Political differences with boss

November 5, 2015 9:29 PM

My very politically conservative boss is outspoken about her political beliefs and frequently spouts off about issues on which my opinion is the opposite (I’m very politically liberal). Her remarks tend to skirt (but not exactly cross) the line of what’s overtly offensive. I don’t want to jeopardize my working relationship with her, but I need some help and advice on how to cope with this situation, especially with the next presidential election coming up (I’m in the USA).

I started this job about 6 months ago. The work environment/culture is unlike anywhere else I’ve worked -- very small office of 4 staff members, it’s very casual, and everyone is all up in everyone else’s work and personal business. There’s no privacy except in the bathroom; we all work in one open room. We have our own desks, but there aren’t cubicle walls or any dividers or anything. Also, we have members of the public (particularly a core group of our board members [also technically my superiors] and other people we work with frequently) coming in and out all the time. Many of these people have known/worked with my boss for 30+ years, and they’re all good friends, and my boss loves talking about this stuff, so their conversations frequently veer toward conservative politics.

I have some baggage about jobs in general and this one in particular, so all my feeeeeeeelings about all this are somewhat challenging to sort out, but the immediate problem I’m trying to ask about is that I’m basically finding myself in the new and uncomfortable position of sort of feeling like I can’t stand up for things I believe in because it could have professional consequences that I don’t want to deal with. I’m concerned, though, that staying quiet is going to become increasingly difficult as the election heats up.

I don’t have a lot of experience being around people who are both 1. on the other side of political issues from myself and 2. in control of key aspects of my life such as my job duties, salary, day to day experience, etc. I typically am (and WANT to be) a person who speaks up when people are saying ignorant, offensive, racist, homophobic etc things. I also enjoy intelligent debate under normal/general circumstances. But my current approach has basically been to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes this isn’t that hard because she’s talking about a local politics issue or some local historical situation I know nothing about (I’ve only lived here a couple of years), but if she goes off about abortion or transgender issues or something else about which I have an informed and considered opinion contrary to hers, it eats me up inside to be silent. So I guess I also need help navigating when to speak up and when not to speak up, given that now I have this person who I guess I don’t want to make an enemy of. Ugh. I feel gross just saying that.

Other background info: one of my two non-boss coworkers is also liberal like I am, but she has a strict silence policy when our boss talks about anything political. We do sometimes vent to each other when we’re alone. The other coworker leans conservative but isn’t very knowledgeable about politics so it’s not so much of an issue with her. Both she and my boss are ladies in their 70s. The other progressive is in her late 50s and I am in my mid 30s. Political issues are sometimes relevant to our work. I can say more if you guys need/want more info -- ask here or PM.

To summarize my questions:
1. How do I figure out balancing my need to be true to myself and my need not to piss off my boss with regard to managing this situation?
2. If the political remarks cross the line into overt offense, I (think I?) would speak up. What’s the best way to do this with minimal damage to my working relationship with my boss?

Please help me with some coping strategies! Thank you.

posted by pupstocks to Work & Money (25 answers total)

Try a small smile, a head shake, and "There you go again."
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:34 PM on November 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Could not engaging help? I had a co-worker who was a Republican, I'm a liberal. It started as a little way to bond and talk shop a little bit with our interest in politics, but it veered into needling and I got sick of it. It got to the point where rather than an equal exchange of our views, he just wanted to hear my views because they amused him so much. I just stopped engaging him on it. It was silence, going to the bathroom, a headshake and changing the subject or something else that meant politely not engaging him at all.

You could also say, "You know, I don't thing we fall on the same spot along the political spectrum and I don't really want to debate politics at work, so can we just not discuss this stuff in the office? You know, politics, sex and religion are the famous work no-nos, right?" You don't have to say she's wrong or close-minded or a bigot. You can just say you don't really like to talk about politics. Maybe one of the people there would be willing to back you up and just chime in, "Yeah, the office is a politics-free zone."
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:45 PM on November 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

My question to you is if her views are causing you to lose respect for and confidence in her? If so, you may need to take a more proactive approach and leave - rather than being stuck working for someone you don't trust or like.

