What is up with my neighbors?

September 8, 2015 4:01 PM

My neighbors like to leave the common door open... and I had something stolen out of the vestibule. Now they won't leave the door closed. Your opinion?

I moved into a first-floor apartment in a garden apartment complex in April. There are three apartments in total in my "building", all sharing a common door with a little vestibule area (which is right outside the door to my apartment.) When I first moved in, one of the upstairs neighbors told me that "they" like to leave the common door open because they have an outdoor cat. I was not overly thrilled about this, but it didn't seem to matter than much, so I got used to having the common door open. I kept an old beat up pair of shoes outside my door for running my dog in and out.

Fast forward to last Monday, when I go to take my dog out, he's halfway out the door, I go to slip on my shoes, and... they're not there. Huh. Did I absentmindedly take them off inside last night? No... so, okay, someone stole them. Not a big deal, they were old and if a homeless person needs them more than me, that's fine. But, still, annoying and a little creepy to know that someone was committing theft right outside the door to my apartment as I slept.

About an hour later, I go upstairs to talk to my neighbors... no answer. I leave what I think is a fine and polite, non-passive aggressive note and slip it under their door. (The note said something to the effect of, "Hi, this is Automocar, I stopped by to talk to you but you weren't home. I understand why you like to leave the door open, but my shoes were stolen last night, and I don't feel comfortable continuing to leave it open. Stop by at your convenience and we can discuss. Thank you!")

Well, it's been a week, and no visit from the neighbors. However, they're still leaving the door open sometimes--at first I thought it was from absent-mindedness (because it would be wide-open like before) but most of the time it's just slightly ajar (I should also mention it's self-closing so it's being propped open.) Well, ajar still means someone without a key could just open the door. I've just been closing it. (I should also mention the third neighbor in this scenario doesn't like them leaving the door open either--I talked to her about it when I ran into her in the laundry room.)

Before I go to try and talk to them again, I thought I'd pose the question to you all: what is going on here?

posted by Automocar to Human Relations (28 answers total)

What is going on is that your neighbors who prefer the door open still prefer the door open and you haven't given them enough [incentive/empathetic positioning/relationship weight] to fully change their behavior. They haven't personally suffered anything due to leaving the door open, and it's more convenient for them that it's left open, and so they're "compromising" by still leaving it open but just ajar so that from far away perhaps thieves will be less likely to approach.

Definitely go talk to them in person and be apologetic about the inconvenience but firm on your request to actually shut the door fully. Also consider politely looping in the landlord so there's a track record of this issue if you need to escalate in the future.
posted by vegartanipla at 4:08 PM on September 8, 2015 [15 favorites]

Their cat's access is more important to them than your security concerns and they're hoping you'll let it slide. Go and knock for them and speak to them and show you won't.
posted by penguin pie at 4:08 PM on September 8, 2015 [14 favorites]

Best answer: They don't care about your shoes and want to continue to leave the door open for their cat. They would rather not be confrontational about it, so they're just ignoring the note and hoping you'll forget about it. That's my read.

Even if you obtain their acquiescence odds are good they'll leave the door open again at some point, either out of absent-mindedness or passive-aggressiveness, so your best practice here is to not leave anything outside your apartment that you'd be worried about somebody stealing. If you really want to escalate, take it up with the landlord.
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:09 PM on September 8, 2015 [27 favorites]

They haven't figured out a better way to let the cat in and out yet? Is there a window they could leave open with a safety latch instead?

It's self-oriented and rude to you, and not really safe, but having had indoor-outdoor cats, I can sort of understand how it can be difficult to figure another way to deal with that scenario. They probably figure you all lock your doors and wouldn't leave important stuff in the hallways.
posted by vunder at 4:09 PM on September 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

They established a habit and now they feel like they're entitled to maintain it.

You can go to the landlord, but you'll get an eternity of sour grapes with these neighbors (who don't need an open door as much as they need a cat door). Maybe that's worth it, since they aren't your friends, and that 2 out of 3 units are in favor of closing the door.

But depending on the neighbors, they could bear a grudge, they'll do what they want anyway, etc. It's unlikely the landlord can create any consequences for them that'll stop them from leaving the door open.

Don't leave anything outside your unit door, period. They ruined it for you, and they're being selfish jerks, but, well, that's unlikely to change.

