Trouble spending
November 24, 2015 8:31 AM Subscribe
I've always been very frugal and very unwilling to spend money. I recently lost 30 pounds and I'm in desperate need of new clothes, but I'm feeling tons of resistance to actually spending money.
I've always been very spending-averse. Due to stress and illness, I've lost 30 pounds this year and I'm now at a healthy weight for my height. All of my clothing is now 3 sizes too big, very frumpy (jeans and sweatshirts mostly) and 6-10 years old anyway. I also recently came into some money and I would like to dedicate a small portion of it to acquiring a new wardrobe. The problem is that I'm having a hard time actually spending it. I will add things to my cart online, be ready to checkout and then just cancel out because I'm not sure if it is worth it. A similar scenario happens in stores in person, but I have a much harder time finding clothing I like in stores.
I'm lucky enough to have an amazing thrift store right around the corner that restocks several times a week and I've been able to buy several nice, almost new tops for $2-$7 each. But I want to break out of the mold of being extremely cheap and purchase some nice clothing from Anthropologie or Ruche.
Complicating matters is the fact that I'm unemployed and don't have much of a social life, so I don't really need nice clothes to go run errands or stay at home. I'm 24 and likely won't be seeking a job until next spring, and even then I'm not sure if it will be a job that requires professional clothing. Still, I would like to stick to nicer blouses, skirts and dresses that would work in a professional setting, but I feel kind of silly buying that stuff now to wear to the grocery store or library.
I know this week will probably the best time to shop to get deals on clothing, so I would appreciate any advice on getting over this fear of spending. Thanks!
I've always been very spending-averse. Due to stress and illness, I've lost 30 pounds this year and I'm now at a healthy weight for my height. All of my clothing is now 3 sizes too big, very frumpy (jeans and sweatshirts mostly) and 6-10 years old anyway. I also recently came into some money and I would like to dedicate a small portion of it to acquiring a new wardrobe. The problem is that I'm having a hard time actually spending it. I will add things to my cart online, be ready to checkout and then just cancel out because I'm not sure if it is worth it. A similar scenario happens in stores in person, but I have a much harder time finding clothing I like in stores.
I'm lucky enough to have an amazing thrift store right around the corner that restocks several times a week and I've been able to buy several nice, almost new tops for $2-$7 each. But I want to break out of the mold of being extremely cheap and purchase some nice clothing from Anthropologie or Ruche.
Complicating matters is the fact that I'm unemployed and don't have much of a social life, so I don't really need nice clothes to go run errands or stay at home. I'm 24 and likely won't be seeking a job until next spring, and even then I'm not sure if it will be a job that requires professional clothing. Still, I would like to stick to nicer blouses, skirts and dresses that would work in a professional setting, but I feel kind of silly buying that stuff now to wear to the grocery store or library.
I know this week will probably the best time to shop to get deals on clothing, so I would appreciate any advice on getting over this fear of spending. Thanks!
Just because you have the money now, doesn't mean you have to spend your entire allocation towards the clothing budget now.
Go slowly. What is one item of clothing that if you had a size that fits you would immediately improve your day-to-day life? It sounds like this might be a few casual items (jeans?) that you would feel comfortable wearing while you are out and about.
Go piece by piece. Give yourself time to enjoy/appreciate whatever new item you've just welcomed into your wardrobe. Reflect on how it makes you feel, and then based on that, pick your next item.
I wouldn't worry too much about professional clothing. Carve out a portion of that clothing budget for that first interview / job fund. And when you get closer and know what type of clothes you need, suit? business casual? heels?, then you can buy what you need.
posted by ellerhodes at 8:39 AM on November 24, 2015 [14 favorites]
Go slowly. What is one item of clothing that if you had a size that fits you would immediately improve your day-to-day life? It sounds like this might be a few casual items (jeans?) that you would feel comfortable wearing while you are out and about.
Go piece by piece. Give yourself time to enjoy/appreciate whatever new item you've just welcomed into your wardrobe. Reflect on how it makes you feel, and then based on that, pick your next item.
I wouldn't worry too much about professional clothing. Carve out a portion of that clothing budget for that first interview / job fund. And when you get closer and know what type of clothes you need, suit? business casual? heels?, then you can buy what you need.
posted by ellerhodes at 8:39 AM on November 24, 2015 [14 favorites]
1) I would buy from Anthropologie, but not Ruche. When I've spent money at Ruche in the past, I've always been disappointed. Almost everything they sell is some polyester/polyester blend. Brands that are a little pricier but don't disappoint me: Anthropologie, Madewell. H&M is cheap but rarely disappoints me. Same with Gap and Old Navy (surprisingly).
