Baby Shower Invite Etiquette - Coworker Edition
December 1, 2015 10:07 AM Subscribe
I am unsure if I should invite my coworkers to my baby shower - the dilemma - I live 2,000 miles away from the office.
So I am six months pregnant and putting together the baby shower invite list. I am a remote employee living in Philadelphia - imagine that headquarters is somewhere around Montana.
I am close with several of my female coworkers - albeit we have always been friendly over Skype/E-mail/the once a year I go to headquarters.
Would it be rude to invite them to the baby shower? Several have asked where I am registered already/wanted to know the colors of the nursery for knitting projects/etc etc. I was invited to a bridal shower/wedding for a coworker which I did not attend (because it was in Montana-like area) and sent a gift in my absence.
All the women I would invite would be coworkers and my boss - not direct reports.
I am not sure if this would come off as a "gift grab" attempt instead of the "i wish you could come and would totally have you here if you were local" intention.
Etiquette minded mefites - should I send baby shower invites to coworkers who live 2,000 miles away?
So I am six months pregnant and putting together the baby shower invite list. I am a remote employee living in Philadelphia - imagine that headquarters is somewhere around Montana.
I am close with several of my female coworkers - albeit we have always been friendly over Skype/E-mail/the once a year I go to headquarters.
Would it be rude to invite them to the baby shower? Several have asked where I am registered already/wanted to know the colors of the nursery for knitting projects/etc etc. I was invited to a bridal shower/wedding for a coworker which I did not attend (because it was in Montana-like area) and sent a gift in my absence.
All the women I would invite would be coworkers and my boss - not direct reports.
I am not sure if this would come off as a "gift grab" attempt instead of the "i wish you could come and would totally have you here if you were local" intention.
Etiquette minded mefites - should I send baby shower invites to coworkers who live 2,000 miles away?
If you say "no gifts" I think it's fine to invite them.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:11 AM on December 1, 2015
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:11 AM on December 1, 2015
Best answer: I would say don't invite them. There's no way they could attend, so it seems weird to me. They will likely all get you a gift (individually or as a group). I'm on a team that's ~60% remote (over wide distances). When someone on the team (or their spouse) has a baby we "pass around an envelope" (i.e., send checks/paypal to, usually, our boss) and get the person a gift card to Babies R Us or Amazon.
posted by melissasaurus at 10:12 AM on December 1, 2015 [17 favorites]
posted by melissasaurus at 10:12 AM on December 1, 2015 [17 favorites]
I wouldn't. I think that it's a fine balance in sending invitations to people who are far-flung from you, and only one happy occasion (wedding) really warrants it.
posted by xingcat at 10:15 AM on December 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 10:15 AM on December 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
Could you set up a webcam at the shower and let them Skype in?
(If you do, I would also say "No presents -- I just want you guys to have fun with us from there!")
posted by Etrigan at 10:16 AM on December 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
(If you do, I would also say "No presents -- I just want you guys to have fun with us from there!")
posted by Etrigan at 10:16 AM on December 1, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I don't think you should invite them; they surely cannot come and some might interpret it as gift grabby. Plus, it sounds like they're planning their own thing(s), and I think it's fine (more than fine, great) to let the office crew care for the office crew- I wouldn't suggest inviting co-workers to a local baby shower, even.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:18 AM on December 1, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:18 AM on December 1, 2015 [9 favorites]
I agree that you shouldn't invite them - it doesn't sound like they will attend due to the distance. However feel free to send a link to your registry in response to those who have asked for it. They will likely buy you something either individually or as a group.
posted by barnoley at 10:22 AM on December 1, 2015
posted by barnoley at 10:22 AM on December 1, 2015
Response by poster: Thanks for the sanity check Mefites! I was on the fence about inviting them due to the gift grabby feel of it - but the headquarters team really does try to make me feel involved with their lives outside of the office - so I wasn't sure how best to reciprocate with this. But the Etiquette Gods of strangers on the internet has spoken - so no long distance invites.
posted by Suffocating Kitty at 10:29 AM on December 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Suffocating Kitty at 10:29 AM on December 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
In my experience in a co-located office, co-workers wouldn't come to your baby shower but would pool together for a gift for you. If you have an especially close relationship with someone they MIGHT come to your baby shower or give you something individual.