But honestly, the ONLY way I have been able to successfully navigate the huge gap in political views between myself and my boss is to learn to mostly tune out what he says when he talks about politics. I listen to him talk on the phone with his friends, and sometimes it really, truly bothers me. Not to mention some of the articles I find in the printer!! But in addition to maybe silently rolling my eyes if I can get away with it, the best way to deal for me has been telling my friends about it or writing about it after work to get it off my chest. Silence (even if it eats you up inside in the moment, but that usually doesn't last) is the only successful strategy, as far as I'm concerned. Nothing good can come of an intense argument about something as personal as politics with someone that has power over you.

If you really can't stand being quiet, a simple smile and a very calm and collected "I don't normally talk politics at work, but I have to say that I disagree with you on that." And then maybe make a joke to the effect of "But I don't want to argue with you - you're my boss!" and then letting it go? Yet it's my experience that any contrary comment at all will lead to escalation into an argument - exactly what you don't want.
posted by gemmy at 9:54 PM on November 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

I practice SNIP:

Smile
Nod
Ignore
Proceed

If this person is not speaking directly to you, just pay it no heed. Imagine they're speaking another language, or they are cars and animals making noise outside. It just doesn't matter. In one ear and out the other.

If they're engaging you on these issues, you can always do the above.

"That's food for thought."
"Interesting."

And other noncommittal phrases are great. Just "yes, I am politely listening to what you are saying" and no other information.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 10:05 PM on November 5, 2015 [9 favorites]

Some people can tolerate even heated, so long as it is civil, disagreements on political issues. I have worked with a lot of people like that. Others, however, take immediate offense, especially if you are inserting yourself (or they feel like you are) into a conversation.

Problem is, it can take a long time to figure out which is which. Best to be silent if you don't yet have a feel for what these people are like in that respect. I have actually learned a lot from polite political discussions with people I've worked for whose political persuasion differed from my own, whether that be Blue Dog Democrat or nearly-nuts Republican. Sometimes people come to these views through reason of their own, even if it is reasoning I disagree with.

I never gave a shit about risking it because the people I was talking to weren't my boss, even if they did own the company I was working at, and at worst I'd be asked not to work at their site any more, and would just have to go work at a different client. That never happened, though, since when those things did come up and there was disagreement we were both happy enough to agree to disagree. That and it was a choice between having their computers work now and not. (We IT people can get away with a lot of shit other people can't)

So if you can feel the situation out over the coming months it may be possible to have polite conversation in this vein, but the safe course of action is to just not engage or keep it to "I don't agree with that, oh well!" and move on to something work related.
posted by wierdo at 10:11 PM on November 5, 2015

Do not engage. You aren't there to debate policy. If you find your boss boorish and ignorant, so be it. Do your job, be the personification of professionalism, and keep your politics out of the office. If they start churning on about this or that, just say something along the lines of, "You know, Jane, I think we're alike in that we both think the personal is political, but I'm one of those who likes to keep the political personal." And smile and drop it.

It's possible she's attempting to goad you. It's possible she's tone deaf to the dynamic she's creating with her benighted yammering. Either way, you need to figure a way to remember that this isn't a situation where you're a lesser person for not engaging in the jaw-jacking.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 10:50 PM on November 5, 2015 [4 favorites]

I hate to say it but workplace dealing with opposing views comes down to two paths.

The first is the old smile and ignore.

The second is to engage full on with a lighthearted approach. However to do this you really need to be confident and fully believe you are good at job and not be afraid of your boss. That way, the conversation about politics and beliefs is driven from a position of equals instead of employer/employee.

It sounds like to me you are in the first camp. Until it becomes unbearable (and sounds like it is with only a small room without any privacy) or you don't need a job best to just let it all roll off your shoulders.

Remember as well, there is always 30% of your countrymen that no matter what will vote directly against the things that will benefit them the most! And that is after presented with facts and figures and sources.....
posted by Funmonkey1 at 11:10 PM on November 5, 2015

Do not engage. I do not think there is any outcome you want that will be obtained by engaging.

