Help me fall back in love with my job, or do something else?
August 19, 2015 1:33 PM Subscribe
I'm an artist with a terrific day job: it's super flexible, doing admin work for a non-profit that actually has a great mission which it executes effectively, it gives me time to do my art. Pay's decent-not-great, but an excellent trade-off for the quality of life I get. But after four years I have started to hate it.
I procrastinate about everything. I sit in my cubicle and stare at my screen all day. I've become a terrible employee. This started a couple of months before my first child was born, two weeks ago. The sleep deprivation of new parenthood has made me even more depressed about this. (Yes, I have a therapist.)
I could search for new work, but after some research I can't imagine I'll get a better deal than what I currently have going, especially in terms of flexibility. Any advice about how to reapproach my cubicle with new zest and less whininess?
I procrastinate about everything. I sit in my cubicle and stare at my screen all day. I've become a terrible employee. This started a couple of months before my first child was born, two weeks ago. The sleep deprivation of new parenthood has made me even more depressed about this. (Yes, I have a therapist.)
I could search for new work, but after some research I can't imagine I'll get a better deal than what I currently have going, especially in terms of flexibility. Any advice about how to reapproach my cubicle with new zest and less whininess?
Vacation. I love my job. LOVE it. I have worked with my boss for 10 years and I like and respect him, and we have a collegial, non-hierarchical working relationship. And damn if I wasn't ready to quit 4 weeks ago. It had been creeping up for a long time, but every damn thing got on my last nerve. He's been on vacation now for 2 weeks. He'll be back next Monday. Two days later, I start a 2 week vacation. I am already doing much better attitude-wise, despite the fact that the pressure and responsibilities double for me while he's out, and I figure after I myself have a vacation, I will be completely refreshed.
Yes, as has been said quite a bit recently, there is something completely wrong about emphasizing the need for vacation in order to be more productive at work that stresses us out or whatever, but still, it works.
posted by janey47 at 1:55 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yes, as has been said quite a bit recently, there is something completely wrong about emphasizing the need for vacation in order to be more productive at work that stresses us out or whatever, but still, it works.
posted by janey47 at 1:55 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Welcome to working parenthood, the first two years edition.
I don't know how involved you are in direct parenting but here's my going theory which has some basis in productivity research.
We all have a bucket of energy for tasks we don't love but have to do. When we glide by on habit it doesn't dip deep into the bucket. When we are gritting our teeth and muscling through, it drains the bucket faster. Some people have bigger buckets, some smaller, we can work on increasing their size but...willpower is still a finite resource.
When you have a baby, you have to respond to that baby, think about the baby, deal with diapers etc., etc., etc. You probably enjoy some of the baby cuddles, but the baby's schedule is not in your control. Your brain requires that you respond to save the species, but you are still getting up off the couch 137633 more times a day than you were.
So when you are home you are constantly getting small drains on your bucket. Your partner may also have new demands in the night etc. There is more laundry.
Then, you get to work. No reptilian brain requires that you respond to a spreadsheet in the same way as your crying child. Your bucket is more empty than it used to be. So all of a sudden small things are major triggers for procrastination.
The good news: your decision-making ability is probably getting honed along with other parental super skills. The bad news: here you are hating your job which is safe to hate because it's a little boring and your bucket no longer favours Art Time over Hate This Minute Task time.
Solutions abound...trick your brain that work is happy tasks by bribing it with music, flavored teas, favourite art on the wall...blissful quiet. Make tasks less of a drain on your bucket through to-do task lists (no hurdle for what to do next), reminders, habits (do things at the same time each week), and the Pomodoro technique Google will tell you about.
Definitely do find time/space to really fill your bucket. Personally an afternoon at a gallery wakes me up. It's a good investment of time. Also see if you and your partner can arrange baby-time so you each get one morning or afternoon /off/ baby duty and work (breast feeding permitting). Go where you can't hear the baby for this time, even if it's just 45 minutes, and do what gives you bliss. This is hard for some parents (like me) but it helps so much. Libraries are good space for this.
