My dog does bark but my neighbour is an asshole
July 19, 2015 3:03 AM Subscribe
Our dog has been barking but we're trying everything to stop it. However the neighbour is going mental about it and won't stop texting me or emailing me about it. I admit some culpability for dog... but this is too much. Help! It's really wearing on my mental health.
Dog is 10 years old and a rescue. We were recently burgled and that has made her anxious about us leaving the house/woofing at strange noises. We live in a terraced house, in the inner city. I know she's been having trouble and we are trying to fix it. With - calm tablets, loads of exercise, dog trainer, food rewards, Adaptil plug etc.
Our neighbour complained via email and I explained the situation to him and asked for his patience. Since then he's emailed our landlord (8hrs after talking to me), texted me frequently. He's got a bee in his bonnet and I don't know what to do other than ignore it? I totally get how it could be annoying but I am working on the solution.
I have really bad anxiety and want to please people. Just coming out of a long depression and dog has helped so much, but this man makes me feel terrible. He's messaged me today saying she was barking all day, but I was with her and there was maybe one woof, but nothing else.
I've checked the local ordinances and we seem to be within the limits - non unsociable hours, occasional barks at the sky etc. Dog is not there yet but she is getting there! In the meantime how can I protect my back? I feel like this guy, who is a home owner, is out to get us, despite me trying everything. I just feel like I want to vomit/run away/move house - none of which is an option. I'm in tears writing this - any advice or suggestions - for me or dog?
Dog is 10 years old and a rescue. We were recently burgled and that has made her anxious about us leaving the house/woofing at strange noises. We live in a terraced house, in the inner city. I know she's been having trouble and we are trying to fix it. With - calm tablets, loads of exercise, dog trainer, food rewards, Adaptil plug etc.
Our neighbour complained via email and I explained the situation to him and asked for his patience. Since then he's emailed our landlord (8hrs after talking to me), texted me frequently. He's got a bee in his bonnet and I don't know what to do other than ignore it? I totally get how it could be annoying but I am working on the solution.
I have really bad anxiety and want to please people. Just coming out of a long depression and dog has helped so much, but this man makes me feel terrible. He's messaged me today saying she was barking all day, but I was with her and there was maybe one woof, but nothing else.
I've checked the local ordinances and we seem to be within the limits - non unsociable hours, occasional barks at the sky etc. Dog is not there yet but she is getting there! In the meantime how can I protect my back? I feel like this guy, who is a home owner, is out to get us, despite me trying everything. I just feel like I want to vomit/run away/move house - none of which is an option. I'm in tears writing this - any advice or suggestions - for me or dog?
Is he sure it's your dog that's barking? He might be hearing a dog bark and be ascribing it to yours without that actually being the case.
Also, every time your dog does bark, make a note of it. You have something to rely on then when he says your dog has been barking non stop and it's barked about 3 times all day.
posted by Solomon at 3:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [22 favorites]
Also, every time your dog does bark, make a note of it. You have something to rely on then when he says your dog has been barking non stop and it's barked about 3 times all day.
posted by Solomon at 3:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [22 favorites]
I had a neighbor who was sure my dogs were problematic, reported me to Animal Control for every loose dog they saw or irritating bark they heard. I could always prove it wasn't *my* dogs when AC showed up... but we got pretty friendly with the AC officers, considering how often we saw them.
Some people you can't please. I'd suggest blocking the guy's email/phone number for your own peace of mind, but! You'll unfortunately need to know what his complaint is, if you're going to maintain documentation (as well-suggested above) like:
"(Guy) complained 7/19/15 that (MyDog) barked all day, but I was at home on 7/19/15 and so (MyDog) was not barking."
It might be helpful, emotionally, to try to regard his complaints not as something you should resolve (since you clearly cannot)--but instead as a nice warning about what you should be documenting so you can prove it was not your dog.
Tho it might be easiest to get some kind of home security camera (with good sound sensitivity, that saves *everything*) so you can always show what was going on, rather than trying to document each time he complains. This also might allow you to block him and not worry about knowing specifics & dates.
