Outragefilter-filter: how to develop a mental filter about bad things
December 10, 2015 4:05 AM Subscribe
Too much of what I read on the internet makes me angry and upset. This is bleeding into my reactions in real life as well. How can I develop a mental filter and learn to take things less personally? I don't want to just avoid reading about certain topics and becoming less informed overall as a result.
I've noticed that I get angry much faster and much readier to recognise microaggressions, prejudice, misogyny, body-shaming, racism etc both online and in real life. I get my news from a combination of Facebook, Twitter, Metafilter, the Guardian and BBC news. But there is always so much there to get angry about and a lot of articles and posts are basically just outrage-filter. I am a Muslim woman, and there is a lot of stuff floating around on the internet that it is hard not to take personally or feel anxious and angry about, both as a Muslim, and as a woman.
I find that my default anger/fear/frustration setting is bleeding into real life as well: I'm much more likely to notice and get angry about things which seem regressive, misogynist or racist even if such a reaction is inappropriate or just unnecessary.
I know how to set up content filters on the internet. That's not my problem. I still want to be able to read things and be informed without flying off the handle and always being on the lookout for microaggressions etc in real life as a result. I am very unsympathetic to people who police behaviour and who are always ready to get offended over the smallest thing, I don't want to become one of those people, but I feel like my heightened awareness and vigilance is turning me into one.
Any advice?
I've noticed that I get angry much faster and much readier to recognise microaggressions, prejudice, misogyny, body-shaming, racism etc both online and in real life. I get my news from a combination of Facebook, Twitter, Metafilter, the Guardian and BBC news. But there is always so much there to get angry about and a lot of articles and posts are basically just outrage-filter. I am a Muslim woman, and there is a lot of stuff floating around on the internet that it is hard not to take personally or feel anxious and angry about, both as a Muslim, and as a woman.
I find that my default anger/fear/frustration setting is bleeding into real life as well: I'm much more likely to notice and get angry about things which seem regressive, misogynist or racist even if such a reaction is inappropriate or just unnecessary.
I know how to set up content filters on the internet. That's not my problem. I still want to be able to read things and be informed without flying off the handle and always being on the lookout for microaggressions etc in real life as a result. I am very unsympathetic to people who police behaviour and who are always ready to get offended over the smallest thing, I don't want to become one of those people, but I feel like my heightened awareness and vigilance is turning me into one.
Any advice?
Best answer: What you describe is a well-known effect of news overexposure, and probably an intended feature, not an accidental bug, of the news experience (from their end, at least). These articles are carefully calibrated to produce fear and anger, because that kind of stress response hyperfocuses the mind and keeps people coming back (think of all the angry Fox News addicts out there!). Reality is complex, with lots of lights and shadows, but news is by definition non-complex reality, reality that's been heavily narrativized for a specific rhetorical effect.
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I'm not sure it makes much sense to ask how you can continue to read these articles while not becoming an angrier and and more fearful person. That seems a bit like saying, "I like watching porn, but I hate getting so dang turned on all the time," or "I do like taking viagra, but is there any way to do so without all the boners?" Your feeling disproportionately bad about life is the news having its intended effect.
If your own empirical life actually seems, in reality, somewhat safer and less angry-making than the stories you read, you might reconsider whether you're truly adding much real value to the universe by reading them. If being "well-informed" in the news-consumption sense just makes you a less functional person in real life, then is that really something to be desired?
posted by Bardolph at 4:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [38 favorites]
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I'm not sure it makes much sense to ask how you can continue to read these articles while not becoming an angrier and and more fearful person. That seems a bit like saying, "I like watching porn, but I hate getting so dang turned on all the time," or "I do like taking viagra, but is there any way to do so without all the boners?" Your feeling disproportionately bad about life is the news having its intended effect.
If your own empirical life actually seems, in reality, somewhat safer and less angry-making than the stories you read, you might reconsider whether you're truly adding much real value to the universe by reading them. If being "well-informed" in the news-consumption sense just makes you a less functional person in real life, then is that really something to be desired?
posted by Bardolph at 4:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [38 favorites]
I'm right there with you.
