Short-term disability for grief
December 11, 2015 11:43 PM   Subscribe

My brother overdosed on Tuesday. I used my 3 days of bereavement and now I'm returning to work in two hours. I can't sleep and I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety. Can I use short term disability to take time off?

My insurance is Blue Cross Blue Shield of Texas. I tried to look online if depression or anxiety is covered but I can't really think too clearly or problem solve right now so I was hoping someone could help. I did elect for STD.

Life doesn't feel real. And work has been so stressful lately. My boss is dramatic. A month or so ago I let her know I was going to be about 10-15 minutes late because I was having awful stomach pains (IBS) and her response was "Ugh, fuck my life." I can't imagine how she'll react if I need to take a week or two off.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar II and I'm taking medication. My moods and insomnia have already been bad lately. Things have obviously gotten worse since my brother's death. Just talking to anyone who is not my family is panic inducing. I'm tired of holding it together. I'm tired of people asking me how I'm doing.

I apologize for rambling. I don't want to take leave under FMLA because it's unpaid and I can't afford that. I only have 12-15 hours of PTO accrued. If anyone has any experience in this kind of situation please let me know. Thank you.
posted by blackzinfandel to Work & Money (9 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: Call in for FMLA for today so you don't get in trouble, and request the STD paperwork from HR (not your boss.) You need to ask for FMLA before you need it if it's foreseeable; they can discipline you if you just don't show up.

You can use your PTO concurrently with FMLA, but check your STD coverage carefully because you usually have a waiting period, which in this case can probably only start after your brother's death.

Also, your boss's behavior is constrained by the ADA and EEO laws. Document everything and advise HR if she is inappropriate.
posted by SMPA at 11:56 PM on December 11, 2015 [7 favorites]


Oh, and serious mental health stuff (bipolar disorder definitely counts) is generally covered. They typically exclude stuff like "injuries incurred while committing a crime" and "elective cosmetic surgery." FMLA covers more things than STD policies usually do, but not by much.
posted by SMPA at 11:58 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


You'll need a health care provider to sign off on disability or FMLA, so call and make an appointment as soon as you can even if you don't have the paperwork in hand, just to let them know what's going on. But talk to HR before your boss. HR knows what your rights are, your responsibility to your boss is courtesy only really.

You only have 13 hours PTO? Are you new at your job? FMLA only applies if you've been at your job 12 months and the company is > 50 employees. Short term disability varies by company policy and generally requires you to take your PTO first and in some cases only kicks in after a couple of weeks off the job, but your HR person will know.

And yes, this absolutely is the kind of thing that easily qualifies as a disabling condition, you are not being selfish or lazy or weak, you have the right to take care of your well being and it would be psychotic and probably illegal for your employer not to work with you on this.

Also, many employers allow employees to donate PTO to those in need. Your brother just died, surely you have some co workers who would be sympathetic if it came to that.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:32 AM on December 12, 2015 [5 favorites]


Response by poster: To clarify, I have been at my job for just over a year now. Was promoted in May though and a new company bought us out so they paid off the PTO we had. The 12-15 hours is what I've accrued since then. I am eligible for FMLA if it comes to that.
posted by blackzinfandel at 12:48 AM on December 12, 2015


I can't speak to what is covered by STD but I've known people to use FMLA and STD concurrently for job protection and maintaining pay respectively.
posted by toomanycurls at 2:23 AM on December 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


When I went on FMLA during a life crisis I had to have my doctor state he was treating me for a medical condition. That's really all you need. As far as I was told by my HR, short term disability kicks in once you've used all your sick and vacation leave, but I am not sure how accurate that is for all companies.
posted by Young Kullervo at 6:52 AM on December 12, 2015


Best answer: I work for a disability insurer, but I don't work for your disability insurer.

We pay claims for people in your situation all the time. It's totally reasonable for you not to be able to work while you are grieving. As others have said, HR will be your best resource for navigating FMLA. I work for the insurance company and even I have trouble with it sometimes.

Please feel free to memail me if you have questions. I may be able to help you understand some of the terminology in your policy.

I'm sorry this has happened. Take the time you need to grieve and adjust.
posted by That's Numberwang! at 7:11 AM on December 12, 2015 [8 favorites]


Just want to add a clarification: STD is meant to keep you paid while you're out (every policy is different; you're likely to get some percentage of your salary that is not 100%). FMLA is meant to protect your job while you're out. They're often used concurrently because they're meant to be used that way.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That's Numberwang! has great advice. Please consult HR first, who should guide you about telling your boss. I hope you take the time you need to grieve. It's extremely common for 3 days bereavement not to be enough time when it's a close family member.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 12:58 PM on December 12, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: My heart goes out to you in the wake of this horrible event. I hope you have people you are close to you can talk this over with when necessary.

When my son was stillborn, I took concurrent FMLA and STD. My mid-size corporation is set up in such a way that the company pays STD in house and it's only turned over to the insurance carrier if it becomes LTD (greater than 90 days.) STD payouts start after 7 days unpaid leave and cover a variable percentage of income based on prior benefit elections, up to a certain cap. PTO must be used for any income that is not covered under STD until it is gone or employment is resumed. All of these data points are good things for you to bounce off your HR rep to confirm how your company works.

Definitely the first step is to contact HR and your mental health provider; there will be most likely some faxing back and forth of paperwork, some signatures from you... with good companies, this whole process can be quite easy and quick. Thankfully, it is none of your boss's business nor her concern; you can (legally) disappear and reappear without saying a word to her of explanation.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned, if you may want to consider it after taking a solid chunk of recovery time, is the possibility of intermittent FMLA. Still unpaid, but would allow you to duck out of the office for a few hours here and there, job protected, if you are going along just fine and suddenly have one of those days where someone says something unintentionally inconsiderate and you'd rather go cry at home than in the company bathroom.

My best to you as you adjust to the new reality of your life.
posted by dissolvedgirl22 at 7:09 AM on December 13, 2015 [3 favorites]


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