Present for a new and anxious post-doc
August 28, 2015 10:19 AM   Subscribe

A dear friend of mine has just finished their PhD and is immediately starting a post doc. What gift can I give them to help them get off on the right foot dealing with their anxiety, etc.?

They have struggled mightily with anxiety, procrastination, and disorganization. They've been working on their mental health for the last few years, and want to take the opportunity of a fresh-start to develop better habits - food/sleep/exercise, dealing with paperwork, not hiding from everything because they're so anxious.

I'd like to give them a gift to help with this process. They have generous family financial support and decent pay, so even a list of resources/strategies to try would be a good present for them. Of course, a more tangible gift would also be nice.

Also, I know that in many relationships this would be kind of a weird or even offensive approach to a gift, but trust that this makes sense and will be appreciated in the context our ours.

They live in the US and I do not, so in-person gifts are not feasible. It doesn't need to be academia-specific, but it would be cool if it was.

This question was somewhat helpful, but my friend doesn't really struggle with social anxiety and I'd like some more ideas.
posted by congen to Shopping (7 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
When I started both my postdocs one of the best things I got was a brand new diary desk calendar ready for the new project. It symbolised a fresh start with no lingering stuff on there from my PhD project, as well as being genuinely useful for organising my time. Lab supply companies and stuff always give us free ones in January, but starting later in the year like this often means there are none left. Also, if you look around you can fine services that will customise this kind of thing with your own photos or similar if you want to go that far.

I currently have one like this. I like it because it's narrow vertically so it lives at the base of my monitor (above the keyboard). This means it's easy to see and grab to write in, but is physically out of the way. The days are split into hours so I can use it for fine tuned planning if I like (which can be very important as a postdoc because you tend to work on several things, unlike a PhD where you have one project), or I can just grab it and write notes as I think of them. I like that it's paper instead of on my phone etc because it's more for daily minutiae and informal stuff as I think of it (I use a google calendar too). And lastly it has the year planner in several places for longer term planning, but only shows me a week at a time so I don't get overwhelmed.

I also like the idea of self-care things, like a cuddly blanket or a netflix voucher (do those exist?) or gift vouchers to a local restaurant or similar. Because a research career can be all encompassing and they will be under a lot of pressure to make work their entire life in an unhealthy way. Beaus that's how postdocs work. It's nice to be reminded that there is more to me than the lab and that I deserve some taking care of outside of what my brain can do. But I can be a bit reclusive unless something kicks my arse to get out and have a life so YMMV on that one.
posted by shelleycat at 10:52 AM on August 28, 2015


In my experience, one of the absolute worst causes of anxiety in academia is the complete lack of perspective. You join an academic department, and it is very easy to lose sight of the fact that you have a life outside of your work, that you have friends and family who love you no matter what, that you have value as a person that is irrelevant to your publications or teaching evals. It is the thought, "This is the one and only thing that matters" that leads to pain and fear and horror. It is the thought, "This matters to me, but it is not all that matters to me, and it does not define me" that leads to clear vision, serenity, and healthy work habits.

So, I strongly suggest staying away from anything that relates directly to their career. I definitely suggest avoiding anything that's meant to help with studying tactics or procrastination control... Those might be nice to give them, too, but if this is meant as a giant gesture to indicate that you love and support them, I would suggest going a different path. Get them something meant to highlight and applaud some aspect of their life other than their work. Get them something meant to support them when it comes to their identity and well-being as a person, rather than an academic. It might be something intended to contribute to their work environment, but not something designed to contribute to the process of working, itself.

Given that they've put so much work on developing good food/sleep/exercise habits, I suggest that's a good place to go. Do they practice a certain type of exercise? Like, yoga or something? You could get them something associated with that. (For the specific yoga example: a couple of months of something like this might be nice.) Do they meditate, or would they be open to meditating? Then maybe some sort of figurine or poster they could put in their office, which encourages them to meditate. It's hard for me to come up with more specific suggestions, because I don't really know them or what exactly they have done so far to combat anxiety.. But you do.

In short: get a gift that helps open up the world to them, rather than something that just reinforces a constant focus purely on work work work.
posted by meese at 11:32 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]


Exercise is a huge help in this situation.

Maybe a list of gyms/yoga studios/dance classes (offer them a bunch of different options) along with the money to pay for the first (or more) month at the place of their choice. You do the leg work of figuring out options - have the list include whatever they would need to know to make a decision. I would probably just include a check made out to them to pay for it (so they can always cash the check and use it for something else if they don't like your idea)

Most grad students I know (and I assume somewhat true for postdocs - it depends on where they they live relative to campus) have bikes and use them to get around. Maybe something that makes their bike ride nicer plus a book of local bike trails to encourage them to get out and about.

Or a book of local hikes along with a water bottle and hat

Anyway, you get the idea.
posted by metahawk at 11:48 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I cannot second what meese says above hard enough. Support your important person as a person, not just a producer of academic output!
posted by Alterscape at 11:53 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Did they move for the postdoc? If so, something to make them cozy in the new place would be good, it's really tough to deal with the phd-postdoc transition while also simultaneously dealing with having moved to a new place.

Personally I moved to Boston from California, and the staying warm in cold weather gifts I was given (coat, boots, tea) really helped.

Alternatively, exercise is even still part of my sanity maintenance, so metahawk has a great idea-- tune as always for the locale and personality of the person in question.
posted by nat at 3:04 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]


Strongly agree to avoid anything that relates directly to the new job or coping directly with anxiety or procrastination. For this kind of gift I tend to like something that makes the recipient feel strong, prepared, or inspired for their new adventure.

Examples: I gave one good friend who finished their PhD a leather-bound edition of a novel she had read dozens of times during the degree. (And for which the paperback was falling apart!) Another friend's wife gave him all new equipment for their favorite sport, because they knew that was going to be a major emotional outlet for them during the first few months of his new job.

The last "congrats on your PhD" gift I gave was a sword. Completely impractical, and mostly given as a joke -- but the recipient later told me that when he was having a hard day, he'd come home and see the sword hanging on the wall and think, "That's right! I'm a damn PhD!"
posted by fencerjimmy at 7:02 AM on August 29, 2015


Response by poster: My friend has horrific eating/sleeping/exercise habits, and their attempts to change that have largely been "think about it and panic, avoid thinking about it for a few days, repeat." They want desperately to change this in their new setting. This gift isn't about celebrating their PhD, but I think you all are right about not focusing specifically on work.

I went with the book Daily Rituals. I felt like this was a good choice because it gives so many examples of ways to live a life and things to fill it with. They said that it has helped relieve some of their anxiety about "the right way" to arrange one's life. It even inspired their attendance at a local meetup!
posted by congen at 2:22 PM on November 1, 2015


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