One thing that's helped is having a couple online spaces that I know are safe and frustration free for the most part. Slowly my friendly fandom/silliness spaces have trended towards being really aware of content warnings and keeping their language inclusive and not bringing drama to the fore. This helps because I know I can always have a relatively relaxing and interesting time online for at least a little while - there is always a page for me to click away to when I feel myself getting anxious about all the horrible things in the world. So maybe you have an interest that is safe and welcoming to you that you could focus on a bit, just to make yourself a space for release.
The other big thing that helps is knowing where to go for reliable fact-checked information. When I read something that makes me angry, I know I can take a minute to calm down and then use my own google-fu to find someone talking about the same topic in an informed manner. This differs depending on topic and you seem pretty savvy so use your judgement to find the right places for you. Even if the informed people I find aren't in agreement with me on a topic, just reading someone's complex and nuanced opinion that has been informed by actual data can calm me down because I find intelligent people considering multiple angles to be comforting. The thing about the internet is that although misinformation and fearmongering are easy to spread and easy to trip across, there is ALWAYS going to be room for people who actually think about things to speak, somewhere.
As for the bleeding over into real life, I'm of two minds about this. One side is saying "good. we need people to get angry! we need people to course-correct others when they're being bigots!" The other side is saying "ugh yeah remember all those people who probably think I'm a total feminazi jerk and i probably made them MORE antisemitic to boot?"
As I've sort of grown up I've learned that my extreme aversion to compartmentalizing myself and my opinions, while sometimes refreshing to others, most often was an extension of my inherent laziness and exhibited a lack of empathy on my part. I'm by NO means calling you lazy or lacking empathy - I think your intense reactions to the awfulness of the world points to an overwhelming empathy, for example. But I'm learning to identify what groups of people and which times are good times for me to be aggressive and direct and with whom and when I need to keep things to myself and just engage on a more shallow (but still really important!) social level. It's really important for me to maintain relationships where I can be direct and express my frustration, though. Often, these are friends who I also share my safe/silly hobbies with, but we talk about angering things in different venues. You might have a wonderful group just waiting for your energy and passion at your local mosque, for example, if you're looking to turn your worry into something productive. ("I fed a hundred hungry people today! Take that, Islamophobes!")
If you think this isn't really your issue, consider that you're also just being affected the way the news media wants you to be. You can use technology to fight back. Set up content filters, yes, but also think critically about your news sources. Can you whittle them down? Can you find a friend who is very good at curating important current events and just follow their one tag on twitter (or whatever)? You might also... consider subscribing to a newspaper (gasp!) and just reading that.
When face to face with another person who is being an aggressor (I really dislike the term microaggression...) and you feel that anger boiling up inside of you, take a second. Think to yourself "do I have data to back my feelings up? My feelings are valid, but this person isn't going to respond to just my feelings." If you don't have the data or the information, excuse yourself. If they're a good friend, you can say "I really disagree with you but I don't want to get into it right now" and then come back to it later. But for most people that doesn't work, and just being angry at them for something they feel wasn't offensive (sigh) is only going to make you look bad, and not actually change their opinion whatsoever. But if you do have that data? Oh, take them down. In an informed and complex manner, of course.
posted by Mizu at 4:39 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
One thing that's helped is having a couple online spaces that I know are safe and frustration free for the most part. Slowly my friendly fandom/silliness spaces have trended towards being really aware of content warnings and keeping their language inclusive and not bringing drama to the fore. This helps because I know I can always have a relatively relaxing and interesting time online for at least a little while - there is always a page for me to click away to when I feel myself getting anxious about all the horrible things in the world. So maybe you have an interest that is safe and welcoming to you that you could focus on a bit, just to make yourself a space for release.
