He can't take it with him
December 3, 2015 10:32 AM Subscribe
I need Christmas gift ideas for someone who I don't know well, is not going to live much longer, and can't eat many things. Please help?
I need a gift idea for a Relative by marriage by marriage who I am not particularly close with. He enjoys travel, home improvement, his nightly bowl of ice cream, and being right all the time. Budget <$60.
The twist is that Relative has esophageal cancer that has relapsed after nearly five years of remission, and the chances of living through this relapse are vanishingly small. That means the gift has to be something he can enjoy despite the slow but present decline in his quality of life. It also rules out most food gifts, since surgeries and radiation have left it difficult for him to swallow many foods. Unfortunately, I do not know him well enough to give a highly sentimental gift.
Yes, we need to give him a gift. That much is non-negotiable. In past years it's mostly been nice socks.
I need a gift idea for a Relative by marriage by marriage who I am not particularly close with. He enjoys travel, home improvement, his nightly bowl of ice cream, and being right all the time. Budget <$60.
The twist is that Relative has esophageal cancer that has relapsed after nearly five years of remission, and the chances of living through this relapse are vanishingly small. That means the gift has to be something he can enjoy despite the slow but present decline in his quality of life. It also rules out most food gifts, since surgeries and radiation have left it difficult for him to swallow many foods. Unfortunately, I do not know him well enough to give a highly sentimental gift.
Yes, we need to give him a gift. That much is non-negotiable. In past years it's mostly been nice socks.
I would probably send a very nice bouquet of flowers, because I know having fresh flowers around always cheers me up (especially if I'm sick or can't get out). I would pick something bright and cheery like gerbera daisies (i.e. don't pick something that looks like it belongs at a funeral).
Another option could be a colorful coffee table book featuring travel photos, or something like Humans of New York that features interesting people, but I don't know if you know him well enough to know if he would enjoy that.
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
Another option could be a colorful coffee table book featuring travel photos, or something like Humans of New York that features interesting people, but I don't know if you know him well enough to know if he would enjoy that.
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
Have you ever done anything together that you could find a nice picture of, or a nice picture that relates to it?
posted by Etrigan at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Etrigan at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Jeni's ice cream can be ordered and sent by mail, and it is delicious.
posted by sockermom at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by sockermom at 10:36 AM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Nice socks and other similar comfort items seem appropriate. Super-soft throw blanket, buckwheat pillow or neck pillow.
What about a good set of remote-control LED candles, especially if you're in a darker part of the Northern Hemisphere right now? Soft soothing lighting he can turn on at night without getting up might be nice.
Extremely serious hand cream might also be nice if treatment has left him with very dry skin.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:39 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
What about a good set of remote-control LED candles, especially if you're in a darker part of the Northern Hemisphere right now? Soft soothing lighting he can turn on at night without getting up might be nice.
Extremely serious hand cream might also be nice if treatment has left him with very dry skin.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:39 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
Does he have a kindle? A secondhand kindle will be within your budget. You could even pre-load it with a pile of books (classics in the public domain are all free).
posted by phunniemee at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2015
posted by phunniemee at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2015
A posh ice cream scoop?
Incorporate a donation to the Esophageal Cancer Awareness Association?
Can we know anything about his age, location, and travel history?
posted by enfa at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2015
Incorporate a donation to the Esophageal Cancer Awareness Association?
Can we know anything about his age, location, and travel history?
posted by enfa at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2015
A gift subscription to Audible or something similar so he can listen to stories?
posted by goggie at 10:43 AM on December 3, 2015
posted by goggie at 10:43 AM on December 3, 2015
Response by poster: @enfa: early 60's, lives in Northern Michigan, traveled mostly in the US and Canada. Lots of road trips to national parks and weekend jaunts to resort-towns.
posted by juliapangolin at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2015
posted by juliapangolin at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2015
I'd do the ice cream as well. Jeni's has sets of 4 pints for $48 and shipping is $13, so right at your price point. Coincidentally, my boyfriend has a coworker (mid 50s, hunter/fisher/outdoorsy type, like your relative) with esophageal cancer and he's lost a ton of weight and couldn't eat anything for months, so if this guy can still enjoy ice cream, indulge him.
posted by jabes at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2015
posted by jabes at 10:55 AM on December 3, 2015
I think the Jeni's is a great idea but only if he can still eat and enjoy ice cream. (Someone must know.) If he can't I'd get him one of those gorgeous books of photos of one of the places he has been, or a couple of National Parks videos/DVDs of the locations.
posted by bearwife at 10:56 AM on December 3, 2015
posted by bearwife at 10:56 AM on December 3, 2015
The ice cream is great if it works. Someone else mentioned a blanket and I love that idea too. House slippers too.