I'm terrible at not engaging, so I just started taking a smoke break whenever politics came up.
posted by PMdixon at 12:41 AM on November 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

It sounds as if she's not even talking to you, but talking to her longtime buddies in a space where private conversations become de facto public ones.
There is a big difference between this, and not lying in a one-to-one conversation, where your feelings and opinions are part of a give and take with another person. In that case, say what you really think in a non-shaming way even to a boss.
But it's another thing to think you have to chime in to rescue the conversation of 70-something ladies who have been talking to each other for decades. Especially -- but not only -- if one of them is your boss.
Remind yourself that they're not really talking to you, they're talking to each other in the same room as you. This is not the place for activism. Correcting the 70 year old boss isn't going to change the world. Put your political energy somewhere it can make a difference.
posted by flourpot at 4:42 AM on November 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

You could pull a Borat and try to get them enthusiastically talking about hunting minorities for sport.

But seriously, I have to agree with everyone that nothing good can come from engaging in any way. Pretend that you're a character on The Office and occasionally throw the camera a resigned, long-suffering look.
posted by XMLicious at 4:49 AM on November 6, 2015 [9 favorites]

My previous boss was completely on the other side of the political spectrum from me. I was young and very early in my career at the time. He'd often veer conversations into the "I'm gonna teach ya something about how the government works" , and I think he thought he was educating me. I'd sit and listen, and only reply with statements like 'Huh. I'll have to give that some thought'. There was nothing to gain by arguing with him or showing him where he was wrong - I wasn't ever going to convert him to a Liberal. I don't really care if he thought he was successful at converting me. The only thing I lost was some time. And since the company was paying for that, whatever.

Try to disassociate politics from your job. Who cares if your boss is wrong politically? Does that affect her work performance? Probably not. Just roll your eyes (out of her line of sight), smirk, and ignore.
posted by Fig at 5:03 AM on November 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

I agree with those who say that this is essentially an opportunity to observe, in the wild, a set of opinions that do not mesh with yours. If headphones aren't an option, maybe focus on quietly figuring out their origin?

As far as dealing with the crushing need to speak up....no one on either side warms to being "educated." In my experience, short, personal, non-aggressive and (seemingly) offhand has a little more traction.
posted by gnomeloaf at 5:17 AM on November 6, 2015 [2 favorites]

I had a boss like this who I was able to deflect by totally ignoring the topic he wanted to talk about and asking incredibly unimportant work-related questions until he went away.

"Geez, Hillary said this dumb thing..."
"Hey, about this project I'm working on. Do you think Arial or Calibri is the way to go?"
"Um... Arial... I guess... so she said that..."
"Ten-point font or eleven? See, the ten-point font fits a little better into this table, but I think maybe I can just make that a different style. Will that work?"
"Uh... sure... so she was all..."
"But then if I make it a different style, I should probably indent a little. Hm. Do you think a quarter-inch would set it off from the lines enough?"
"I have to go."
posted by Etrigan at 5:31 AM on November 6, 2015 [3 favorites]

Put me firmly in the Do Not Engage camp!
Think of your political opinions as jewels. You wouldn't pass them out among the unworthy would you?
Plus, in my experience, it's fun to play the "inside mole" and move unnoticed among the enemy. Think of the anecdotes you're gathering to share later among friends.

You do not owe Boss your opinion on anything other than work-related issues. Once you show a chink, she's going to pry it open with her little jeweler's screwdriver. Don't dream of giving her that chance.
I have been in your shoes in my former work life. I am a straight-up, foaming at the mouth, Kill All Bosses Now and Distribute Their Goods person, so the restraint you're been showing is not difficult.
Carry on! And thanks for acknowledging that "feeeeelings" are overrated.
posted by BostonTerrier at 5:54 AM on November 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Don't speak up unless she says this stuff to you. If she does try to get into a political discussion, just smile and say, "Sorry, I follow that old rule about how the best way to keep things running smoothly at work is to never talk about religion, sex and politics!" Don't say that you disagree, just say you don't talk about politics as a general policy and say it with a smile.

Also, maybe start looking for a new job. If she's a hardcore conservative and you're not, the day will probably come when she says something to make you hate working for her.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 6:00 AM on November 6, 2015 [4 favorites]

Another thing that helps me in a very similar situation is to have someone safe outside of the office to vent to, who will just let you go on when you just HAVE to get out your indignant irritation. I am a lot more liberal than a group of people I am otherwise close to, and there is one person in particular who just drives me up a wall. I'll interject, occasionally, if I know I'm at a point where I can say it and not be rude-- usually to correct something that he's saying that is completely and provably incorrect, but mostly I just let it go and then vent to my best friend later.
posted by lemniskate at 6:38 AM on November 6, 2015

To be blunt, I would feel personally/morally compromised by continuing to work in that environment, and my solution would be to leave. Treat the situation as you would being in any other kind of toxic/unpleasant work environment.

