The thin line between encouragement and Pollyanna style b.s.
August 30, 2015 3:17 PM   Subscribe

I'm a guy living with my girlfriend and her elementary school age son. My girlfriend lost her job about three years ago, and has only worked for six total months in the time since. I'm trying to stay positive and encouraging for her because I know unemployment can be soul-crushing, but lately I'm starting to wonder if my "support" isn't just "enabling." Is the future as dark as I fear, and what kind of changes does she need to make in order to restart her career?

When my girlfriend "Diane" and I first met, we were both working as teachers at different schools in the same school system. After we had been together for about six months, Diane lost her teaching job after getting into a verbal altercation with an administrator. Diane later explained to me that this administrator had a history of speaking to her in a demeaning and unprofessional way, and that she released a lot of pent-up anger after being talked down to again on a particularly bad day. After an investigation, Diane was barred from working for our school system. This was especially harmful to her career as a teacher because there's a constant flow of personnel, information, and rumor in the good ol' boy network between our school system, the only other local public system, and our town's private school. She is effectively blacklisted at all three. (The administrator in question was removed from her position about a year later after multiple complaints similar to Diane's were lodged against her.)

About six months after that incident, Diane and her son moved in to my apartment after her brother, with whom she had been living, developed a drug problem and threatened to abuse both my girlfriend and her child. I have been the sole financial support for my girlfriend and her son for a little over two years now. We make enough to get by on my salary alone, but just barely. We have nothing left over at the end of each month to save or invest.

Diane has absolutely no desire to be a stay at home mom, and at first she seemed determined to find a new job in business, the area of her undergraduate degree. As time goes by, this seems less and less likely. We have stopped talking about her job search entirely because Diane says it is humiliating to discuss being rejected time and time again, and that the subject makes her feel like a failure as an adult, a girlfriend, and a mother. She has every sign of depression. I've tried to stay encouraging, avoid nagging, and build her up as best I can. Still, I'm more worried about the future than I let on. She has said that she doesn't want to marry me until she can hold down a job, and neither of us want to have a child together until we are married, so some of my most important goals in life seem to be on indefinite hiatus.

I'm just not sure what we should do at this point. Diane is very intelligent and a hard worker, but I'm not sure that anyone would be looking to hire someone with no business experience, a ten year old unused bachelor's degree and a resume gap of over two years. Her family and friends can't provide her with a "connection" to get a job (believe me, she's asked), and I work for the same system that she's blacklisted from. We can't leave the town we live in due to her need to care for elderly parents and her custody arrangement with her ex-husband. Leaving the relationship is not an option for me because of the love I have for Diane and her son, who I have helped to raise for the past two years and view as my step-son.

I'm at a loss. I want to continue to encourage Diane, but I don't know if her current goal is realistic. I feel like I should give her advice on something else to try, but I'm not sure exactly what that should be. A part of me keeps thinking "tough love," but I don't want to leave the relationship or to be cruel to someone I love who is clinically depressed.

I suppose I'd like feedback on a few points:

1. If you've been in Diane's shoes, what did you need from a partner?

2. If you've been in my position, how did you balance realism with encouragement?

3. What do you think Diane should be doing to improve her chances of restarting a work career?
posted by Chuck Barris to Work & Money (23 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
This sounds like a hard situation.

I suppose one thing I've learned in life is that romantic partnership and life mentorship/career coaching really don't mix. That is, I don't think you, as a romantic partner, can do much more than continue to offer your support and unconditional love; any attempt to go beyond this is likely to be met with defensiveness which then leads to other problems. You can delicately suggest, say, that she see a therapist for the depression, but any attempt at "tough love" is going to backfire.

From personal experience I do know how hard it is to watch a loved one getting in their own way, and it is fair to consider whether you can continue on in the present configuration of this relationship. But if you break up, it has to be because you can't continue; you cannot try and force her to change in this way.

