How do you make friends?
December 7, 2005 6:53 AM   Subscribe

My girlfriend has had most of her friends move far away recently. I, on the other hand, have just moved away from most of my friends. How does one make new friends now that we're not in school any more?

We live in Toronto, so any specific tips would be nice. General hints would be appreciated as well.
posted by Newbornstranger to Human Relations (14 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
writhing in constant friendless pain has worked well for me since my move! the EMTs should take pity on you when you stroke out in a public place.

also, craigslist (activity partners and strictly platonic sections) and myspace are supposedly acceptable ways in this new Internet Age.
posted by soma lkzx at 7:18 AM on December 7, 2005


My wife and I are in a similar situation. We recently moved away from our large core group of friends in a much larger city, where we were very socially active, to a much smaller town. In our new state we aren't meeting many new people, but we have only been here a short time, and it is winter.

To compound the situation I haven't found work yet, and her job is part time. But since neither of us really likes to socialize with coworkers (obviously there are exceptions depending on the individuals) we are finding it, not so much difficult, as slow making new friends.

However, we aren't stressing about it because we know that we will eventually meet great new friends. Our last group of friends didn't just materialize after all. It took time to meet so many wonderful people, and to grow the relationships. We check the local paper for events that interest us like outdoor events, art, etc. Our local food coop also has community boards advertising for concerts, philanthropic events, and the like.

Since you are obviously online and participating in this online community (as well as blogging), why not plan and/or attend a meetup? If not with MetaFilter members, perhaps other bloggers in your new area?

We attended a recent meetup in our adopted state and met lots of nice and interesting new people. Hopefully, we'll get a chance to see those people in other settings and find other things in common (other than location) that may move the friendships along.

Good luck!
posted by terrapin at 7:21 AM on December 7, 2005


Just get out and about. Agree to go to any work related function and invite your co-workers out in the evening; spend time on your more outgoing hobbies - sport, cards, whatever; take your coffee and newspaper to the local offee place instead of the sofa; check the Craigslist platonic ads; go to sporting events and pubs during sporting events; there are activity groups like www.meetin.org depending on where you live.

None of these will explicitly "make you friends" but being out meeting people, and having them introduce you to people and hopefully enjoying yourself will lead you there.
posted by jamesonandwater at 7:30 AM on December 7, 2005


Oh I just moved to Toronto - invite me out! Seriously, the meetin.org people up here are pretty good.
posted by jamesonandwater at 7:34 AM on December 7, 2005


note that its hard as couples to make good friends. when you're single its much easier, and you can make plans, etc, on a whim, whereas when you're a couple you always have to check, make sure its compatible, adhere to social conventions, etc. try branching out individually a little and then bringing it back in instead of trying to find friends as couples.
posted by yonation at 7:35 AM on December 7, 2005


This is where I made friends in Toronto after moving there all by my self, and not counting school/work
- orchestra (I joined the excutive the week after I joined, which is how I got to know people. I don't talk to people without a reason, so this really helped. Get on some kind of committee!)
- through blogging... GTA bloggers used to have a lot of events where you could just easily show up even if you didn't know anyone. BUT, before i did this I had already met people whose blogs I read, just from e-mailing them and meeting up because we lived close anyway.
- Spin off from the orchestra category: I also eventually made friends with friends of friends.

I feel like I'm forgetting something, but I think all the others are either indirectly one of the above categories, or result from work/school. Oh, I've also done some volunteering and another committee, but both are tangentially school-related. Still, getting on committees and going to meetings and DOING things really helps in meeting lots of people.
posted by easternblot at 7:57 AM on December 7, 2005


Get involved with a political group?

Network - if you meet someone you like through an acquaintance, don't be shy about suggesting you get together in the future.

Host something yourself.

Try Toronto Linkup.
posted by Amizu at 7:58 AM on December 7, 2005


Meta. Meetup?
posted by Idiot Mittens at 8:03 AM on December 7, 2005


language classes? painting classes? always seem like good ways to meet peeps and make a new posse.
posted by specialk420 at 8:13 AM on December 7, 2005


Heh - re: getting involved and volunteering... maybe volunteer with your party of choice for the upcoming election.

Slightly less politically, there are lots of places that offer continuing education classes, which is a good way to meet people (more school! Yay!).
posted by GuyZero at 8:42 AM on December 7, 2005


I will second jameson: meetin.org is a good organization to meet new people when you first move to a new town. I was active in the Vancouver meetin.org group for a while after I moved here.

Unfortunately, the group of regulars has changed significantly in just the last couple of months (not for the better) and I've stopped attending functions. But this is just my taste for the current group and is not reflective of any other group or any other taste. Meetin is good.

But now I'm trying to meet new people in Vancouver in other ways.
posted by solid-one-love at 8:42 AM on December 7, 2005


Don't know about Toronto, but I've found friends at work, at church, at "hang out" places (like coffee shops, etc.), in clubs of people with like interests, and the like. You could take a class at a community college or even one offered by a store or local group. Just put yourself in places where like-minded people are at, then talk to them.

Once you have a friend or two, ask them to introduce you to others.

It takes some focus, you have to be (or attempt to be) a little outgoing, but you can dial it back a bit later.
posted by mumeishi at 9:13 AM on December 7, 2005


Previous similar question

Try to develop a local social routine.
Local - try to do everything as near as possible to home.
Social - choose activities/places that integrate a lot of social communication in them.
Routine - make it part of your daily routine.
posted by Sharcho at 1:46 PM on December 7, 2005


I'm a very shy person and recently (this summer) moved to a large city.

I will second a previous poster's recommendation to try craigslist. I posted my own advertisement looking for other cyclists. This turned out very well, not only did I find other people to bike with, but I also make a few good friends from this.

I recently found a book club and chess club via craigslist, too, although I have yet to show up to a meeting.

However, I think a large city makes it very easy. There are groups for every interest in the world.

When I have more time, I plan to volunteer, too.
posted by Wolfster at 2:27 PM on December 7, 2005


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