Experience or advice welcome.

September 11, 2015 12:17 PM

I will soon be accompanying a close friend to Dignitas where she will end her life (she has a virulent, newly diagnosed, Stage IV lung cancer). Has anyone here been to Dignitas in a similar role, or knows of anyone who has, and can comment on the experience? Long-time Mefite posting anon as assisted suicide is illegal in our country. Many thanks.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (6 answers total)

You are doing a kindness. We all hope to have a friend like you in our time of need.

this episode of the podcast Criminal (please ignore the name of the podcast - it deals with various topics) came to mind.

Thank you for being a good friend.
posted by samthemander at 12:51 PM on September 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

Thank you on behalf of all people who are suffering. I have some experience with this topic and can probably answer at least some of your questions. Feel free to memail, I will respect your privacy/confidentiality.
posted by juniperesque at 1:12 PM on September 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

Terry Pratchett's documentary film, Choosing to Die, may be a helpful resource for information. (If you Google the name of the film, several sites come up where you can watch it online -- I haven't directly linked to them as I'm unsure if that goes against MeFi's rules.) Peace to you and your friend.
posted by Cat Face at 1:26 PM on September 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

You might want to contact a thanadoula/death midwife to see if their services would help. As well, your local Hospice has certainly been in similar situations (albeit by more omission rather than commission). It is a lot to process so please find a supportive and non-judgemental shoulder to lean on.
posted by saucysault at 2:25 PM on September 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

Anonymous, my reading suggestion is not based on personal experience, but if I am ever in your position I know it would be one of the first things I'd reach for. The writer and comic Kelli Dunham wrote a piece about being with her terminally ill partner, Heather MacAllister, and helping her die. Her partner died at home rather than a facility, so if you are looking for advice specifically about Dignitas, my apologies.

The essay is called Pudding Day; it used to be online but I see Dunham recently published it as part of a book called Freak of Nurture. I would link but I'm on my phone. Dunham also wrote about her grief on her livejournal, Death Comedy Jam.
posted by prewar lemonade at 4:19 PM on September 11, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is an incredible burden you are willing to carry, and I salute you for your strength. I think it might be beneficial for you to consider booking time with a grief counselor, perhaps a session or two before, and then as many or few as you need afters, just to help you align things emotionally.

I have very little data on this organization's modalities, so I can offer no real advice about their process, outside of the fact that it's very important that you not help her administer the drugs. Euthanasia is illegal in Switzerland.

This is a great kindness that you are willing to do, but it isn't easy watching someone die, even peacefully. Please take care of you as well as your friend.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 6:28 PM on September 11, 2015