterwards.
posted by fingersandtoes at 2:33 PM on December 14, 2015


Be prepared to do things that you might find distasteful or disgusting without looking like you are grossed out. You may need to empty her drains (please be as gentle as possible while doing this!). If she is having trouble with nausea, you may have to insert antiemetic suppositories. You may need to support her while she vomits so that she doesn't tear her stitches.

It's no picnic, but the best words I ever heard from my spouse were, "I love you, and this is what we do for each other. If you saw me in that much distress, you would do anything to help me. What else do you need?"
posted by blurker at 4:01 PM on December 14, 2015 [2 favorites]


I recently had (not the same, but major) surgery, and here's the things my husband did that made me love him more.

- Helped me remember what time my meds were due. Brought them to me with drink of choice.
- Went out and bought WHATEVER I needed to make my life bearable - everything from fresh underwear to food to aids for my recovery.
- Put a plastic chair in the shower so I could relax and shower without worrying about standing for too long, and helped me wash my hair.
- Cooked my comfort food.
- Fed me! Not whole meals, but he always had finger foods or cut up fruit to feed me, making sure I was snacking when I wasn't remembering to eat or couldn't find the energy to.
- Fielded any visitors and even managed comms with my friends/family - so that I wouldn't have to. Kept me in the cocoon of healing.
- kept electrolyte drinks available so I didn't get dehydrated.
- offered to massage my feet and legs.
posted by shazzam! at 2:52 AM on December 15, 2015 [1 favorite]


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