Good luck.
posted by girl flaneur at 3:37 PM on August 30, 2015 [8 favorites]

most people with long-term unemployment get depression, and i got it real bad during a 3-year gap - i'd never had a gap over 6 months before, i never thought that would happen to me. I didn't have any friends or relations except my parents, whom i can't talk to because they're so old as to be too frail to confide in, and no financial security (ended up living with them). I felt like i'd fallen off the edge of a cliff into a deep dark void. I thought i was mentally ill, i got diagnosed with autism but think it was depression, i don't know. But from my experience, clearly very different (i have many qualifications and skilled vocational experience but can only ever get cleaning jobs) i would say, you can only deal with depression and mental health problems by dealing with them. I mean, they'd go away if you had a different life, but when you're stuck in that life, you need to deal with them, as well as try and change your real problems. I haven't made much headway with that, but my degree of geographical isolation is extreme (eg no town near) so assuming you don't have that problem, i would say, try and encourage her to deal with that...i went to the free volunteer-run drop-in centre, the doctors' wasn't much good (ok i got autism diagnosis, but on its own no use at all and she doesn't have). It didn't 'help' exactly, more it was a way of admitting it and facing it.. Diagnosis might be good for her though, in that you get access to certain services. But you have that on your record then (if you use public in uk anyway). Also i know volunteering is stupid as a suggestion in a way, but it is free and you can get busfares refunded and it just breaks up the days.

Extreme suggestion: is she prepared to give up on the business stuff and just do anything that will get her a paid job, eg childcare or bus driving? Both are skilled work and well paid by comparison with my kind of work (but incomewise i'm bottom 0.5% so my idea of rich is, well!) Part of age is giving up..
but you can only advise yourself, this may be all wrong
posted by maiamaia at 3:53 PM on August 30, 2015

Any way you could make more money?
posted by oceanjesse at 4:04 PM on August 30, 2015

With my husband, it eventually came down to me saying: what's your plan? There has to be a plan. A plan is not "Job Fairy gives me job" either.

Nor is "find a new job in business" which is like saying "get some lunch in foodplace". Literally every job is in a business. What is she applying for? That was actually the conversation my husband and I had 1-2 times a week. He can't control what he hears back about, but I wanted to hear what he was applying for so that I had a feel for what the market was like and whether he was ignoring options he should be looking into.

And you can't have a list of life variables where all of them are no items. She can't work in the current school system, she can't move, you can't break up. Literally the only option left is she doesn't do anything and you work.

The time has come to figure out which one of those variables is going to give. Either she figures out how to get back into the system (has she tried?) now that the bad guy is gone (which would suggest that the source of her blacklisting is also gone, and the position of any of that person's cronies is more delicate), she finds out what other school district will hire her and figures out how to get her parents cared for while she works there, she aggressively pursues non-school jobs, or you walk and make it not your problem anymore.

If she's got a business degree, she should know the basic principles of accounting. There are always jobs in accounting. People in business think of teachers as trustworthy. This shouldn't be that hard, especially if she's using her free time to improve various related skills.

My husband and I did the "I dunno what to do!" thing for several years until I snapped and said there needed to be a plan. That gave him some external pressure to stop doing nothing, and he threw himself really hard into turning a hobby/interest into a thing he could do for money, and he literally spent 8-10-12 hours a day watching youtube classes and tutorials and doing practice projects and learning enough skills to pursue barely-paying work. At that point it was me who made the decision - because I had all the power because I made all the money - that we were going to move to where all the work was. Now he works all the time, and it's not huge money but he's putting in his 10,000 hours. And he's not sad and miserable to be around.

You have to (and I mean as a team, the two of you) aggressively control everything that is within your control and that means even the stuff you don't wanna because because because. Sit down with her and all these variables and talk through all the options and consider scenarios until you've identified the most do-able (and most likely) 2 or 3, and make a plan that serves those outcomes.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:06 PM on August 30, 2015 [25 favorites]

1. I feel like you should be honest with her. As her partner, it makes you feel frustrated/used/pressured/(feeling that is true) to be the sole breadwinner. You need her to work at any job to contribute. All paying jobs have value and she needs to find one. Pronto. And then continue to look for a better one. Because she respects you and the work you do.

2. Tell her she's wonderful and has great skills. She just needs to find a way to start using them.

3. She needs to get a job that's of some interest to her and try to make connections and get experience. It may be a not so great job at first. Or she could get a job and work on a masters degree to build connections that way (very preferably not an online degree). She needs to be working or in school like 2.5 years ago. Yes, I think you've been enabling her.
posted by Kalmya at 4:06 PM on August 30, 2015

I disagree that you can't have tough love with a spouse or significant other. You have to put your foot down on some things. Will it maybe lead to a fight or resentment? Sure, which is why you need to do it in a calm and caring way.