Also, it may not have been your intention, but they may have interpreted your note as an intention to put them on the hook for the cost of replacing the shoes. If that's not your intention, let them know that when you talk to them about it.
posted by Sunburnt at 4:13 PM on September 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

there's no mystery about it; as others said, they're just doing what is most convenient for them.

I think you'll have to try to have another face-to-face conversation about this if you want it to change. Can the third number come and back you up?
posted by bearette at 4:14 PM on September 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

I wonder if perhaps they're not worried about this being a security threat because they're the ones who took your shoes (and threw them out)? I'd be annoyed at a neighbor who didn't close the building door, but I'd also be annoyed at a neighbor leaving their beat-up shoes out in the common area. Old shoes aren't really a high-value theft target.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 4:40 PM on September 8, 2015 [6 favorites]

I think your only recourse is going to be via the landlord, and I don't think you're going to get anywhere unless you frame it as a security liability. Making it about your shoes, they can just claim you shouldn't store things in the common area.
posted by bleep at 4:42 PM on September 8, 2015 [4 favorites]

I'd be surprised if there isn't something in your lease stating that common area doors must be kept closed and locked. Landlords don't like theft and unsecured entrances either. I would take this to your property manager.
posted by thetortoise at 4:44 PM on September 8, 2015 [19 favorites]

We are in a similar fight with our neighbors right now. They store their crap on the front porch and don't want it to get stolen, so they lock the gate. I don't store my stuff on the porch, and I want the gate unlocked because otherwise we can't get packages or take-out, or have people over (the doorbell is inside the gate).

So I passive-aggressively unlock the gate every time I see that it is locked. The only way I would stop doing this would be if they provided an alternative - like if they contacted the landlord to move the doorbell to outside and gave a key to UPS. Can you provide a way for their cat to get in and out? Offer to install (or ask the landlord to install) a...cat door, I guess? Otherwise your neighbor doesn't have much incentive to change.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 4:50 PM on September 8, 2015 [6 favorites]

Did you report the theft to the police? Obviously they're not going to spend any effort on finding your shoes but they'll take a report and might notify your landlord that a crime was committed in your building.
posted by nathan_teske at 5:03 PM on September 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

This was an issue at one of our smaller buildings. A tenant would always leave the back stairwell door open, with the screen door's window slid up. In winter, too. When it's -40C.

The only thing that got them to religiously Close The Damn Door was a threat of a big rental increase due to the ridiculous cost of heating the outside, and a reminder that they can be held financially responsible for any frozen pipes (and the resulting damages) caused by their born-in-a-barn behaviour.

In addition to the security concerns, mentioning that it's constantly cold in the common area and/or raining in might get the landlord's attention.
posted by CKmtl at 5:28 PM on September 8, 2015 [4 favorites]

To further make your case as a security issue, you could plug in your address into CrimeReports.org, and see what comes up.
posted by invisible ink at 5:42 PM on September 8, 2015

Huh. Your neighbors aren't worried that someone with a lot of time, hidden from public view because they can close the vestibule door, could pick their lock? I have no idea how appropriate this worry is where you are. In my current apartment, the external door to the vestibule doesn't even lock, and I do in fact leave shoes outside my door, and it's just fine. I don't have this worry myself.

Can you get them to ask the landlord about a cat door? That seems like the optimal solution.
posted by nat at 6:11 PM on September 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

Is there a possibility that the shoes were not stolen, but disposed of by a neighbour who was fed up with grotty shoes being left in a common area?
posted by kmennie at 6:51 PM on September 8, 2015 [8 favorites]

The wierdest part to me is that someone would steal old shoes. That is much more mysterious and implausible. There are plenty of ways for homeless people to get old shoes without taking the risk of stealing while people are nearby. Also, nothing that you value is gone. Why not just put another pair of old shoes there and see if those go missing too?
posted by Buddy_Boy at 6:51 PM on September 8, 2015 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: I feel like I should add a follow-up about the shoes, since people seem to be thinking they were disgusting and covered in mud: they were not. They were also by my door, not in anyone's way.