2) Go slowly. Whenever I've tried to buy an entire wardrobe at once I end up with clothes I never wear. Go shopping and buy a couple things that you really love. Let it happen naturally!
posted by easter queen at 8:43 AM on November 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
2) Go slowly. Whenever I've tried to buy an entire wardrobe at once I end up with clothes I never wear. Go shopping and buy a couple things that you really love. Let it happen naturally!
posted by easter queen at 8:43 AM on November 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
I have trouble spending money on clothes too, and I also rarely buy them more than once every several years. (I have a couple of fashion-conscious friends who say, "isn't that top from 6 years ago? You should get rid of it!", but as long as it doesn't look grungy, I ignore them.) Whenever I buy an expensive item like a $90 top, I will console myself by saying, "this will last you 10 years! That's less than $10 a year, which means only pennies a month, which is nothing!"
posted by Melismata at 8:44 AM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 8:44 AM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would work on acquiring a capsule wardrobe, rather than running around buying whatever looks pretty. (although I personally, enjoy that.)
You want to curate these items so that what you buy will last. For sure check out your thrift store, but don't just buy things to cover your nakedness, if you see one perfect item, snag it.
Ditto Black Friday shopping.
For now, concentrate on things you absolutely need:
Jeans-1 or 2 pairs should be fine, blue and black, they can be the backbone of your current wardrobe.
White shirt-must fit impeccably and be super comfortable, if you can get it in a No Iron fabric, so much the better. Good to wear out with friends, can be dressed up with a cool necklace or scarf
T-shirts-to be worn under jackets or sweaters.
Sweaters-Beige cable-knit and Black to start. If you see a nice cardigan or two on sale, get those too.
Bras and Panties. Get professionally fitted for the bras. You only need two and some good hand laundry soap.
As you are out and about doing the shopping, be on the look out for the following:
Black Slacks-Don't get fancy with this, these will be worn once or twice a week once you go back to work
Black Skirt-Ditto
Blue Shirt-Same as the white shirt above.
Good pair of black shoes that work with skirt and pants.
Dress-can be worn to work, or out to dinner.
This is a foundation, you can add items in other colors to mix and match, but as a person who has to cram a week's worth of clothing into a cabin bag to fly to work each week, you'd be amazed at how little you can get away with. I also think it's more chic.
I buy magazines and when I see an outfit I like, more often than not, I have most of the pieces on hand and only need one item to pull it together. I bought a navy striped skirt this way and I love it every time I wear it.
But agree, you don't need to get it all at once. Start with just enough for now, and perhaps buy one piece every week or so to add to your new wardrobe.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:45 AM on November 24, 2015 [12 favorites]
You want to curate these items so that what you buy will last. For sure check out your thrift store, but don't just buy things to cover your nakedness, if you see one perfect item, snag it.
Ditto Black Friday shopping.
For now, concentrate on things you absolutely need:
Jeans-1 or 2 pairs should be fine, blue and black, they can be the backbone of your current wardrobe.
White shirt-must fit impeccably and be super comfortable, if you can get it in a No Iron fabric, so much the better. Good to wear out with friends, can be dressed up with a cool necklace or scarf
T-shirts-to be worn under jackets or sweaters.
Sweaters-Beige cable-knit and Black to start. If you see a nice cardigan or two on sale, get those too.
Bras and Panties. Get professionally fitted for the bras. You only need two and some good hand laundry soap.
As you are out and about doing the shopping, be on the look out for the following:
Black Slacks-Don't get fancy with this, these will be worn once or twice a week once you go back to work
Black Skirt-Ditto
Blue Shirt-Same as the white shirt above.
Good pair of black shoes that work with skirt and pants.
Dress-can be worn to work, or out to dinner.
This is a foundation, you can add items in other colors to mix and match, but as a person who has to cram a week's worth of clothing into a cabin bag to fly to work each week, you'd be amazed at how little you can get away with. I also think it's more chic.
I buy magazines and when I see an outfit I like, more often than not, I have most of the pieces on hand and only need one item to pull it together. I bought a navy striped skirt this way and I love it every time I wear it.
But agree, you don't need to get it all at once. Start with just enough for now, and perhaps buy one piece every week or so to add to your new wardrobe.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:45 AM on November 24, 2015 [12 favorites]
If the article of clothing is comfortable and easy to care for, then there's no reason you can't wear it around the house, or out on basic errands. So don't tell yourself that a dress or a skirt is silly to have with your current lifestyle--you can vacuum or run to the store in a dress just as comfortably as you can in jeans and a sweatshirt, even more so if the dress in question makes you feel good as well as look sharp.
Keep in mind also that a lot of clothing can be dual purpose--a nice blouse can go with jeans now and with a dressy skirt later. A cute skirt can go with a teeshirt now and a more formal jacket later. You don't have to invest in one-purpose pieces, just in things that make you feel good when you wear them and have some versatility.
You might find some inspiration at Already Pretty.
posted by padraigin at 8:45 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Keep in mind also that a lot of clothing can be dual purpose--a nice blouse can go with jeans now and with a dressy skirt later. A cute skirt can go with a teeshirt now and a more formal jacket later. You don't have to invest in one-purpose pieces, just in things that make you feel good when you wear them and have some versatility.
