Shaking off irritability at the world
July 17, 2015 9:41 AM Subscribe
How do I shake things off when I'm really irritable? Lately I will have days where the world just pisses me off. It seems like everyone is being stupid, narrow minded, or judgmental of others. I try really hard not to be those things but it seems like I have days where I AM being moody and judgy. I need help figuring out how to shake off that mood and get my mind in a more positive, open mindset.
Lately I will have days where the world just pisses me off. I get irritable when seeing Facebook posts about controversial stuff (lately it's all the arguing about gay marriage, Confederate Flags, Obama invading Texas, Planned Parenthood videos....you get the idea). Apparently a lot of people I went to high school with are quite narrow minded and judgmental. Seeing some of the stuff they share or say on social media gets under my skin.
I also get irritable seeing/hearing people who are presenting themselves as helpless over their circumstances. There are so many GoFundMe requests for random things these days. People who don't have air conditioning during 100 degree days. People asking Facebook to tell them where they can go apply for a job. I work in mental health and get the different world view people with mental illness or depression have but some days it just gets to me. I just can't fix it. Maybe I am burned out?
In any case, I HATE feeling this way. I hate judging others and try really hard to let others believe what they want, but some days it just gets me in a bad mood. I want to be positive and supportive and an inspiration to others. So I start feeling bad about myself because I'm feeling negative about others (which really doesn't help the bad mood).
So, how do you shake off that irritability? How do you reset your mind when you're just fed up in general? And how can I keep this stuff from getting to me?
(I don't want to argue the rightness or wrongness of any of the above...I'm looking for some personal coping skills please!)
Lately I will have days where the world just pisses me off. I get irritable when seeing Facebook posts about controversial stuff (lately it's all the arguing about gay marriage, Confederate Flags, Obama invading Texas, Planned Parenthood videos....you get the idea). Apparently a lot of people I went to high school with are quite narrow minded and judgmental. Seeing some of the stuff they share or say on social media gets under my skin.
I also get irritable seeing/hearing people who are presenting themselves as helpless over their circumstances. There are so many GoFundMe requests for random things these days. People who don't have air conditioning during 100 degree days. People asking Facebook to tell them where they can go apply for a job. I work in mental health and get the different world view people with mental illness or depression have but some days it just gets to me. I just can't fix it. Maybe I am burned out?
In any case, I HATE feeling this way. I hate judging others and try really hard to let others believe what they want, but some days it just gets me in a bad mood. I want to be positive and supportive and an inspiration to others. So I start feeling bad about myself because I'm feeling negative about others (which really doesn't help the bad mood).
So, how do you shake off that irritability? How do you reset your mind when you're just fed up in general? And how can I keep this stuff from getting to me?
(I don't want to argue the rightness or wrongness of any of the above...I'm looking for some personal coping skills please!)
I'm a mental health consumer, and I get really pissed off at people that I think are helpless, even if we have a similar diagnosis. I also get really pissed off when people come to me catastrophizing problems that seem very very small.
I don't know how to shake it off yet, and sometimes I snap at people. It's gotten more frequent since my ptsd really kicked up a year ago.
Lately I'm focusing on what I can do when people get to me. I used to think I had to react in order not to give away my power. Now I try to react by focusing on my breathing, grounding, etc.
I also try to prevent as much as possible. I take breaks from FB, breaks from looking at certain people's pages, etc. If there's a chance I'll be set off by a place or crowd, I avoid as much as I can. But much harder when that's your job.
I imagine you are aware of symptoms and risks and I don't know your history, of course. But if there are any other funky things with your mood, could be worth checking out.
Finally, have you had a vacation lately? Can you have one?
posted by mermaidcafe at 9:49 AM on July 17, 2015
I don't know how to shake it off yet, and sometimes I snap at people. It's gotten more frequent since my ptsd really kicked up a year ago.
Lately I'm focusing on what I can do when people get to me. I used to think I had to react in order not to give away my power. Now I try to react by focusing on my breathing, grounding, etc.
I also try to prevent as much as possible. I take breaks from FB, breaks from looking at certain people's pages, etc. If there's a chance I'll be set off by a place or crowd, I avoid as much as I can. But much harder when that's your job.
I imagine you are aware of symptoms and risks and I don't know your history, of course. But if there are any other funky things with your mood, could be worth checking out.
Finally, have you had a vacation lately? Can you have one?
posted by mermaidcafe at 9:49 AM on July 17, 2015
I am so totally with you on this.
One thing I do is that I try to keep a supply of cardboard tubes (the kind that wrapping paper comes wrapped around) and when it's just beyond my capacity to maintain, I close my office door and bang the eff out of a bookcase with the tube until the tube is in shreds. It works off some of that negative energy and is kinda fun and so it uplifts me a little. Also it's really silly so it helps put my anger in perspective.
But I'm also aware that, in Buddhist psychology, I'm an "angry" type, and so I have to just stay aware that my mind tends to create criticism, more so than other personality types. Reminding myself consistently that just because I think it doesn't mean it's right is helpful, but of course, that's an intellectual understanding and may or may not help with getting past the basic emotion of anger or irritability.
Breathe. Drink water. Move away from the computer. Take a walk -- even if it's just a few feet away from the place where the anger arises. Take it moment to moment -- trying to change it now, once and for all, probably won't work. You have to chip away at it as it arises, and being okay with knowing that it's going to come back is all part of the process.
Also look at kitten videos. I follow a few people on instagram who post THEE best kitten videos. They can help, too.
posted by janey47 at 9:53 AM on July 17, 2015 [5 favorites]
One thing I do is that I try to keep a supply of cardboard tubes (the kind that wrapping paper comes wrapped around) and when it's just beyond my capacity to maintain, I close my office door and bang the eff out of a bookcase with the tube until the tube is in shreds. It works off some of that negative energy and is kinda fun and so it uplifts me a little. Also it's really silly so it helps put my anger in perspective.
But I'm also aware that, in Buddhist psychology, I'm an "angry" type, and so I have to just stay aware that my mind tends to create criticism, more so than other personality types. Reminding myself consistently that just because I think it doesn't mean it's right is helpful, but of course, that's an intellectual understanding and may or may not help with getting past the basic emotion of anger or irritability.