I wonder what kind of behavior someone has to exhibit before it is actionable harassment. If you can show he keeps complaining and it is not anything against code or even your dog, perhaps you can block him from pestering you *and* be free of worry about him comlaining to your landlord, or Animal Control, or the police. This might involve more checking of local ordinances or talking to a lawyer.
posted by galadriel at 3:43 AM on July 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Some people you can't please. I'd suggest blocking the guy's email/phone number for your own peace of mind, but! You'll unfortunately need to know what his complaint is, if you're going to maintain documentation (as well-suggested above) like:
"(Guy) complained 7/19/15 that (MyDog) barked all day, but I was at home on 7/19/15 and so (MyDog) was not barking."
It might be helpful, emotionally, to try to regard his complaints not as something you should resolve (since you clearly cannot)--but instead as a nice warning about what you should be documenting so you can prove it was not your dog.
Tho it might be easiest to get some kind of home security camera (with good sound sensitivity, that saves *everything*) so you can always show what was going on, rather than trying to document each time he complains. This also might allow you to block him and not worry about knowing specifics & dates.
I wonder what kind of behavior someone has to exhibit before it is actionable harassment. If you can show he keeps complaining and it is not anything against code or even your dog, perhaps you can block him from pestering you *and* be free of worry about him comlaining to your landlord, or Animal Control, or the police. This might involve more checking of local ordinances or talking to a lawyer.
posted by galadriel at 3:43 AM on July 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Document either by recording or other methods all your dogs barking. Tell him you're doing so. Assuming your dog barks very infrequently, let him know your dog is not at fault and you can prove it on video and if he keeps complaining, you'll charge him with harassment. At this point, the person whose right to a quiet life that is being disturbed is actually you. I wouldn't put up with it.
posted by Jubey at 3:58 AM on July 19, 2015 [14 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 3:58 AM on July 19, 2015 [14 favorites]
You might be making things worse for yourself by trying so hard to please an unplease-able person in a situation where you can't make them happy, either because your dog is barking lots or loudly or not.
I think you might want to chart out exactly what you are trying--unemotionally--and number those items. So 1) 'give dog medication at night' .... 2) hire dog walker....etc.
Add any addition items to try or things to research 7) call animal behaviorist recommended by X. (Ask your vet for a recommendation in addition to the trainer.)
And then look at that list and be like 'this is all I can do'. What won't appear on that list are 'apologize and beg for forgiveness from jerk'. I'm guessing you've already tried really hard to placate him, and it's made him worse, and that's because he's a bully. Some people get off on that. So what you want to do is get professional, which is also helpful because you can develop an unemotional persona for the occasion.
You can get a Google Voice number (Mr. Llama does this for people he doesn't want to speak to) and have it email you its labored interpretation of the message, which has the added benefit of being amusing because it's totally inept at that. And then you ask the neighbor, in writing, to contact you only through that number and not through any other method. Block his texts and emails and calls from other channels and devices--he should not be texting or emailing you. That's bizarre. He shouldn't have that info.
How hard is your landlord leaning on you? How understanding is s/he? Your landlord might be familiar with the guy and already think he's a complete idiot, but your list will give you something to reference in terms of the effort you are making when you talk to the landlord.
When you do, don't over-compensate for the anxiety by saying 'I'm so sorry' over and over. Be sorry, but be a little withholding. You're sorry the guy is having a hard time, but you're not even sure it's your dog all the time and you're not even really certain about whether he's being fair. If it's within local ordinances and no one else is complaining, you might be worked up because it's pressing buttons and less because it's as much a crisis as you're feeling.
Deep breaths. And I totally understand why it's freaking you out.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think you might want to chart out exactly what you are trying--unemotionally--and number those items. So 1) 'give dog medication at night' .... 2) hire dog walker....etc.
Add any addition items to try or things to research 7) call animal behaviorist recommended by X. (Ask your vet for a recommendation in addition to the trainer.)
And then look at that list and be like 'this is all I can do'. What won't appear on that list are 'apologize and beg for forgiveness from jerk'. I'm guessing you've already tried really hard to placate him, and it's made him worse, and that's because he's a bully. Some people get off on that. So what you want to do is get professional, which is also helpful because you can develop an unemotional persona for the occasion.
