Please Help with a Crying Baby Situation (not my baby)
October 8, 2015 3:23 PM Subscribe
Are there lots of reasons that a baby could be crying for many hours every day?
A neighbor who lives behind my house has a baby that cries for so long and so painfully it's breaking my heart. It cries and screams though most of the afternoon and into the night until I go to bed and turn on my noise machine. It's been going on for weeks. I've witnessed some angry and upset babies, but I've never heard anything like this. FWIW I feel like a jerk for asking because it's really none of my business, but I'm a dad and I can't help it.
I'm not angry, not perturbed and I'm certainly not thinking about calling CPS. I just want to come to terms with it so I can let it go and get back to minding my own business.
Are there some reasons why a baby could be crying like this that aren't nefarious or evil? Colic maybe? Do babies still get colic? Can you help calm down my parental empathy?
Thanks in advance.
A neighbor who lives behind my house has a baby that cries for so long and so painfully it's breaking my heart. It cries and screams though most of the afternoon and into the night until I go to bed and turn on my noise machine. It's been going on for weeks. I've witnessed some angry and upset babies, but I've never heard anything like this. FWIW I feel like a jerk for asking because it's really none of my business, but I'm a dad and I can't help it.
I'm not angry, not perturbed and I'm certainly not thinking about calling CPS. I just want to come to terms with it so I can let it go and get back to minding my own business.
Are there some reasons why a baby could be crying like this that aren't nefarious or evil? Colic maybe? Do babies still get colic? Can you help calm down my parental empathy?
Thanks in advance.
Best answer: My oldest child screamed and cried and was the most miserable child that ever was ever for basically the entire first year of his life. 17 years later, I vividly remember sitting on my couch, holding an inconsolable baby, sobbing. He had colic and also got easily overstimulated. It was so so awful.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 3:37 PM on October 8, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by Nimmie Amee at 3:37 PM on October 8, 2015 [21 favorites]
Colic. Yeah, it happens. Parents are probably at the very end of their tether.
If you know them, then stop by and ask if they need anything - including a break to walk around the neighborhood and get themselves together.
posted by 26.2 at 3:39 PM on October 8, 2015 [14 favorites]
If you know them, then stop by and ask if they need anything - including a break to walk around the neighborhood and get themselves together.
posted by 26.2 at 3:39 PM on October 8, 2015 [14 favorites]
Do you know it's definitely just one baby?
posted by cogitron at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by cogitron at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
My baby sister couldn't tolerate breast milk, but it took forever (so it seemed to 5 year old me) to figure that out and then find a formula that worked. Until then it was constant screaming.
posted by ghost phoneme at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ghost phoneme at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
My little sister screamed for what felt like the first fifteen years of her existence, but was definitely cry-y and scream-y as a baby. Colic is miserable for everyone involved.
posted by kalimac at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2015
posted by kalimac at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2015
This was my son from 4 pm until at least midnight for 14 weeks.
It was awful, horrible, and nothing worked. Colic is most definitely a thing and it is its own circle in hell.
It eventually waned. But it was torture. I'm betting this poor kid is colicky.
posted by zizzle at 3:45 PM on October 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
It was awful, horrible, and nothing worked. Colic is most definitely a thing and it is its own circle in hell.
It eventually waned. But it was torture. I'm betting this poor kid is colicky.
posted by zizzle at 3:45 PM on October 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Best answer: That sounds awful for the baby, the parents, and everyone who can hear it. Nthing that it can be normal (in that the parents are taking good care of the baby, seeking appropriate medical care, and baby is still crying). This article indicates says afternoon/evening is the most common time for colic-crying.
posted by insectosaurus at 3:51 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by insectosaurus at 3:51 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
Colic is very definitely still a thing. My son screamed for hours every day for the first five months of his life. Ear-splittingly loud screaming, which I know my neighbors could hear. There was nothing I could do most of the time, besides just be with him through it. I tried it all and nothing worked, and even doctors still don't really know what causes colic.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 3:52 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 3:52 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yes. It got so bad that my mom would park the car in our apartment parking lot and sit on the front porch (maybe 100 feet away?) listening to music and crying herself.
What fixed it was Apple juice - I was drinking a gallon of unfiltered stuff, except watered down ten-to-one (i.e., eleven gallons of liquid per week.) I still love apple juice; it's extremely comforting.
posted by SMPA at 3:56 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
What fixed it was Apple juice - I was drinking a gallon of unfiltered stuff, except watered down ten-to-one (i.e., eleven gallons of liquid per week.) I still love apple juice; it's extremely comforting.
posted by SMPA at 3:56 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
My second had a milk intolerance and reflux. He cried a LOT. (So did I, ha ha ha boo hoo). So yes. Crying baby for many hours is still definitely a thing :/
posted by sutel at 3:57 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by sutel at 3:57 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I know I was a terrible baby, I cried all the time because:
I had colic, I was allergic to cows milk, I was hot, and all I wanted was to be in the little red wagon.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 4:08 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
I had colic, I was allergic to cows milk, I was hot, and all I wanted was to be in the little red wagon.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 4:08 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]
Colic runs in my family. When my dad was a baby he cried constantly for months. My exhausted grandparents were at their wits end when my grandmother finally got him settled. She laid him carefully in the crib next to the matrimonial bed and collapsed into bed next to my grandfather, who promptly leapt out of bed, grabbed the baby, and proceeded to rock him into sobbing again.