My husband was unemployed for over a year. He admits he was a pretty big jerk during this time. And I had many times where I really did put my foot down. I told him he had to do SOMETHING. He had to be applying for jobs, or volunteering, or networking. He couldn't just sit around being discouraged. He kicked my butt the same way when I was feeling down while looking for a job. Part of encouragement is also telling someone when they need to get off their ass sometimes.

So, my suggestion is that you have a calm discussion about what you need in this partnership. That doesn't just boil down to "you need a job." That can be daunting for someone depressed and down. But it CAN mean you say "I need you to be looking for jobs for X hours per day. I need you to communicate with me about jobs. I need you to volunteer." Etc.

One HUGE suggestion I have is for her to VOLUNTEER in her goal area (so maybe admin for a non-profit or something or even an internship!)
Here's why:
1) You get something on your resume! Look! Now there's no gap!
2) You get experience in the field!
3) You get out of the house and make NEW connections! (Jane in accounting says her cousin works a Xcompany and they have a job opening!)
4) You can get quality references and referrals.
5) You get your ass out of the house and do something productive. It's amazing how much it can make you feel worth something - even if you don't get paid.

My husband volunteered while unemployed and he got wonderful encouragement and references from his coworkers and supervisors. They totally loved him over there. And he got to put something current on his resume - in his field, plus employers look fondly on volunteer work.
posted by Crystalinne at 4:11 PM on August 30, 2015 [12 favorites]

nb have never so much as kissed, let alone had a partner, only parents. They keep giving me advice that turns out to have been great - in the 1950s. (Mother on dating: 'what men want is a shy girl' on work 'once you've got a degree, you can just walk into any high-paid job'.) They repeat the same stuff at me and we have the same argument.

"She has said that she doesn't want to marry me until she can hold down a job, and neither of us want to have a child together until we are married, so some of my most important goals in life seem to be on indefinite hiatus." she's being daft, postpone getting pregnant too long and you'll find you're infertile. As for not marrying and jobs and status and money, wtf? That's so american. Having a job is having a job. Not proof you're worth something. It no more proves anything beyond 'i managed to get this job and haven't been sacked yet nor has my company gone bust' than dating models or owning a Maserati proves that you've got a big youknowwhat. Except everyone takes the mick out of the latter and repeats the former as some kind of truth sanctimoniously. There is a big gap between 'truths' or 'facts' that are parroted sentences you've internalised and actual reality, and i learnt that from my mental illness. I had so many ideas 'i'm a person who always tries hard and refuses to give up' for instance - that fell apart on me. One day, i was a person whose mind had collapsed, and all that other stuff was just things i'd repeated.

there's only so many things you can say, and you've probably said them all, so i wouldn't bother about what you can say, you can't. But she will have to be realistic: she's a human being in a trap is all she is, not 'a business graduate' or 'hardworking' (who isn't?) etc.. the rest is dress to cover our social nakedness. As she has lots of transferable skills (people, managing relationships, communication, experience with children, blah blah) i think she should just view herself as someone suffering and try to take any possible route out.

And shd stop believing in silly pieties like 'only people with jobs are responsible reliable people who can then get married' blah blah. Children is what happens to women when they have sex - this only changed recently - it's not some kind of reward or responsibility, that's your choice to add on to it - and family is the only real close love you get in life, and the whole point of (most people's) lives, not some kind of plot denoument that follows achieving x. That's the difference between reality and 'truths' like 'you should be responsible if you have children', that's actually an opinion not a truth. If you act like it's a truth, you're basing your life on fictions you believe in, not reality, and it will give way on you. So eg 'you should be responsible first' 'being responsible means having a job' etc and you're basing life decisions on fiction.

She could try Breaking Free by Dorothy Rowe, that helped me most when i had depression, although it only went so far (autism being my big problem but i had no suspicion of it - i work in sales, i make eye contact etc). It's cheap to free in most charity shops / i think you say thrift stores / and online. Her other books get wordier (if i say it's wordy, it is!) and not as good. Books are good because you can argue with them without getting into an argument.

