It's for Mister Macintosh - The Ethics of a Blank Check
November 9, 2015 12:44 PM   Subscribe

I have been given a blank check by my good friend's parents as a wedding gift, and I have not the slightest clue what I'm supposed to do with it.

I invited one of my best friend's parents whom I am reasonably close with to my wedding last weekend, but they were unable to attend. My friend gave me a card from them and said that her dad had made overtures that it was a pretty big present, but wasn't herself sure exactly what it was. The wedding was very hectic and we didn't get a chance to open our gifts until yesterday afternoon once everybody had gone. Inside the card was a note from her dad that said "Use it for what you need," with an arrow pointing to a check paperclipped inside a flap with everything filled out except for the final amount.

Holy shit. Important details:
This man is extremely generous. He routinely buys dinner for everyone in a group of 6+ people at extremely nice restaurants, and from what I understand, he can afford it. He always seems a little taken aback when I try to offer to pay for my share.

I'm just feeling a little confused about what to do in this situation. While my wife is a full-time student with mountains of debt, we welcome any extra funds we can get, but I'm very concerned about making him feel like I'm taking advantage of his generosity. Because my friend obviously doesn't know what the gift was, I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable asking her what I should do in this instance.

My question is this: Is there a safe amount that I can use his gift for that will be large enough that they know that I appreciate it, but small enough that it doesn't look like we're being super greedy? Is there a very tactful way that I can ask them what a reasonable amount would be? Or am I overthinking this way too much? Your help is appreciated!
posted by Krazor to Work & Money (62 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
I would ask the daughter (your friend) to gently confirm that the check was supposed to be blank. He genuinely could have forgotten to fill in an amount! (I've done stupider things.)

(PS: I definitely definitely do not think you are overthinking this.)
posted by kate blank at 12:47 PM on November 9, 2015 [13 favorites]


In your shoes, my first impulse would be to ask my friend what size gift her dad is thinking about.
posted by janey47 at 12:48 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would say $100. If he wants to give you more than that he can do it himself but I wouldn't write more than $100 on a check like that.
posted by magnetsphere at 12:48 PM on November 9, 2015 [6 favorites]


You're not overthinking this, while I'm sure the intent was good hearted, this is almost bordering on a prank in the way they executed it.

Despite your information, there is no safe value $X that is large enough for them to feel like you took it seriously, and yet small enough not to be greedy. I would normally say that $100 would be a somewhat safe amount for this situation, but if he balks at your attempts to pay for a single meal that is certainly well over $100, he would want an actual wedding gift to be much larger than this.

Friend has to intercede for you, they can do it in whatever way feels tactful while making you look like the good guy gus that you are.
posted by ftm at 12:49 PM on November 9, 2015 [23 favorites]


I definitely feel you on the "a little more scratch wouldn't go amiss," but consider this an opportunity to donate generously to a cause you'd love to support in your benefactor's name.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 12:50 PM on November 9, 2015


While on-its-face generous, this is a bit of a dick move and a power play. The implication is that from his perspective, there's no amount that falls under "what you need" that he can't shrug off.

I would refuse to accept the check without a filled in amount. (In theory. In practice I'd probably chicken out and write in $100.)
posted by supercres at 12:53 PM on November 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


...but a donation doesn't solve the main problem. I would take the approach of acting like you thought the check wasn't supposed to be blank, and addressing either Friend or Friend's dad along those lines. If Friend's Dad makes clear that it was supposed to be blank, I'd respond with something along the lines of "I'd really feel more comfortable if you named an amount, otherwise I don't feel comfortable cashing the check." It will be a little awkward if it goes that way, but at least you'll have some closure on the issue and feel good about it.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:54 PM on November 9, 2015 [10 favorites]


You are not overthinking this. While that is a generous thought, it is a completely horrible gift. There is literally no way that a gift like that could result in anything other than this kind of handwringing about how to deal with it. It's an awful situation to put someone in.

