Is it Creepy to Look Up Church Visitors on Facebook?

September 21, 2015 9:16 AM

I am on the membership committee of my church, and once a week we get a report, complete with full names/emails if provided, of visitors who've signed in. Often, this make them easy to find on Facebook. Sometimes they share mutual friends with me or other members on the committee. Lots of other committees get that email also. My question is: would you find it creepy if someone from a church you visited sent you a FB friend request afterwards?

I'm thinking maybe, but need a clear way to discuss it with the committee. No one has done this yet, but we want to start to shape a policy if it comes up. We would rather not freak people out/scare them off but also maybe we're wrong and they wouldn't find it intrusive, or even welcome the outreach.

posted by emjaybee to Technology (25 answers total)

Could you add a ticky box to whatever they're filling out that lets them agree or disagree to be contacted on social media? (or specifically facebook)

I would find this creepy and intrusive but I would also never fill out a public form/guestbook with my contact information.
posted by poffin boffin at 9:23 AM on September 21, 2015 [12 favorites]

If I had given my email for a mailing list or EventBrite - and you used that information to reach out to me on a different platform, I would be INCENSED.
posted by kariebookish at 9:24 AM on September 21, 2015 [9 favorites]

If I had met you in person: no, not creepy.

If I hadn't met you in person: I don't know who you are, I'm not accepting your friend request.

If you are not an individual person but instead First Blah Blah Church of the Blah Blah: no, not creepy.
posted by phunniemee at 9:24 AM on September 21, 2015 [8 favorites]

A friend request from who? From you, Facebook user emjaybee? Probably a little creepy.

From the Church, or the Church's Membership Committee? I think that would be less objectionable, because if they enjoyed their visit, they may want to stay involved in your page. (And maybe not, and they would have the opportunity to decline the friend request.)
posted by China Grover at 9:25 AM on September 21, 2015 [2 favorites]

If the church's Official Church FB Page sent me a request without my giving permission when I gave my contact info, I would think it was weird and off-putting but not take it personally.

If @randomchurchmember who I hadn't met personally at the service sent me a friend request by google stalking based on my info (and that's what it sounds like you're talking about), I would be really, really upset and probably not return to the church. That's just stalker behavior.
posted by Mchelly at 9:28 AM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]

Weird. I think it's fine to look up my profile and if I have any common friends ask THAT person to please reach out to me and say "hey, I heard you visited our church this weekend. If you have any questions or want to become involved let me know." Otherwise, nope.
posted by dpx.mfx at 9:30 AM on September 21, 2015

Yeah, creepy.

If someone gave you an email - you could send 1 (ONE!) email with links to the church's web page, twitter, and facebook .

Opt in, not pursuit.
posted by 26.2 at 9:30 AM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]

Could you add a ticky box to whatever they're filling out that lets them agree or disagree to be contacted on social media?

Yes: "May we use your contact information as a way to reach you via social media (i.e., Facebook, Twitter, etc.)?" Opt-in is better than receiving an unsolicited contact; I'd be offended that an organization had researched me beyond the specific information I had provided.
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:31 AM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Yes, I kind of thought that's the reaction I'd get. I think the "contact me on social media" tick box might be an interesting idea, though. We already have a "add me to the email list" box.

But then, they'd have to tell us *which* social media and their handle so it could get complicated.

Our church is generally unsophisticated about these things, but it's bound to come up eventually.

We are putting together a digital code of conduct, so this is a base I wanted us to cover.
posted by emjaybee at 9:36 AM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]

Just do a "we have a facebook page are you interesed y/n" tick box

I'd find it annoying and block the request but that seems like the easiest way.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 9:38 AM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]

Don't solve this just by adding a checkbox and then forging ahead with social media contacting. Take a step back and figure out a complete social media strategy for membership recruitment as well as general membership communications. It can be simple (just Facebook, for example) or more sophisticated (multiple forms of social media). You may find some useful suggestions here.
posted by beagle at 9:51 AM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]

Oh hell NO to random strangers fb-stalking me: this is exactly why I often refuse to give out my name and/or contact info.

Yes to a 'may we contact you' checkbox, with a dedicated 'enter your contact info here' space.

Alternatively, have small cards with THE CHURCH'S contact info available at that sign-up table or included in your handouts to new & prospective members: it'd be far less creepy for them to contact the church than for some stranger to contact them.
posted by easily confused at 10:02 AM on September 21, 2015 [5 favorites]

Is it the church's facebook page? Then just make it well known and visible on notice boards etc. that you have one. Let them decide to connect on social media.