The other big thing that helps is knowing where to go for reliable fact-checked information. When I read something that makes me angry, I know I can take a minute to calm down and then use my own google-fu to find someone talking about the same topic in an informed manner. This differs depending on topic and you seem pretty savvy so use your judgement to find the right places for you. Even if the informed people I find aren't in agreement with me on a topic, just reading someone's complex and nuanced opinion that has been informed by actual data can calm me down because I find intelligent people considering multiple angles to be comforting. The thing about the internet is that although misinformation and fearmongering are easy to spread and easy to trip across, there is ALWAYS going to be room for people who actually think about things to speak, somewhere.
As for the bleeding over into real life, I'm of two minds about this. One side is saying "good. we need people to get angry! we need people to course-correct others when they're being bigots!" The other side is saying "ugh yeah remember all those people who probably think I'm a total feminazi jerk and i probably made them MORE antisemitic to boot?"
As I've sort of grown up I've learned that my extreme aversion to compartmentalizing myself and my opinions, while sometimes refreshing to others, most often was an extension of my inherent laziness and exhibited a lack of empathy on my part. I'm by NO means calling you lazy or lacking empathy - I think your intense reactions to the awfulness of the world points to an overwhelming empathy, for example. But I'm learning to identify what groups of people and which times are good times for me to be aggressive and direct and with whom and when I need to keep things to myself and just engage on a more shallow (but still really important!) social level. It's really important for me to maintain relationships where I can be direct and express my frustration, though. Often, these are friends who I also share my safe/silly hobbies with, but we talk about angering things in different venues. You might have a wonderful group just waiting for your energy and passion at your local mosque, for example, if you're looking to turn your worry into something productive. ("I fed a hundred hungry people today! Take that, Islamophobes!")
If you think this isn't really your issue, consider that you're also just being affected the way the news media wants you to be. You can use technology to fight back. Set up content filters, yes, but also think critically about your news sources. Can you whittle them down? Can you find a friend who is very good at curating important current events and just follow their one tag on twitter (or whatever)? You might also... consider subscribing to a newspaper (gasp!) and just reading that.
When face to face with another person who is being an aggressor (I really dislike the term microaggression...) and you feel that anger boiling up inside of you, take a second. Think to yourself "do I have data to back my feelings up? My feelings are valid, but this person isn't going to respond to just my feelings." If you don't have the data or the information, excuse yourself. If they're a good friend, you can say "I really disagree with you but I don't want to get into it right now" and then come back to it later. But for most people that doesn't work, and just being angry at them for something they feel wasn't offensive (sigh) is only going to make you look bad, and not actually change their opinion whatsoever. But if you do have that data? Oh, take them down. In an informed and complex manner, of course.
posted by Mizu at 4:39 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Can you filter your news sources differently, so that you get the information you need to stay informed, without as much of the meta (FB comments, for instance) that is expressly designed to inflame emotions? In my own life, that looks like choosing NPR over Fox News, avoiding FB and website comments like the plague, and filtering who I follow on FB and Twitter so that I get more "Ahha!" and less "ARRGGH'l
posted by instamatic at 4:43 AM on December 10, 2015
posted by instamatic at 4:43 AM on December 10, 2015
Have a copy of Duty Calls printed at A2 size and stick it on the wall behind your monitor. Works for me.
posted by flabdablet at 5:17 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by flabdablet at 5:17 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Exercise hard regularly to spend some of the adrenaline you are building up in tiny doses.
Seek out beauty regularly by walking an extra two stops on your bus route, stopping at a park or where there is a view, make a commitment to exploring local galleries and so on.
Listen to music you love.
The world is bigger than the news cycle, it's just the calm quiet pleasures don't make it.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:44 AM on December 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Seek out beauty regularly by walking an extra two stops on your bus route, stopping at a park or where there is a view, make a commitment to exploring local galleries and so on.
Listen to music you love.
The world is bigger than the news cycle, it's just the calm quiet pleasures don't make it.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:44 AM on December 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
It's the powerlessness and frustration that feels the worst. How about taking some action? I find a feel a lot less angry and powerless if I donate to a cause working against bigotry/oppression etc., or volunteer, or show up at events and remain part of a network making positive change. That way, reality starts to look a little bit different, and the good people working to change things get more airtime in your brain, as it were, than lazy blowhards and a negative news cycle.
