What the hell am I doing in this bar basement at 11pm on a Sunday?
October 11, 2015 6:35 PM Subscribe
Last year, I unexpectedly fell in love with improv comedy. I raced through the classes, joined a team, and started performing shows on tiny stages throughout NYC.
It's been a rewarding experience! Except: I'm a 32 year-old introvert, and hanging out with mid-20s performers feels weird AF.
This question isn't about making friends. I've made plenty in this community, and most of them are in their 20s, NBD. It just seems like ... everyone goes to shows 4 or 5 times a week and drinks for looong periods after each one. I'm not a hermit, but partying gets old. I also sometimes feel like an impostor because I've got other priorities in my life besides improv, like running an un-related business.
Most of the people at this level came to New York to Do.Comedy. But while I'm not trying to audition for SNL, I *DO* want to continue practicing this art form (yeah, really) on a serious level. I've received encouraging notes from teachers, and my gut is telling me to push on. So I guess my question is: How do I find my people? The teachers/senior performers are my age, but it's harder to befriend them because of the student/teacher dynamic.
Or is this one of those, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" scenarios?
Thanks!
This question isn't about making friends. I've made plenty in this community, and most of them are in their 20s, NBD. It just seems like ... everyone goes to shows 4 or 5 times a week and drinks for looong periods after each one. I'm not a hermit, but partying gets old. I also sometimes feel like an impostor because I've got other priorities in my life besides improv, like running an un-related business.
Most of the people at this level came to New York to Do.Comedy. But while I'm not trying to audition for SNL, I *DO* want to continue practicing this art form (yeah, really) on a serious level. I've received encouraging notes from teachers, and my gut is telling me to push on. So I guess my question is: How do I find my people? The teachers/senior performers are my age, but it's harder to befriend them because of the student/teacher dynamic.
Or is this one of those, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" scenarios?
Thanks!
Stick with it. You will find your people. You may want to take classes at another school but you will find your people. Go ahead and befriend the senior performers.
I am 42 years old. My first improv class was taught by a 28 year old and a 23 year old. I felt really insecure about my age for the full eight weeks of that class because everyone was younger than me. My second class was taught by a 48 year old and a 45 year old. The level 3 class I'm taking right now is being taught by a 44 year old and a 25 year old. During the course of the class my level 2 teachers didn't want to hang out outside of class even at improv events. However, after that class ended I was able to befriend the instructors. I hung out with one of them last night, even.
A nice side effect that I wasn't expecting at all is that I've been able to form meaningful relationships with a couple college age kids that feed my motherly/sisterly instincts - I was not expecting that to happen at all. So maybe you won't be buddy buddy with some of the younger people but you can still have meaningful relationships.
I actually think my age helps me a ton because I've got way way way more actual life experience(s) than the twenty-somethings in my class.
You don't have to drink every night. Just be very open about you don't want to drink every night...there is no shame in that.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 7:21 PM on October 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
I am 42 years old. My first improv class was taught by a 28 year old and a 23 year old. I felt really insecure about my age for the full eight weeks of that class because everyone was younger than me. My second class was taught by a 48 year old and a 45 year old. The level 3 class I'm taking right now is being taught by a 44 year old and a 25 year old. During the course of the class my level 2 teachers didn't want to hang out outside of class even at improv events. However, after that class ended I was able to befriend the instructors. I hung out with one of them last night, even.
A nice side effect that I wasn't expecting at all is that I've been able to form meaningful relationships with a couple college age kids that feed my motherly/sisterly instincts - I was not expecting that to happen at all. So maybe you won't be buddy buddy with some of the younger people but you can still have meaningful relationships.
I actually think my age helps me a ton because I've got way way way more actual life experience(s) than the twenty-somethings in my class.
You don't have to drink every night. Just be very open about you don't want to drink every night...there is no shame in that.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 7:21 PM on October 11, 2015 [4 favorites]
Keep doing what you're doing. You'll find your people.
Go home when you want to go home. As you said, partying like that gets old, and some of those mid-20s people will realise that and take it down a notch.
And if you're there long enough, the student/teacher dynamic won't be as strong.
posted by robcorr at 7:24 PM on October 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Go home when you want to go home. As you said, partying like that gets old, and some of those mid-20s people will realise that and take it down a notch.
And if you're there long enough, the student/teacher dynamic won't be as strong.
posted by robcorr at 7:24 PM on October 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Pick your spots. Don't go to every party, but when you do, try to make it special for you. You'll have a good time, and people having good times are attractive and you want to be around them.
Of the original cast of SNL, Jane Curtain was the only one married, and in interviews said it was a struggle for her to relate to the other cast members and their partying (and their drug use). So, your feelings aren't unique, nor will they doom you.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:26 PM on October 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Of the original cast of SNL, Jane Curtain was the only one married, and in interviews said it was a struggle for her to relate to the other cast members and their partying (and their drug use). So, your feelings aren't unique, nor will they doom you.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:26 PM on October 11, 2015 [5 favorites]
Can you connect with teachers/SR Performers that aren't teaching your class?
Maybe at other school performances or performance spaces?
Here in LA, I have had the pleasure of meeting folks in their 40's that are still practicing their craft [acting] --they do so by finding or creating projects that use their talents and their friends' talents. Be on the lookout for similar folks and encourage them to stick around!
posted by calgirl at 7:28 PM on October 11, 2015
Maybe at other school performances or performance spaces?