I've sadly watched relatives die and the physical things that were most important were the things that made them more comfortable. Nice pillows, blankets, good socks but the other things one uncle really cared about was having music playing so maybe a nice stereo/docking station or radio.
posted by GilvearSt at 11:15 AM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've sadly watched relatives die and the physical things that were most important were the things that made them more comfortable. Nice pillows, blankets, good socks but the other things one uncle really cared about was having music playing so maybe a nice stereo/docking station or radio.
posted by GilvearSt at 11:15 AM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Totally agree with physical comforts like soft bedding, an electric blanket, etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:20 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:20 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
If it's an option for him to leave the house, movie tickets/card.
posted by rhizome at 11:30 AM on December 3, 2015
posted by rhizome at 11:30 AM on December 3, 2015
What about a plant? Maybe a kit for narcissus or amaryllis?
posted by vunder at 12:04 PM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by vunder at 12:04 PM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would recommend a book that someone might enjoy delving into that shares something about you. The idea being that it is regrettable that you will not get to know each other better (as in the normal course of things) but you'd like him to know the type of person his niece is getting involved with. It may give him a sort of peace of mind.
posted by cleroy at 12:47 PM on December 3, 2015
posted by cleroy at 12:47 PM on December 3, 2015
Netflix subscription?
There are ice cream scoops that you heat in hot water to make it easier to scoop the ice cream.
Can he still get out? Would you be willing to take him on an outing? Lunch, and driving somewhere he'd enjoy and letting him be right all day. Or, arguing with him about who's right, depending on which he'd enjoy more.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:48 PM on December 3, 2015
There are ice cream scoops that you heat in hot water to make it easier to scoop the ice cream.
Can he still get out? Would you be willing to take him on an outing? Lunch, and driving somewhere he'd enjoy and letting him be right all day. Or, arguing with him about who's right, depending on which he'd enjoy more.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:48 PM on December 3, 2015
Give an experience instead of stuff. Tickets to something etc. When was the last time he went to the zoo?
posted by Jacqueline at 1:10 PM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacqueline at 1:10 PM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
A Calvin and Hobbes book. Non offensive and almost universally loved. Requires no eating.
posted by Jubey at 5:01 PM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Jubey at 5:01 PM on December 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
If he has the sense of humor for it, as a fundraising gimmick a couple of years ago a North Carolina organization assisting the homeless started selling naming rights to mundane objects around their offices and shelters in exchange for donations. The project seems to still be ongoing.
posted by XMLicious at 6:15 PM on December 3, 2015
posted by XMLicious at 6:15 PM on December 3, 2015
My dear friend who had esophageal cancer was able to handle popsicles well when he could not swallow much anymore. The Zoku popsicle molds are really nice and can help mold ice cream as well as juices, protein shake type things, etc. into treats he might enjoy.
posted by karbonokapi at 8:42 PM on December 3, 2015
posted by karbonokapi at 8:42 PM on December 3, 2015
A poinsettia. Forced amaryllis or other red or white flowering bulbs.
posted by Casual Quilter at 10:00 PM on December 3, 2015
posted by Casual Quilter at 10:00 PM on December 3, 2015
I'll nth getting him something that will make him more comfortable and that he can use frequently right now. A nice comfy throw blanket seems like a great idea, and it's something he'll be able to continue using and enjoying even as his health declines. A nice pair of really cozy around the house type socks would be nice as well.
A nice, bright, cheery flower arrangement seems like a nice idea as well.
I would be hesitant to get him anything that would require action on his part since I could imagine even something like taking care of a plant might feel like a burden as his health continues to decline. Same with an activity type gift. It might feel like an obligation or just be depressing if he doesn't feel up to making use of the experience. Of course, a lot of this will depend on the exact details of his medical situation, but I would err on the side of not doing something like this if you're not clear on his current condition.
posted by litera scripta manet at 12:37 AM on December 4, 2015
A nice, bright, cheery flower arrangement seems like a nice idea as well.
I would be hesitant to get him anything that would require action on his part since I could imagine even something like taking care of a plant might feel like a burden as his health continues to decline. Same with an activity type gift. It might feel like an obligation or just be depressing if he doesn't feel up to making use of the experience. Of course, a lot of this will depend on the exact details of his medical situation, but I would err on the side of not doing something like this if you're not clear on his current condition.
posted by litera scripta manet at 12:37 AM on December 4, 2015
Flowers!! Also, the first season to one of your favorite addictive shows. Something benign and PG.
posted by Piedmont_Americana at 3:56 AM on December 4, 2015
posted by Piedmont_Americana at 3:56 AM on December 4, 2015
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posted by cecic at 10:34 AM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]