Breathe. Drink water. Move away from the computer. Take a walk -- even if it's just a few feet away from the place where the anger arises. Take it moment to moment -- trying to change it now, once and for all, probably won't work. You have to chip away at it as it arises, and being okay with knowing that it's going to come back is all part of the process.
Also look at kitten videos. I follow a few people on instagram who post THEE best kitten videos. They can help, too.
posted by janey47 at 9:53 AM on July 17, 2015 [5 favorites]
The other day, I was thinking about how, before the internet, I never knew that so many petty minded people existed. I was blissfully unaware of them. Most people I ran into in my daily life were okay, and the rule was never discuss politics or religion. That pretty much holds true today.
I made a New Year's resolution to steer clear of discussing anything political or controversial on social media. I think I have broken it once or twice, but having that rule makes it easier for me to disengage. If I want to see political comments, I visit my local newspaper's website (but also do not comment there).
I don't own a smart phone. When I leave the house, I leave all of that behind.
The internet is a tool. You wouldn't use a hammer to keep hitting your foot, right? So I look at it like, I can go look at YouTube videos telling me how to make a recipe or watch a relaxing TV show. I can look up things, silly things, important things, and I can also walk away and read a book, or go outside. When the world pisses me off, I watch silly Buzzfeed videos. There's a reason those are so popular. I look at like, whelp, I'm lowering my blood pressure, so it's medicinal!
The "hide" feature on Facebook is fantastic. Hide posts. If someone is really obnoxious and you find yourself getting upset at their posts, unfollow them.
I also quit Twitter a while back, it was just like, why am I sitting here watching people's comments scroll by? I can get onto Twitter and look at hashtags, in case of a big news story, without having an account.
Make it work for you, the way you want to see things. Cats and puppies are perfectly okay. Not everyone is called to activism, and that's okay too. You have a right to exist peacefully without being inundated with garbage all the time. Shut it off and/or customize your feed, or limit your interaction with it to less time per day.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 9:56 AM on July 17, 2015 [22 favorites]
I made a New Year's resolution to steer clear of discussing anything political or controversial on social media. I think I have broken it once or twice, but having that rule makes it easier for me to disengage. If I want to see political comments, I visit my local newspaper's website (but also do not comment there).
I don't own a smart phone. When I leave the house, I leave all of that behind.
The internet is a tool. You wouldn't use a hammer to keep hitting your foot, right? So I look at it like, I can go look at YouTube videos telling me how to make a recipe or watch a relaxing TV show. I can look up things, silly things, important things, and I can also walk away and read a book, or go outside. When the world pisses me off, I watch silly Buzzfeed videos. There's a reason those are so popular. I look at like, whelp, I'm lowering my blood pressure, so it's medicinal!
The "hide" feature on Facebook is fantastic. Hide posts. If someone is really obnoxious and you find yourself getting upset at their posts, unfollow them.
I also quit Twitter a while back, it was just like, why am I sitting here watching people's comments scroll by? I can get onto Twitter and look at hashtags, in case of a big news story, without having an account.
Make it work for you, the way you want to see things. Cats and puppies are perfectly okay. Not everyone is called to activism, and that's okay too. You have a right to exist peacefully without being inundated with garbage all the time. Shut it off and/or customize your feed, or limit your interaction with it to less time per day.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 9:56 AM on July 17, 2015 [22 favorites]
go walk round the block. go to the gym. go for a bike ride. walk into town. go look at a museum. have a cup of tea and stare out the window. meditate. take out the rubbish. clean the floors. do the washing. read a poem. read a chapter of a book. listen to some music. read about some music. make some music. write a poem. write an email to an old friend. make a list of things to do. do something on the list. have a cigarette. have a drink. have a wank.
posted by andrewcooke at 9:57 AM on July 17, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by andrewcooke at 9:57 AM on July 17, 2015 [8 favorites]
For me, first I have to check if I'm dehydrated, hungry, or too hot. When I am, the littlest things will set me off.
In general though, I notice that you say - oh, these people suck, they're pissing me off, etc, and then in conclusion you say "I just can't fix it."
You're not mad at them, really. You're mad you can't fix it. You're mad that you have to watch people make mistakes that you know are mistakes. It's frustrating to see stuff like that - frustrating and sad. But I think the way forward might be to realize that none of this is your responsibility. You don't HAVE to fix it. No one is asking you to, not even the people who agree with you.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:58 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
In general though, I notice that you say - oh, these people suck, they're pissing me off, etc, and then in conclusion you say "I just can't fix it."
You're not mad at them, really. You're mad you can't fix it. You're mad that you have to watch people make mistakes that you know are mistakes. It's frustrating to see stuff like that - frustrating and sad. But I think the way forward might be to realize that none of this is your responsibility. You don't HAVE to fix it. No one is asking you to, not even the people who agree with you.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:58 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
Hmmmm. I was going to suggest something which frequently works for me -- doing occasional personal checks, to remind myself that I'm behaving like the people who are irritating me are behaving -- but then you wrote...
So I start feeling bad about myself because I'm feeling negative about others (which really doesn't help the bad mood).
... Which kind of makes it sound like doing that, or something similar to that, is just putting you in a spiral.
That's only one level of stepping back, though. You could try having an easy, brainless hobby lying around, to engage in for a few minutes while your mind clears. You could take a quick walk: If I'm wound up about something, I might continue to obsess over it for the first few minutes of a walk, but by the end I've either forgotten about it, or bypassed whatever was knotting me up and found a better solution. This didn't exactly "solve" problems, but it really helped maintain perspective, as to what were problems worth solving.
Something that I found insanely helpful, back when I was quitting drinking, was to have a running checklist of things in my life that were incredible, unqualified, good things. These things could be complex, like enduring friendships, or stupid simple, like the fact that my apartment had electricity. The more overwhelmingly dark things felt, the more important it was for me to start on the most trivial thing (like my lightswitch) and work my way up to grander stuff (like my family still talking to me).
posted by credible hulk at 10:00 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
So I start feeling bad about myself because I'm feeling negative about others (which really doesn't help the bad mood).
... Which kind of makes it sound like doing that, or something similar to that, is just putting you in a spiral.