You might find some inspiration at Already Pretty.
posted by padraigin at 8:45 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
I prescribe you Un Fancy, Into Mind (particularly her style workbooks) and a healthy dose of Marie Kondo.
Here's the thing: self-presentation is actually really important. It's a real bummer when we wear clothes that are too old, ill-fitting, and not to our personal style. It's okay to spend money on clothes. It's important, actually, to spend money on clothes.
I also have difficulty buying clothes, and used to do it on an ad-hoc, impulsive basis, I found the above blogs on developing a capsule wardrobe super helpful. It helped me to (a) assess what I had, and what the holes were, and (b) think about my personal style, and how I could update my wardrobe to fit. I even kept a spreadsheet for a month or two tracking exactly how much I wore everything in my wardrobe - I'm the kind of person who finds spreadsheets and casual quantified self-ing fun - which actually generated insights that are still useful (e.g. - I am always cold, :. I should buy all the cardigans and knitwear). I also found it helpful to keep a Pinterest board of People Who Looked the Way I Want to Look to identify a colour palette and silhouettes that I liked. It's also useful about how you want to *feel* in your clothes. Lately, I want to feel comfortable, warm and a bit intimidating, so my wardrobe is heavy on heeled ankle boots, long coats, silk blouses and a ton of black. Maybe you want to feel relaxed but girly and feminine - ymmv.
This really helped me to buy things that work with my wardrobe and tastes. It's all too easy to get swept up in the moment and buy a pair of bright floral jeans (guilty as charged) when you actually like restrained, monochrome, layered looks. My mental 'map' of my wardrobe also makes it really easy to identify things that will work for me in a store, and to plan big investment purchases like coats, boots and bags.
So, yes. Capsule wardrobe, even if you're in a homebody frame of mind.
posted by nerdfish at 8:45 AM on November 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
Here's the thing: self-presentation is actually really important. It's a real bummer when we wear clothes that are too old, ill-fitting, and not to our personal style. It's okay to spend money on clothes. It's important, actually, to spend money on clothes.
I also have difficulty buying clothes, and used to do it on an ad-hoc, impulsive basis, I found the above blogs on developing a capsule wardrobe super helpful. It helped me to (a) assess what I had, and what the holes were, and (b) think about my personal style, and how I could update my wardrobe to fit. I even kept a spreadsheet for a month or two tracking exactly how much I wore everything in my wardrobe - I'm the kind of person who finds spreadsheets and casual quantified self-ing fun - which actually generated insights that are still useful (e.g. - I am always cold, :. I should buy all the cardigans and knitwear). I also found it helpful to keep a Pinterest board of People Who Looked the Way I Want to Look to identify a colour palette and silhouettes that I liked. It's also useful about how you want to *feel* in your clothes. Lately, I want to feel comfortable, warm and a bit intimidating, so my wardrobe is heavy on heeled ankle boots, long coats, silk blouses and a ton of black. Maybe you want to feel relaxed but girly and feminine - ymmv.
This really helped me to buy things that work with my wardrobe and tastes. It's all too easy to get swept up in the moment and buy a pair of bright floral jeans (guilty as charged) when you actually like restrained, monochrome, layered looks. My mental 'map' of my wardrobe also makes it really easy to identify things that will work for me in a store, and to plan big investment purchases like coats, boots and bags.
So, yes. Capsule wardrobe, even if you're in a homebody frame of mind.
posted by nerdfish at 8:45 AM on November 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
I recommend buying a pair of pants (or jeans) and a sweater (or shirt, if that's weather appropriate). The idea is to have some things to mix & match: some days you can wear both when you want to look and feel particularly spiffy, other days you can wear one or the other with clothes you already. They are also visible outer layers.
Alternatively, if it's about to be winter where you are, consider a fitted coat. It'll look good, you'll wear it a lot, and it'll be the most visible part of your wardrobe when you're out and about. And you can wear it year after year.
I echo the recommendation to go slowly. Buying several things at once is a good way to discover that you really like one or two of them, which then become your favorites, and then the rest languish in a drawer or the back of your closet.
posted by jedicus at 8:50 AM on November 24, 2015
Alternatively, if it's about to be winter where you are, consider a fitted coat. It'll look good, you'll wear it a lot, and it'll be the most visible part of your wardrobe when you're out and about. And you can wear it year after year.
I echo the recommendation to go slowly. Buying several things at once is a good way to discover that you really like one or two of them, which then become your favorites, and then the rest languish in a drawer or the back of your closet.
posted by jedicus at 8:50 AM on November 24, 2015
I am frugal. I *hate* buying anything full price. I *hate* buying new clothes because I think they are so overpriced. If I could shop at thrift stores only, I would be fine with that. That said, your clothing says a lot about you. It can peg you as a cowgirl, a punk-rocker, a biker or an executive. A lot of communication is actually non-verbal, and our clothing choices communicate things. It can say "Leave me alone." It can say, "Come hither". It can say, "I am looking for a job." or "I just rolled out of bed."....Clothing can reflect your mental state and self-esteem. Some people wear clothes to hide, or they don't feel like they are WORTH it to buy decent clothes that fit.