I, similarly tortured my folks, and my son carried on the tradition. His kids have broken the chain. But, yes, it's a thing despite all our best efforts.
posted by Floydd at 4:10 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
I, similarly tortured my folks, and my son carried on the tradition. His kids have broken the chain. But, yes, it's a thing despite all our best efforts.
posted by Floydd at 4:10 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
PURPLE crying. It happens. My best friend's nephew is smack dab in the middle of this, cries for five six seven hours a day, unceasing, inconsolable, unsoothable. Shit sucks.
posted by Sternmeyer at 4:15 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Sternmeyer at 4:15 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Hey, thanks folks! It's strange to say, after reading your stories, but I feel much better about it now.
insectosaurus: that article nails it. Pretty spot on and explains some stuff about my own kids too.
Nimmie Amee: It's really funny that you mention over-stimulation. Three of my back-yard neighbors have toddlers and babies and every afternoon they get together to wear the kids out so they'll sleep. I had no idea that it could effect the babies, but pretty much every evening around 5 or 6 I poke my wife and say, "Hear that? Over-stimulation in 3.2.1." And then it happens...toddlers crying everywhere.
posted by snsranch at 4:15 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
insectosaurus: that article nails it. Pretty spot on and explains some stuff about my own kids too.
Nimmie Amee: It's really funny that you mention over-stimulation. Three of my back-yard neighbors have toddlers and babies and every afternoon they get together to wear the kids out so they'll sleep. I had no idea that it could effect the babies, but pretty much every evening around 5 or 6 I poke my wife and say, "Hear that? Over-stimulation in 3.2.1." And then it happens...toddlers crying everywhere.
posted by snsranch at 4:15 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
When my mother was born, the obstetrician broke her collar bone* but didn't tell my grandmother. So for the first 12 weeks the only thing that would stop my mother screaming was to sit upright holding her against their chest. My grandparents swapped off nights sleeping upright holding her, but it was my grandma on her own all day with only six cloth nappies so there were a lot of times where the baby had to lay down and scream while washing was done, or food was prepared. There was enough screaming and crying that at six weeks my grandmother was almost psychotic with lack of sleep, at which point the obstetrician was like 'oh yeah, you silly woman, of course I broke the baby's collarbone to get her out, just suck it up' and gave her some anti-depressants (late fifties here - no idea what she got but it got her through).
Me on the other hand, I was fine right up until I got nappy rash from knee to hip. Then I screamed a lot every time I peed apparently.
*Shoulder dystocia - is actually one of the ways of dealing with it but yeah...
posted by geek anachronism at 4:48 PM on October 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
Me on the other hand, I was fine right up until I got nappy rash from knee to hip. Then I screamed a lot every time I peed apparently.
*Shoulder dystocia - is actually one of the ways of dealing with it but yeah...
posted by geek anachronism at 4:48 PM on October 8, 2015 [4 favorites]
My grandson screamed for hours/weeks/months. Doctor finally ordered all kinds of testing, changed formula, everything. Finally discovered at 8 months that he was legally blind due to extreme far-sightedness. The youngest of three boys, the world was one big noisy blur.
posted by tamitang at 4:52 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by tamitang at 4:52 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
For months I would return from school to be handed my baby sister who would just cry and scream from colic. My mum just needed to get away from it for a bit. If you don't know them, maybe introduce yourself and offer to help? The mother probably won't want to leave her baby with a total stranger first off but getting to know them might ease the way (if of course you'd be interested in helping this way). If you take one of your kids along with you (assuming they are still kids) that might ease the awkwardness/potential fear of a stranger. Plus, kids often don't get to spend much time with babies if their siblings are similar aged.
posted by kitten magic at 4:54 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by kitten magic at 4:54 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
snsranch: "t cries and screams though most of the afternoon and into the night"
Yeah, that timing sounds like "true colic." My younger son had it, he'd start up the lungs at about 10 p.m. and scream more or less without a break, for no reason, until 4 a.m. Every night. For three months. And it was "distressed" sounding crying, and SO loud and piercing. Hours and hours on the couch, just trying to comfort him, while he shrieked in my ear and everyone else in the house wore earplugs to get any sleep. It's absolutely miserable.
(My older son actually had the kind of "colic" that they can cure -- acid reflux, for which you give baby zantac, which is why you don't hear about colic so much anymore. That is also a possibility but if this is a nightly occurrence I imagine the pediatrician has already ruled it out.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:08 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah, that timing sounds like "true colic." My younger son had it, he'd start up the lungs at about 10 p.m. and scream more or less without a break, for no reason, until 4 a.m. Every night. For three months. And it was "distressed" sounding crying, and SO loud and piercing. Hours and hours on the couch, just trying to comfort him, while he shrieked in my ear and everyone else in the house wore earplugs to get any sleep. It's absolutely miserable.
