Why do I get sick of every job after about 6 months?
September 23, 2015 4:40 PM Subscribe
I've worked in software QA for the past five years. I've gotten sick of the last three jobs I've had, each after about 6 months. It could be a result of significant changes to the work environment each time, but I'm starting to think it's just me.
I've been in software QA for five, almost six years. Most of this experience was with one company, who I eventually tired of (a failing Seattle media player company who's been around since the 90s) out of a sense of professional stagnation. I've had a few jobs since then, but invariably become intensely frustrated and quit after 6 months or so. Usually, there are specific events that mark a turning point in how I feel about my work, and I think it's useful to enumerate them here:
The first of these jobs was a fairly dull, "code monkey" kind of thing - build test scripts out of XML all day. The company hired several dozen new people and introduced "new" cubicles, resulting in such a dramatic reduction in personal space that I felt constantly anxious about being so physically close to others. I quit after a couple weeks of asking for another space, which the company could not provide.
The second was a startup. I was the first QA person they had hired, and things were going swimmingly until they hired a Director of Engineering who assigned all of my QA tasks to developers, suddenly leaving me with virtually no role in the company. I quit after a couple weeks of fighting with this person and the developers over the perceived purpose of QA.
About six months ago, I started working for a company headquartered in Austin. I spent 6 weeks working in the HQ, where I was welcomed, respected, and quickly developed a clear, valuable role. Now that I've been moved to the Seattle office, I find the environment to be dark, cynical, and combative. I don't feel like my work is appreciated or that I have a clear path to make valuable contributions. I'm on the verge of quitting, but this time I've managed to fight that urge for several months, instead of just a few weeks.
What motivation is strong enough to allow everyone around me to remain in that environment? Is it me, or have I really gotten the shaft these last three times in a row? The positive-ness of my experience in Austin, and the job I stayed at for 3 years give me hope that I can find another good fit in QA, but I think I also need to learn how to tolerate discomfort. So, to wrap up, I guess my questions are:
How do you tolerate discomfort at work?
Is it worth showing up every day at a place where tolerating discomfort is necessary?
I've been in software QA for five, almost six years. Most of this experience was with one company, who I eventually tired of (a failing Seattle media player company who's been around since the 90s) out of a sense of professional stagnation. I've had a few jobs since then, but invariably become intensely frustrated and quit after 6 months or so. Usually, there are specific events that mark a turning point in how I feel about my work, and I think it's useful to enumerate them here:
The first of these jobs was a fairly dull, "code monkey" kind of thing - build test scripts out of XML all day. The company hired several dozen new people and introduced "new" cubicles, resulting in such a dramatic reduction in personal space that I felt constantly anxious about being so physically close to others. I quit after a couple weeks of asking for another space, which the company could not provide.
The second was a startup. I was the first QA person they had hired, and things were going swimmingly until they hired a Director of Engineering who assigned all of my QA tasks to developers, suddenly leaving me with virtually no role in the company. I quit after a couple weeks of fighting with this person and the developers over the perceived purpose of QA.
About six months ago, I started working for a company headquartered in Austin. I spent 6 weeks working in the HQ, where I was welcomed, respected, and quickly developed a clear, valuable role. Now that I've been moved to the Seattle office, I find the environment to be dark, cynical, and combative. I don't feel like my work is appreciated or that I have a clear path to make valuable contributions. I'm on the verge of quitting, but this time I've managed to fight that urge for several months, instead of just a few weeks.
What motivation is strong enough to allow everyone around me to remain in that environment? Is it me, or have I really gotten the shaft these last three times in a row? The positive-ness of my experience in Austin, and the job I stayed at for 3 years give me hope that I can find another good fit in QA, but I think I also need to learn how to tolerate discomfort. So, to wrap up, I guess my questions are:
How do you tolerate discomfort at work?
Is it worth showing up every day at a place where tolerating discomfort is necessary?
Best answer: Well, all jobs have their ups and downs. You're lucky in that you have an in-demand skill that allows for both mobility and high pay (at least I hope this is the case for you!) It's quite a luxury in the working world today so, if you're happy with so much change, then I'd stay just keep doing your thing and don't worry. I'm not a tech person but my understanding is that there is frequent turn-over due to people being in high-demand as well as the tech world changing so rapidly.