I used to have shitty self-esteem, and I consciously work on that every day. Trust me, wearing something nice boosts your self-esteem. Buy one thing at a time, things that make you feel really good. Even if you only wear it to the grocery store. You never know what's going to happen, what connections you might make, or what direction your life will take. You are worth it to invest a couple hundred dollars into some nice clothes that fit.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 8:57 AM on November 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
I used to have shitty self-esteem, and I consciously work on that every day. Trust me, wearing something nice boosts your self-esteem. Buy one thing at a time, things that make you feel really good. Even if you only wear it to the grocery store. You never know what's going to happen, what connections you might make, or what direction your life will take. You are worth it to invest a couple hundred dollars into some nice clothes that fit.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 8:57 AM on November 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
I'm lucky enough to have an amazing thrift store right around the corner that restocks several times a week and I've been able to buy several nice, almost new tops for $2-$7 each. But I want to break out of the mold of being extremely cheap and purchase some nice clothing from Anthropologie or Ruche.
One way to compromise is to look for fancier secondhand stores that price stuff a little higher. Especially consignment stores, because people bring them clothes that they feel are a little too nice to just give away. Slightly higher prices also deter the people who are just buying to flip on eBay, so stuff is less picked over. Look for places where nice clothes are priced in the $15-40 range. It's still a lot less than retail prices for comparable items and may ease you in to paying a little more for things you really like.
I would like to stick to nicer blouses, skirts and dresses that would work in a professional setting, but I feel kind of silly buying that stuff now to wear to the grocery store or library.
The beautiful thing about blouses is that you can wear them with jeans and look instantly polished but not overdressed. Then, when you do start working again, you can wear them with skirts and trousers. Blouses are also relatively easy to find secondhand because people tend to wear them less frequently and/or take care of them--unlike, say, t-shirts which get destroyed. You don't need a lot of clothes. A week's worth of blouses (get a few solids--one light and one dark--and a few prints) or other tops, a pair of jeans, a pair of pants, and a few "toppers" (cardigans, blazers and indoor jackets) would be a very good wardrobe.
One final thought, consider buying a gift card to Anthropologie or another store you like to ease into spending the money. At that point, the money is already spent on clothes, it's just a matter of choosing which clothes.
posted by mama casserole at 9:13 AM on November 24, 2015 [4 favorites]
One way to compromise is to look for fancier secondhand stores that price stuff a little higher. Especially consignment stores, because people bring them clothes that they feel are a little too nice to just give away. Slightly higher prices also deter the people who are just buying to flip on eBay, so stuff is less picked over. Look for places where nice clothes are priced in the $15-40 range. It's still a lot less than retail prices for comparable items and may ease you in to paying a little more for things you really like.
I would like to stick to nicer blouses, skirts and dresses that would work in a professional setting, but I feel kind of silly buying that stuff now to wear to the grocery store or library.
The beautiful thing about blouses is that you can wear them with jeans and look instantly polished but not overdressed. Then, when you do start working again, you can wear them with skirts and trousers. Blouses are also relatively easy to find secondhand because people tend to wear them less frequently and/or take care of them--unlike, say, t-shirts which get destroyed. You don't need a lot of clothes. A week's worth of blouses (get a few solids--one light and one dark--and a few prints) or other tops, a pair of jeans, a pair of pants, and a few "toppers" (cardigans, blazers and indoor jackets) would be a very good wardrobe.
One final thought, consider buying a gift card to Anthropologie or another store you like to ease into spending the money. At that point, the money is already spent on clothes, it's just a matter of choosing which clothes.
posted by mama casserole at 9:13 AM on November 24, 2015 [4 favorites]
As a guy who's been a Nordstrom shopper and is becoming more and more of a thrift store shopper (and has an improving fashion sense over that same time), two things:
posted by straw at 9:15 AM on November 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
- Don't confuse the inexpensive of thrift stores with cheap. There are some amazing outfits out there in thrift stores to be had for a deal. Yeah, much of the sorting of what ends up in trendy vintage shops happens before the stock gets to that store, but every once in a while...
- Consider making exploring new thrift stores a part of your ritual. Part of the cost of thrift stores is that you may have to hit a lot of them, or hit them regularly, to find the really awesome outfits. And the economics of my area aren't necessarily like most places (trendy touristy Northern California towns aren't like other places...), but sometimes the people who volunteer for the niche local thrift stores are very happy to be very engaged in finding you what you want without the pressure of a big commission. I walk in during a slack time and say "I'm looking for cool bow ties", and suddenly I feel guilty about how many people are suddenly running through the back room looking for awesome.
posted by straw at 9:15 AM on November 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
I am also someone who has trouble spending money. I've found it useful to set myself a budget for each item. So, for instance, I'll tell myself that I have $200 to spend on a nice jacket and $60 for a sweater. This helps me overcome the whole 'eeek! I can't spend this money' reaction.
posted by brambory at 9:25 AM on November 24, 2015
posted by brambory at 9:25 AM on November 24, 2015
I've been in a similar situation recently so I understand how difficult it can be. It really helped me to do a thorough review of My finances and assess what I had, what I needed, and what I could spend. For example, I adjusted my emergency savings, which helped me feel much better about spending remaining money because I had taken care of a higher (for me) order priority first, and had something left over for a lower priority that I felt okay spending on.