The only option other than asking your friend's dad what they would like you to do is to look at the cash gifts you got from other guests and write the cheque for a something approaching the median amount. Ignore huge outliers like the 20 bucks you got from your stoner cousin and the down payment on a house from your favourite great aunt.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:54 PM on November 9, 2015 [11 favorites]


Ask your friend to ask her parents if the amount was left off. My parents have absolutely unintentionally given blank checks, simply because they're forgetful and poor communicators. (Example: my mom has the good handwriting so she writes the check, but leaves the amount blank for my dad to write in if he knows the person better. My dad assumes my mom finished it so just stuffs it in the card without looking at it. Oops. It's happened at least three times that I know about.)
posted by phunniemee at 12:55 PM on November 9, 2015 [10 favorites]


Because my friend obviously doesn't know what the gift was, I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable asking her what I should do in this instance.

Nevertheless, this is your best option here.
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:57 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


I would fill in a hyper specific amount between $100 and $200 and then send a thank you note explaining what it was used for. Like a night in a hotel or a dinner out or something householdish. (You could even make this up, tying it to your household or honeymoon, but just pay bills with it.)

On preview, yes maybe ask your friend to ensure that it wasn't a mistake.
posted by vunder at 12:59 PM on November 9, 2015 [12 favorites]


Okay I mean not to be That Guy but I can definitely tell you that no one who gives you a blank check is expecting you to make it in the pitiful amount of $100. Particularly not in the great state of Texas!!!

You need guidance. You are being SILLY to not talk to your friend! She'll laugh her face off. "Hey so.... your dad's gift was... WAIT FOR IT... a blank check??? I literally don't know what to do with this, and you know I'm a little shy about money, please tell me what to do."

If she's useless, there's no shame in going to the giver and saying "This is so sweet, I really don't know what to do with it, I'm thinking about just framing it as a gesture of goodwill."
posted by RJ Reynolds at 1:01 PM on November 9, 2015 [42 favorites]


Eesh yeah this is a(n unintentional, perhaps) horrible gift. Make words come out of your face.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:03 PM on November 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


Yeah, this is a (slightly) dick move that seems engineered to force you to engage with the giver (or the giver's daughter) to follow up. So do that. I mean, the worst case scenario is that he says "Well, fuck you then!" and tears up the check, and you're out the $100 you might have filled in, NBD.
posted by Etrigan at 1:03 PM on November 9, 2015


If you find that the blank check was not in fact a mistake, then here's what I'd suggest for coming up with an amount to put in: think of something nice but not extravagant that you want, and fill in the check for that amount. In your thank you note, tell your friend's dad "Thank you so much for your generous gift! We treated ourselves to [insert thing or experience here], and [some details about thing/experience]." I think you can't go far wrong with a nice restaurant meal in the $100-200 range, given the buying dinner for 6+ people thing.

But you should definitely check with your friend, because $100-200 might be playing it insultingly safe in the eyes of your friend's dad.
posted by yasaman at 1:03 PM on November 9, 2015


From what you describe, this guy likes being generous and has money to spare because he doesn't think twice about spending in excess of $100 treating people on a bit of a whim. In that case, $100 seems low to me. It's a balance between not taking advantage, but also not failing to take the gift seriously or getting the intended impact. Definitely call your friend and ask what you think her father would expect or like you to do.

If for some reason you don't feel comfortable asking your friend, although I see no harm in asking, then I would gauge it on his past generosity, what other people gave, and factors like that, while still playing a bit safe.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:08 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


It's a bit showy but it's obviously nice. I guess some people find it hostile, but he clearly wanted to give a generous gift, and have you be happy about the gift, and he could be happy you were happy, and feel good about helping you out, and everyone wins. Yay gifts.

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to the daughter or the giver and just saying "was this meant to be blank?" and if yes, then "we were shocked! We couldn't possibly! please, give us a suggestion," or whatever else. Like, there's no code of honor that says you have to be super Guessy about it. You can just ask. And RJ Reynolds' suggestion is great.
posted by easter queen at 1:08 PM on November 9, 2015 [6 favorites]


Two. Hundred. Grand.

You get to live debt free and they learn an important lesson about consequences.
posted by fullerine at 1:19 PM on November 9, 2015 [53 favorites]


I find it super weird that people are finding so much offense in this. Take it in the spirit it was given in: generosity. This wasn't some random schmoe. This is your best friend's dad who has a history of taking joy in showing care to you and yours. It's not some kind of "power play", or whatever.