I'm a teacher who absolutely loves my job but there are challenges at times, too. Since you asked, the way I tolerate discomfort is remembering what the job brings me: stability, the feeling that I'm helping make the world a better place, colleagues I like, students I love being around, lots of interesting and creative tasks, fun challenges, a long summer break to do my own thing, and the chance to start over every Fall! I have a friend who is always looking for the next best thing: she gets her hopes up and then is invariably disappointed, and then starts the cycle again. It's OK because it's working for her: she can stay in the same system and have both stability and newness. The difference between her approach and mine is temperament, personality, and attitude. It sounds like you're similar in many ways with the added bonus of opportunities.
I second quince on all the points, and there's a lot to consider there. In addition to that, I'd also ask if perhaps your heart is in a different career field? Yes, software QA is a lucrative career but is it the right one for you? Perhaps you'd be happier in a different career that feels more like a calling so you won't mind putting up with the discomfort? However, there are a lot of arguments for sticking to what you're doing and just working changing your attitude towards it all. The fact that you're reflecting and asking yourself this says you're already on your way down that path. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 5:31 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm a teacher who absolutely loves my job but there are challenges at times, too. Since you asked, the way I tolerate discomfort is remembering what the job brings me: stability, the feeling that I'm helping make the world a better place, colleagues I like, students I love being around, lots of interesting and creative tasks, fun challenges, a long summer break to do my own thing, and the chance to start over every Fall! I have a friend who is always looking for the next best thing: she gets her hopes up and then is invariably disappointed, and then starts the cycle again. It's OK because it's working for her: she can stay in the same system and have both stability and newness. The difference between her approach and mine is temperament, personality, and attitude. It sounds like you're similar in many ways with the added bonus of opportunities.
I second quince on all the points, and there's a lot to consider there. In addition to that, I'd also ask if perhaps your heart is in a different career field? Yes, software QA is a lucrative career but is it the right one for you? Perhaps you'd be happier in a different career that feels more like a calling so you won't mind putting up with the discomfort? However, there are a lot of arguments for sticking to what you're doing and just working changing your attitude towards it all. The fact that you're reflecting and asking yourself this says you're already on your way down that path. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 5:31 PM on September 23, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think your feelings are valid, and are somewhat specific to working in tech/start-ups.
I've had very similar experiences working as a programmer, and it's because these companies are constantly tinkering, fixing things that aren't broken, and hopping onto "hot" trends.
Like where you sit? Sorry, we read a blog that said employees love "open plans" with zero privacy!
Like your boss? We fired him for no reason this morning and now the biggest idiot in the office is your boss because he knows a lot of buzzwords!
And so on. You might benefit from working at a larger, less "start-up" company or, failing that, a more stable start-up run by adults that isn't striving to be "hip." Being in an environment like that has done wonders for me.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:38 PM on September 23, 2015 [4 favorites]
I've had very similar experiences working as a programmer, and it's because these companies are constantly tinkering, fixing things that aren't broken, and hopping onto "hot" trends.
Like where you sit? Sorry, we read a blog that said employees love "open plans" with zero privacy!
Like your boss? We fired him for no reason this morning and now the biggest idiot in the office is your boss because he knows a lot of buzzwords!
And so on. You might benefit from working at a larger, less "start-up" company or, failing that, a more stable start-up run by adults that isn't striving to be "hip." Being in an environment like that has done wonders for me.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:38 PM on September 23, 2015 [4 favorites]
Best answer: A note about the personal space thing:
I would kill for my own cubicle at this point. The "open" trend is objectively idiotic, but I've only read about one company that specifically gives programmers offices- almost everyone has gone away from cubes and towards big long tables (with a partition between workers if you're lucky). I used to get very very jumpy about people looking over my shoulder, but I eventually got over it.
Obviously I would perform much much better given privacy and quiet, but that is the company's stupid decision that they have to deal with the consequences of. I wear "earplug" headphones and just don't really give a shit if anyone sees me checking Twitter or Facebook anymore.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:45 PM on September 23, 2015 [12 favorites]
I would kill for my own cubicle at this point. The "open" trend is objectively idiotic, but I've only read about one company that specifically gives programmers offices- almost everyone has gone away from cubes and towards big long tables (with a partition between workers if you're lucky). I used to get very very jumpy about people looking over my shoulder, but I eventually got over it.