If the church page is set up as a group, and visitors join, I think that's less creepy of a way to connect your personal fb pages, too.
posted by gaspode at 10:04 AM on September 21, 2015 [4 favorites]

I am the senior pastor of a large United Methodist congregation, and we would never do this. The way we see it, people have really entrusted us with something special when they give us their contact information, so we always err on the side of caution in how we use it so people do not feel we are being creepy or taking advantage.
posted by 4ster at 10:30 AM on September 21, 2015 [10 favorites]

If we had mutual friends in common and we had had a conversation at church, AND THEN you and I had both commented or liked the same photo AND THEN you friended me, no, I would not find it weird or creepy.

If any of those steps were missing, yes, I would find it creepy.

Alternate scenario: if I had liked the church's FB page, I wouldn't find it creepy, but I would still be more comfortable if we'd had a real conversation first.
posted by vignettist at 10:34 AM on September 21, 2015

adding to those who say that they wouldn't like this.

What is you social media strategy and what do you do with those emails? If you send a welcome message to new people who sign up for email you could also invite them to follow the church on its various social media accounts.
posted by oneear at 10:35 AM on September 21, 2015

I would find it creepy, but I have to know someone fairly well before I friend them. However, I am downright without boundaries in my LinkedIn relationships and will accept a request from anyone I don't think is evil. (I do sometimes reject for evil.)
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 10:49 AM on September 21, 2015

At best, this would come off as amateurish. At worst, very creepy and inappropriate. If you want people to like the Church's FB page, invite them to do so (with a link) in the email newsletter they've agreed to receive. That's it.
posted by quince at 10:50 AM on September 21, 2015 [3 favorites]

For me, the only way this is OK is
- if I have hit it off at church with a specific person and we were having a fascinating conversation
- AND it was fascinating for both of us, not the one where I was edging backwards towards the door and the other person was oblivious
- AND if that person knows my name because I told them, or maybe they saw me on the church FB page, not because they got it from a sign-in sheet.

If you want people to like/join the church's Facebook page, you advertise that page prominently in the church.

For extra bonus points, you write on that sign up sheet a very explicit list of the things you intend to do with people's personal information, and then make very sure to stick to it. If you were in the EU that would be a legal requirement. I think sharing those people's email addresses around your committee is already pushing it and you'd be better off having an official Keeper of the Mailing List.
posted by emilyw at 10:50 AM on September 21, 2015

Yes, creepy. Instead, just let them know via the contact info provided that your church has a Facebook page you'd welcome them to join. Once you know them as a person, friend them as a person.
posted by Miko at 10:51 AM on September 21, 2015

Yeah, I just signed up for an event and the organizer added me as a contact on Facebook and Twitter, which really freaked me out, since I didn't volunteer my user names, only my email address. I am now kind of considering not going to the event. I do not recommend contacting your guests on Facebook.
posted by ferret branca at 12:35 PM on September 21, 2015

Nthing creepy. If people provide their emails, sure, putting them on a mailing list (that is easy to unsubscribe from) is okay, but don't actively go hunting for their accounts on anything else. My general rule of thumb with Facebook is that I only friend people to whom I have actually spoken, and almost never friend/follow businesses or organizations; I think you'd be far better off making the church's FB page a part of your business cards and keeping it updated with news that people would want to see as opposed to trying to friend everyone who visits.
posted by tautological at 1:18 PM on September 21, 2015

Not only would I not be okay with random strangers contacting me on Facebook just because I signed up for their church's mailing list, I would also not be okay with my name and email address being shared with "lots of other committees" of the church. I would expect my name and email address to be given to the person who runs the church's mailing list, and perhaps to a few other church employees or administrators. I would not at all be okay with my name and email address being passed out to anyone who happened to volunteer for a committee. I think you really need to formulate a policy that does not involve allowing "lots of other committees" to view, access, and copy this information, because that in and of itself really isn't cool, even if you bar them from friending these people on Facebook.
posted by decathecting at 6:29 PM on September 21, 2015 [1 favorite]

In other words, if I found out that people in a new community I had visited a couple of times even had my email address, much less were looking me up, I'd find that creepy enough that I would no longer feel comfortable in that community as a newcomer. I would warn other people I know against joining that community. The Facebook stalking and the passing around of email addresses to total strangers are violations and will make many people deeply uncomfortable. Friending them just means that they're guaranteed to find out that the church is violating their privacy.

(So on some level, I sort of hope people from your church do friend these total strangers, so that they find out that you've been FB stalking them and passing their email addresses around like candy. Maybe then they'll be more protective of their personal information.)
posted by decathecting at 6:34 PM on September 21, 2015

I would find it intrusive, yeah. And I'm used to uber-friendly churches, but that's too much.
posted by sarcasticah at 7:33 PM on September 21, 2015