Yeah talk to your friend and confirm it's not in error (it's not), gauge what would be acceptable (basically, whatever), and find something you'd like to do with it. Was there something not fulfilled from your registry? Is there's some thing you really need that would have been too pricey to put on the registry? Can you use it to buy a nice experience (dinner, side trip, spa visit) on your honeymoon?

The best response I could imagine getting if I was the gift giver would be: "Thanks so much for your exceedingly generous gift, we used it to upgrade our hotel to the honeymoon suite and it was such an amazing time!" or something like that.
posted by danny the boy at 1:20 PM on November 9, 2015 [12 favorites]


First, this is a gift from the parents, whom you say you are close to; step up and contact them directly. Second, I agree that a blank check is a horrible gift, and it doesn't sound like there was anything on the card to suggest that it was left blank on purpose. "Use it for what you need" would typically accompany a filled-in check.

So contact him, thank him, and explain that this is awkward, but he inadvertently didn't fill in the check. Do not even suggest that it occurred to you that he did it on purpose. If he says to fill it in (which I think is unlikely), be honest and say that you couldn't do that, because you would really have no idea what to do. Repeat as necessary.

And could you let us know what happens?
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 1:22 PM on November 9, 2015 [6 favorites]


Also, there are people suggesting you be a dick to someone whose only misdeed was to care about you and want to be generous to you. Nothing was done to you, you have not been harmed, and the suggestions that this is a terrible gift rely on some weird ideas about what you as the couple are entitled to from other people.

Please don't react with hostility. Not everything that doesn't match your expectations is some kind of aggression.
posted by danny the boy at 1:31 PM on November 9, 2015 [22 favorites]


Maybe this is contextual, but I routinely give my friends gifts from their registry (or gift cards) of about $200 for a wedding. I'm not rich and I only pick up the tab for drinks now and then, but a wedding is a big one-time deal and I'm always willing to go the extra mile for that. Which makes me think that $100 is a lowball guess for a wealthy guy. Ask your friend for real.
posted by janey47 at 1:33 PM on November 9, 2015 [5 favorites]


Relevant (slyt)
posted by ndg at 1:42 PM on November 9, 2015


He's possibly wanting to be extravagantly generous and maybe wanting to be fairly generous and you don't know which, but you want to allow for both options.

I would pick a large amount, say $10,000, and a smaller amount, say $500, and visit him in a forthright manly fashion and say 'these are the two options; which do you think is more appropriate."
posted by Sebmojo at 2:09 PM on November 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


While that is a generous thought, it is a completely horrible gift.

It's not, but this is definitely an ask culture rather than guess culture moment. Go to him, show that you've considered the possibility of him being ridiculously generous and are ready to accept that.
posted by Sebmojo at 2:10 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


one last thought - even suggesting something like $100 would be rude imo. It's a blank cheque, that's a literal invitation to extravagance. You're (relatively) poor. And this is Texas.

I'd be clear that it was e.g. to buy a car or something else specific, but go large. The worst that can happen is that it turns out he's secretly a giant asshole who just happens to buy people dinner and give friends blank cheques and in the super unlikely event that's true don't you think it would be valuable information?
posted by Sebmojo at 2:19 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


Even as a relatively broke student I gave people $100 gifts. I would think that filling in $500 or $1000 would be well within the spirit of such a gift, if you think it wasn't left blank in error. If the guy is an oil tycoon or something, add another zero. But really it's probably best to get your friend to pin down their parents.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 2:30 PM on November 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


I'm also on the side that, assuming the blank amount was deliberate, anything below ~$250 or so at the minimum sounds like it might be insultingly low. I would chose $500 or $1000, I think. (However, I do like the idea of sending them a note mentioning some specific nice thing you spent the money on.)
posted by kickingtheground at 2:31 PM on November 9, 2015 [5 favorites]


I do think asking is your best bet. He's likely intending it to be a good gift. I too move in circles (well, adjacent to, at least) where dropping 10k or 20k on a wedding gift isn't unusual. Whats half your wifes loan debt? If its 50k or less, that would be a fairly good example of something I'd feel ok receiving from a wealthy friend who really truly can afford to give it.