You might also think about changing your news sources. Cable TV news is, I find, fairly poisonous to the brain, regardless of its lean within its already extremely narrow bandwidth. I keep track of what's going on by listening to one morning and one evening cycle of NPR , sometimes BBC's The World, and reading the Sunday NYTimes. I have friends that swear by the Economist. These are mostly non-hysterical sources that, while still containing plenty to make you mad, don't present it in quite the same way, a way that is expressly and scientifically designed to push your brain to fire nasty chemicals.
posted by Miko at 5:46 AM on December 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
You might also think about changing your news sources. Cable TV news is, I find, fairly poisonous to the brain, regardless of its lean within its already extremely narrow bandwidth. I keep track of what's going on by listening to one morning and one evening cycle of NPR , sometimes BBC's The World, and reading the Sunday NYTimes. I have friends that swear by the Economist. These are mostly non-hysterical sources that, while still containing plenty to make you mad, don't present it in quite the same way, a way that is expressly and scientifically designed to push your brain to fire nasty chemicals.
posted by Miko at 5:46 AM on December 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
Being online a lot in and of itself isn't great for one's mental wellbeing, I find. Right now, for example, I am struggling with a dopey phone keyboard and it's pissing me off.
Lengthy time away from the Internet will probably help with the anger. Take a screen break as often as possible.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 5:54 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Lengthy time away from the Internet will probably help with the anger. Take a screen break as often as possible.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 5:54 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've found that the absolute worst part of (almost) any article is the comments. People are be horrible behind the relative anonymity of the internet. The best way for me to get the news I want to stay informed on and not get as completely upset is to not read the comments (which is really, really hard sometimes and sometimes I fail but I'm always disappointed when I do read the comments), except on places like MetaFilter or Captain Awkward, where I know that people tend to put forward their best (better?) self for the most part. Choosing good news sources is also important so you're not reading deliberately idiotic and inflammatory articles, but it sounds like you've got that down.
Using Facebook and Twitter makes this incredibly difficult because it is all commentary. I'd recommend culling and hiding people/pages/posts that feed into that anger in an unproductive way. Make those feeds safer spaces with people and information that is likely to be more comforting than hurtful.
posted by carrioncomfort at 6:08 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Using Facebook and Twitter makes this incredibly difficult because it is all commentary. I'd recommend culling and hiding people/pages/posts that feed into that anger in an unproductive way. Make those feeds safer spaces with people and information that is likely to be more comforting than hurtful.
posted by carrioncomfort at 6:08 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Look also for reliable antidote sites to get immediate relief for outrage and despair. As corny as this sounds, mine include sites like Humans Being Bros on Reddit (basically gifs/links with people doing good deeds) and Boredpanda (to get a dose of people being creative and/or kind).
posted by sively at 6:22 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by sively at 6:22 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Seconding sively's recommendation -- a place to quickly decompress is sometimes a lifesaver. I recommend putyouinabettermood.
Preview: it's just cute animals, all the time, mostly dogs and cats. There's probably other places like that, too.
posted by Mogur at 6:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Preview: it's just cute animals, all the time, mostly dogs and cats. There's probably other places like that, too.
posted by Mogur at 6:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I find that my default anger/fear/frustration setting is bleeding into real life as well: I'm much more likely to notice and get angry about things which seem regressive, misogynist or racist even if such a reaction is inappropriate or just unnecessary.
It's ok to be angry about regressive, misogynist, and racist things. You can choose how to deal with that anger -- it may be to say something politely, it may be to say something sarcastic, it may be to note it internally but not say anything, it may be to rant about it to a safe group of friends later -- but telling yourself not to feel angry about injustices is likely going to increase your anxiety and feelings of helplessness. If you can separate your feelings (anger) from your behaviors (speaking up, fuming, whatever), you may discover a wider range of choices than you're giving yourself right now, and therefore feel a bit more in control and less helpless.
posted by jaguar at 7:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
It's ok to be angry about regressive, misogynist, and racist things. You can choose how to deal with that anger -- it may be to say something politely, it may be to say something sarcastic, it may be to note it internally but not say anything, it may be to rant about it to a safe group of friends later -- but telling yourself not to feel angry about injustices is likely going to increase your anxiety and feelings of helplessness. If you can separate your feelings (anger) from your behaviors (speaking up, fuming, whatever), you may discover a wider range of choices than you're giving yourself right now, and therefore feel a bit more in control and less helpless.
posted by jaguar at 7:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [6 favorites]
My trick is to recognize certain thresholds. That is, the more compelling "the world" gets, the more I start nudging myself to maybe accomplish something functional.