I then had to understand what it was I really needed fashion-wise and understand what was driving my need for more. For you, it sounds like you want to take this opportunity to dress a bit nicer and get clothes that fit again, and that is worth putting money behind. Give yourself permission to spend on you in measured amount. It's also part of self-care, when your other needs are met.
On the bright side, this process of thinking through my reasons helped me realize I didn't need as many pieces of new clothes as I had thought. Trying to get a whole new wardrobe all at once is terribly difficult to wrap one's mind around when you're not used to shopping, either. What really helped me was was to take it one piece at a time, and evaluate as I went. It was much easier for me to assess my current wardrobe and think "if I can only buy one item", what item am I currently missing that would make the greatest impact?". I would locate that item, then ask myself the question again, giving myself time along the way.
Regarding thrift stores: they are great! I do not equate them with cheap shopping per se, because I make sure to limit myself to buying items that look and feel great. In fact, I greatly prefer thrift shopping to mall shopping if given the choice, as the pricing is superior and I feel better (read: more ethical) about my choices.
Figure out what you need, and buy as you need. Avoid buying for "potential" but unlikely lifestyle choices while your budget is tight. When you start a new job or out socializing and know what you need, then re-evaluate your wardrobe and supplement as
necessary. If you're not going out a lot, or even when you do, it's not a crime to repeat wearing an item in the same week. A lot of people do it, and it's just practical. It's more important to have a few good items that YOU feel good about, so take your time finding them one by one.
Also, the times I did try to acquire many items at once often backfired, because by the time I was ready to wear them I realized my needs (either my style or my sizing) had changed and I had blown through my limited funds. It my be tempting to buy things during big sales, but not if you're just buying because it's on sale and not really what you want. There will always be sales, if you happen to miss one, you will surely catch another.
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 9:34 AM on November 24, 2015
I then had to understand what it was I really needed fashion-wise and understand what was driving my need for more. For you, it sounds like you want to take this opportunity to dress a bit nicer and get clothes that fit again, and that is worth putting money behind. Give yourself permission to spend on you in measured amount. It's also part of self-care, when your other needs are met.
On the bright side, this process of thinking through my reasons helped me realize I didn't need as many pieces of new clothes as I had thought. Trying to get a whole new wardrobe all at once is terribly difficult to wrap one's mind around when you're not used to shopping, either. What really helped me was was to take it one piece at a time, and evaluate as I went. It was much easier for me to assess my current wardrobe and think "if I can only buy one item", what item am I currently missing that would make the greatest impact?". I would locate that item, then ask myself the question again, giving myself time along the way.
Regarding thrift stores: they are great! I do not equate them with cheap shopping per se, because I make sure to limit myself to buying items that look and feel great. In fact, I greatly prefer thrift shopping to mall shopping if given the choice, as the pricing is superior and I feel better (read: more ethical) about my choices.
Figure out what you need, and buy as you need. Avoid buying for "potential" but unlikely lifestyle choices while your budget is tight. When you start a new job or out socializing and know what you need, then re-evaluate your wardrobe and supplement as
necessary. If you're not going out a lot, or even when you do, it's not a crime to repeat wearing an item in the same week. A lot of people do it, and it's just practical. It's more important to have a few good items that YOU feel good about, so take your time finding them one by one.
Also, the times I did try to acquire many items at once often backfired, because by the time I was ready to wear them I realized my needs (either my style or my sizing) had changed and I had blown through my limited funds. It my be tempting to buy things during big sales, but not if you're just buying because it's on sale and not really what you want. There will always be sales, if you happen to miss one, you will surely catch another.
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 9:34 AM on November 24, 2015
Maybe try to start by buying one great thing, like a nice pair of jeans. I find it harder to buy jeans in thrift stores, and a crisp new pair of jeans will elevate even a junky thrift store top. Everything I just said goes double for shoes.