Obviously I would perform much much better given privacy and quiet, but that is the company's stupid decision that they have to deal with the consequences of. I wear "earplug" headphones and just don't really give a shit if anyone sees me checking Twitter or Facebook anymore.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:45 PM on September 23, 2015 [12 favorites]
Best answer: I think this is the best thing I've ever read about the software business. The author is a bit of a tool, however, so read it a sense of humor. But he's right about one thing. I have found over the years that the times I was truly miserable at work, my work was not directed toward the company's most important goals (e.g., revenue, meeting contract requirements, etc.). You're much more likely to have poor morale in the office if you're working on something hard and it doesn't matter much to the company. That's why startups are usually much happier places to be, because everything feels important.
You're going to be uncomfortable at work. It's going to be frustrating. Some of your coworkers will always be incompetent or annoying, you will eventually get a shitty manager, and the company will inevitably restructure in an unpleasant way. There's just no avoiding it. So learn to adapt to it. Figure out how to socially engineer your transfer to the office you like.
posted by deathpanels at 6:05 PM on September 23, 2015 [6 favorites]
The first of these jobs was a fairly dull, "code monkey" kind of thing - build test scripts out of XML all day.Yeah, everyone's done that job. If you're an engineer, anytime you find yourself saying, "I have to do this boring, repetitive task," see if you can automate some of it. Maybe you could make a Python tool that generates these XML files? I dunno.
Hoo boy. That's a tough one. I don't think I've ever not felt discomfort at a job... or at a birthday party, or a wedding, or any other event involving a group of people. I doubt I've ever gone one day at work without feeling a deep, existential fear of my own inadequacy – that's sort of what you sign up for when working with computers.
Is it worth showing up every day at a place where tolerating discomfort is necessary?
You're going to be uncomfortable at work. It's going to be frustrating. Some of your coworkers will always be incompetent or annoying, you will eventually get a shitty manager, and the company will inevitably restructure in an unpleasant way. There's just no avoiding it. So learn to adapt to it. Figure out how to socially engineer your transfer to the office you like.
posted by deathpanels at 6:05 PM on September 23, 2015 [6 favorites]
Is it worth showing up every day at a place where tolerating discomfort is necessary?
This is kind of a "how long is a piece of string" question. Sticking it out through some discomfort, often quite serious discomfort, is necessary in every job, of course. But that doesn't mean you should necessarily discount or ignore feelings of discomfort either. It depends on how bad the discomfort is and what benefits you would get by staying.
I had more typed here but I sort of agree with quince's take: I think the second situation is unambiguously a sign to leave, the first may have been the type of thing where you may have lacked the coping skills to tolerate that situation and could work on those in the future, and your current situation is unfortunately kind of in the middle.
Re: your current situation, not feeling appreciated and not having "clear paths" to valuable contributions are not good feelings. However, those can be 1. more about your own perception than reality in ways that can be hard to ascertain (how are your performance reviews?), and 2. things that it isn't necessarily your workplace's job to provide (esp. the first one). I think it's a good idea to try to take pride in knowing you did a good job rather than being dependent on validation from e.g. your boss or co-workers, who may be stressed or depressed for reasons having nothing to do with you. And to some extent, you have to be in charge of your own efforts to find ways to make valuable contributions. A bitter, cynical environment is also not great, but it could well be worth it to stick it out as long as you can. Not only can you learn to tolerate it more, which is valuable in and of itself, but intangibles like workplace mood can actually change a lot over time (both for the good and for the bad). There's no guarantee this workplace will be like this forever, and there's no guarantee that a workplace with a great vibe will remain so the whole time you're there.
How do you tolerate discomfort at work?
This is also a really broad question. I think the response includes things like distraction and screening things out (music and Coffitivity and white noise over headphones, etc., limiting the interactions that you find the most irritating/draining), as well as skills you could work on with a therapist (assertiveness, compassionate self-talk, anxiety and depression reduction), and finally, working on a satisfying life outside of work as well, so that you have good things to fall back on when work is not going well.
posted by en forme de poire at 6:14 PM on September 23, 2015
This is kind of a "how long is a piece of string" question. Sticking it out through some discomfort, often quite serious discomfort, is necessary in every job, of course. But that doesn't mean you should necessarily discount or ignore feelings of discomfort either. It depends on how bad the discomfort is and what benefits you would get by staying.