That's only one level of stepping back, though. You could try having an easy, brainless hobby lying around, to engage in for a few minutes while your mind clears. You could take a quick walk: If I'm wound up about something, I might continue to obsess over it for the first few minutes of a walk, but by the end I've either forgotten about it, or bypassed whatever was knotting me up and found a better solution. This didn't exactly "solve" problems, but it really helped maintain perspective, as to what were problems worth solving.
Something that I found insanely helpful, back when I was quitting drinking, was to have a running checklist of things in my life that were incredible, unqualified, good things. These things could be complex, like enduring friendships, or stupid simple, like the fact that my apartment had electricity. The more overwhelmingly dark things felt, the more important it was for me to start on the most trivial thing (like my lightswitch) and work my way up to grander stuff (like my family still talking to me).
posted by credible hulk at 10:00 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
For me:
1. Short digital media fast - the world will go on being stupid or not stupid via Facebook / Twitter with or without you. Just walk away for a bit and focus your attention on something else.
2. Exercise - I typically go for short run.
3. Nature - running outside or sitting in the park.
I'm regularly amazed how much better even a brief break and some interaction with the tangible, physical, not optimized-to-push-my-serotonin/cortisone-buttons world can make me feel.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:03 AM on July 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
1. Short digital media fast - the world will go on being stupid or not stupid via Facebook / Twitter with or without you. Just walk away for a bit and focus your attention on something else.
2. Exercise - I typically go for short run.
3. Nature - running outside or sitting in the park.
I'm regularly amazed how much better even a brief break and some interaction with the tangible, physical, not optimized-to-push-my-serotonin/cortisone-buttons world can make me feel.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:03 AM on July 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
Looking at pictures and videos of baby animals always calms me down and makes me feel better about life in general.
Archer the koala and Cute Overload have helped me get out of some really bad moods.
posted by interiority at 10:05 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
Archer the koala and Cute Overload have helped me get out of some really bad moods.
posted by interiority at 10:05 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
You have to stop reading that crap on the internet. It's totally fine to not read it. I don't even read the news most days anymore, and my life has not been negatively affected at all. Somehow I still find out what I need to know to get through life.
Now on to the emotional part: I've said this on metafilter before, but I have a friend who told me when she starts to feel irrationally angry or upset, she takes a beat and says to herself, "Let's skip this part." The part where you get mad at nothing and let it ruin your day for absolutely no reason. You have a choice in how you react to things. This trick is especially useful in annoying driving situations, I find. It does work. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself with these negative emotions, and it's totally possible not to have them. Give yourself permission to skip that part.
posted by something something at 10:06 AM on July 17, 2015 [10 favorites]
Now on to the emotional part: I've said this on metafilter before, but I have a friend who told me when she starts to feel irrationally angry or upset, she takes a beat and says to herself, "Let's skip this part." The part where you get mad at nothing and let it ruin your day for absolutely no reason. You have a choice in how you react to things. This trick is especially useful in annoying driving situations, I find. It does work. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself with these negative emotions, and it's totally possible not to have them. Give yourself permission to skip that part.
posted by something something at 10:06 AM on July 17, 2015 [10 favorites]
When this happens to me, it is almost always because I didn't run that morning or I've been spending too many hours reading the internet.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:08 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:08 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
It sounds like burn out is at least contributing (and understandably!).
A vacation, if possible, even just a long weekend. I don't mean you have to go away, but just have a few extra days of not dealing with work (and self-pampering) would go a long way for me when I had a job that could be emotionally draining (I would definitely get to that point of just not caring and being irritated by everything demanding attention). On the break, disconnect from everything you can for at least one full day (I needed two, personally), and plan a fun social event after your seclusion, with people who aren't generally needy.
If that's not possible, aggressively prune Facebook (or at least unfollow, just removing a few people from my feed made a huge difference). Treat yourself over the weekend soon: either Netflix the day a way, spa day, or a day-time bar crawl with carefully chosen friends (the ones who don't demand constant emotional support), whatever makes you just happy.
In the moment, distance yourself from it, play it down. Really Bob on Facebook? That's what you want to put out there. You're an odd duck Bob on Facebook (and then unfollow!), thank god this is not my problem. It can be helpful to emotionally disengage on occasion: with burn out, you sometimes wind up having that happen anyways, but if you can learn to use it for unimportant stuff, you minimize the risk of just shutting down on everything.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:08 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
A vacation, if possible, even just a long weekend. I don't mean you have to go away, but just have a few extra days of not dealing with work (and self-pampering) would go a long way for me when I had a job that could be emotionally draining (I would definitely get to that point of just not caring and being irritated by everything demanding attention). On the break, disconnect from everything you can for at least one full day (I needed two, personally), and plan a fun social event after your seclusion, with people who aren't generally needy.
If that's not possible, aggressively prune Facebook (or at least unfollow, just removing a few people from my feed made a huge difference). Treat yourself over the weekend soon: either Netflix the day a way, spa day, or a day-time bar crawl with carefully chosen friends (the ones who don't demand constant emotional support), whatever makes you just happy.
In the moment, distance yourself from it, play it down. Really Bob on Facebook? That's what you want to put out there. You're an odd duck Bob on Facebook (and then unfollow!), thank god this is not my problem. It can be helpful to emotionally disengage on occasion: with burn out, you sometimes wind up having that happen anyways, but if you can learn to use it for unimportant stuff, you minimize the risk of just shutting down on everything.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:08 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure if this is representative of your overall situation or not, but all the examples you gave are from social media. Is it possible to just take a Facebook vacation for a while, or at least "hide"/"unfollow" negative people? I unfollow people pretty quickly these days because I have little patience for seeing certain types of posts in my feed. I can always check their page specifically if, say, I hear they had a baby and want to look at the cute pictures, but the crazy political articles aren't constantly filling my feed. Simiarly, you can "teach" Gmail that everything from GoFundMe is spam (or even set up a filter so that everything with the words "GoFundMe" gets sent directly to the trash or some folder called "Annoying People".