(My older son actually had the kind of "colic" that they can cure -- acid reflux, for which you give baby zantac, which is why you don't hear about colic so much anymore. That is also a possibility but if this is a nightly occurrence I imagine the pediatrician has already ruled it out.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:08 PM on October 8, 2015 [1 favorite]
My niece was a very much awake baby. I remember her sitting in her walker and screaming while we ate pizza, until we gave her a crust. She was very wiry and did things like painted herself with nail polish and climbed down out of the bunk bed at 1 year old and I distinctly remember sitting her on a counter and using peanut putter to get gum out of her hair. She was always so wily! And awake! She had these things called chocolate nightmares: if she had a drink of chocolate milk or a piece of chocolate during the day, she would wake up screaming at night. When she was a kid, she used to terrorize her brother by spraying him with the hose and peeking on him while he got dressed for swim time and the only thing I could do to her was threaten her to clean out my toilet with a tooth brush if she ever did that again.
Now she's a teacher for little kids, they all love her, and going to have her own baby soon.
She had chocolate nightmares and her little sister had colic too (I babysat for her too). So it may be some sensitivity to something in her diet (like chocolate).
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 6:28 PM on October 8, 2015
Now she's a teacher for little kids, they all love her, and going to have her own baby soon.
She had chocolate nightmares and her little sister had colic too (I babysat for her too). So it may be some sensitivity to something in her diet (like chocolate).
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 6:28 PM on October 8, 2015
Response by poster: Thanks again to everyone. I didn't want to be an ass and further torment the parents by sounding like I'm complaining to them. Also, I kinda feel bad that my reassurance comes from your painful experiences!
I really do appreciate your help and I'm happy to know that there will likely be a healthy and positive outcome.
posted by snsranch at 6:42 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
I really do appreciate your help and I'm happy to know that there will likely be a healthy and positive outcome.
posted by snsranch at 6:42 PM on October 8, 2015 [3 favorites]
My wife is 8.5 months pregnant. This thread is terrifying.
But yeah, I was apparently colicky too, and the only thing that helped was mowing the lawn with me in a front-carrier. My parent's lawn apparently looked like a putting green.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:36 AM on October 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
But yeah, I was apparently colicky too, and the only thing that helped was mowing the lawn with me in a front-carrier. My parent's lawn apparently looked like a putting green.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:36 AM on October 9, 2015 [3 favorites]
We have a very calm, easy-going baby but if a nice neighbor came over to help when she's having a fit, I would probably cry -- of gratitude.
Does not apply if you're a smoker, sorry.
posted by teremala at 11:14 AM on October 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
Does not apply if you're a smoker, sorry.
posted by teremala at 11:14 AM on October 9, 2015 [4 favorites]
I have friends whose child had colic. (The baby is now 9, OMG time goes so fast). At the time, we lived only a few blocks away from one another.
Anyways, whoever was with the baby for the day would sometimes call and say, "I need a break. Just 15 minutes". Half the time I would pick up the phone, and just hear the baby and say, "I'll be over".
And I would go over, and hold the baby, and walk the baby, and just sit with the baby and make sure the house didn't burn down and change diapers as needed while the parent would walk around the neighborhood or cry in the car or go to the library just to hear the blessed sound of silence.
I had another friend who has mild arthritis, and the only thing that would soothe her colicky son was walking up and down the stairs. She'd call me for respite and I would come walk him up and down the stairs for an hour while she took a break. (I had amazing quads by the end of that summer).
If you know the parents, it's such a blessing to be able to offer them a respite from this.
posted by RogueTech at 1:50 AM on October 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Anyways, whoever was with the baby for the day would sometimes call and say, "I need a break. Just 15 minutes". Half the time I would pick up the phone, and just hear the baby and say, "I'll be over".
And I would go over, and hold the baby, and walk the baby, and just sit with the baby and make sure the house didn't burn down and change diapers as needed while the parent would walk around the neighborhood or cry in the car or go to the library just to hear the blessed sound of silence.
I had another friend who has mild arthritis, and the only thing that would soothe her colicky son was walking up and down the stairs. She'd call me for respite and I would come walk him up and down the stairs for an hour while she took a break. (I had amazing quads by the end of that summer).
If you know the parents, it's such a blessing to be able to offer them a respite from this.
posted by RogueTech at 1:50 AM on October 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Do you know the family, and do you have any interest in helping? My now-adult son had severe colic. It was awful. Anyone who would take care of him for an hour or so would make me so incredibly grateful. As a parent, it was impossible to ignore his crying, but if he was with someone safe, it would be okay to go out for a short while. In any case, your concern is a good thing.
posted by theora55 at 10:28 AM on October 14, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 10:28 AM on October 14, 2015 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by smangosbubbles at 3:37 PM on October 8, 2015 [2 favorites]