Possibly-instructive side note? My friends and I hold *lots* of clothing swaps, and I shop at thrift stores and yard sales all the time. I just did a closet purge and realized that I could count on one hand the number of garments I'd purchased new. My friend who was helping me said, "That means you're doing it right." And then I buy expensive shoes.
posted by the_blizz at 9:41 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Possibly-instructive side note? My friends and I hold *lots* of clothing swaps, and I shop at thrift stores and yard sales all the time. I just did a closet purge and realized that I could count on one hand the number of garments I'd purchased new. My friend who was helping me said, "That means you're doing it right." And then I buy expensive shoes.
posted by the_blizz at 9:41 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Might you be interested in learning to sew? I would recommend taking a class or two. Part of the money you have could be invested in a sewing machine ... but buy a good one, don't skimp.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 9:56 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Sheydem-tants at 9:56 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, also-- yes, some of my favorite items are from thrift stores. If they're built to last, you can tell once they make it to a thrift store. I definitely find my most wearable items there... because they've proved they're wearable by showing up in the thrift store!
posted by easter queen at 10:09 AM on November 24, 2015
posted by easter queen at 10:09 AM on November 24, 2015
not sure if this helps, from a man who was not interested in clothes, and also somewhat 'careful' with money...
understanding fashion helped me. i don't mean following fashion, but thinking about what clothes mean, and looking at how people wear them, and then working out how i fit into that.
i'd suggest starting by just watching people - on tv, or in the street, or wherever - and think about who you think looks good, and why. and also about how what they wear is connected to the "kind of person" they are (or are trying to be).
i don't know about you, but i came from a background where this kind of thing was looked down upon as frivolous and "fake". it took moving to another country - another culture - and realising that people were amused by how badly i dressed - to make me pay attention. and when i did, i was surprised. because it's actually interesting, and liberating, and doesn't have to be expensive or wasteful.
i guess what i'm saying is that your plan sounds almost dutiful. like you feel you should buy clothes, but you have no real reason to do so, and no real aim in mind. and what i am suggesting is that you don't buy anything, really, until you are more motivated. and that you get motivated by treating this as a more intellectual problem, where you're learning how to play a game, almost.
maybe that sounds so wanky (a technical british expression) it's useless. but it worked for me - by thinking about what clothes meant, i could make a better choice of what to wear myself, and once i understood what i was spending my money on it didn't seem so wasteful. i don't buy a lot of clothes, but i know what i like, and what i want to look like, and people don't laugh at me so much now ;)
posted by andrewcooke at 10:33 AM on November 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
understanding fashion helped me. i don't mean following fashion, but thinking about what clothes mean, and looking at how people wear them, and then working out how i fit into that.
i'd suggest starting by just watching people - on tv, or in the street, or wherever - and think about who you think looks good, and why. and also about how what they wear is connected to the "kind of person" they are (or are trying to be).
i don't know about you, but i came from a background where this kind of thing was looked down upon as frivolous and "fake". it took moving to another country - another culture - and realising that people were amused by how badly i dressed - to make me pay attention. and when i did, i was surprised. because it's actually interesting, and liberating, and doesn't have to be expensive or wasteful.
i guess what i'm saying is that your plan sounds almost dutiful. like you feel you should buy clothes, but you have no real reason to do so, and no real aim in mind. and what i am suggesting is that you don't buy anything, really, until you are more motivated. and that you get motivated by treating this as a more intellectual problem, where you're learning how to play a game, almost.
maybe that sounds so wanky (a technical british expression) it's useless. but it worked for me - by thinking about what clothes meant, i could make a better choice of what to wear myself, and once i understood what i was spending my money on it didn't seem so wasteful. i don't buy a lot of clothes, but i know what i like, and what i want to look like, and people don't laugh at me so much now ;)
posted by andrewcooke at 10:33 AM on November 24, 2015 [7 favorites]
As an alternate take, you could write out a list of what you need (5 underwear, 5 t shirts, 2 nice shirts, 2 jeans, 1 exercise outfit, etc), set a budget, and then go to a store and tell the sales clerk to help you find as much of what's on that list for your budget. Don't look at the price tags, just make sure that it's within your stated budget. I had a friend who hates to shop do this when she was pregnant and no longer fitting only her clothes. The clerk thought it was a lot of fun.
Some places have personal shooper services. They'll also help you find clothes that look good on you.
posted by betsybetsy at 10:34 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Some places have personal shooper services. They'll also help you find clothes that look good on you.
posted by betsybetsy at 10:34 AM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Don't confuse the inexpensive of thrift stores with cheap
This. In recent months I've captured an Aquascutum suit, a Barbour sweater, a Viyella blazer, a Paul Costelloe jacket, a Mulberry bag, an LK Bennet silk jersey dress, a Radley bag, and a gorgeous Burberry trenchcoat for the tel3mum (I already had my own, courtesy of the very same store a few years ago). I'm not nearly as careful with my money as you are, but just imagine if I'd paid full price for those things. I'd be living in the box they came in.
So I strongly suggest you continue to patronize your local thrift store, and flip through every item on every rack including the men's stuff.
For specific things, search on eBay. Things I can tell you are real design classics are Burberry trench coats (assuming a trench coat suits you) and Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses. I would still try to get these things second hand - they have high resale value and will cost you at least double figures even second hand, but they're valuable because they are timeless and high-quality. You can't tell if a DVF wrap dress dates from 2015 or 1975, so iconic is the design, and the same is true for the Burberry trench. I would encourage you to pick a Burberry trench from before the early '00s, though, when they outsourced their production to China. This label resource will help you to establish dates.