You can get a Google Voice number (Mr. Llama does this for people he doesn't want to speak to) and have it email you its labored interpretation of the message, which has the added benefit of being amusing because it's totally inept at that. And then you ask the neighbor, in writing, to contact you only through that number and not through any other method. Block his texts and emails and calls from other channels and devices--he should not be texting or emailing you. That's bizarre. He shouldn't have that info.
How hard is your landlord leaning on you? How understanding is s/he? Your landlord might be familiar with the guy and already think he's a complete idiot, but your list will give you something to reference in terms of the effort you are making when you talk to the landlord.
When you do, don't over-compensate for the anxiety by saying 'I'm so sorry' over and over. Be sorry, but be a little withholding. You're sorry the guy is having a hard time, but you're not even sure it's your dog all the time and you're not even really certain about whether he's being fair. If it's within local ordinances and no one else is complaining, you might be worked up because it's pressing buttons and less because it's as much a crisis as you're feeling.
Deep breaths. And I totally understand why it's freaking you out.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
You could block his texts after sending once last message saying you're continuing to work on your dog's behavior as per your earlier email. His texting you is not really getting you to do anything extra and he already knows how to reach your landlord. If he emails you I would filter them to a folder and read them once or twice a week.
Also you should proactively email your landlord with your plan and approach, and apologize but defend yourself and say the complainant is exaggerating the situation. You love your apartment and the neighborhood and thank him/her for his patience etc etc.
You might proactively contact animal control or the neighborhood police, as suggested above, and get friendly with them so they are aware of the situation and maybe less likely to document your neighbor's complaints, complaints which might officially get you in trouble with your landlord.
posted by charlielxxv at 5:32 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also you should proactively email your landlord with your plan and approach, and apologize but defend yourself and say the complainant is exaggerating the situation. You love your apartment and the neighborhood and thank him/her for his patience etc etc.
You might proactively contact animal control or the neighborhood police, as suggested above, and get friendly with them so they are aware of the situation and maybe less likely to document your neighbor's complaints, complaints which might officially get you in trouble with your landlord.
posted by charlielxxv at 5:32 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
He may have already been patient and waited several days before emailing you, at which point he totally lost it. A barking dog can be very disruptive to someone's day. I trained my rescue dog using a barking collar. One day with the shock and a couple of weeks with the beep, followed up a few months later with only the beep, and he is just a dream dog. I wish I could put the collar on all of my neighbor's dogs because they drive me crazy.
I don't think this one is about you personally and you shouldn't take it as such. Your dog (or another neighbor's dog) is disrupting this man's personal space. That should be your whole focus. Do whatever you must do to quiet your dog. It really is the only option.
My house was repeatedly vandalized for about a month a couple of years ago. It really shook me up. The only comfort that I had through that difficult time was knowing that my dog was there to tell me when I was in danger. He only barks when someone is in the yard. Give yourself that gift. Give yourself the gift of a well trained dog who can help you feel safe. Even if it means a shock collar.
By the way, I did try one of those bird house looking things that sent out an annoying sound whenever my dog barked. He would get bored and play with it by barking really soft and slowing getting louder to find the level that created the sound. So, it didn't work for him, because he enjoyed the game too much. But, it does work for many dogs, and is worth a try.
posted by myselfasme at 5:34 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
I don't think this one is about you personally and you shouldn't take it as such. Your dog (or another neighbor's dog) is disrupting this man's personal space. That should be your whole focus. Do whatever you must do to quiet your dog. It really is the only option.
My house was repeatedly vandalized for about a month a couple of years ago. It really shook me up. The only comfort that I had through that difficult time was knowing that my dog was there to tell me when I was in danger. He only barks when someone is in the yard. Give yourself that gift. Give yourself the gift of a well trained dog who can help you feel safe. Even if it means a shock collar.
By the way, I did try one of those bird house looking things that sent out an annoying sound whenever my dog barked. He would get bored and play with it by barking really soft and slowing getting louder to find the level that created the sound. So, it didn't work for him, because he enjoyed the game too much. But, it does work for many dogs, and is worth a try.
posted by myselfasme at 5:34 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Best of luck dealing with irrational neighbor. You are doing everything to positively train your dog.