I have politics that (I presume) are quite different than the executive staff at the various organizations I have worked with over the past 7 years or so since I left a federal research lab, but the environment has never made me feel unpleasant because people are generally not at all overbearing or loud about their political feelings in the workplace. And I wouldn't even have a problem with it if we were all on the same political page working towards a common mission.

But what you describe would be unacceptable to me, and maintaining my peace of mind would require that I find a better place to work.
posted by deanc at 6:50 AM on November 6, 2015 [5 favorites]

Nod, smile and shut up! Time proven recipe.
posted by Kwadeng at 6:54 AM on November 6, 2015

If it were me, I would either quit or just bend every conversation as hard as I can.

Your boss starts talking about welfare, agree and launch into a diatribe about corporate welfare.

Your boss talks about drug-testing welfare recipients? Sure, as long as we do politicians first. They're the real ones leeching off the government, then they get cushy lobbyist jobs when they leave.

Terrorism? Talk about us bombing weddings, or destabilizing Central American governments.

Talking about the huge deficit? I know, it's terrible, right? If only we weren't getting into these trillion-dollar wars.

If all else fails, just lead the discussion around to "let's just put them all in camps" and see what she thinks of that.


This is your chance to have a TON of fun with this. Just remember that reality has a well-known liberal bias.
posted by Slinga at 7:04 AM on November 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

Ursula Hitler speaks the truth. I was in a situation like yours, and the only thing that got me through it was cheerfully saying, "I make it a policy never to talk about religion or politics at work," paste on a smile, and keep my resume updated. Sometimes you have to put on your own oxygen mask first, and I wouldn't be able to help many of the causes I want to help if I was homeless.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:24 AM on November 6, 2015 [4 favorites]

Even people who work in politics, whose job it is to win others to their point of view, prioritize their efforts toward those on the fence, those likely to be converted. She doesn't sound like someone in that category. So I wouldn't feel it's wrong to stay quiet and conserve your energy for where it could be better used.

Of course, you might still get fired if she accidentally spots your Support Planned Parenthood brochures in your bag, so it's probably worth job hunting.
posted by salvia at 8:14 AM on November 6, 2015

Just nod and smile. If pressed, politely say that you don't normally discuss politics at work, or use whatever other polite means of deflection are necessary.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 8:46 AM on November 6, 2015

If this were a larger company, you'd be able to complain to HR and they'd handle it while keeping your name out of it but it sounds like that isn't an option here.

On the bright side, if she and all of her peers are in their 70's, they should be gearing up to retire pretty soon so you might just have to wait them out and they'll be gone soon. And, to be blunt about it, they're going to die a lot sooner than you so even if they never retire, you still might be able to wait them out.
posted by VTX at 10:06 AM on November 6, 2015

"I typically am (and WANT to be) a person who speaks up when people are saying ignorant, offensive, racist, homophobic etc things."

I wouldn't worry about the general political stuff (e.g. Democrats vs. Republicans campaign gaffes and policy bickering), but when you hear something racist, homophobic, etc. then I think it's good to respond with something like "Hey, I have a [family member / dear friend] who is [gay / trans / Mexican / black / whatever] and that's a really hurtful thing for me to hear."

I live in the rural South and even here homophobes will stop saying homophobic things around me once I tell them that they're talking about my brother. Most people won't disparage someone's family to their face.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:44 AM on November 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

When I started my current job, about a month in my boss said something just completely bonkers about Obama and the Illuminati or something. I laughed and said "oh I don't discuss politics at work" and when she persisted with "but... contrails!" I just changed the subject. She's never brought it up again.

But that's just bonkers stuff that's easy to ignore. Actually offensive stuff I've handled in three ways - physically removing myself from the situation, "this is not a conversation I care to participate in" or "that's not my understanding/experience of [topic]" or just a tense silence. I am the humorless feminist SJW in my little group and I don't care. I won't know these people forever. I don't think there's a way to be true to your values and be liked by people with diametrically opposed values.
posted by desjardins at 11:02 AM on November 6, 2015 [2 favorites]