At least for me personally, I think I tend to get WAY more annoyed about people's obnoxious behavior online than I would in real life. Like, if a friend came to me one-on-one and was, say, complaining about not being able to find a job or asking me where they might look, that would annoy me WAY less than a similar complaint/plea on Facebook. Part of it is that there's a humanizing element of seeing someone actually in pain, in front of me, even if I feel like they might not be dealing with their situation perfectly. And, of course, there's the personal request for help versus a scattershot "let's ask all 500 people on my Facebook page and see what works?!" If you're the same, blocking the online annoyances may help reduce the overall number of annoyances in your life enough that you can handle the "in person" ones that do come along with more grace.
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:08 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
At least for me personally, I think I tend to get WAY more annoyed about people's obnoxious behavior online than I would in real life. Like, if a friend came to me one-on-one and was, say, complaining about not being able to find a job or asking me where they might look, that would annoy me WAY less than a similar complaint/plea on Facebook. Part of it is that there's a humanizing element of seeing someone actually in pain, in front of me, even if I feel like they might not be dealing with their situation perfectly. And, of course, there's the personal request for help versus a scattershot "let's ask all 500 people on my Facebook page and see what works?!" If you're the same, blocking the online annoyances may help reduce the overall number of annoyances in your life enough that you can handle the "in person" ones that do come along with more grace.
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:08 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am an irritable person and I do a pretty good job making my inner irritable voice not become my outer irritable voice. I know you want to be your best person, even for yourself, but start small and work up.
1. HALT - I do this as well, it's very useful
2. I think of stress as a bit of a medical problem and one that affects other personal and health issues I have. So I work on my stress - eat well, limit caffeine, get some exercise, get outside. Basically be kind to me to help me be my best self.
3. Social media - try to block and ban liberally. Unfollow and disengage. Put another way: the world has always been full of terrible people (and terrific people) but social media allows them more inroads into your attention streams than they were. If you can't affect your reactions, you may need to limit your intake.
4. Joneses, keeping up with - I became significantly happier about my (mostly working, mostly fine) body when I stopped watching as much TV and reading mainstream magazines for example. You have to think about your information diet the same way you think about your food diet. Is it junk? Why? What is affecting the choices you make about what you consume? Can you change those things? Are you comfortable with your politics and your charitable giving? Then you don't have to feel like you need to engage with political or money people.
5. Helping - we always say "put on your own air mask before assisting others" but it's hard when you are in a helping profession where others have seemingly endless needs. I had a parent who was a problem drinker and one who was a crabby narcissist and I spent my whole life being a pleaser making other people happy while not managing my own happiness. That was suboptimal and I'm changing it. And you know what? Every single thing I do for me feels wasteful, selfish and a distraction from "real" problems. And that's so sad, for me, to have grown up in an environment that wired me to respond that way to things that are good for me. Poor kid Jessamyn, that was hard. And that helps too, giving myself the empathy that I would extend to others.
I have good friends and a good therapist and I've been getting better, so much better, at managing my own feelings about other peoples' feelings and balancing how I feel with how other people feel. It's entirely possible that you are burned out, it's also possible that you just need to ... set a mid-course correction to help get yourself prioritized appropriately in your own world. I try to work on empathy for people who are making me spitting mad. I'm not that great at it but if I actively try to reframe the situation, to give myself the power to say "That's too bad that they have such a limited view of the world..." or even engage constructively, I can feel like I'm helping by not making it worse and helping by making me more able to do the good works that I do.
You're a good person, and you're probably doing a good job. Think about what advice you'd give to a good friend grappling with what you are grappling with, and try to be a friend to yourself.
posted by jessamyn at 10:33 AM on July 17, 2015 [11 favorites]
1. HALT - I do this as well, it's very useful
2. I think of stress as a bit of a medical problem and one that affects other personal and health issues I have. So I work on my stress - eat well, limit caffeine, get some exercise, get outside. Basically be kind to me to help me be my best self.
3. Social media - try to block and ban liberally. Unfollow and disengage. Put another way: the world has always been full of terrible people (and terrific people) but social media allows them more inroads into your attention streams than they were. If you can't affect your reactions, you may need to limit your intake.
4. Joneses, keeping up with - I became significantly happier about my (mostly working, mostly fine) body when I stopped watching as much TV and reading mainstream magazines for example. You have to think about your information diet the same way you think about your food diet. Is it junk? Why? What is affecting the choices you make about what you consume? Can you change those things? Are you comfortable with your politics and your charitable giving? Then you don't have to feel like you need to engage with political or money people.
5. Helping - we always say "put on your own air mask before assisting others" but it's hard when you are in a helping profession where others have seemingly endless needs. I had a parent who was a problem drinker and one who was a crabby narcissist and I spent my whole life being a pleaser making other people happy while not managing my own happiness. That was suboptimal and I'm changing it. And you know what? Every single thing I do for me feels wasteful, selfish and a distraction from "real" problems. And that's so sad, for me, to have grown up in an environment that wired me to respond that way to things that are good for me. Poor kid Jessamyn, that was hard. And that helps too, giving myself the empathy that I would extend to others.
I have good friends and a good therapist and I've been getting better, so much better, at managing my own feelings about other peoples' feelings and balancing how I feel with how other people feel. It's entirely possible that you are burned out, it's also possible that you just need to ... set a mid-course correction to help get yourself prioritized appropriately in your own world. I try to work on empathy for people who are making me spitting mad. I'm not that great at it but if I actively try to reframe the situation, to give myself the power to say "That's too bad that they have such a limited view of the world..." or even engage constructively, I can feel like I'm helping by not making it worse and helping by making me more able to do the good works that I do.
You're a good person, and you're probably doing a good job. Think about what advice you'd give to a good friend grappling with what you are grappling with, and try to be a friend to yourself.
posted by jessamyn at 10:33 AM on July 17, 2015 [11 favorites]
You might try practicing loving-kindness meditation on a regular basis. Something else that's helped me (and continues to help me) is making a conscious choice to notice the things around me that make me happy, grateful, fulfilled, or otherwise not-irritable.
And a big thing that's helped is unfriending a bunch of my high-school acquaintances on Facebook, or at least the ones who post a bunch of stupid reactionary links or comments.
posted by jaguar at 10:34 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
And a big thing that's helped is unfriending a bunch of my high-school acquaintances on Facebook, or at least the ones who post a bunch of stupid reactionary links or comments.
posted by jaguar at 10:34 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I tell myself that it's OK to be a Grumpy Old Man at my age, but one thing that helps is to harvest poems that I like from the Internet and put them into my own private anthology that I keep in my Dropbox.