Have you been able to reduce the stimuli that trigger your dog's needs to bark? If she barks at things she sees outside, block her view. Wax paper taped on window panes (or more expensive window film) is great at allowing light to come in while blocking her ability to see things outside. If sounds trigger her barking, consider using internal sounds to block out the external sound sources: run a fan or a white noise machine, or play "Through a Dog's Ear" or similar calming music in the background. It has made a dramatic difference in our anxious dog's need to bark while indoors.
posted by apennington at 6:05 AM on July 19, 2015
Have you been able to reduce the stimuli that trigger your dog's needs to bark? If she barks at things she sees outside, block her view. Wax paper taped on window panes (or more expensive window film) is great at allowing light to come in while blocking her ability to see things outside. If sounds trigger her barking, consider using internal sounds to block out the external sound sources: run a fan or a white noise machine, or play "Through a Dog's Ear" or similar calming music in the background. It has made a dramatic difference in our anxious dog's need to bark while indoors.
posted by apennington at 6:05 AM on July 19, 2015
We just got done with a similar situation. I would suggest audio recordings because they are easier to analyse. I used a sound recorder on an old phone I had lying around that I would turn on every time we left the dogs home alone. When we got home I would dump the file into audacity which gives you a visual representation of the sound. You can see the spike when your dog barks. We did this for about a week and then gave the results to our building manager. Turns out the new puppy that just moved in was barking up a storm and not our 2 dogs completely changing their personalities. Our downstairs neighbor still hates us but the building manager doesn't listen to her complaints about us anymore.
posted by Uncle at 6:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by Uncle at 6:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
Do you know for a fact that your dog is barking a lot while you're away? Is it possible your neighbor has been exaggerating the whole situation as much as he exaggerated it in his last message? Even if you know the dog is barking a lot, I would message the guy back and say that you were home all day and know that the dog hardly barked at all, so his message has you questioning how much of a problem actually exists. Ask him whether another dog might be doing the barking and whether other neighbors are also hearing barking. You want him to realize that exaggerating the problem is not going to help his case.
posted by Redstart at 6:54 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Redstart at 6:54 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Uncle's wife here! I have anxiety too and neighbor stuff puts me on edge! In my experience, once a neighbor decides it's your dog, every bark is assigned to you.
The audio recording really was a game changer and (unforeseen plus) analyzing the recordings was really calming for me. I took screen grabs of audacity (it was powerful to show long stretches of silence) and gave break downs of how many times the dogs barked and what they were reacting to. In our case you could also hear a dog clearly outside our apartment yapping up a storm. It was a satisfying email to send!!
posted by Aunt Maude at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
The audio recording really was a game changer and (unforeseen plus) analyzing the recordings was really calming for me. I took screen grabs of audacity (it was powerful to show long stretches of silence) and gave break downs of how many times the dogs barked and what they were reacting to. In our case you could also hear a dog clearly outside our apartment yapping up a storm. It was a satisfying email to send!!
posted by Aunt Maude at 7:02 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
> Look, it sounds like you are really trying to calm down your dog, which is great but in my experience many dog owners tend to underestimate how loud and annoying their dogs are because they love them.
Exactly right.
> Best of luck dealing with irrational neighbor.
It is not irrational to object to a barking dog. I have lived next to dogs that barked a lot and it is horrible. I appreciate that the poster is trying to fix the situation, but that doesn't help the neighbor and it is irrational to expect him to say "Oh, you're doing your best? OK, great, I won't be bothered any more!" It's a good idea to document and see if maybe the neighbor is conflating your dog with others, but the bottom line is the dog is barking and it's bothering him, and he's not wrong to be bothered.
posted by languagehat at 7:19 AM on July 19, 2015 [34 favorites]
Exactly right.
> Best of luck dealing with irrational neighbor.