However, I moved from Brooklyn, where it was common to leave shoes and umbrellas outside your apartment door.
posted by Automocar at 7:15 PM on September 8, 2015

You can't change anything as easily as you can change your own behavior. Bring your shoes inside from now on, and the problem is solved. Path of least resistance, no hard feelings, stop trying to make things complicated.
posted by oceanjesse at 7:38 PM on September 8, 2015 [3 favorites]

Totally agree with oceanjesse. I hate this kind of stuff, the little liberties that neighbors will take -- but you shouldn't be leaving your belongings in common areas and expecting doors to be locked to protect those things. To me, it's reasonable to let them continue with this practice and keep your own stuff in your apartment unit.
posted by jayder at 7:54 PM on September 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

As someone who lives in a place rife with petty crime, the vestibule door is totally an important security layer. Someone f'ing with the vestibule door risks getting questioned by cops. Someone inside the vestibule f'ing with your door risks a confrontation with a resident which they will talk their way out of or simply run away from. The door should be locked if it's there.
posted by ftm at 8:06 PM on September 8, 2015 [5 favorites]

It's pretty random that someone would wander I to your building and then take your shoes. Presumably anyone bold enough to enter the building is looking to take something more interesting. Any chance one of your neighbors took your shoes? Maybe something passive-aggressive is going on with regard to them not liking your shoes in the vestibule. Or maybe someone's drunk friend, or annoying teenage kid took them? I agree that the door is a major issue, but I'm having a tough time wrapping my head around the idea that a stranger did this.
posted by vignettist at 9:38 PM on September 8, 2015

You could do two things.

1. Just go along with the way things are done in the apartment complex and leave the front door open. Remember: they're at risk for having things stolen, too. The burglar just has to do a little more work. This has the benefit of later, you'll forget about the shoes being stolen, and it will all go back to normal (until the next theft). Another thing to remember: it's probably really easy to break into that place anyway. If a burglar wants to get in, it's probably not that difficult. The front door is just a mild deterrent.

2. Or, next time you see them, you must say something. Say, "I hope you saw my note. I had something stolen. I don't feel comfortable leaving that door open. From now on, I'll be closing the door when it's convenient for me and I hope you'll understand." And then let go of the matter. Because if you don't, you will get RESENTFUL AND BITTER and you will go to war with your neighbors and you want to avoid that at all costs.

You can't control them. You can only control yourself. You can close the door when you see it--but be careful you don't become shrill door police. Because that can happen very quickly. (been there) As a person who has become the equivalent of shrill door police, I say just accept that into each life a little shoe theft must fall and kowtow to the culture of the apartment complex because better to have a thousand pairs of shoes stolen than a bad neighbor feud.
posted by Piedmont_Americana at 9:40 PM on September 8, 2015 [1 favorite]

I totally believe someone would steal your shoes! Someone once stole my discount prescription eyeglasses out of my building vestibule. And of course you're less secure with the door ajar.

But basically you have to decide how much hassle (in the form of alienating neighbors, contacting landlord, and researching cat doors) that lack of security is to you.
posted by mskyle at 4:25 AM on September 9, 2015

why not just bring it up to the landlord?
posted by echo0720 at 5:30 AM on September 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Just close the door whenever you notice that it's open and get rid of whatever they're using to prop it open. They'll get the idea. (And you did try to be nice and reasonable about it, with the note they've chosen to ignore.)
posted by mdrew at 7:47 AM on September 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

I would talk to the landlord, explaining the security situation, and the fact that I'd had something stolen. I would add that I was concerned about the insurance implications of disabling this layer of security. You could also mention that you think a cat door might solve the problem.

In the meantime, I would also close the door and remove whatever is propping it open every time I saw it, and get my other neighbour to do the same. Selfish people will only change their behaviour when it becomes inconvenient for them not to.
posted by rpfields at 1:16 PM on September 9, 2015

I agree with everyone. From the point of view of your neighbours, it's a difficult problem - keeping the door closed means the cat is likely to piss in the building, amongst other things, they can't get rid of the cat, and it'd be silly to move just because old shoes got stolen. They should be apologising, offering to compensate you for your shoes, and trying to find a mutually agreeable solution, but they aren't. Maybe they are poor, or shy, or assholes.

So, practically speaking, you have to do it for them with the landlord. Explain the situation, and ask about the practicalities of putting a cat door, or maybe a little ramp out of your neighbours' window? Then talk to your neighbours and offer them the solution. Hopefully they aren't assholes.
posted by Spanner Nic at 4:29 PM on September 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Maybe suggest they set up a cat staircase?
posted by blueberry at 2:03 PM on September 12, 2015