This too will pass. Totally see if there's a better job but hopefully this helps.
posted by warriorqueen at 2:15 PM on August 19, 2015 [26 favorites]
I don't know how involved you are in direct parenting but here's my going theory which has some basis in productivity research.
We all have a bucket of energy for tasks we don't love but have to do. When we glide by on habit it doesn't dip deep into the bucket. When we are gritting our teeth and muscling through, it drains the bucket faster. Some people have bigger buckets, some smaller, we can work on increasing their size but...willpower is still a finite resource.
When you have a baby, you have to respond to that baby, think about the baby, deal with diapers etc., etc., etc. You probably enjoy some of the baby cuddles, but the baby's schedule is not in your control. Your brain requires that you respond to save the species, but you are still getting up off the couch 137633 more times a day than you were.
So when you are home you are constantly getting small drains on your bucket. Your partner may also have new demands in the night etc. There is more laundry.
Then, you get to work. No reptilian brain requires that you respond to a spreadsheet in the same way as your crying child. Your bucket is more empty than it used to be. So all of a sudden small things are major triggers for procrastination.
The good news: your decision-making ability is probably getting honed along with other parental super skills. The bad news: here you are hating your job which is safe to hate because it's a little boring and your bucket no longer favours Art Time over Hate This Minute Task time.
Solutions abound...trick your brain that work is happy tasks by bribing it with music, flavored teas, favourite art on the wall...blissful quiet. Make tasks less of a drain on your bucket through to-do task lists (no hurdle for what to do next), reminders, habits (do things at the same time each week), and the Pomodoro technique Google will tell you about.
Definitely do find time/space to really fill your bucket. Personally an afternoon at a gallery wakes me up. It's a good investment of time. Also see if you and your partner can arrange baby-time so you each get one morning or afternoon /off/ baby duty and work (breast feeding permitting). Go where you can't hear the baby for this time, even if it's just 45 minutes, and do what gives you bliss. This is hard for some parents (like me) but it helps so much. Libraries are good space for this.
This too will pass. Totally see if there's a better job but hopefully this helps.
posted by warriorqueen at 2:15 PM on August 19, 2015 [26 favorites]
I'm not sure why you're not on maternity leave
I'm guessing OP is not the partner who was pregnant. It's still worth it to investigate any leave options that may be available, if that's a possibility.
Caring for a newborn is really, really hard, and postpartum depression can happen to new moms and dads alike. Sleep deprivation is killer, and it's really easy to feel like you're locked into your current life forever for the sake of your child (spoiler alert: you aren't). It's fantastic that you're seeing a therapist; keep that up.
Now is the time to call in any "if you need anything, let me know" offers from your friends. Ask for help. Anything that isn't essential to keeping you and your family afloat can get deferred: forget about vacuuming, eat peanut butter sandwiches off paper plates every day if it helps lighten the load. The first six weeks are survival mode.
You may not be able to rekindle that old love for your job in the short run; you may have to settle for not hating it, and work on the love part later. It's helped me to think of my work as a break from baby stuff, where I can wear professional adult clothes, do professional adult tasks, and have professional adult conversations, plus going to work recharges me so I can be a better, refreshed, more attentive parent. I don't always enjoy my job in itself, but having that break is so valuable to me.
I hope this helps and isn't too discouraging. It really does get better, even if right now it feels like it never will.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:16 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm guessing OP is not the partner who was pregnant. It's still worth it to investigate any leave options that may be available, if that's a possibility.
Caring for a newborn is really, really hard, and postpartum depression can happen to new moms and dads alike. Sleep deprivation is killer, and it's really easy to feel like you're locked into your current life forever for the sake of your child (spoiler alert: you aren't). It's fantastic that you're seeing a therapist; keep that up.
