Tips to cultivate my relationships w/aging grandpa

August 21, 2015 4:18 PM

Hi All, One of my favorite people is my grandpa. He is in his 80s, living with my aunt and depressed. When i get a job, I will be able to fly and visit him. Until then, anything fun I can do with him over the phone to cheer him up? I am trying to think of a fun "game", something that we can share. He likes golf, so I will goggle Tiger Woods sometimes before we talk to be up on the latest. I am not really sure what I am asking here, but maybe you get it, and might have some fun tips. With others I ask about the highs and lows of the week, but you know he does not have much going on. Maybe I could help him start a project. OK, thanks :)
posted by TRUELOTUS to Human Relations (10 answers total)

Ask him for advice about something. He probably wants to get to know you better, too, and it's nice to think people value your input. Also, it'll give you something to talk about.

Tell him you want to learn about golf and ask him where to start. Then you'd be sharing something for sure. You could ask him for a good book you should read and then discuss that. TV is also good; basically anything you would share with friends that you know he would be into and that you can honestly be interested in.

Finally...if he has a smart phone, all the seniors I have introduced to Snapchat have really gotten into it.
posted by blnkfrnk at 4:23 PM on August 21, 2015

One thing my older relatives have really enjoyed is telling stories about the past. I've learned about some fascinating history and family lore this way!

Of course, if he's had a traumatic past and you think this would be too triggering for him, ignore this idea. However, if you think this is something your grandfather would like, you could try some of the suggestions from this previous AskMe: Topics for elderly reminiscence group.

Does he have access to a voice recorder of some kind? Maybe you could help him record some of his stories for posterity.

And yeah, on preview looking at blnkfrnk's comment, does he have a smartphone? That would be a good way to do voice recordings. Also, I've just managed to get my parents into texting and we all enjoy it, because it's a quick way to share photos and send a nice little message to say you are thinking of the other person, even if you don't have time for a long conversation.

Good luck--I think this is going to make some nice memories for you and your grandpa!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:28 PM on August 21, 2015 [1 favorite]

Some older people like to reminisce. Start a genealogy project.. you can send me info and I can look up him census from 1930 and 40's. It will have his neighbors, family occupations, etc He might enjoy looking at the census.

There are many lists online about how to interview someone for genealogy.

You may not be too interested now, but some day you may be and it could be too late.
posted by ReluctantViking at 4:28 PM on August 21, 2015

Best project I did with my Grandpa, took us a little over a year, we wrote a book about his childhood, meeting my Grandma, and marrying her. Each week we spent about an hour on the phone writing the article, which he'd already spent mentally composing, and he'd already uploaded the photos he wanted to use to illustrate it. I used software to bring the faces out of the shadows on these old family photos. I also ran around to some of the other family members to get what they could remember about some of the pieces Grandpa didn't know, like my Grandma's family (she was already mentally gone at the time we did the project.) It was a lot of work for him, it was a lot of work for me, it was absolutely worth it. At the end of all of it, we turned the blogs into a book and self-published for the family.

And second the asking for advice - I always run everything past my Grandpa. Cars, houses, repairs, you name it.
posted by arabelladragon at 4:31 PM on August 21, 2015 [6 favorites]

Tell each other stories. He's likely at a point where he enjoys reminiscing about days long since past. My grandpa loved telling me stories about his late teens & 20s and, to a lesser extent, stories of when he was courting my grandma. It got a bit repetitive at times. (Seriously, I must have heard "the pig story" a hundred times.) And let him know stories about your life.

Also, does he have access to a computer, tablet, or smart phone? My neighbor (mid 80s) is loving playing games with his kids & grandkids.
posted by imbri at 4:33 PM on August 21, 2015

Get him on facebook, friend him, and share stuff with him. If he doesn't have internet access or can't use a computer, get him a tablet. (Pool the cost with family if possible.)

I post things to my grandma all the time (yt videos of scenes from old movies, cute dog gifs, random pictures of flowers) and she loves it. She's been able to reconnect with people she hasn't seen in decades and can follow them, too. She can read my posts and gets to participate in my life on a scale she'd never be able to. (My friends see her comments and think she's hilarious.)

When we talk on the phone, it's often a "review the week from facebook" kind of thing, but I learn more stuff about her, she feels more connected to me, and she feels less alone overall.

And it's SO easy to do a 5 second facebook thing. Great for staying connected when you're not up for a lengthy phone call.
posted by phunniemee at 4:37 PM on August 21, 2015

Tell him about something in your life - even looking for a job, and ask him about his experiences. Any memorable interviews? What did he wear to look his best? When did he buy/rent his first place? How did he get around? What was his community like in his hey-day? What did he learn from his parents/grandparents (on any topic - family recipes is an example)

I visit with my dad and this is how I bring him in to the "visiting" conversation which is differing from the health conversation.
posted by childofTethys at 4:39 PM on August 21, 2015

I was going to suggest asking about family stories. Also, some 20th Century stuff that seems "historical" to us is stuff he lived though. He was a kid during WW2. Ask him what he remembers about it. Advice is also good. Specific stuff about your life, or more general things. Ask him what his advice would be for young people today.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 5:08 PM on August 21, 2015

Going on my 90yo grandmother's experience, what makes her feel lonely and isolated is people not asking/valuing/considering what she has to say. So just ask your grandfather's opinions on things. Listen to them, debate back, think them over and reopen the topic next time you speak.
posted by girlgenius at 6:23 PM on August 21, 2015 [1 favorite]

Just wanted to say how lovely it is that you're doing this. My grandfather just passed away this morning at age 97 and I wish I had taken the time to reach out across the distance more. Here's wishing the two of you many more years of stories and sharing!
posted by platinum at 7:21 PM on August 21, 2015 [2 favorites]