The thing about wrap dresses, as well, is that the size isn't fixed. I am a size 6 in a DVF dress but have successfully worn sizes 4 to 14 in a wrap. Unlike many other wrap dresses on the market, this brand won't slither around or fall open or act awkward, which is a problem I've had with nearly every other brand of wrap dress. You will probably need a safety pin over the cleavage, or a tank top underneath, but otherwise there are no problems. Also, if you want to stay casual, bear in mind that it's considered a career dress but it feels like you just put your robe on and stayed in it all day.
However, the most important thing I'd recommend is getting excellent underwear. I'd do this before anything else. If you have a Rigby & Peller near you, go there to get fitted as they are the only ones whose accuracy I trust. You will need two smooth/seamless bras in a shade close to your skin colour, and two black ones. Then at least 7 pairs each colour of seam-free, shorts-type underpants. The most durable form of hosiery is the fine-gauge fishnet hold-up, which you can repair with a needle and thread if it rips.
posted by tel3path at 10:40 AM on November 24, 2015
This. In recent months I've captured an Aquascutum suit, a Barbour sweater, a Viyella blazer, a Paul Costelloe jacket, a Mulberry bag, an LK Bennet silk jersey dress, a Radley bag, and a gorgeous Burberry trenchcoat for the tel3mum (I already had my own, courtesy of the very same store a few years ago). I'm not nearly as careful with my money as you are, but just imagine if I'd paid full price for those things. I'd be living in the box they came in.
So I strongly suggest you continue to patronize your local thrift store, and flip through every item on every rack including the men's stuff.
For specific things, search on eBay. Things I can tell you are real design classics are Burberry trench coats (assuming a trench coat suits you) and Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses. I would still try to get these things second hand - they have high resale value and will cost you at least double figures even second hand, but they're valuable because they are timeless and high-quality. You can't tell if a DVF wrap dress dates from 2015 or 1975, so iconic is the design, and the same is true for the Burberry trench. I would encourage you to pick a Burberry trench from before the early '00s, though, when they outsourced their production to China. This label resource will help you to establish dates.
The thing about wrap dresses, as well, is that the size isn't fixed. I am a size 6 in a DVF dress but have successfully worn sizes 4 to 14 in a wrap. Unlike many other wrap dresses on the market, this brand won't slither around or fall open or act awkward, which is a problem I've had with nearly every other brand of wrap dress. You will probably need a safety pin over the cleavage, or a tank top underneath, but otherwise there are no problems. Also, if you want to stay casual, bear in mind that it's considered a career dress but it feels like you just put your robe on and stayed in it all day.
However, the most important thing I'd recommend is getting excellent underwear. I'd do this before anything else. If you have a Rigby & Peller near you, go there to get fitted as they are the only ones whose accuracy I trust. You will need two smooth/seamless bras in a shade close to your skin colour, and two black ones. Then at least 7 pairs each colour of seam-free, shorts-type underpants. The most durable form of hosiery is the fine-gauge fishnet hold-up, which you can repair with a needle and thread if it rips.
posted by tel3path at 10:40 AM on November 24, 2015
Clothing is very easy to come by, especially with good deals, so don't feel like you need to purchase all of them right now!!!
I personally only stick to marked-down stores, like Ross, Marshall's, and TJ Maxx. I go there year-round, and only make sure to purchase items that I know I will get significant use out of, and fit my styling. I also buy for the season ahead, very early at the start. Example: If I need a winter jacket, I purchase in late summer/early autumn, when all of the best and freshest stock comes out first. What's also good is that their styling is more modern, and helps with staying on trend.
posted by yueliang at 1:34 PM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
I personally only stick to marked-down stores, like Ross, Marshall's, and TJ Maxx. I go there year-round, and only make sure to purchase items that I know I will get significant use out of, and fit my styling. I also buy for the season ahead, very early at the start. Example: If I need a winter jacket, I purchase in late summer/early autumn, when all of the best and freshest stock comes out first. What's also good is that their styling is more modern, and helps with staying on trend.
posted by yueliang at 1:34 PM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Figure out what fits you, figure out what you want to pay for it, then just wait until you can find it for that price. A full-service Nordstom's and some time with a shopping assistant would be a good way to start.
I'm a similar position, I'm very frugal, recently lost a bunch of weight, and need to buy new clothes.
I did some research and some looking around and figured out that Brooks Brother's Milano cut shirts size 17/33 fit me perfectly. Armed with that knowledge, I went to work figuring out when BB had sales and how deep the discounts got. I've also had some success buying used clothes from high-end brands on ebay, it's like the world's thrift store.