For instance, on 9/11, after watching TV for a couple of hours and concluding "Holy Shit, this is horrible, yet there is nothing that my sitting here can do about any of it", I grabbed my overlong To-Do list and got busy, starting with getting a passport photo taken. I got a lot done that day.
posted by philip-random at 8:46 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
For instance, on 9/11, after watching TV for a couple of hours and concluding "Holy Shit, this is horrible, yet there is nothing that my sitting here can do about any of it", I grabbed my overlong To-Do list and got busy, starting with getting a passport photo taken. I got a lot done that day.
posted by philip-random at 8:46 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I have the same problem you do regarding news and the world, and my advice, which I should take myself, is to consume less news. You'll still be well informed even if you don't read every single thing. Never, ever read the comments. Stay out of the details of the Republican presidential nomination process, because it's clearly not going to be friendly to you. (Headlines only). I wrote a related answer about Facebook negativity.
In your particular instance, you *know* hate crimes are going to spike against Muslims, particularly in the US. If I were in your shoes, I would not seek this information out. I would be aware of my surroundings, but reading every story about this would make me angry and fearful.
No specific advice on redirecting or coping with this. I just think less is more in terms of negative news.
posted by cnc at 9:50 AM on December 10, 2015
In your particular instance, you *know* hate crimes are going to spike against Muslims, particularly in the US. If I were in your shoes, I would not seek this information out. I would be aware of my surroundings, but reading every story about this would make me angry and fearful.
No specific advice on redirecting or coping with this. I just think less is more in terms of negative news.
posted by cnc at 9:50 AM on December 10, 2015
Best answer: I am a trans person, which is a different set of challenges than being a Muslim woman, but also similar in that we face discrimination, hatred, and physical danger. I often need to take a break from the news of who hates us today, or who got attacked today. 95% of that doesn't "inform" me - I already know I'm in danger - it just makes me angry, sad and afraid. The things I actually need to be informed about are laws and regulations that affect me. Right now those are in a state of flux for trans people, and (hopefully not) could be for Muslim people. You can surely find about these through Muslim organizations and avoid the mainstream media altogether. At least try it for a week and see if you feel more relaxed.
posted by desjardins at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I do agree with everyone above, that limiting your news intake does wonders for your stress levels. I never watch news on TV, for example - I 'go to' the news by visiting a couple of sites online, where I can scan headlines and choose what to read further, rather than have the news 'come to me' and be barraged by newscasters telling me everything that's wrong in the world.
However, I think the single most important thing you can do for yourself here is to tell yourself:
Everything is getting better all the time.
Or: Progress is made with two steps forward, one step back. Or whatever aphorism works for you.
The thing is, if you take a bigger view, all of this is true. Think of the incredible progress that's been made in the last 50-30 years with gay rights. With race issues. With trans rights. With women's rights. With religious freedom. Etc etc. Has it been as fast as we'd like? No. Is it everything all better now? Definitely not. Do we sometimes have setbacks/crazy people with guns/tyrants with control issues/ad nauseum? Yes. But progress is never a straight road - it curves and dips and spirals and sometimes it looks firmly like we're going backward - but with a greater perspective, you see that we are, overall, moving forward.
So next time you feel intense anger over something in the media that seems awful and wrong, remind yourself that this is just a step towards something better. If you feel called to do something to help, do it. If not, try to hold peace in your heart. That is one of the best things you can do for yourself and the world, in my opinion. Good luck!
posted by widdershins at 11:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
However, I think the single most important thing you can do for yourself here is to tell yourself:
Everything is getting better all the time.
