Another 'how the fork and spoon does facebook know this' question.

September 4, 2015 7:45 PM

So here is a scenario that I will try and cover all the bases for, but facebook suggested a very recent 'people you may know' that happens to be someone that I dealt with for the very first time the day before and have no common links that facebook mines that I am aware of. So the bottom line is as follows: a: How did facebook make this association for me and b: How do I turn that shit off.

Technical information:
I have a facebook account I use relatively lightly, but probably a decent amount over average usage (past the age of 12). It had my old (Canadian) cell phone number on it, but not my new (US) cell phone number.
I have a client that doesn't use facebook at all and I have had zero interaction with him through facebook. He introduced me to a third party for some consulting this week (Wednesday) and I texted the third party maybe 5 times (from my unknown to facebook US number) and emailed him a couple of times from a gmail account that is also unknown to facebook as far as I know. This email routes through a gmail account but is for my own domain. The only link between the two accounts is that the facebook one is also on my domain (but a different actual email address).

So, at least one degree of 'not on facebook' separation. No link that I can think of between facebook and my contact with this guy. Have i unwittingly made some link between gmail somehow that I can remove? How on earth did this happen and how can I stop this other then deleting my facebook account? I have ended up making some very advantageous contacts (and re-contacts) through facebook for business so am loath to stop using it, but this freaks me the fuck out.

Any ideas?

posted by Brockles to Computers & Internet (15 answers total)

I think that Facebook must have your phone number and or "unknown" email address. My guess is that someon in your friend circles has given Facebook pretty unlimited access privileges, perhaps on a mobile device, and Facebook has mined their address book, found you with your other phone number and email, and correlated that with the version of you they have in their database.
posted by lollusc at 7:48 PM on September 4, 2015 [5 favorites]

It could be a simple as, that guy looked at your Facebook page. If he looked at you recently, and you guys have some friends or friends of friends in common (not unlikely if you both use it for business and are in the same industry), then Facebook could have guessed that you guys may have been recently introduced. It's not necessarily nefarious.
posted by matildatakesovertheworld at 7:51 PM on September 4, 2015 [34 favorites]

(As evidence that this is not unlikely, I signed up for Facebook recently with locked down privacy settings, a fake name, an email address no one has, fake date of birth, etc. but because I was trying to find someone, I let Facebook check my address book on my phone for potential contacts (which I then didn't friend. A day later, when I still had no friends on Facebook at all, so no possible third party connections, I was fielding friend requests from my entire family and friends. So clearly Facebook suggested me as a friend to all the people in my address book, even though I never gave it that option. That means they are storing the info of people in my address book and correlating it with the info it already has about them. It's only a tiny step to assume it is also adding any new email addresses and phone numbers my address book has for those people to its own records.)
posted by lollusc at 7:52 PM on September 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

My guess is that this person Facebook stalked your name. Now they are showing up as someone you might know. I know this happens.
posted by peep at 7:53 PM on September 4, 2015 [9 favorites]

FB suggests people who search for you in the "People you may know" section.

This is best explained to people in person because then you can see the colour drain from their face when they remember searching for that ex/crush/nemesis.
posted by fullerine at 10:28 PM on September 4, 2015 [19 favorites]

Facebook tracks your web browsing. Is it possible you searched for this person or visited a web page of theirs? As mentioned if you use the "find friends" feature on Facebook it scans (and stores) contacts as a part of the reams of data that they keep on all of us. Here's how to stop that behavior on an iPhone. As you can see by the article Facebook Messenger also accesses your contacts - and stores that info as a part of your Facebook profile.

FYI I run the Ghostery add on with my browser with and block all the various Facebook trackers.
posted by Zedcaster at 10:44 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

Do you have the app on your phone? I have seen suggestions elsewhere that facebook may be using location services to suggest people you may know. If you and the other person both have the app it's feasible that facebook could pick up on you both being in the same place at the same time. I don't know for a fact that this happens (a quick web search didn't turn up much) but it's a pretty creepy notion.
posted by gennessee at 11:37 PM on September 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

I've also heard what gennessee suggested from others.
posted by humboldt32 at 8:56 AM on September 5, 2015

When you "dealt with" the person for the first time, was it in person? I'm wondering if possibly you both had smart phones logged into FB with location services activated & FB associated you with each other for being in the same place at the same time.
posted by univac at 9:27 AM on September 5, 2015

What gennessee said. Missed that somehow.
posted by univac at 9:28 AM on September 5, 2015

Response by poster: Ok, some more information. Good suggestions, but I think I'd already thought of all of these (except searching for me):

1: I don't have the app (for various reasons re: facebook being creepy). I have location services disabled for Safari (which is how I use facebook). I don't tag places with location very often, either. Even by a search.