I've been doing this for some years and now have quite a collection that I can delve into when necessary.
It definitely helps me.
Also, what others above say about social media.
posted by lungtaworld at 10:40 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
I've been doing this for some years and now have quite a collection that I can delve into when necessary.
It definitely helps me.
Also, what others above say about social media.
posted by lungtaworld at 10:40 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
How are you feeling physically? It's a long shot, but this is basically how I felt when I came down with thyroiditis (and we're in summer, which is prime season for it). It might be worth seeing your GP and asking for some bloodwork if you haven't been tested lately, especially if you have any other physical symptoms, even weird ones that don't seem like they could be connected.
Apart from that, I find news diets are helpful (for me the trigger is NPR, but yours may vary). Watching cheerful trash TV is helpful. Walking, running, and easy yoga are helpful.
Also, it is totally possible to take a big step away from Facebook. Some people won't understand and it will make it harder to stay in touch in some ways, but it is doable to either cut back or go cold-turkey. I find my life is, overall, much better without it.
posted by pie ninja at 10:41 AM on July 17, 2015
Apart from that, I find news diets are helpful (for me the trigger is NPR, but yours may vary). Watching cheerful trash TV is helpful. Walking, running, and easy yoga are helpful.
Also, it is totally possible to take a big step away from Facebook. Some people won't understand and it will make it harder to stay in touch in some ways, but it is doable to either cut back or go cold-turkey. I find my life is, overall, much better without it.
posted by pie ninja at 10:41 AM on July 17, 2015
Knowing "Not my monkey, not my circus" helps. Step away from anything that requires a log-in or a button to turn on for 48 hours. The withdrawal symptoms will be ridiculous, but you won't have other people's monkeys jumping on your back for that time.
posted by HeyAllie at 10:42 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by HeyAllie at 10:42 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I work in mental health
Have you ever looked into resources for people in your field on practicing self-care or guarding against burn out? I have a lot of friends in social work and this is something they all struggle with and try to support each other on.
posted by Juliet Banana at 10:47 AM on July 17, 2015 [4 favorites]
Have you ever looked into resources for people in your field on practicing self-care or guarding against burn out? I have a lot of friends in social work and this is something they all struggle with and try to support each other on.
posted by Juliet Banana at 10:47 AM on July 17, 2015 [4 favorites]
I would start by unfriending these people who are losers you went to high school with. They are not your real friends. If you feel that's too drastic and noticeable, you can "unfollow" or "unsubscribe" (forget the term Facebook uses), which means you won't see their grab on your Facebook feed anymore.
Do you use social media too much? I had to cut back. I found myself browsing websites like reddit and being exposed to how truly horrible and shitty people are. The news also depressed me, so I blocked certain news websites that I'd visit and would upset me. I needed to just stop exposing myself to it. Facebook is an experience that I think leaves most people not feeling very good -- either because everyone they know is a moron, such as in your case, or because everyone else is posting carefully curated photos about how awesome their lives are. Studies show Facebook makes people feel worse about their lives.
I would also think about whether you are getting enough sleep, are you active enough/have enough energy, etc. When I am irritable, it's usually because I haven't gotten enough sleep or because I am hangry (hungry, which makes me angry easily). Being active makes me feel more positive. Spend the hour that usually went toward browsing Facebook to instead go for a run, or a swim, or do a spinning class.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:54 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Do you use social media too much? I had to cut back. I found myself browsing websites like reddit and being exposed to how truly horrible and shitty people are. The news also depressed me, so I blocked certain news websites that I'd visit and would upset me. I needed to just stop exposing myself to it. Facebook is an experience that I think leaves most people not feeling very good -- either because everyone they know is a moron, such as in your case, or because everyone else is posting carefully curated photos about how awesome their lives are. Studies show Facebook makes people feel worse about their lives.
I would also think about whether you are getting enough sleep, are you active enough/have enough energy, etc. When I am irritable, it's usually because I haven't gotten enough sleep or because I am hangry (hungry, which makes me angry easily). Being active makes me feel more positive. Spend the hour that usually went toward browsing Facebook to instead go for a run, or a swim, or do a spinning class.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:54 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Irritability is one of the symptoms of depression. Here's a self-test, one of many available. It can be a transient bout of depression as a reaction to any number of things, or more deeply entrenched.
I listed some responses and resources for depression here.
posted by theora55 at 11:09 AM on July 17, 2015
I listed some responses and resources for depression here.
posted by theora55 at 11:09 AM on July 17, 2015
I forgot another tip I have sometimes. When I get really irritable it's often because I feel trapped between what is the "right" thing to do and what I actually want to do. This can be something simple like "I want a second cookie" or something complicated like "I want to tell this person that they are an idiot and ruining America but I can't because I have manners" and I explain to myself that I CAN do the thing but that there are good reasons why I am not doing the thing, but that those reasons are flexible. There is no law that says you can't call people assholes, just community standards/manners. And if I want that second cookie I can have it but may need to walk an extra 15 minutes tomorrow or whatever. Helping acknowledge to yourself what the actual tradeoffs are instead of feeling stuck can sometimes help me rationalize my way out of a trapped-feeling irritable mood.
posted by jessamyn at 11:09 AM on July 17, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 11:09 AM on July 17, 2015 [5 favorites]
Nthing the "unfollow" and "unsubscribe" recommendations; ignoring my idiot friends from high school and what they think about Obamacare has done a lot for my mental health.