If you're close with this non-co-located co-worker, she might mail you something.
posted by k8t at 10:36 AM on December 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you're close with this non-co-located co-worker, she might mail you something.
posted by k8t at 10:36 AM on December 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
I would send an announcement when baby SK is born.
posted by brujita at 10:37 AM on December 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by brujita at 10:37 AM on December 1, 2015 [1 favorite]
Several have asked where I am registered already/wanted to know the colors of the nursery for knitting projects/etc etc.
Regardless of whether you invite them or not, be sure to answer the folks who are asking these questions -- they are making it clear that they *want* to get you a gift, so it isn't a gift grab to be forward about the registry/colors/etc. In your answers, I'd also add something like "i wish you could come and would totally have you here if you were local"
posted by sparklemotion at 10:56 AM on December 1, 2015 [6 favorites]
Regardless of whether you invite them or not, be sure to answer the folks who are asking these questions -- they are making it clear that they *want* to get you a gift, so it isn't a gift grab to be forward about the registry/colors/etc. In your answers, I'd also add something like "i wish you could come and would totally have you here if you were local"
posted by sparklemotion at 10:56 AM on December 1, 2015 [6 favorites]
By definition, a shower is a gift grab. The purpose of a shower is to give gifts. Therefore, they're going to interpret it as a gift grab because that's the only possible interpretation.
I understand that what put the idea in your mind was your coworkers inviting you to their showers and asking you what you wanted. However, if you invite any of your coworkers then you have to invite all of them within a certain grouping (whatever that may be - say, ones you socialize with outside of work, or whatever). You see how awkward that could get.
I definitely wouldn't send invitations to anyone that you know can't attend. That's just not going to come across the way you intend it.
Ideally, I think you wouldn't invite any coworkers at all - I don't think it's safe to socialize with coworkers - but it seems you've already discussed it in front of them, AND there is precedent for attending showers in your workplace, so it's probably better to invite a select group than not. Just, not if you know they are too far away to be there.
Agreed with sparklemotion that those who have expressed interest in giving you a gift probably want to give you a gift, so take that in the spirit in which it's intended. Rather than forward a registry, I'd suggest thanking them for their thoughtfulness and saying how you're trying to stock up on [baby wipes] or that a [sippy cup] is always welcome. Be extra careful only to request small, inexpensive items.
posted by tel3path at 11:09 AM on December 1, 2015
I understand that what put the idea in your mind was your coworkers inviting you to their showers and asking you what you wanted. However, if you invite any of your coworkers then you have to invite all of them within a certain grouping (whatever that may be - say, ones you socialize with outside of work, or whatever). You see how awkward that could get.
I definitely wouldn't send invitations to anyone that you know can't attend. That's just not going to come across the way you intend it.
Ideally, I think you wouldn't invite any coworkers at all - I don't think it's safe to socialize with coworkers - but it seems you've already discussed it in front of them, AND there is precedent for attending showers in your workplace, so it's probably better to invite a select group than not. Just, not if you know they are too far away to be there.
Agreed with sparklemotion that those who have expressed interest in giving you a gift probably want to give you a gift, so take that in the spirit in which it's intended. Rather than forward a registry, I'd suggest thanking them for their thoughtfulness and saying how you're trying to stock up on [baby wipes] or that a [sippy cup] is always welcome. Be extra careful only to request small, inexpensive items.
posted by tel3path at 11:09 AM on December 1, 2015
Just wanted to note that to be truly "etiquette minded," YOU shouldn't be sending invites at all. A shower should be organized/hosted on your behalf by your family and/or friends, who may consult you for a list of potential guests outside their personal acquaintance.
I recognize that few people adhere to this old school principle these days. But by following this rule of being the honored guest, rather than the hostess, one altogether avoids the appearance of gift-grabbing.
posted by peakcomm at 12:48 PM on December 1, 2015 [6 favorites]
I recognize that few people adhere to this old school principle these days. But by following this rule of being the honored guest, rather than the hostess, one altogether avoids the appearance of gift-grabbing.
posted by peakcomm at 12:48 PM on December 1, 2015 [6 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ftm at 10:10 AM on December 1, 2015 [6 favorites]