2: There is zero overlap with this guy in friends lists that I can see. Not even one degree of separation because this is very much a tangential link in my (very large) industry.

3: The part of my field I work in is a separate, very little interaction, area of motorsport to this guy. Also, he is regional and I very rarely work in this area and national motorsport is very rarely crossed over with regional. he has not worked at the same levels as I have. I haven't been to the track we met at in 7 years, for instance. It's just a random and unusual link through a mutual contact with two stages of weirdness - my client by chance got to know this guy recently and then I happened to be in the area last week. Under normal circumstances we'd never have met and if it was logical or we had mutual friends, that'd be obviously the way.

4: "When you "dealt with" the person for the first time, was it in person?". Yes, but relevant location stuff is turned off on my phone as far as I can tell. UNLESS there is some way I don't know about (iphone).

5: Is it possible you searched for this person or visited a web page of theirs? No. I had no need to. I'm not even sure if they have a web presence.

6: "My guess is that this person Facebook stalked your name." I have asked them, but I doubt it. Possible, though. But my profile is entirely locked down (as far as I know) to anyone not on my friends list so they'd have no way of knowing it was me. Even if he searched for me, clicking through blank profiles seems unlikely.

7: I have not given facebook access to my contacts at all. I installed messenger maybe 2 years ago but removed it, and I have zero relevant contacts that haven't been added since then.
posted by Brockles at 4:33 PM on September 5, 2015

Response by poster: I think that Facebook must have your phone number and or "unknown" email address. My guess is that someon in your friend circles has given Facebook pretty unlimited access privileges, perhaps on a mobile device, and Facebook has mined their address book, found you with your other phone number and email, and correlated that with the version of you they have in their database

That's REALLY creepy. That's just.... obnoxiously intrusive if so. Is that a thought experiment, or is that something that has been validated somewhere?
posted by Brockles at 4:35 PM on September 5, 2015

Response by poster: Also: It has been confirmed that the guy did NOT search for me at all.

So.... any ideas peeps?
posted by Brockles at 6:41 PM on September 5, 2015

I'm not sure how you know he didn't search for you, but if somebody I just met, who I had searched on facebook (for whatever reason) straight up asked me if I had searched for them on facebook, I would probably say no.

There's a lot of reasons I might search for someone I just met on facebook (including boredom). However, I wouldn't want you to know that I had searched for you, and I would find it embarrassing if you asked (because I'm supposed to be too cool to search for people on facebook? because I don't know you well enough for that to feel appropriate? because I'm indulging an impulse to learn more about you without you finding out, which feels socially inappropriate?). You asking about it would also signal to me that you are Concerned About Facebook in ways that make me searching for you feel even more socially inappropriate. So given that you are someone I just met for work reasons, I would probably just lie to you about it. Saying, "Yes. I searched for you" would probably open up a whole lot of uncomfortable questions and weirdness.

It isn't entirely clear if this is the case from your update, but this is super duper the case if I perceive you as being in a more desirable place than I am professionally. Maybe I think you can help me get to the big leagues, so I'm looking for info on you, but I would be fucking mortified if you asked me about it.
posted by jeoc at 8:31 PM on September 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: I'm not sure how you know he didn't search for you

Uh. I asked him and I trust his answer. He doesn't even use facebook too much. I explained the weirdness and he was as weirded out by it as me.

Maybe I think you can help me get to the big leagues, so I'm looking for info on you,

I can see how you got to that conclusion from what I said, but there's zero chance of that happening as a scenario. He was more likely to look me up as a new friend than a professional contact - personalities involved, etc. It wasn't a high pressure networking thing at all. By any means in fact.
posted by Brockles at 6:36 PM on September 6, 2015