I also have a quiver of things that I keep handy that I'm reasonably sure will always improve my mood. For me it's mostly exercise; kayaking, mountain biking, snowboarding, rock climbing. Even if I feel like I have to drag myself out to go do these things, they improve my mood basically without fail. Ask yourself what activities have a similar pick-me-up effect for you; maybe it's buying a new comic book or visiting puppies at the shelter. Whatever it is, use feeling irritable as a trigger to do whatever the thing is (so long as it's not a destructive or harmful thing, like, say, heroin or yelling at your s/o).
posted by craven_morhead at 11:12 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
I also have a quiver of things that I keep handy that I'm reasonably sure will always improve my mood. For me it's mostly exercise; kayaking, mountain biking, snowboarding, rock climbing. Even if I feel like I have to drag myself out to go do these things, they improve my mood basically without fail. Ask yourself what activities have a similar pick-me-up effect for you; maybe it's buying a new comic book or visiting puppies at the shelter. Whatever it is, use feeling irritable as a trigger to do whatever the thing is (so long as it's not a destructive or harmful thing, like, say, heroin or yelling at your s/o).
posted by craven_morhead at 11:12 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
As a mental health professional, you might also want to look into symptoms of vicarious trauma (sometimes called secondary trauma) and see if any of that fits.
posted by jaguar at 11:20 AM on July 17, 2015
posted by jaguar at 11:20 AM on July 17, 2015
It really helps me to limit my exposure to the annoying stimulus. I freely hide, block, unfriend on social media in order to avoid getting irate. I highly recommend it.
posted by quince at 11:21 AM on July 17, 2015
posted by quince at 11:21 AM on July 17, 2015
This is a useful, good-humored checklist of simple practices to try if you need a quick "reset" when things are getting you down or irritated:
Everytyhing is Awful and I'm Not OK
It's more or less an expanded version of the HALT protocol. Also, a lot of your stress seems to stem from social media or screentime more generally. As someone who has to work on screens a lot and also uses them for relaxation and entertainment, I sympathize, but it can be genuinely wonderful to have a day or two without glowing pixels in front of you, especially when they're mostly just shoveling stimuli that are provably going to depress you more. Just because others want to blast their opinions and needs at you doesn't oblige you to consume or respond to them. Best of luck with the self-care!
posted by informavore at 11:23 AM on July 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
Everytyhing is Awful and I'm Not OK
It's more or less an expanded version of the HALT protocol. Also, a lot of your stress seems to stem from social media or screentime more generally. As someone who has to work on screens a lot and also uses them for relaxation and entertainment, I sympathize, but it can be genuinely wonderful to have a day or two without glowing pixels in front of you, especially when they're mostly just shoveling stimuli that are provably going to depress you more. Just because others want to blast their opinions and needs at you doesn't oblige you to consume or respond to them. Best of luck with the self-care!
posted by informavore at 11:23 AM on July 17, 2015 [3 favorites]
Loving everyone's advice! A few of my favorite pointers:
+ I take the supplement 5HTP and it helps immensely with my mood, irritability, etc.
+ I find that I'm extra irritable when I have low blood sugar (hungry, binge drank, poor nutrition, etc). I'd check into hypoglycemia!
+ try the policeman technique when meditating to help with negative thought patterns
+ I am ruthless about unfriending and unfollowing people that rub me the wrong way -- but be really honest about the root of the problem. If you're projecting, acknowledge it and examine it! But you can still swipe them out of your feed.
+ Set a rule to do a few squats/push-ups/jumping jacks/lunges or something very concrete EVERY single time you feel aggravated, no matter where or when. You need a knee-jerk response to help you out of a bad thought pattern and release endorphins.
Best of luck!
posted by doctordrey at 11:24 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
+ I take the supplement 5HTP and it helps immensely with my mood, irritability, etc.
+ I find that I'm extra irritable when I have low blood sugar (hungry, binge drank, poor nutrition, etc). I'd check into hypoglycemia!
+ try the policeman technique when meditating to help with negative thought patterns
+ I am ruthless about unfriending and unfollowing people that rub me the wrong way -- but be really honest about the root of the problem. If you're projecting, acknowledge it and examine it! But you can still swipe them out of your feed.
+ Set a rule to do a few squats/push-ups/jumping jacks/lunges or something very concrete EVERY single time you feel aggravated, no matter where or when. You need a knee-jerk response to help you out of a bad thought pattern and release endorphins.
Best of luck!
posted by doctordrey at 11:24 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think it's all about understanding. Understanding that many people like to align themselves with a certain cause or sport team or political party because they believe by doing so, it makes them look like a "better" person or certain kind of person. Many people identify with a certain political party or belief system because they think it says something about them, the self, but really it doesn't mean much. Political affiliation, the confederate flag thing, religious ideology, is an extension of the ego.
You are allowing your ego to be offended by such things because you probably invest too much of your self into a certain way of thinking. I think xyz, therefore I am xyz is ego. The way the mind thinks has little to do with the self. The self you were born with, the perfect self that can be content if you would allow your thinking mind to quiet down. When you look down on the people who are unconsciously typing their viewpoints on Facebook, you're guilty of being ego-driven as much as they are.
With understanding you may become more calm and be less offended. We all know that all humans want the same thing -- to be loved and accepted. Humans like to identify with groups or political parties or ways of thinking in an effort to accepted. People who allow their identity to become mixed up with the confederate flag will naturally become offended if someone criticizes it, because they believe they are being personally criticized. You're doing the same. You're identifying with certain causes so much that they become an extension of yourself. So, when someone criticizes gay marriage, you become offended because you mistakenly believe that someone is criticizing you. And who is you anyway? There is the thinking mind and there is the self, they are separate.
Many people are driven by fear. When you understand that many people cannot separate themselves from the thinking brain, you may become more compassionate. I have compassion for the person that is rigid. Their mind is locked down in a certain way of thinking and they don't know that thoughts do not define the self. I have compassion for the person who shoots people over ideology. They cannot see themselves in another human. They see themselves as separate and identify solely with the ego. I have compassion for the person who wants the Confederate flag to remain. Their ego is wrapped up in it.
On a somewhat different note, many adult children of alcoholics have a tendency to take things personally and can be too serious. They take criticism and differing opinions as a threat. If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, this may be part of the problem.
posted by Fairchild at 11:27 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
You are allowing your ego to be offended by such things because you probably invest too much of your self into a certain way of thinking. I think xyz, therefore I am xyz is ego. The way the mind thinks has little to do with the self. The self you were born with, the perfect self that can be content if you would allow your thinking mind to quiet down. When you look down on the people who are unconsciously typing their viewpoints on Facebook, you're guilty of being ego-driven as much as they are.