Or: Progress is made with two steps forward, one step back. Or whatever aphorism works for you.
The thing is, if you take a bigger view, all of this is true. Think of the incredible progress that's been made in the last 50-30 years with gay rights. With race issues. With trans rights. With women's rights. With religious freedom. Etc etc. Has it been as fast as we'd like? No. Is it everything all better now? Definitely not. Do we sometimes have setbacks/crazy people with guns/tyrants with control issues/ad nauseum? Yes. But progress is never a straight road - it curves and dips and spirals and sometimes it looks firmly like we're going backward - but with a greater perspective, you see that we are, overall, moving forward.
So next time you feel intense anger over something in the media that seems awful and wrong, remind yourself that this is just a step towards something better. If you feel called to do something to help, do it. If not, try to hold peace in your heart. That is one of the best things you can do for yourself and the world, in my opinion. Good luck!
posted by widdershins at 11:28 AM on December 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
First of all, the advice above to read less "news" and also to find some quiet time helps enormously.
Most modern people seem to constantly be mentally bombarded. If you drive somewhere, you probably have the radio on. If you jog, you probably are listening to an ipod. I find it enormously helpful to literally unplug for part of the day. I mostly walk everywhere. I sometimes am walk with one or both of my sons and we talk, or I am walking alone. I don't listen to an ipod and I rarely talk on the phone while going somewhere. It gives me time to actually think and I find that incredibly valuable.
I stopped paying attention to news shows and the like years ago. I just quit entirely for a long time. Here lately, I do a quick click through of all the news categories on Bing, scan the headlines, look more deeply at certain subjects. I give short shrift to local, regional and political news. That is almost always war, crime, disaster -- all the negative stuff.
When Iraq left Kuwait and set all the oil wells on fire, the news was blared about the expectation that they would burn for years and be a huge regional and even global environmental disaster. When crack teams from around the world converged upon Kuwait and invented new techniques on the fly to stop the fires in just a few weeks or months, it was not given the same level of fanfare. When the soot from the fires and water from fighting them caused the desert to bloom dramatically like no one had seen in at least two decades, it was barely a footnote in stories about something with more drama. In 2015, no one is posting headline news thanking our lucky stars that those fires are not still burning. "It's in the past. It doesn't matter."
So I give short shrift to that sort of news. I read business news, science news, tech news, health news. I read about new discoveries and emerging technology and dramatic, game changing things in emerging markets and so on. So, how cell phones are positively impacting developing countries and better understanding of health so we can avoid sickness or cure it more effectively, etc.
Additionally, recognize that feelings come from somewhere. Yes, the news presses our buttons, but we tend to get angriest about things that hit a nerve with us. So, if we feel personally threatened or personally criticized.
Thus, I pay attention to those things that really piss me off, I wonder why I am so mad and analyze what I can do to reduce the threat level for me personally. Sometimes, that means trying to shape the big picture to be more friendly to people like me. Sometimes it just means addressing things in my own life in specific. As my personal problems gradually improve, things going on around me upset me less.
In a way, this bothers me. I feel like I am a less virtuous, more selfish person than I used to be. But sticking my neck out for others seems to have accomplished little or nothing and come at great cost to me. Additionally, I think wanting to play "hero" may come from an idealistic place, but it requires there to first be drama of some sort. I focus more these days on trying to quietly do constructive things and hopefully contribute my tiny little piece of the puzzle to building a world that has less drama overall. Ideally, if we lived in some perfect world, socially speaking, we would not need to take any heroic stands to get underprivileged groups justice or whatever. We would just calmly study the problem space, civilly hash things out, and come up with more win/win solutions for all impacted parties rather than assuming one group must lose and trying desperately to make it be some other group, not the one we are in.
So I hope that this sense of personal disillusionment that I am experiencing is a stepping stone to better things. If not, well, at least I, personally, am less miserable and my life works better. Perhaps that is sufficient and/or makes a meaningful difference in the larger world in some way.