Here in LA, I have had the pleasure of meeting folks in their 40's that are still practicing their craft [acting] --they do so by finding or creating projects that use their talents and their friends' talents. Be on the lookout for similar folks and encourage them to stick around!
posted by calgirl at 7:28 PM on October 11, 2015
DUDE. I'm not you but I'm 34 and I just started an MFA program where median age is...idk...25? In a way it's rough. But in a way it's awesome, because I can do all the art and not get sucked into any of the drama. Hanging out with 25 year olds as a 34 year old is kinda like being in one of those movies where the mid-twenties reporter goes back to hang out at her old high school. Yeah, it's sort of embarrassing, but you can also help the kids out, and the teachers actually prefer hanging out with you, you know?
Just be gracious and kind and devoted to your craft and do your best not to be self-conscious. Your people can be of any age. In the grand scheme of things, as long as you're not being skeevy or taking advantage of anyone, young people can benefit from hanging out with you, and you can benefit from hanging out with them.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 8:28 PM on October 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
Just be gracious and kind and devoted to your craft and do your best not to be self-conscious. Your people can be of any age. In the grand scheme of things, as long as you're not being skeevy or taking advantage of anyone, young people can benefit from hanging out with you, and you can benefit from hanging out with them.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 8:28 PM on October 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm involved with a similar comedy scene in Los Angeles.
Granted, I'm not an improviser and with a couple of exceptions I mostly am not a performer, so I don't have the pressure to get on stage multiple times per week. But my boyfriend, who is older than I am, is. (I'm 34, he's 40.)
For one thing, while it can sometimes seem like everyone is 24, never fear, there ARE grownups in the scene. Also I've found that, because I got involved with this scene in my 30s, I gravitate pretty easily to others who are closer to my age. When I go to parties, it's like there's a flurry of twentysomethings, and then there's my friends standing in a circle over there.
FWIW, most of the comedy performers I'm friends with don't stick around drinking for umpteen hours after every show. I was at an improv show last night. I had a beer during the show because a big part of supporting the performers is making sure the bar makes money during their set, but once my friends were done we pretty much just left. Other times I might stay for one drink. I went to a comedy scene party last weekend and had one beer the whole evening. Nobody is keeping score of how many rounds you had.
Also, my sense is that once you get out of classes and are on a team/part of the larger scene of performers, the lines between teacher and student blur. A lot of my friends are teachers, coaches, and directors, or are the more seasoned folks on improv and sketch teams. There definitely seems to be less of a barrier to hang out with these folks once you're not actively in their class. (Coming from someone who, again, is not a performer and has never taken a class from any of them.) So if you're having trouble connecting with people more your age because you're new on the scene and mostly experiencing it via taking classes, I'd say reach out to people outside of the classroom dynamic. Which can totally include teachers whose class you're not in anymore, BTW. Comedy isn't an ivory tower, and there's a lot of overlap between teachers, performers, and students.
posted by Sara C. at 9:01 PM on October 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Granted, I'm not an improviser and with a couple of exceptions I mostly am not a performer, so I don't have the pressure to get on stage multiple times per week. But my boyfriend, who is older than I am, is. (I'm 34, he's 40.)
For one thing, while it can sometimes seem like everyone is 24, never fear, there ARE grownups in the scene. Also I've found that, because I got involved with this scene in my 30s, I gravitate pretty easily to others who are closer to my age. When I go to parties, it's like there's a flurry of twentysomethings, and then there's my friends standing in a circle over there.
FWIW, most of the comedy performers I'm friends with don't stick around drinking for umpteen hours after every show. I was at an improv show last night. I had a beer during the show because a big part of supporting the performers is making sure the bar makes money during their set, but once my friends were done we pretty much just left. Other times I might stay for one drink. I went to a comedy scene party last weekend and had one beer the whole evening. Nobody is keeping score of how many rounds you had.
Also, my sense is that once you get out of classes and are on a team/part of the larger scene of performers, the lines between teacher and student blur. A lot of my friends are teachers, coaches, and directors, or are the more seasoned folks on improv and sketch teams. There definitely seems to be less of a barrier to hang out with these folks once you're not actively in their class. (Coming from someone who, again, is not a performer and has never taken a class from any of them.) So if you're having trouble connecting with people more your age because you're new on the scene and mostly experiencing it via taking classes, I'd say reach out to people outside of the classroom dynamic. Which can totally include teachers whose class you're not in anymore, BTW. Comedy isn't an ivory tower, and there's a lot of overlap between teachers, performers, and students.
posted by Sara C. at 9:01 PM on October 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Also, christ on a gorram cracker, DO NOT gravitate to an "improv for business professionals" class if what you want is to do comedy at a serious level. Which doesn't have to mean be on SNL/get famous.
Just about every comic I know has a day job. Not being a hotshot 22 year old on the fast track to being the next Key & Peele doesn't mean you should quit comedy.
posted by Sara C. at 9:06 PM on October 11, 2015 [7 favorites]
Just about every comic I know has a day job. Not being a hotshot 22 year old on the fast track to being the next Key & Peele doesn't mean you should quit comedy.
posted by Sara C. at 9:06 PM on October 11, 2015 [7 favorites]
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If you want "your people", look for an improv group for working professionals.
If you want to blend, keep doing what you're already doing. Maybe find an excuse to not drink most nights.
posted by sninctown at 7:11 PM on October 11, 2015 [2 favorites]