It is not irrational to object to a barking dog. I have lived next to dogs that barked a lot and it is horrible. I appreciate that the poster is trying to fix the situation, but that doesn't help the neighbor and it is irrational to expect him to say "Oh, you're doing your best? OK, great, I won't be bothered any more!" It's a good idea to document and see if maybe the neighbor is conflating your dog with others, but the bottom line is the dog is barking and it's bothering him, and he's not wrong to be bothered.
posted by languagehat at 7:19 AM on July 19, 2015 [34 favorites]
Have you tried the citronella spray collar? If not, get on that. I've seen it work wonders.
But I also want to tell you a story; draw your own conclusions.
My sister adopted a dog over a year ago. The dog could be described as skittish, at best. She growled and howled and peed the floor and raised her hackles if anyone went near her.
A year into having this dog, my sister has taken her to obedience school, hired a behaviorist, put the dog on Prozac and spends all her time at home doing click training. She's really trying to get this dog to behave.
However, the dog still barks like a lunatic. I'll go over to her place and I'm immediately given a handful of treats so the dog doesn't go berserk and lunge at me, but the dog really never stops barking, but my sister doesn't seem to hear it. It's really awful to go to her house.
What I'm saying is that it is entirely possible your dog is noisier than you think it is. And you need to try one of those bark-deterrent collars, either the spray or the one that zaps them. I appreciate that you're working with the dog, but you need to work harder or consider getting rid of the dog or moving.
posted by kinetic at 8:02 AM on July 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
But I also want to tell you a story; draw your own conclusions.
My sister adopted a dog over a year ago. The dog could be described as skittish, at best. She growled and howled and peed the floor and raised her hackles if anyone went near her.
A year into having this dog, my sister has taken her to obedience school, hired a behaviorist, put the dog on Prozac and spends all her time at home doing click training. She's really trying to get this dog to behave.
However, the dog still barks like a lunatic. I'll go over to her place and I'm immediately given a handful of treats so the dog doesn't go berserk and lunge at me, but the dog really never stops barking, but my sister doesn't seem to hear it. It's really awful to go to her house.
What I'm saying is that it is entirely possible your dog is noisier than you think it is. And you need to try one of those bark-deterrent collars, either the spray or the one that zaps them. I appreciate that you're working with the dog, but you need to work harder or consider getting rid of the dog or moving.
posted by kinetic at 8:02 AM on July 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Something that appears to be missing here is an understanding of what he'll consider "success." That might be key in these discussions with your neighbor because right now "success" seems to be just him not being bothered. Feelings are a crap way to gauge progress. You two (or even better- you and your landlord) should have a clear picture of how much your dog should be barking and those should align with the laws about dogs in your area.
posted by Aunt Maude at 8:15 AM on July 19, 2015
posted by Aunt Maude at 8:15 AM on July 19, 2015
You have the right to defend yourself. when your neighbor is accusing your dog of barking & dog isn't, defend yourself. Your neighbor is wrong. Do let him know. The fact that your dog is sometimes excessively barking does not take away your right to defend yourself.
Your neighbor is not more important than you.
posted by Neekee at 8:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Your neighbor is not more important than you.
posted by Neekee at 8:27 AM on July 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
You are working hard to deal with your dog's anxiety. Work just as hard at reducing your dog's annoying barking. Play soft music or a white noise machine. Can you work on making 1 room more soundproof? Thick rug padding, layers of curtains, etc., and keeping the dog there when you're out? Or keep the dog in a crate and put blankets over the crate, safely, of course. Is there a dog park where you can go hang out?
Your neighbor's reaction is excessive. Document times when you are with the dog and the dog barks, in case you need to defend yourself to animal control, landlord. A polite letter to complainer:
I understand that barking dogs are annoying, however, my dog is nor doing all the barking that concerns you. On (date neighbor complained of all-day barking), I was with my dog, who barked 1 time. I take your concerns very seriously and am making a concerted effort to manage my pet's barking. can be copied to landlord.
posted by theora55 at 9:07 AM on July 19, 2015
Your neighbor's reaction is excessive. Document times when you are with the dog and the dog barks, in case you need to defend yourself to animal control, landlord. A polite letter to complainer:
I understand that barking dogs are annoying, however, my dog is nor doing all the barking that concerns you. On (date neighbor complained of all-day barking), I was with my dog, who barked 1 time. I take your concerns very seriously and am making a concerted effort to manage my pet's barking. can be copied to landlord.
posted by theora55 at 9:07 AM on July 19, 2015
Try leaving the TV on when you go out as it may help drown out some of the noise not only of the barking, but the outside noises that might be triggering your dog to bark.