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 11:48 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Most modern people seem to constantly be mentally bombarded. If you drive somewhere, you probably have the radio on. If you jog, you probably are listening to an ipod. I find it enormously helpful to literally unplug for part of the day. I mostly walk everywhere. I sometimes am walk with one or both of my sons and we talk, or I am walking alone. I don't listen to an ipod and I rarely talk on the phone while going somewhere. It gives me time to actually think and I find that incredibly valuable.
I stopped paying attention to news shows and the like years ago. I just quit entirely for a long time. Here lately, I do a quick click through of all the news categories on Bing, scan the headlines, look more deeply at certain subjects. I give short shrift to local, regional and political news. That is almost always war, crime, disaster -- all the negative stuff.
When Iraq left Kuwait and set all the oil wells on fire, the news was blared about the expectation that they would burn for years and be a huge regional and even global environmental disaster. When crack teams from around the world converged upon Kuwait and invented new techniques on the fly to stop the fires in just a few weeks or months, it was not given the same level of fanfare. When the soot from the fires and water from fighting them caused the desert to bloom dramatically like no one had seen in at least two decades, it was barely a footnote in stories about something with more drama. In 2015, no one is posting headline news thanking our lucky stars that those fires are not still burning. "It's in the past. It doesn't matter."
So I give short shrift to that sort of news. I read business news, science news, tech news, health news. I read about new discoveries and emerging technology and dramatic, game changing things in emerging markets and so on. So, how cell phones are positively impacting developing countries and better understanding of health so we can avoid sickness or cure it more effectively, etc.
Additionally, recognize that feelings come from somewhere. Yes, the news presses our buttons, but we tend to get angriest about things that hit a nerve with us. So, if we feel personally threatened or personally criticized.
Thus, I pay attention to those things that really piss me off, I wonder why I am so mad and analyze what I can do to reduce the threat level for me personally. Sometimes, that means trying to shape the big picture to be more friendly to people like me. Sometimes it just means addressing things in my own life in specific. As my personal problems gradually improve, things going on around me upset me less.
In a way, this bothers me. I feel like I am a less virtuous, more selfish person than I used to be. But sticking my neck out for others seems to have accomplished little or nothing and come at great cost to me. Additionally, I think wanting to play "hero" may come from an idealistic place, but it requires there to first be drama of some sort. I focus more these days on trying to quietly do constructive things and hopefully contribute my tiny little piece of the puzzle to building a world that has less drama overall. Ideally, if we lived in some perfect world, socially speaking, we would not need to take any heroic stands to get underprivileged groups justice or whatever. We would just calmly study the problem space, civilly hash things out, and come up with more win/win solutions for all impacted parties rather than assuming one group must lose and trying desperately to make it be some other group, not the one we are in.
So I hope that this sense of personal disillusionment that I am experiencing is a stepping stone to better things. If not, well, at least I, personally, am less miserable and my life works better. Perhaps that is sufficient and/or makes a meaningful difference in the larger world in some way.
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 11:48 AM on December 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Different news organizations present the news differently. There might be another news source you can switch to that will help.
posted by yohko at 3:16 PM on December 10, 2015
posted by yohko at 3:16 PM on December 10, 2015
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i don't have a direct answer, sorry, but i wonder if looking at anger management would help at all? what i know of it is two parts. first, recognising that you're angry (and understanding why). which it sounds like you have nailed. and then second, understanding and learning to control it. which, seems like what you are asking about.
except that you didn't ask that, you asked how to avoid the things that make you angry. hence my apology. but maybe the best you can do is control and channel this anger.
if that sounds useful, then one small, simple way to start is to imagine saving it up. so each time something happens, you imagine taking your reaction and, say, adding it to a bottle. or incrementing a counter, or something similar. it sounds odd, but it can help in that it's "dealt with" in some way. and then later, when you're tired, say, and wondering how you deal with X, you recall that bottle, or tally, and use the energy from the built up frustration to deal with it and get it out of the way.
posted by andrewcooke at 4:19 AM on December 10, 2015