Volunteering doesn't work for work experience, employers don't care, that's another myth, but it's a good way to get in with an organisation you'd like to work for, eg volunteer with wildlife trust or red trust if interested in paid position there, get personal contacts. I've seen lots of people succeed this way.

Filling resume gaps is something i'm good at: study something (almost anything) and it sort of fills the otherwise bare gap, you were 'achieving' something at that point. I can't advise what, because i couldn't get from vocational qualification to job (interviews, autism, didn't know that). Is there anything cheap and remotely useful near you? Avoid classes full of old people, no work contacts and go at very slow pace, try to find ones with young in-work people in.
posted by maiamaia at 4:17 PM on August 30, 2015 [6 favorites]

A good friend is in this situation now. Her marriage is ending (she's in her early 50s) and she's got a 20 year career gap to overcome-- our friend circle is all about the tough love right now, because she literally has to get herself out of the house. The good news is that there are options-- she's started doing mystery shopper work, and also volunteering for a local food writer scouting bakeries. What held her back for a long time was she had a pretty high bar for what kinds of jobs she was trying to get, and wasn't willing to apply for jobs which were "beneath her".

Nthing the volunteering suggestion, and also noting that there are a number of sectors where job changers and returners can find an entry level home. It's not terribly sexy, but retail is an area where they are always looking for competent coworkers who want to build a career. Is she organised? Competent at detail? What about temp agencies or EA roles?
posted by frumiousb at 4:21 PM on August 30, 2015 [2 favorites]

One of the other things I did was require he get help from someone besides me. He would create these dramatic displays of self-punishment to prove to me how sorry he was (instead of, like, just ever saying it once), like by not cleaning the house or not taking his medication. We finally had some hard talk about that.

I know your finances are tight, but there are older antidepressants that are $5-7/month at Target/Walmart/CVS and there are resources for getting to see a doctor that aren't full-fee.
posted by Lyn Never at 4:24 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Unemployment and depression are like a one-two punch for confidence. A few people have mentioned volunteering and that's one reason I think it's a good idea. It also gets me out of my own head for a little while which is huge when I'm in a depression spiral.

One way to think of depression is as a medical problem. When I was first depressed at 15, my dad said, if you were diabetic, we'd get you insulin and if you broke your arm, we'd get a cast. Getting treatment for depression really is not that different. And it will make it easier for her to be a good job applicant.
posted by kat518 at 4:40 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]

Lots of adults cobble together part time work until they find something full time. She has a teaching credential. Can she take tutoring work? How about picking up nanny/childcare work through

Volunteering is good too, but don't discount the impact of earning money. Not being able to pay your own way can be very hard on a person's self esteem. Earning something gives her a bit of autonomy and confidence.

At this point I would encourage her to do 2 things:
- find a way to get assessed for depression and treated if needed
- find any job that will give her a bit of money and independence.
posted by 26.2 at 4:46 PM on August 30, 2015 [9 favorites]

I had assumed that the child's father was out of the picture until you mentioned the custody arrangement. Why isn't he paying child support? And is he also supposed to pay alimony? You should not be this child's sole support.
posted by amro at 4:47 PM on August 30, 2015 [4 favorites]

Would it be possible for her to get a teaching job in another county? She'd have a lousy commute, but she'd be working again. What about substitute teaching? At this point even some retail or food service job would be good.

Being out of work wears you down and does bad things to your mind. You can start to feel useless and broken, like you will never get hired for anything ever because you are just cursed and awful and nobody likes you. It's amazing what a difference it make to have ANY job, and have some money coming in. I can almost guarantee that two weeks of waiting tables part-time will do her mood (and yours) a world of good.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 6:01 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

When I walked out on a teaching job, after about six months of depression and feeling like a failure my husband said, "We need more money. We can't make it like this. You have to get a job." Pissed me off something fierce. I got a job. Of course, then *he* got laid off.

As it turns out, I'm still in that job making nice money over twenty years later, and he turned his hobby into a consulting business.

Hm. Now that I remember it, after I dropped out of college my mother chased me around the house telling me I had to get a job. Seems to be a pattern.
posted by Peach at 6:06 PM on August 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Just a quick addtion to my first response: you need to keep in mind the specific contours of your relationship in determining how to go forward.

As I said above, I believe "tough love" is hard to pull off in any romantic relationship and I wouldn't advise it, but if the unemployment or other life event happens well into an otherwise solid and equal partnership, I think there may be a bit more room for this style of intervention. But from your description, this isn't your situation.