If you are concerned that you are misjudging just how much your dog barks a day or 2 there are a a lot of voice activated recording aps, that you can even set the intesity of the noise that triggers the recording. Would be handy to have as you can say my dog only barked 1 times today for 30 seconds. Or you'll know your dog is barking longer when you aren't around & when which will help with training. Keep a notebook at least of times the dog barks when you are home, next time he complains as him for the times & dates, then show him your notebook and/or recordings. Maybe it's not even your dog setting him off, if as you say your dog just wuffed once the day he came around to complain.
Please ignore the advice to use a shock collar on a dog fear barking as it will make the problem worse by proving to the dog it has something to fear.
posted by wwax at 10:02 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you are concerned that you are misjudging just how much your dog barks a day or 2 there are a a lot of voice activated recording aps, that you can even set the intesity of the noise that triggers the recording. Would be handy to have as you can say my dog only barked 1 times today for 30 seconds. Or you'll know your dog is barking longer when you aren't around & when which will help with training. Keep a notebook at least of times the dog barks when you are home, next time he complains as him for the times & dates, then show him your notebook and/or recordings. Maybe it's not even your dog setting him off, if as you say your dog just wuffed once the day he came around to complain.
Please ignore the advice to use a shock collar on a dog fear barking as it will make the problem worse by proving to the dog it has something to fear.
posted by wwax at 10:02 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Uncle has the right idea here. You need objective proof of how much barking is or isn't happening, and you need to communicate with your landlord on this.
There's a huge difference between a couple barks per hour(which is "fuck off" territory) and relatively constant barking.
As it is, either of you could be right. Your dog could be insufferable but you're working on it, or your neighbor could be a neurotic asshole. I've been on both sides of this sort of thing(as my recent ask can demonstrate) and it really depends on the frequency, not just the noise itself.
posted by emptythought at 1:47 PM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
There's a huge difference between a couple barks per hour(which is "fuck off" territory) and relatively constant barking.
As it is, either of you could be right. Your dog could be insufferable but you're working on it, or your neighbor could be a neurotic asshole. I've been on both sides of this sort of thing(as my recent ask can demonstrate) and it really depends on the frequency, not just the noise itself.
posted by emptythought at 1:47 PM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Please ignore the advice to use a shock collar on a dog fear barking as it will make the problem worse by proving to the dog it has something to fear.
Yeah sorry; that's a bad idea. But I would ask the trainer about the citronella spray collar.
posted by kinetic at 2:54 PM on July 19, 2015
Yeah sorry; that's a bad idea. But I would ask the trainer about the citronella spray collar.
posted by kinetic at 2:54 PM on July 19, 2015
So I am not a dog person, so if this is totally off please don't get mad - but I've met people with dogs (particularly people training therapy dogs) who have a collar that releases a scent (not a shock) when the dog barks. It's a scent the dog doesn't like, and supposedly makes the dog bark less. If your dog is suffering from anxiety this may make things worse, but is there an animal behaviorist or dog trainer you could talk to?
posted by Toddles at 3:42 PM on July 19, 2015
posted by Toddles at 3:42 PM on July 19, 2015
Definitely start recording your dog so you can really understand what's going on when you're away.
Your dog may feel more secure when she is alone if she has a smaller space to "patrol". Ask your trainers about keeping her in one room or crate training.
Play music or the radio so she can't hear outside sounds as well.
Can you afford to leave her at doggie daycare while you're at work?
I wonder if your dog is specifically barking at your neighbor's noise- like he goes up the stairs and she freaks out. That would be especially aggravating for the neighbor. This may only happen when you're away. This would be a situation where recordings would really help. Then you're trainer might have some specific ideas for how to address this.
His constant emails and texts aren't helping. Filter to a folder, and block his number.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:45 PM on July 19, 2015
Your dog may feel more secure when she is alone if she has a smaller space to "patrol". Ask your trainers about keeping her in one room or crate training.
Play music or the radio so she can't hear outside sounds as well.