Of course, I'm poor(ish) and can't speak for anybody involved, but if he really meant a blank check, take him up on it!
posted by Jacen at 2:38 PM on November 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


I can definitely tell you that no one who gives you a blank check is expecting you to make it in the pitiful amount of $100.

This was my read. I would think of it as "Buy the most expensive thing on your wedding registry" or something and get something in the $500-1000 range unless they are zillionaires and probably want you to get a car. The first thing I thought of was a piece of real furniture like a good couch or bed that would last for a lifetime(ish) and you could aim for something like that. But really, all of us are going to be guessing based on our cultural experience and I'd ask the friend. I've had relatives who gave checks a lot and even though the amounts varied, there was always at least a ballpark of what they are assuming you'd need any/or use it for and I bet these guys have that as well. Annoying that you have to ferret it out but they may be blind to the multitude of assumptions behind this gift.
posted by jessamyn at 2:54 PM on November 9, 2015 [8 favorites]


Personally, I wouldn't cash it.
posted by HuronBob at 2:57 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


$500, with a thank you note saying what you spent it on (or make something up if need be). It was not an accident and he wants to give you more than $100. He has the money to spare so there are no ethical issues with it. Enjoy!
posted by metasarah at 3:02 PM on November 9, 2015


You are not overthinking it, and I would be mortified if I got a gift like that, because it is as much a burden as it is a gift.

Assuming it wasn't actually meant to be a burden, I'd say you need to contact him directly. You can follow Mr.Know-it-some's script, or you could say something like "I know from experience that your generosity knows no bounds, but I am unable to accept a literal blank check."
posted by fedward at 3:09 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


I think the only way to interpret such a gift is that it's intended to be one of the largest gifts you receive for the wedding. Otherwise why leave it blank (other than error, which is unlikely)? What was the biggest gift not from a parent?
posted by wnissen at 3:14 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


Let me elaborate.

I agree with the others that said this is a terrible way to gift something. It's either arrogant, overbearing, provocative, or mean... or all of these, unless, and only in this one case, the check could have been written for an outrageous amount and the giver would be just fine with it...and, there's no way in knowing if that is the case without asking.

The giver has created an uncomfortable situation that has the potential of some very negative consequences.

The discomfort, at this point, is on the OP... The discomfort should be on the giver for setting this up. Hold on the the check, wait until the giver gets uncomfortable with the situation and asks about it... then simply state, "It was impossible for me to decipher your intentions so I wasn't comfortable cashing this check."
posted by HuronBob at 3:23 PM on November 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


Only on MetaFilter can a blank check be called a horrible, dick move.

Call him personally because even though it's your friend's dad, you are both adults. Ask if he left it blank on purpose, because even though you and I know it was meant to be blank, you want to be sure to cover all bases. Tell him you're going to write in $500 and thank him for that amazing gift!
posted by kimberussell at 3:31 PM on November 9, 2015 [18 favorites]


I wouldn't overthink this or ascribe it to dickishness. But $100 is waaaay low. Buy a meal at the nicest place in town, with good wine.
posted by zippy at 4:09 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


People are answering this from their own cultural background and assumptions (by whatever definition of culture you prefer here). Mine is that he's not being a manipulative jerk, it should be somewhere between $500 and $5000, and you should call him up and thank him and talk to him about what you would like to do with it.
posted by matildaben at 4:29 PM on November 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


Where I live the baseline wedding gift is cost of the dinners eaten at reception, estimated at $100 each, plus $100 per seat. A couple attending thus forks over $400. So if he was there with a second guest, you can reasonably get into his ribs for that much, and I'd probably round it up to $500 because he's rich.
posted by zadcat at 4:30 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


I'm definitely among those that think this was a gift given from a good place but the execution is awkward. It is not a "horrible" gift, but I would agree that it'd be a good idea to communicate either with the giver or the friend to gauge what sort of value is acceptable here. The fact that it says "use it for what you need" also suggests to me that he might be thinking along the lines of more practical needs than treating yourself to dinners or whatnot, so it might be worth thinking about uses along the lines of paying off debts or other expenses that tend to come with a marriage, so that it can be put towards easing any initial post-marriage financial stresses.
posted by Aleyn at 4:45 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