Your partner and her child moved in after what sounds like a series of very difficult events. And she entered a situation, with her son, where you have a disproportionate amount of power: your house, your financial support, you get to continue working in the school, etc. Assuming she is not a manipulative monster, I'd be willing to bet that she feels frustrated and embarrassed and at your mercy in all kinds of ways. Given that, I urge extreme caution, because any pushing by you, even if motivated by love, is likely to be interpreted as yet another indication of her powerlessness.

None of this is to fault you, of course. I think you are in a crappy situation, and no one could blame you for leaving. But if you want to try and work it out, I think you need to support her into therapy, rather than doing anything that could be seen as exercizing power over her.
posted by girl flaneur at 6:11 PM on August 30, 2015

Re: #1 -- When I quit my job without anything lined up (and got blacklisted in my local industry, as I soon found out), my husband told me three months was it. Although he wanted me to be happy and find a good position, he also said that if I didn't land somewhere "good" in three months, he expected me to be applying/working at fast food places, until I found what I wanted. That boundary was terrifying and upseting, but, in hindsight, appreciated.

I live in flyover country, where we have a bajillion different school corporations within fifty miles (I can seriously think of more than ten different corporations off the top of my head) -- is commuting not an option for her, or is she blacklisted to that extreme of a degree? We also have a bajillion places to volunteer, and a teaching/business degree would go pretty far -- it's a great way to network, fill in the resume, and possibly get hired. I'd also recommend looking at staff positions available at universities in the area -- her background would be a good fit for business offices and/or accreditation/licensing work, at the least.
posted by coast99 at 7:07 PM on August 30, 2015

It may be easier for her to start her own business than try to find a job that you apply for in the normal way at this point. Especially given how the teaching profession is these days.

I'm with Lyn Never at this point. You're not going to break up with her for lack of job, you're pretty much stuck in being sole breadwinner for the time being and that's that. Job Fairy comes for few people these days. At this point, either she attempts getting any job even if it's food service, or she starts doing jobs for herself. Nannying? Babysitting? Tutoring?
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:00 PM on August 30, 2015

A lot of this is going to be place-specific, but where I live, the options for someone in her position would be:

-- Get a job in another school district (probably substitute or temp to start with) and deal with a sucky commute;

-- Work at a non-profit (possibly starting by volunteering), because non-profits always need people who can do basic admin work plus have the education to write grants, prepare reports, etc;

-- Apply for an entry-level job at any of the places that have "we are hiring" signs up. I see those at both grocery stores I shop at, most of the fast food places, etc. The pay will be low and the work not much fun, but there is also a path to management for someone with a degree who is willing to bust ass.

The common theme to all of these is a high degree of sucking it up and a fair bit of sacrifice, and from your description I am not sure she is prepared to do that. The other option, of course, is for you to step up your game and get something sufficiently highly paid for her to be able to stay home -- is that a realistic possibility?
posted by Dip Flash at 4:36 AM on August 31, 2015

Yes, volunteering and retail jobs just to get your work legs back. Bookstores are not getting many applications because of a perception that they are all about to close, and that may be true but if you need something like a bridge after being a stay at home mom, you don't need a job for the next ten years. Pro tip: when applying for a retail job, say you have completely open availability. If you only want to work during the day while your kid is in school, don't say that on the application; try to work that out when your foot is in the door. It shouldn't be too much trouble since a lot of people want to work nights and weekends. As a bonus, you will meet a lot of people who are in a similar position, and you do see them moving up and out.

I realize I'm writing as if she were asking the question; I don't really have advice for you about how to talk to her, except to say: do support what may seem like small steps and not that lucrative.
posted by BibiRose at 7:19 AM on August 31, 2015

Is school an option? A lot of junior colleges offer technical programs (like dental hygenist, veterinary technician, or phlebotomist) that can be completed in a year or two, and those professions are quite hireable. You'd still be supporting her, but there would be an endpoint in mind, and she would have a productive focus.
Also, if she's good with kids, having a few regular babysitting clients could help a lot. Even if it's just a few nights a week at $10/hr, that's still money coming in.
posted by Nibbly Fang at 7:24 AM on August 31, 2015

I had a satisfying position as a retail manager in a niche retail that I loved. When the store closed and I lost my job I was crushed and of course depressed like Diane is. The one competitor I wouldn't consider going to work for, they are horrible and I'd always prided myself on giving superior service and products than Competitor does.