Now, I'm male and that makes some aspects of this easier for me since I can pretty much count on every BB shirt with the same cut and measurements to fit me the same way but that isn't always the case with women's clothes. On the bright side, higher end clothes are worth getting tailored. I would do some research to try and figure out what sorts of things are hard and expensive to adjust on women's clothes so that you can make sure those are the parts that fit you and get the rest tailored.
The other angle to this is the money. Since you're able to buy clothes that outside of you usual budget, you're able to get a better value than you normally do. The other reason I like BB shirts is that, aside from an impeccable fit, they are VERY high quality. I can expect those shirts to last me for a LONG time both in terms of style and durability. By the time the shirts wear out, they have a lower cost per wear than any of the lower quality shirts that I used to buy so, long-term, I'll end up spending less money on clothes.
That means that I've mentally committed to maintaining my current shape for that long too. I suppose that buying quality means that if some of the weight comes back and those clothes no longer fit, they'll hold up in the closet just fine while you try to lose it again. I just choose to ignore that aspect right now when I'm winning the battle and focus on the parts that keep me motivated to keep it up.
Wearing high quality clothes that look good and fit well feels really good and helps me to feel a lot more confident. I'm certain that it makes a difference at work. Even if I'm just running errands, I like to look reasonably put together. And you know what, I've worked really hard to get into the shape I'm in today, I work hard to maintain it, and I deserve to have nothing but nice clothes that look good in my closet and so do you. Especially because you're not just filling your closet with more expensive clothes or better looking clothes but with clothes that are a better long-term value. Just be aware that there are diminishing marginal returns. A $400 suit might be twice as nice as a $200 suit but an $800 suit isn't twice as nice as the $400 suit.
posted by VTX at 2:32 PM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm a similar position, I'm very frugal, recently lost a bunch of weight, and need to buy new clothes.
I did some research and some looking around and figured out that Brooks Brother's Milano cut shirts size 17/33 fit me perfectly. Armed with that knowledge, I went to work figuring out when BB had sales and how deep the discounts got. I've also had some success buying used clothes from high-end brands on ebay, it's like the world's thrift store.
Now, I'm male and that makes some aspects of this easier for me since I can pretty much count on every BB shirt with the same cut and measurements to fit me the same way but that isn't always the case with women's clothes. On the bright side, higher end clothes are worth getting tailored. I would do some research to try and figure out what sorts of things are hard and expensive to adjust on women's clothes so that you can make sure those are the parts that fit you and get the rest tailored.
The other angle to this is the money. Since you're able to buy clothes that outside of you usual budget, you're able to get a better value than you normally do. The other reason I like BB shirts is that, aside from an impeccable fit, they are VERY high quality. I can expect those shirts to last me for a LONG time both in terms of style and durability. By the time the shirts wear out, they have a lower cost per wear than any of the lower quality shirts that I used to buy so, long-term, I'll end up spending less money on clothes.
That means that I've mentally committed to maintaining my current shape for that long too. I suppose that buying quality means that if some of the weight comes back and those clothes no longer fit, they'll hold up in the closet just fine while you try to lose it again. I just choose to ignore that aspect right now when I'm winning the battle and focus on the parts that keep me motivated to keep it up.
Wearing high quality clothes that look good and fit well feels really good and helps me to feel a lot more confident. I'm certain that it makes a difference at work. Even if I'm just running errands, I like to look reasonably put together. And you know what, I've worked really hard to get into the shape I'm in today, I work hard to maintain it, and I deserve to have nothing but nice clothes that look good in my closet and so do you. Especially because you're not just filling your closet with more expensive clothes or better looking clothes but with clothes that are a better long-term value. Just be aware that there are diminishing marginal returns. A $400 suit might be twice as nice as a $200 suit but an $800 suit isn't twice as nice as the $400 suit.
posted by VTX at 2:32 PM on November 24, 2015 [1 favorite]
Clearance racks! Usually in the back - I *know* Anthropologie has them; I also like Macy's.
Another thing that's helped is pinning stuff I like - sort of practice shopping. When I notice I'm pinning the same thing over and over, or I pinned it awhile ago and I still love it I feel more confident about buying it.
posted by jrobin276 at 2:58 PM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
Another thing that's helped is pinning stuff I like - sort of practice shopping. When I notice I'm pinning the same thing over and over, or I pinned it awhile ago and I still love it I feel more confident about buying it.
posted by jrobin276 at 2:58 PM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
Be frugal; you have the time, and you can use the money later. Wearing bras that fit well makes everything look better, so look for sales. You can dress in a better version of casual clothes. Take the time to find jeans that fit really well. Buy some tops that are comfortable but maybe a little stylish and pretty. Buy shoes that are comfortable and look good. You can wera a cute dress or skirt casually, especially with great tights. Go to your library, read fashion magazines. Go to the mall and just look until you find some things you love, then wait for a sale.
posted by theora55 at 5:02 PM on November 25, 2015
posted by theora55 at 5:02 PM on November 25, 2015
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posted by dangerbird at 8:34 AM on November 24, 2015