I agree with those who say you need guidance, and I also agree that the guy wants to be extravagant (the friend seemed to know in advance that the gift was a big one). Rather than asking for a figure, you might be a bit more delicate, such as, "Were you thinking a nice Le Creuset dutch oven, or were you thinking paying off our loans?"
posted by swheatie at 5:10 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


More than $100. Do you have a registry? What's the most expensive thing on it? Get yourself that, or something in that ballpark, or get yourself that much cash (and tell him that you spent it on a thing or a trip, if that makes you feel better). My first impulse was "500 bucks, give or take!" It's definitely not blank by accident, not with his "Use it for what you need" note. You could probably get away with more, but I think $500 would be playing it safe. $100 would just be a waste.
posted by toomuchkatherine at 5:28 PM on November 9, 2015


Let me suggest an alternate way to calculate a fair amount, more independent of assumed context. Take the approximate cash value of the most expensive gift you received (excluding any exceptionally massive gifts from close relatives), and write in a number between that amount and around three times that amount. Anyone giving a blank check is expecting to be the giver of the largest gift, at least outside of close relatives.
posted by kickingtheground at 5:32 PM on November 9, 2015 [3 favorites]


I would return it. If they want to give the largest gift, they can do that. It shouldn't be on you to guess at what is an acceptable amount to write on the cheque.
posted by robcorr at 6:16 PM on November 9, 2015 [2 favorites]


I see this check as a way to buy a new fridge when the one you've got borks out during a heat wave.

I'd talk to my friend as a sanity check, put about 2k on the check and deposit it into a new account. Write a thank you note now, then each time I run across an emergency (sometimes needing to splurge on a nice meal is an emergency), write another thank you note to the dad to say "your generosity helped ease stress in this time of crisis".
posted by itesser at 6:29 PM on November 9, 2015 [5 favorites]


Quietly verify a blank check was intended.

If so: $1,000. Anything less is insulting. More is presumptuous for a non-family member -- and, more to the point, this is a well you want to go back to if you need an investor for a business or a just a real hand in an emergency.
posted by MattD at 6:37 PM on November 9, 2015 [8 favorites]


The discomfort, at this point, is on the OP... The discomfort should be on the giver for setting this up. Hold on the the check, wait until the giver gets uncomfortable with the situation and asks about it... then simply state, "It was impossible for me to decipher your intentions so I wasn't comfortable cashing this check."

That seems flabbergastingly churlish.

OP, imagine how much your discomfort is worth, assign a number to it, double it, then write it down. I am pretty sure it will still be lower than what this well heeled and kindly disposed man has offered to give you. Be gracious and accept the gift in a way that makes him glad to have given it.
posted by Sebmojo at 7:12 PM on November 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


I would definitely check (ha) with your friend. I agree with those who say it could be a mistake. My mum sent me an unsigned cheque for my birthday which you could read as being a super nasty gift but was simply her forgetting to sign. He might've been pondering the amount to gift, got a phone call, forgot to finish it and the upshot is your post to ask mefi!
posted by kitten magic at 7:24 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


You say he's generous and that he told his daughter it was a big gift. You must also have some idea of his level of income/wealth, etc. Use that as a gauge if you won't ask him or your friend directly. I'd say at least $500 but probably closer to $1000 and maybe as high as $5000.
posted by marylynn at 7:48 PM on November 9, 2015 [4 favorites]


If it was an accidental oversight, filling in any amount would be incredibly rude and presumptuous. I would send the cheque back with a very nice letter stating that you are so terribly sorry that he forgot to fill in the amount and thank him for thinking of you at such an exciting time.
posted by saucysault at 8:56 PM on November 9, 2015 [6 favorites]


Don't fill it out. Use the advice earlier to politely thank them for the gift and pretend it should have been written in.