I had more typed here but I sort of agree with quince's take: I think the second situation is unambiguously a sign to leave, the first may have been the type of thing where you may have lacked the coping skills to tolerate that situation and could work on those in the future, and your current situation is unfortunately kind of in the middle.
Re: your current situation, not feeling appreciated and not having "clear paths" to valuable contributions are not good feelings. However, those can be 1. more about your own perception than reality in ways that can be hard to ascertain (how are your performance reviews?), and 2. things that it isn't necessarily your workplace's job to provide (esp. the first one). I think it's a good idea to try to take pride in knowing you did a good job rather than being dependent on validation from e.g. your boss or co-workers, who may be stressed or depressed for reasons having nothing to do with you. And to some extent, you have to be in charge of your own efforts to find ways to make valuable contributions. A bitter, cynical environment is also not great, but it could well be worth it to stick it out as long as you can. Not only can you learn to tolerate it more, which is valuable in and of itself, but intangibles like workplace mood can actually change a lot over time (both for the good and for the bad). There's no guarantee this workplace will be like this forever, and there's no guarantee that a workplace with a great vibe will remain so the whole time you're there.
How do you tolerate discomfort at work?
This is also a really broad question. I think the response includes things like distraction and screening things out (music and Coffitivity and white noise over headphones, etc., limiting the interactions that you find the most irritating/draining), as well as skills you could work on with a therapist (assertiveness, compassionate self-talk, anxiety and depression reduction), and finally, working on a satisfying life outside of work as well, so that you have good things to fall back on when work is not going well.
posted by en forme de poire at 6:14 PM on September 23, 2015
Best answer: I don't like saying this because so many young people are struggling to find anything to keep body and soul together, but as An Old who has had way too many jobs in his life, some superficially wonderful, some objectively horrifying from the get-go, ALL jobs suck after 3-6 months. (Keep in mind I've never been a Fortune 500 CEO, a rock star, or a pirate ship captain, though). The only strategy I never tried but often contemplated: go for as many lateral moves as possible, and always put yourself up for any kind of promotion. LIVE IN THE 3-6 MONTH WINDOW!
posted by Chitownfats at 6:42 PM on September 23, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Chitownfats at 6:42 PM on September 23, 2015 [7 favorites]
Trust that you are right in doing your job, and that the friction is temporary due to the dust still settling.
posted by oceanjesse at 6:43 PM on September 23, 2015
posted by oceanjesse at 6:43 PM on September 23, 2015
Best answer: How do you tolerate discomfort at work?
I set deadlines of about six months. If I'm still unhappy and can't see a clear path for growth and a better position after that, I start asking around and looking. In the meantime, I do my best to be my best, try to fully engage and talk to the people who can influence my job satisfaction. Six months from when I start to be unhappy is about enough time for me to see if what I was seeing was a temporary issue or if it is a long term issue that can't be fixed. Making sure I'm doing the best I can means I can, if needed, leave with few regrets.
Is it worth showing up every day at a place where tolerating discomfort is necessary
There's discomfort, and then there's discomfort. A different tech stack that you have to learn and don't particularly like, policies you feel weird about but don't represent a moral dilemma, yes, keep showing up if you otherwise like the work and see a future in it. On the other hand, the discomfort of knowing theres not much future in what you're doing is not worth it, especially in this market. You are in high demand, but you may not be forever. Spend the advantage you have finding a fit that really works for you.
posted by rhythm and booze at 7:42 PM on September 23, 2015
I set deadlines of about six months. If I'm still unhappy and can't see a clear path for growth and a better position after that, I start asking around and looking. In the meantime, I do my best to be my best, try to fully engage and talk to the people who can influence my job satisfaction. Six months from when I start to be unhappy is about enough time for me to see if what I was seeing was a temporary issue or if it is a long term issue that can't be fixed. Making sure I'm doing the best I can means I can, if needed, leave with few regrets.
Is it worth showing up every day at a place where tolerating discomfort is necessary
There's discomfort, and then there's discomfort. A different tech stack that you have to learn and don't particularly like, policies you feel weird about but don't represent a moral dilemma, yes, keep showing up if you otherwise like the work and see a future in it. On the other hand, the discomfort of knowing theres not much future in what you're doing is not worth it, especially in this market. You are in high demand, but you may not be forever. Spend the advantage you have finding a fit that really works for you.
posted by rhythm and booze at 7:42 PM on September 23, 2015
Software tester here.