With understanding you may become more calm and be less offended. We all know that all humans want the same thing -- to be loved and accepted. Humans like to identify with groups or political parties or ways of thinking in an effort to accepted. People who allow their identity to become mixed up with the confederate flag will naturally become offended if someone criticizes it, because they believe they are being personally criticized. You're doing the same. You're identifying with certain causes so much that they become an extension of yourself. So, when someone criticizes gay marriage, you become offended because you mistakenly believe that someone is criticizing you. And who is you anyway? There is the thinking mind and there is the self, they are separate.
Many people are driven by fear. When you understand that many people cannot separate themselves from the thinking brain, you may become more compassionate. I have compassion for the person that is rigid. Their mind is locked down in a certain way of thinking and they don't know that thoughts do not define the self. I have compassion for the person who shoots people over ideology. They cannot see themselves in another human. They see themselves as separate and identify solely with the ego. I have compassion for the person who wants the Confederate flag to remain. Their ego is wrapped up in it.
On a somewhat different note, many adult children of alcoholics have a tendency to take things personally and can be too serious. They take criticism and differing opinions as a threat. If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, this may be part of the problem.
posted by Fairchild at 11:27 AM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
I reboot myself and get rid of my irritation by getting out in nature, preferably away from people, and definitely away from the Internet. If I can't get outside, I shut everything off and crawl under the blankets with my cats. If I'm at work I try and go for a walk around the building. If I can't do that, I hide in the bathroom until I calm down.
posted by desjardins at 11:33 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by desjardins at 11:33 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, and along the lines of physical wellness... I found out I had really low Vitamin D levels in a routine check up (winter in the PNW). Didn't realize just how cranky I'd been feeling until shortly after starting the supplement. If you have any risk factors for that, may be worth having checked out.
posted by ghost phoneme at 11:57 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ghost phoneme at 11:57 AM on July 17, 2015 [1 favorite]
Physical activity until you break a sweat. While repeating "Not my monkeys, not my circus."
posted by raisingsand at 12:59 PM on July 17, 2015
posted by raisingsand at 12:59 PM on July 17, 2015
Get off Facebook. Biggest immediate lift to your mental health, followed shortly by exercise and a gratitude journal.
posted by Jubey at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
I struggle with the same stuff, and I fully endorse the advice here.
Things that work especially well for me: unplug and go into nature for many hours or days on a regular basis. For some reason this is more healing than anything.
Try mindfulness meditation - there are a lot of smartphone apps that are free or low-cost and non-woo. I know everyone harps on this stuff and it becomes cliche, but once I finally tried it I discovered it really does help you detach your thoughts and perceptions from that hot emotional reaction. You get better at observing yourself escalating in irritation and at asking yourself "is this how I really want to feel right now?" It helps me learn to break the reaction circuit. I love Melody Beattie's phrase "Act, don't react." When I find myself seeing red in some sort of stupid Facebook war, I'm reacting - not acting with purpose and intention according to my values.
I find some solutions or at least positive thoughts in spiritual stuff - like, tasking myself with forgiveness and letting go, hewing to the thought that my task is not to judge others but to do the work that needs doing to advance compassion and good outcomes in the world. YMMV and I suck at it, but I find a lot of calm and refuge in the idea that I can at least fellow-travel with the people who are trying to do stuff 180 degrees opposite to the lazy, narrow-minded evil in the world. Turn your attention to making progress, not fighting brick walls. My favorite saying for this is "push on what moves," meaning, don't try to make progress against stuff that's dug in and not going to move. Chances are you could spend your time making progress with other people who share your values and are taking action, rather than fighting the trolls and unreconstructed dug-in oppositionals of the world. Their goal is to waste your valuable time, and the more you engage with them, the less time available for you to spend advancing positive values in the world.
posted by Miko at 7:56 PM on July 17, 2015 [5 favorites]
Things that work especially well for me: unplug and go into nature for many hours or days on a regular basis. For some reason this is more healing than anything.
Try mindfulness meditation - there are a lot of smartphone apps that are free or low-cost and non-woo. I know everyone harps on this stuff and it becomes cliche, but once I finally tried it I discovered it really does help you detach your thoughts and perceptions from that hot emotional reaction. You get better at observing yourself escalating in irritation and at asking yourself "is this how I really want to feel right now?" It helps me learn to break the reaction circuit. I love Melody Beattie's phrase "Act, don't react." When I find myself seeing red in some sort of stupid Facebook war, I'm reacting - not acting with purpose and intention according to my values.
I find some solutions or at least positive thoughts in spiritual stuff - like, tasking myself with forgiveness and letting go, hewing to the thought that my task is not to judge others but to do the work that needs doing to advance compassion and good outcomes in the world. YMMV and I suck at it, but I find a lot of calm and refuge in the idea that I can at least fellow-travel with the people who are trying to do stuff 180 degrees opposite to the lazy, narrow-minded evil in the world. Turn your attention to making progress, not fighting brick walls. My favorite saying for this is "push on what moves," meaning, don't try to make progress against stuff that's dug in and not going to move. Chances are you could spend your time making progress with other people who share your values and are taking action, rather than fighting the trolls and unreconstructed dug-in oppositionals of the world. Their goal is to waste your valuable time, and the more you engage with them, the less time available for you to spend advancing positive values in the world.
posted by Miko at 7:56 PM on July 17, 2015 [5 favorites]
For me, I take loooong walks - like hours long. And also garden (ripping up weeds is really therapeutic).
posted by Toddles at 9:03 PM on July 17, 2015
posted by Toddles at 9:03 PM on July 17, 2015
I shake off irritability by putting things in perspective:
-Accepting that certain qualities in others that I find maddening do not define them as people and were most likely shaped by experiences I will never know about and/or might never fully understand...
-Acknowledging that I'm also, in many ways, a flawed human being therefore I must strive to practice more compassion/understanding (however difficult, inconvenient, and undeserved) than judgment as it's something I need from others as well, in times and circumstances I may not even be aware of
-Picking my battles allows me to allocate my limited time and energy towards more meaningful pursuits that contribute to my well-being and long-term happiness
posted by tackypink at 10:54 PM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
-Accepting that certain qualities in others that I find maddening do not define them as people and were most likely shaped by experiences I will never know about and/or might never fully understand...