That made looking for work tough. I took a really shitty admin. job at a place full of rotten people, nasty enough to make my previous depression look like a walk in the park. What I did after that was take a job cashiering at a local Target store. It didn't pay much, the hours kinda stunk, etc. but it got me out of the house. Current retail work is not full time but by being available to pick up shifts I averaged 40 hrs. a week. I was also able to have flexibility to schedule interviews for better work, and a few months later I got a better paying permanent job. There are days I rue taking it (my last askme question references that it's not perfect) but- it's secure, pays the bills, has decent vacation/sick/comp time off, etc.

The cashiering job gave me time to get my confidence back a little, some money in my pocket, and the ability to set up interviews elsewhere w/o drama. Chain stores are used to turnover so when she does land a better position she won't feel guilty for giving notice.

So for question 1-I needed my partner to let me know I could take as long as I needed and that he would pick up the slack financially. I also needed him to tell me they were assholes when things went badly at work, esp. for that short admin job.

For question 3, I really think a stint in a store or office will help with money AND confidence. The longer one is out of work the harder it is to find work and to adjust to it. Obviously pay will be much less, but better than nothing.

Side note-a dear friend was fired from her teaching position for trumped up reasons almost immediately after she completed her PhD and her pay was set to rise quite a bit. Funny how school admin works. She is now blacklisted in her area for public schools. She went to a private school, pay is less but the work is really rewarding, so maybe that's a possibility for Diane?
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 8:57 AM on August 31, 2015

Employment is so local, all the well-meaning advice upthread may just not apply in the region the OP lives. As you have been supporting her she is in an ideal position to start her own business. A two year gap in employment will disqualify her for many jobs in my area, but a realistic self-employed business may put her back on the road to going back to paid employment (or she may be super successful and not want to go back to paid employment). There may be government programmes to help her do things like write a business plan. If she just can`t get the confidence to start her own business up then with her skills and credentials she should be able to get a job in a child care facility (or start her own home daycare). They churn through staff because of low pay and hard work but she needs to get current experience on her resume.

She can also look in another region. All of the "insurmountable" reasons she can't leave are, actually surmountable. Her parents need her to stay in town to care-give? Well then they and the siblings should be paying her and THAT can be her job. Her custody agreement won't let her leave? Well then the ex has to either increase their monthly support or let her and the child move to where she can get a job. Right now the plan is to continue the pattern that all the crappy consequences of other's choices are falling on you and that is a recipe for relationship-killing.
posted by saucysault at 1:22 PM on August 31, 2015

Here is what worked for me in my similar situation (I was the unemployed one. Well, I'm unemployed again, but I did get a short-term assignment so I have fresh experience on my resume and I'm getting back on my feet and recovering from depression etc.)

This may not be available in your area, but my state offers publicly-funded community mental health centers that accept Medicaid. Getting therapy and meds in the first place was a big help, but an even bigger help is that this center also offered employment counseling. Part of that counseling is encouragement, guidance and a resource for answering questions about effective job-hunting practice, but it also entails, if Diane is comfortable with it, your job counselor making connections in the community at places you'd like to work. In the process of doing that, the counselor can disclose the mental illness issues, which are surprisingly not always a liability. This is backed up with research from the people who originated this program at Dartmouth. I had spent a year unemployed prior to getting that recent short-term job and I've completely switched industries. I think tough love is TOTALLY the wrong way to go with this. TOTALLY. If she's anything like me it'll undermine her confidence in your relationship, which may be the one thing that she's got going for her. I also agree with others upthread who have said that you should not personally try and become an employment counselor or police her productivity or do anything along those lines, as it will hurt your relationship and create the impression that you are losing faith in her and that the relationship is in danger. That really needs to come from an outside party. If those community supported mental health resources aren't available, there may be job counseling at non-mental health oriented community centers or non-profits.

If my partner had told me that if I didn't find a job that was a good fit in 3 months that I was expected to work in a soul-crushing minimum wage position, I'd be looking at the door the second I got that good job.
posted by zeusianfog at 7:56 PM on August 31, 2015

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