Can you afford to leave her at doggie daycare while you're at work?
I wonder if your dog is specifically barking at your neighbor's noise- like he goes up the stairs and she freaks out. That would be especially aggravating for the neighbor. This may only happen when you're away. This would be a situation where recordings would really help. Then you're trainer might have some specific ideas for how to address this.
His constant emails and texts aren't helping. Filter to a folder, and block his number.
posted by oneirodynia at 4:45 PM on July 19, 2015
You can solve this by sound-proofing a room and keeping the dog in there.
Also, you are not the victim in this story, the person being harassed by your dog is.
posted by flimflam at 7:59 AM on July 20, 2015
Also, you are not the victim in this story, the person being harassed by your dog is.
posted by flimflam at 7:59 AM on July 20, 2015
He's messaged me today saying she was barking all day, but I was with her and there was maybe one woof, but nothing else.
Its not clear if this is
a) I go out, my neighbour complains that my dog barks constantly while I am out
or
b) I am with the dog, the dog barks but not constantly and the neighbour is complaining about constant barking at a time when I know it is not my dog.
or
c) a mix of both of the above
I've been the non-dog neighbour in scenario a) and it really, really sucks
Keep a woof diary while youre at home, write down the time and duration of the barks. Also note when you are out. Now if neighbour complains that dog was barking for 2 hours on sunday you can reply that according to your diary there was barking for 5 minutes on sunday morning and are they sure it was your dog that was barking because you were there and youre keeping track of the barking that happens while you are at home.
Your neighbour may double down at this point and keep a more specific diary themselves, thats good. it'll weed out any exaggerations on their part.
If it all comes back to the dog barking while you are out then you really need to get it under control as its just horrible to listen to a dog bark for hours on end.
For what its worth my problem was solved by having a chat to the owners who stopped shutting the dog in the kitchen when they were out, she has been happier and much less barky ever since.
One of my suggestions was even 'the barking is terrible and the dog sounds distressed, please give me your mobile number and I'll text you if she barks for more than 15mins, please come home in that case." and even "I'd rather dog-sit than listen to the barking so leave me a key/leave the dog with me when you go out' - but of course thats only going to fly if you trust your neighbour.
posted by Ness at 8:06 AM on July 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Its not clear if this is
a) I go out, my neighbour complains that my dog barks constantly while I am out
or
b) I am with the dog, the dog barks but not constantly and the neighbour is complaining about constant barking at a time when I know it is not my dog.
or
c) a mix of both of the above
I've been the non-dog neighbour in scenario a) and it really, really sucks
Keep a woof diary while youre at home, write down the time and duration of the barks. Also note when you are out. Now if neighbour complains that dog was barking for 2 hours on sunday you can reply that according to your diary there was barking for 5 minutes on sunday morning and are they sure it was your dog that was barking because you were there and youre keeping track of the barking that happens while you are at home.
Your neighbour may double down at this point and keep a more specific diary themselves, thats good. it'll weed out any exaggerations on their part.
If it all comes back to the dog barking while you are out then you really need to get it under control as its just horrible to listen to a dog bark for hours on end.
For what its worth my problem was solved by having a chat to the owners who stopped shutting the dog in the kitchen when they were out, she has been happier and much less barky ever since.
One of my suggestions was even 'the barking is terrible and the dog sounds distressed, please give me your mobile number and I'll text you if she barks for more than 15mins, please come home in that case." and even "I'd rather dog-sit than listen to the barking so leave me a key/leave the dog with me when you go out' - but of course thats only going to fly if you trust your neighbour.
posted by Ness at 8:06 AM on July 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
The person sounds like they're itching for something to complain about. Give up on pleasing them - because they're searching for reasons to find fault with you, you will not be able to make them happy. Tell your landlord your side, keep written documentation of all your conversations with the neighbor, and if they bring it up in conversation, simply state what can be done is being done and that in the meantime, the two of you are neighbors and you should have a civil relationship - then change the topic of conversation. They're unwilling to let it go? Walk away and go focus on your canine friend instead.
posted by thebotanyofsouls at 3:11 AM on July 19, 2015 [2 favorites]