-Acknowledging that I'm also, in many ways, a flawed human being therefore I must strive to practice more compassion/understanding (however difficult, inconvenient, and undeserved) than judgment as it's something I need from others as well, in times and circumstances I may not even be aware of
-Picking my battles allows me to allocate my limited time and energy towards more meaningful pursuits that contribute to my well-being and long-term happiness
posted by tackypink at 10:54 PM on July 17, 2015 [2 favorites]
Stand back and be a bit of an anthropologist about them. Study them and try to understand them as if they were other tribes, other peoples. You don't love them or hate them for yelling about Confederate flags and gay marriage and Obama invading Texas. You try to understand them. Understand how they arrived at their current positions. Understand what drives them. Read about them. Write about them. Crack their code. If they are said to practice cannibalism, investigate, see whether it's true. If it is true, try to understand when and why they eat human flesh.
When circumstance leads you to unavoidable exposure to one of their rituals such as when they watch Fox News and yell at the screen, examine the content and presentation of Fox News, how it is carefully selected and edited to be consumed by its intended consumers. But remain the anthropologist: don't join in on yelling at the screen or at the people yelling at the screen; just observe, note, and analyze.
posted by pracowity at 1:36 AM on July 18, 2015
When circumstance leads you to unavoidable exposure to one of their rituals such as when they watch Fox News and yell at the screen, examine the content and presentation of Fox News, how it is carefully selected and edited to be consumed by its intended consumers. But remain the anthropologist: don't join in on yelling at the screen or at the people yelling at the screen; just observe, note, and analyze.
posted by pracowity at 1:36 AM on July 18, 2015
Do you have a pet? Taking my dog for a walk is the single best antidote to irritation and cynicism that I have found, since it is such a pleasure to see him take joy in everything and everyone he meets. If you don't have a dog of your own, maybe you could volunteer at a shelter or walk a friend's dog? You would also have the pleasure of knowing you're doing a good deed.
Also, in addition to unfollowing stuff that bothers you on FB, try to find upbeat things that you like to fill your feed instead. There are many such things out there (since I guess we are far from the only ones to have this problem).
posted by rpfields at 2:32 AM on July 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, in addition to unfollowing stuff that bothers you on FB, try to find upbeat things that you like to fill your feed instead. There are many such things out there (since I guess we are far from the only ones to have this problem).
posted by rpfields at 2:32 AM on July 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
Maybe you need a snack and a nap.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:53 AM on July 18, 2015
posted by Jacqueline at 5:53 AM on July 18, 2015
Another way to deal with the online piece of life nowadays is to only do it in chunks. My therapist recommended looking at the news only on certain days, and to limit news, etc to a certain amount of time. Same thing with worrying or thinking about things that can make you spiral. Is it that time to think about those things? No? Then stop. Of course easier said than done, which leads me to...
Use distraction as a way to take your mind off things. I can't listen to my brain too much because like you I get bogged down in negativity and hating everyone and thinking humans should go extinct. One big way I deal is with distraction - I have a number of online games I play as well as an xbox.
Finally, keep exploring options to find what helps you recharge. For me it is nature. Just watching birds at the bird feeder and listening to their noises can make a great difference.
Good luck
posted by evening at 6:48 AM on July 18, 2015
Use distraction as a way to take your mind off things. I can't listen to my brain too much because like you I get bogged down in negativity and hating everyone and thinking humans should go extinct. One big way I deal is with distraction - I have a number of online games I play as well as an xbox.
Finally, keep exploring options to find what helps you recharge. For me it is nature. Just watching birds at the bird feeder and listening to their noises can make a great difference.
Good luck
posted by evening at 6:48 AM on July 18, 2015
I think your self-awareness and positive agenda count for a lot and I'm confident you'll find an answer to this issue.
My suggestion is that if you must spend time online, check out positive, uplifting things (e.g., Vimeo always has curated spirit-lifting videos on the front page, like this one: https://vimeo.com/123964750 )
I think cultivating the ability to be happy on your own is a big plus--exercising, spending time in nature seems to help most people.
Personally, I think the internet can be a real contributor to negativeness and I'd try to spend more time in the real world. Weird to say in this context, but I find spending time on sites like this one can be incredibly depressing (while there are some helpful people, there are just also a lot of negative people, in general, who spend time online, formulating irrelevant, unhelpful responses to questions, etc.)
Good luck, as I said, I think your honesty and positive agenda will surely win out.
posted by Jon44 at 11:40 AM on July 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
My suggestion is that if you must spend time online, check out positive, uplifting things (e.g., Vimeo always has curated spirit-lifting videos on the front page, like this one: https://vimeo.com/123964750 )
I think cultivating the ability to be happy on your own is a big plus--exercising, spending time in nature seems to help most people.
Personally, I think the internet can be a real contributor to negativeness and I'd try to spend more time in the real world. Weird to say in this context, but I find spending time on sites like this one can be incredibly depressing (while there are some helpful people, there are just also a lot of negative people, in general, who spend time online, formulating irrelevant, unhelpful responses to questions, etc.)
Good luck, as I said, I think your honesty and positive agenda will surely win out.
posted by Jon44 at 11:40 AM on July 18, 2015 [1 favorite]
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Hungry is obvious, and often encompasses other physical stuff, for me. Am I in pain? Have I had the right amount of caffeine yet (not too much, not too little?) When's my period due? (Yeah, it's a stereotype, but I get PMS like lots of people.)
Angry often is about something *other* than what I'm reacting to in the moment - family stuff, interpersonal stuff with *other* people. Sometimes it's about something I'm avoiding and feeling guilty about avoiding.
Lonely is often obvious too - have I gotten some emotional support recently? A hug? Felt like a valued part of a community?
Tired is physical, sure, but often it's about whether I've had an actual weekend off where I don't have to think about work or read the internet. Have I done nice stuff for myself lately? Read a book?
It's very seldom, for me, that snappishness is about the thing I am snapping at. (Sometimes it is a carefully chosen tonal choice, not a feeling, but that's different.) The HALT rubric gives me some ways to figure out what it *is* about.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:48 AM on July 17, 2015 [25 favorites]