I don't care how rich he is, there are practical considerations here and also gift-giving etiquette. There's nothing wrong with giving extravagant gifts, but playing weird mind games is definitely wrong. And yea, maybe he's so rich he doesn't think of this as a game, but it is.
posted by odinsdream at 9:38 PM on November 9, 2015 [5 favorites]


FWIW, when I called it a horrible gift, I didn't mean *intentionally* horrible. I suppose it's possible he's deliberately playing mind games, but I think it's more likely that he's a generous guy (past evidence suggests this is true) who thought this would be fun and generous and didn't think through the incredibly awkward decision it creates for the recipient. It is possible for someone to have good intentions and bad outcomes.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:30 PM on November 9, 2015


Ask your friend. Other than asking the father directly, no one can give you better advice than the person who handed you the blank check.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:50 PM on November 9, 2015 [1 favorite]


So, what do you need? The gift is super-awkward, try to respond to the intent. Do you need a car repair, a textbook, an external hard drive to back up her work? Pick something with a price no greater than the biggest gift you could imagine getting when you registered, or though about gifts. Then your thank you note can say Your gift was tremendously generous, and we have used it to buy Jane's textbook for XYZ class, which was a looming expense. It's very kind of you and we appreciate it greatly.

I would definitely confirm that a blank check was intended, because it's unusual.
posted by theora55 at 2:47 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


This is a terrible gift and would make me think less of the gifter.

I'm not sure I could bring myself to use it and wouldn't blame you at all for not trying to decipher all the nuances here. Honestly my level of vicarious discomfort grows the longer I think about this.
posted by Justinian at 4:00 AM on November 10, 2015 [2 favorites]


I am very squicky about money and I feel your pain. But I do think this is a very generous gift and was not meant to be uncomfortable for you -- it sounds like he is the level of wealthy that to him it honestly does not matter whether we're talking about 500 or 5000.

I would contact him and say "I feel so awkward having to ask, but I would feel even worse if I misunderstood your intent. "

How much are these dinners for 6+ people? If he'll put that down without thinking, I think you can take that amount without being greedy.
posted by nakedmolerats at 5:18 AM on November 10, 2015 [3 favorites]


The title of the post is a Disney movie reference, but I came in here to suggest exactly that: go get yourself a new MacBook Pro or whatever luxury-ish item you've been wanting forever but could never justify. If you can't come up with anything that wasn't on the registry, pick the most expensive item from it, and fill out the check out for the exact amount of item+tax+shipping. Maybe don't buy a car with it, but someone who can afford to take a group of 6 people out for meals regularly is not going to be look at you even slightly askance if you use a BLANK CHECK THAT HE WROTE to get yourself something in the 4-figure range.
posted by Mayor West at 6:10 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


One other factor that came to mind. Even rich people who can easily afford to drop a lot of money on gifts don't necessarily keep that money in their chequing account. So the other risk of filling out an amount you choose at a time you choose is that the cheque will bounce, or tap his overdraft if he has it.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:08 AM on November 10, 2015 [1 favorite]


I like jessamyn's read of the situation, and I'd use kimberussell's plan with one modification: I'd choose something large I really did need and was new family/household related (not a computer for work, for example) ahead of time. Then instead of saying I'm writing in $500, I'd say the cost of the thing and tell him what it was for, which should make him feel good.
posted by ctmf at 8:30 PM on November 10, 2015


Hey, guys. Just wanted to check in because after all the great, thoughtful responses you spent the time typing out for me, I felt you deserved an update.

I made contact with my friend yesterday, and she was just as surprised and confused as I was. She also wasn't sure what to make of it at first, because she felt like it was something her dad might do. She got in touch with him and found out that it was....

DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNNN! an accident. Many of you had it. It just got folded up and sent before it was filled in. I'm shredding the original, and they're sending us a new one in the mail. Occam's razor wins again!

Thanks again for taking the time to weigh in! I really did read everybody's answer and considered all of the angles. You're all lovely!
posted by Krazor at 6:47 AM on November 11, 2015 [29 favorites]


Oh my god it is sooooo satisfying to hear how this resolved, thank you so much for the update and congratulations on your marriage!
posted by like_neon at 6:55 AM on November 11, 2015 [1 favorite]


Since you are probably too polite to say it, Krazor: Damn.

But my compliments to you for taking the high road!
posted by wenestvedt at 5:22 AM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]


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