Now is the time to call in any "if you need anything, let me know" offers from your friends. Ask for help. Anything that isn't essential to keeping you and your family afloat can get deferred: forget about vacuuming, eat peanut butter sandwiches off paper plates every day if it helps lighten the load. The first six weeks are survival mode.
You may not be able to rekindle that old love for your job in the short run; you may have to settle for not hating it, and work on the love part later. It's helped me to think of my work as a break from baby stuff, where I can wear professional adult clothes, do professional adult tasks, and have professional adult conversations, plus going to work recharges me so I can be a better, refreshed, more attentive parent. I don't always enjoy my job in itself, but having that break is so valuable to me.
I hope this helps and isn't too discouraging. It really does get better, even if right now it feels like it never will.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:16 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have been in the same position, and I hope I'm not too out of line here, but — Have you considered you might have some form of adult ADD, and that lack of novelty in the job , stress over the big life change, and sleep disruption are aggravating symptoms? I get the same way a couple of years into every new job. Caveat: I am self-assessed at the moment, but I'm going for official ADD evaluation next week, and I'm just saying — I recognize what you're going through because I've been there myself many times, and I'm in one of those slumps right now.
That said, vacation definitely helps. For me, it resets the "novelty" button for a while, if nothing else.
posted by mboszko at 2:23 PM on August 19, 2015
That said, vacation definitely helps. For me, it resets the "novelty" button for a while, if nothing else.
posted by mboszko at 2:23 PM on August 19, 2015
Response by poster: Thanks all. Clarifications: I'm the dad in a heterosexual couple. Mom has another month of leave. I took two weeks at the start. Will work from home once Mom goes back to work.
posted by HeroZero at 3:05 PM on August 19, 2015
posted by HeroZero at 3:05 PM on August 19, 2015
I would do everything you can to make your current job better. The kind of situation you've got going on is super hard to find. Think about things you can change there. Could you get transferred to a different department, or take on new duties? Is there any chance to advance to a new position there? Is it possible you could work from home?
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:20 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Ursula Hitler at 3:20 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are you by any chance in California? You may be eligible for family leave if so...
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:02 PM on August 19, 2015
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:02 PM on August 19, 2015
I worked half days for a month after my wife exhausted her maternity leave. It gave me time to spend with my son and limited the amount of time i spent at work which helped keep me feeling productive but not overwhelmed.
And ditto to the bucket thing. I feel like there's a hole in my bucket some days...
posted by noloveforned at 4:31 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
And ditto to the bucket thing. I feel like there's a hole in my bucket some days...
posted by noloveforned at 4:31 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
It sounds like the way you are feeling is ENTIRELY brought on by having a baby, not because of the job itself. It's probably just sleep deprivation working on your brain. If you were getting sleep, maybe you would feel as you used to at work, but right now you're in the middle of big change.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:41 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:41 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
"I love it here but lately I'm feeling a little bored" is actually a great, proactive thing to bring to your boss. Is it possible to propose a new project that you'd like to run-- perhaps a grant proposal? An outreach initiative? Or are there any professional development opportunities that you'd like to pursue? That could be anything from Lynda.com courses to serving on a local board that meshes with your organization's interests.
Other ways to approach this:
-- Find meaningful "work" outside of your job -- there was a great recent thread about ideas along those lines.
-- Productive uses of free time can actually help keep you engaged at work by breaking up the day. I recently did the intro course at CodeAcademy when feeling in a rut, for example; similarly a friend works on her novel during down time.
posted by veery at 6:35 AM on August 20, 2015
Other ways to approach this:
-- Find meaningful "work" outside of your job -- there was a great recent thread about ideas along those lines.
-- Productive uses of free time can actually help keep you engaged at work by breaking up the day. I recently did the intro course at CodeAcademy when feeling in a rut, for example; similarly a friend works on her novel during down time.
posted by veery at 6:35 AM on August 20, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Everydayville at 1:43 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]