Are you networking with other testers at all? (I'm one of those people who prefers to hide under the bed rather than interact, but I actually do manage when my livelihood is on the line.) I got my current job, which is a nice one, via a Tweet from someone I followed but had never met. I work 99% remote, BTW, so I don't have to worry about a cubicle. The company has a strong testing culture and good high-level support.
Memail me if you like. I can make some networking suggestions. Rob Lambert, across the pond, wrote a book called "Remaining Relevant" that you might want to look at: he does good coaching sessions too.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 7:48 PM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
Are you networking with other testers at all? (I'm one of those people who prefers to hide under the bed rather than interact, but I actually do manage when my livelihood is on the line.) I got my current job, which is a nice one, via a Tweet from someone I followed but had never met. I work 99% remote, BTW, so I don't have to worry about a cubicle. The company has a strong testing culture and good high-level support.
Memail me if you like. I can make some networking suggestions. Rob Lambert, across the pond, wrote a book called "Remaining Relevant" that you might want to look at: he does good coaching sessions too.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 7:48 PM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
Software QA Manager here. I've gone through similar struggles (some at your old media player rival, back in the day) have learned a bit, and am currently happy and doing well. MeMail me if you would like to grab a coffee on the eastside and I would be happy to give some advice or brainstorm with you.
posted by Diddly at 8:43 PM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by Diddly at 8:43 PM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Part of the problem is that you've fallen into a mindset of 'six months and I'm gone' --- you've developed a HABIT of quitting, and are giving yourself excuses to do so over the least little things instead of sticking it out. As someone says above, it's called 'work' for a reason; expecting constant sunshine 'n' roses and high-fives over everything is unreasonable.
That said, just tough it out: don't give yourself permission to quit yet again, stick around and tough it out. All jobs everywhere have their ups and downs, and pretty much everyone hates theirs sometimes.
posted by easily confused at 1:33 AM on September 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
That said, just tough it out: don't give yourself permission to quit yet again, stick around and tough it out. All jobs everywhere have their ups and downs, and pretty much everyone hates theirs sometimes.
posted by easily confused at 1:33 AM on September 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
I've gotten this six-month itch too, and I've forced myself to plow through it by promising that I'd try anything for 9 months. If my body can house a baby for that long, I can slog through whatever dumbness I'm dealing with at my job. Also: vacations. Plan them, take them.
posted by thirdletter at 5:45 AM on September 24, 2015
posted by thirdletter at 5:45 AM on September 24, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Job 1) This situation seems to boil down to your unmanged anxiety about physical proximity to others. Cubicles are not fantastic workspaces and I prefer not to be in one (as do most people), but earphones to drown out noise from neighbors, a "door" that you can close so people can't sneak up on you and/or a large rearview mirror are all possible solutions to common cubicle issues. Treatment for anxiety can also help if it's a deeper issue.
Job 2) Your position was effectively eliminated and your leadership didn't support your role enough to make sure it wasn't irretrievably eroded. That's a clear sign to leave.
Job 3) Change in company culture with a move to a new office. Possibly a poor manager or a manager that you haven't communicated clearly with about your role and their expectations of you. And, while it's great to feel appreciated and that your role will provide ample opportunity to make valuable contributions, those aren't necessarily always things that will be readily available in many workplaces. Sometimes, you have to get through rough spots where your work doesn't get the attention you would like it to. This is not unusual in the workplace and finding internal ways to be satisfied with goals you set for yourself can be a big help. Relying on external validation puts other people in charge of how you feel about your work. You may feel better once you set your own goals and learn to be satisfied with having a good work ethic and feeling accomplished when you meet your goals.
And, while it's cliche to mention this, work is called work for a reason. Sometimes it's a slog and it can be unpleasant. Occasionally you can find a dreamy workplace where everything fits you perfectly and it's a joy to go to work. Most people don't have that and I don't think it's a realistic goal. If you find your Shangri-La, great. If you don't, find ways to independently reengineer your experience.
posted by quince at 5:24 PM on September 23, 2015 [5 favorites]